MIL cuts your kid's hair without asking: Is it OK? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Is it OK for your MIL to cut your kid's hair?
Yes - we share responsibility in the child's appearance OR if it was necessary, she can do it 3 2.05%
No - this is an overstepping of bounds 131 89.73%
Maybe - explain in comment 12 8.22%
None of the above 0 0%
Voters: 146. You may not vote on this poll

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 68 Old 08-22-2011, 10:59 AM
 
purslaine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,771
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well,  I was going to come on and say that is wasn't great, but maybe she did not know any better...but now I hear she did it again?  After you (or DH) told her your feelings on it the first time? That is total upsurping of your authority, and I would either:

 

have it out with her if you think she can learn

 

or 

 

no unsupervised visits.  

purslaine is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#62 of 68 Old 08-23-2011, 11:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
fireHC11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 92
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Update!

So, I've decided to let it go. Because one, I don't care about hair all that much anymore. Sure, I like being the one to cut the hair, and actually, she's left quite a bit of it that I can still cut (e.g., to rid ourselves of the bowl cut! or straighten it out, at the least!). And two, I've had a long talk with MIL -- not about this, but just in general -- and have come to realize that she's not cutting hair out of domination or disrespect, but out of genuine care for the kid. AverysMomma nailed it: she misses having her own little guys, and she's anxious that everything turn out right for her kids and her only grandkid. For example, if she sees a white patch on my boy's face she puts vitamin E on it right away. If he has a runny nose, she uses herbal remedies and spares no expense to find the best ingredients for his food. She breathed such a sigh of relief when I told her it seems my kid doesn't have a peanut allergy like both of her kids do. After her own kids' illnesses and those of her siblings' kids, including traumatic hospital stays which she says bordered on child abuse, she's overwhelmingly sad when she looks at the world, and puts all of her effort, fear, and joy into my kid. It's really humbling. And she deserves my respect and all the slack I can give her.

She cut his hair both times because she saw him scratching at his neck, so she figured he's itchy, maybe his hair was poking him. It wasn't -- it was a tag on his shirt which I later removed -- but the thought is sweet. I just wish she'd asked. But now, it's OK, even if it happens again (which I'm sure it will).

Don't worry, mamas, he never had the baby curls. His hair has always been very fine and straight.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverysMomma View Post

Out of curiosity, is your MIL Indian?

Good guess. Chinese.

Doctoral candidate momma to Thesis Baby (1/09)

fireHC11 is offline  
#63 of 68 Old 08-24-2011, 06:06 AM
 
BroodyWoodsgal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 2,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

This post has cheered me and lifted me up to a higher place. Thank you for your love and respect for your MIL....it's sad to imagine that someday my kids are going to be big and grown and making their own life that doesn't so much need me in it every moment. I love mothering them so much...I can't imagine how joyous and scary and overwhelming and completely amazing it's going to be when my little babies are grown and have their own babies...and I have a chance to breathe in that baby smell again and solve great problems like "what on earth is itching this precious child!"  - it feels good to solve those types of problems and I'm so completely happy that somewhere on this earth, an old chinese woman is reliving the joy of mothering a little one, because her daughter in law had the good sense and compassion to humor and old mother.

 

Blessings to you for your kindness, you are choosing love and happy relations over resentment in your life right now and that may not seem so completely significant in this moment, but it is a pretty majorly awesome decision to make in your life and it will bring you so much luck and happiness. <3 <3 Plus, how lucky for your little guy that he has so much fussing and loving in his life. It's a blessing to be able to say that he has two great women mothering him. I'm so happy for you.


Me and DH ...lovin' DD dust.gif(6/08) and DS kid.gif(11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD baby.gif (UC-5/12) We heartbeat.gif Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'! chicken3.gif

BroodyWoodsgal is offline  
#64 of 68 Old 08-24-2011, 08:46 AM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

not ok. my culture also frowns on disagreement to elders, but there is a way to voice your feelings while being respectful. I'd be in a rage! My parents were 'on' us to cut DS hair for nearly a year. They never got it cut themselves, but did sent him home with his bangs in a pigtail once.


Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
#65 of 68 Old 08-24-2011, 10:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
fireHC11's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Posts: 92
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just to prove ownership I cut my son's hair last night, and now it's even worse than before! Take that, world! ROTFLMAO.gif

Doctoral candidate momma to Thesis Baby (1/09)

fireHC11 is offline  
#66 of 68 Old 08-24-2011, 09:46 PM
 
pauletoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,085
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

At least you have a sense of humor about it!  winky.gif


Wife of 20 years to my superhero firefighting DH. SAHM to 2 boys and 2 girls (3 babies in Heaven- Baby # 5 5/2010 & Baby #6 8/2011 & Baby # 7 2/1013). Cancer Survivor 2011 ( Persistent Malignant Gestational Trophoblastic Disease)

pauletoy is offline  
#67 of 68 Old 08-25-2011, 01:39 PM
 
hippiemombian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 328
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I would be sooooo mad! DD2 was 3 1/2 before her hair was ever cut. I know at times it was awkward but I did not want it cut. One time i thought my exs new girlfriend cut it and I nearly spit fire! Not okay with me at all!!


Working from home Mommy. You can too. Ask me how!joy.gif

 

me loveeyes.gif & she surf.gifpartners.gif  TTC one of these makebabe.gif Proud Mommy to two of these energy.gif

hippiemombian is offline  
#68 of 68 Old 08-25-2011, 10:42 PM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,760
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

yes!


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by pauletoy View Post

At least you have a sense of humor about it!  winky.gif

I should have read your update before posting! you have shown a lot of grace!
 

 


Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off