Annoyed with MIL. Am I wrong? WWYD? (long) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 51 Old 06-06-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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Can you trust her to honestly call you if something doesn't go well tonight? Or to actually stay with your dd at your house when you give birth, and not pack her up and take her anyway?
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#32 of 51 Old 06-07-2011, 08:26 AM
 
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I'd just get someone else who will come to your house if that is what you need or prefer for your dd. I don't think the fact that they haven't put dd to bed before will make a difference.

 


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#33 of 51 Old 06-07-2011, 08:42 AM
 
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I hope her 2nd trial went ok - i would think MIL wanting to try again was down to her not actually wanting an upset DD at her house on the Big Day, no?

 

You could play the StepMIL card if desperate, but i would try....*shyly* "MIL can i talk to you about you staying here to care for DD?  I know she would probably be ok at your house, but, oh i'm embarrassed!  The thing is, i would just feel SOOOOO much better knowing you were here when i get back with the new LO.  I would so appreciate a more experienced woman to be here even just for the first hour or so when we bring the baby home, just as we settle in.  I know it's a big ask, but it would mean so much to me.".  On MY MIL that combination of flattery/being needed/it not being about parenting techniques but about being looked up to would definitely work.

 

FWIW my DD1 was actually very eager to see the baby born (and we were HB so it was a real option) and by the time my labour was beginning to get going she utterly changed her tune and asked to go stay with XP (her daddy) for the night.  She was returned home to us the next day and she and XP joyfully greeted her new sister.  So things can change even during the revised and re revised plans, and STILL end up being different in the actual moments.  Best of luck for a swift (within reason) and easy birth.

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#34 of 51 Old 06-11-2011, 04:19 AM
 
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How'd the second trial go?

 

My DD's three too (and I'm due, like, now) and a few months back, we tried having her sleep over at my mother's for the first time. Not a success. She came back to us at about 11PM, weeping tragically. Mum said they could probably have insisted and she would have gone to sleep eventually, but she didn't want to traumatise her.

 

A few months later, we tried again - DH and I went away for a night, the first holiday we've had without DD since she was born! This time Mum slept at our house, in our bed, with DD (who doesn't always cosleep, but she wanted to that night and it was fine). It went much, much better. So when this baby's born, Mum will be sleeping here for the two nights we're at the birthing centre (and during labour, if necessary). Yes, it's kind of a pain for her and I feel bad about that, but she's willing to do it because, well, duh, it's less traumatic for our three-year-old!

 

I hope your MIL comes to the same conclusion! (Or that this second trial goes swimmingly...) Otherwise, as PPs say, I'd be very tempted to find someone else to take over the duty. You shouldn't have to worry about the mental health of child number 1 while giving birth to child number 2.

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#35 of 51 Old 06-11-2011, 10:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey, I totally forgot to update!

 

The trial went pretty well. :) There were some tears (as expected) but no hysterics. DD seems to feel pretty positive about it. She says she was a bit scared, but she also says she wants to do it again. So, progress.

 

Unfortunately, MIL is now sick with a nasty flu, so if I go into labor in the next few days (which is likely - I'm 40w4d now) we'll have to ask someone else anyway. :/


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#36 of 51 Old 06-11-2011, 03:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ygle View Post

Missing out on the birthday party because she was too exhausted after work and not wanting to stay at your house during the birth of your child makes me think there is something wrong or something more going on that she doesn't feel comfortable sharing. 



I wondered the same. Is she comfortable at your home in general? Do you have an animal she's allergic to?

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#37 of 51 Old 06-11-2011, 04:44 PM
 
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Does your MIL normally come to your house?  If not, then there might be a reason why she isn't comfortable there.  I would not assume that she is just being difficult.  I have several reasons why I can't sleep at other people's houses, mainly allergies, and I do not think I am out of line to avoid it.


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#38 of 51 Old 06-12-2011, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by IdahoMom View Post





I wondered the same. Is she comfortable at your home in general? Do you have an animal she's allergic to?


No no, it's really nothing like that. We don't have pets, or smoke. MIL doesn't have allergies. She has a cat and a smoker (BIL) in her home, and it's messier than ours most of the time. She's comfortable at our house and comes here a few times a month.

 

(Edited to remove some stuff I thought better of writing. winky.gif)


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#39 of 51 Old 07-28-2011, 07:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post

She skipped a b-day party? ouch sounds like my MIL. I wouldn't let her b/f come to DD's FIRST birthday (b/c he is a jerk and they are no longer together btw) and she refused to come to her only granddaughters first birthday...

 

WHY are some people so selfish and crazy?



I don't even know the OP or her MiL, but I think that's a bit harsh, given the info we have. The MiL had just got off work and said she was tired. She's 62 years old. Why can't we be charitable and assume that her reason was valid? I don't think it's fair to label someone (especially a mother, a grandmother, an elder) as "rigid" just because they don't like to do everything the way that you want them to do it. (Not saying you're doing that, OP, but I'm getting those vibes from this whole thread.) Also, a child's first birthday party really isn't a big huge deal to most people I know. It's more about the parents than the child so I don't think it's an accurate judge of your MiL's feelings for her granddaughter.

