At what age should DD no longer see DH naked? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 47 Old 06-14-2011, 04:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by transylvania_mom View Post

To answer OP's question: my mom made a similar comment about dh taking baths with dd. What was annoying to me was that she never made any comments about me bathing with ds!

 

Depending on your kids' ages when she became concerned though, I don't know that it is that "off."  I have never felt uncomfortable seeing my mom naked, even now, but definitely started to feel uncomfortable at a young age with seeing my dad naked...probably 3 or 4, which I am guessing is young compared to most, though I don't know.  That was also around the time when I stopped seeing him naked so either he figured out I was uncomfortable or became uncomfortable himself. 

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#32 of 47 Old 06-14-2011, 07:29 PM
 
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In the context of Princesstutu, it doesn't really matter what kind of nudity is the problem. Her son brought it up, she dismissed him, and then told HIM to put clothes to make himself more comfortable. I'm assuming the article of clothing she's talking about was an eye cover? Because that's about the only thing that I can see working.

 

 

 

I was responding to the OP.

 


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#33 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 05:46 AM
 
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I agree with most people here about nudity not being a real issue. Being naked feels good and is necessary for bathing, sleeping comfortably, etc...we bed share and I'm usually only wearing a nursing top, DH a tshirt and kiddos naked but for diapers...so we're cool with bodies. DD has "noticed" DHs genitals and points sometimes and says "hahaha, dada has a penis, hahahahahaha" - but DH just sort of says "yup" and walks on. If she laughs at it AND tries to poke it (HAS HAPPENED!) he says "Hey, that's MY penis, it's not for you, it's for me" - same as when she tries to make me look at her "Gyna" (what she calls her vulva/vagina)....she will say "Haha mama, look, look it's my GYNAAAA!"  and I just sort of say "Hey kid, that is your gyna, not for me. My gyna is for me only and your gyna is for you" - and she usually just laughs and walks away. But, that's life with a three year old, she's in the "hhmmm, everyone has a penis or a gyna" phase and so she sometimes points it out (even to strangers, like, in the store ROTFLMAO.gif).

 

But yeah, we think it's normal, totally not bothered by nudity. We don't make it a point to