 

I have to say, to the OP....I agree with your husband's original stance: If you're trusting your child to your MiL's care, and she's willing to watch her for the night, and your daughter is close enough to her that her grandma is one of the only ones who can get her down to sleep....then I think you should just let her do it on her terms. It's not really that unreasonable. A lot of older people are set in their ways and a lot of older people tend towards insomnia. I'm thinking of my mom here....she loves my daughter more than anything, but when she watches Annie it's at her place. She would NOT be comfortable overnight at our house or anywhere else. At near 70 years old, she's earned that right. Your little girl will not be traumatized by this one night, I promise you.

 

 


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#40 of 51 Old 07-28-2011, 07:30 PM
 
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I would say DH needs to step up and say something. Your MIL should be thinking of your DD's welfare here - not hers. Simple as that in my book. Hope it gets figured out!


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#41 of 51 Old 07-28-2011, 08:24 PM
 
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Your mil is being selfish. Her granddaughter is uncomfy sleeping in some one else's house. But the mil thinks she is more important.

Also to consider, what if you go in to labor after your daughter is in bed? Is she expecting you to wake the little girl and drive her to the inlays while in labor?
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#42 of 51 Old 07-28-2011, 09:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

Your mil is being selfish. Her granddaughter is uncomfy sleeping in some one else's house. But the mil thinks she is more important.

Also to consider, what if you go in to labor after your daughter is in bed? Is she expecting you to wake the little girl and drive her to the inlays while in labor?


Ummm....or maybe she just wants to be comfortable herself? And she's the one going out of her way to keep the child overnight, and since she's a 62 year old, working GRANDMOTHER maybe a teensy little modicum of respect is warranted? Or is that attitude too mainstream? eyesroll.gif

 

Why is the 3 year old's possible discomfort for one night so much more important than the grandma's...? That's what I don't get.

 


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#43 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 05:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Guys, this thread is old! I had my baby 6 weeks ago. winky.gif

 

It all went fine. BIL came to our house so we didn't have to drag DD out of bed at 1am. This was just as well, seeing as my labour was so fast that we wouldn't have made it to the hospital on time if we'd had to drive DD to MIL's house first!

Also, for the record, 62 years old is not "nearly 70" or "elderly". lol.gif


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#44 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 06:56 AM
 
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Congratulations! I'm so glad that all worked out! 


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#45 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflake777 View Post

Guys, this thread is old! I had my baby 6 weeks ago. winky.gif

 

It all went fine. BIL came to our house so we didn't have to drag DD out of bed at 1am. This was just as well, seeing as my labour was so fast that we wouldn't have made it to the hospital on time if we'd had to drive DD to MIL's house first!

Also, for the record, 62 years old is not "nearly 70" or "elderly". lol.gif


Congratulations!

 

I agree that 62 is not particularly elderly. There is a difference between someone in their early 60's and someone in their 70's.

 


Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#46 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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I realized it was old after I posted and went looking for a birth announcement and could not find it. Thanks for updating!!!

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#47 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 08:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It probably doesn't help that my siggy still says I'm pregnant. ;)

 

ETA: fixed it!


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#48 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflake777 View Post

Guys, this thread is old! I had my baby 6 weeks ago. winky.gif

 

It all went fine. BIL came to our house so we didn't have to drag DD out of bed at 1am. This was just as well, seeing as my labour was so fast that we wouldn't have made it to the hospital on time if we'd had to drive DD to MIL's house first!

Also, for the record, 62 years old is not "nearly 70" or "elderly". lol.gif


Well I was talking about my mom being nearly 70, when I was trying to make my (now, irrelevant) point. ;) Anyhow, congrats on the baby!

 


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#49 of 51 Old 07-29-2011, 02:59 PM
 
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" But OTOH, I think vastly pregnant people should get everything they want, and if my own daughter or DIL someday asks me to do something I'm really uncomfortable with while she's in the hospital having my grandchild, you can bet your boots that I will do it. I will feed her pet python, drive her older kid to his Young Republicans meeting, whatever, puree and encapsulate her placenta, whatever. 

 

 

Not to hijack the thread but you...are...AWESOME!


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#50 of 51 Old 07-30-2011, 08:24 AM
 
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Congratulations!

 

I agree that 62 is not particularly elderly. There is a difference between someone in their early 60's and someone in their 70's.

 



I think it depends on the individual person's health and lifestyle. My mother is only 60 but acts as though she's 80. I have a friend who is 65 and acts as though she's 40. 

Coming late to the thread but I'm glad it all worked out. I do agree your MIL was being a bit difficult and was putting her needs/wants/comfort in front of your child's. 

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#51 of 51 Old 08-26-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by coffeegirl View Post

 

Why is the 3 year old's possible discomfort for one night so much more important than the grandma's...? That's what I don't get.

 

 

Because an adult has way more skills, understanding, knowledge, experience, coping mechanisms, etc. than a 3yo
 

Glad everything worked out!  I wasn't actually thinking allergies, but more along the lines of an addiction (medically related or otherwise) of some kind honestly.  What you described of your mil to me sounded really familiar from what I've seen with others that were so rigid about needing to be home to the extent of missing out on things that were very important to them. 

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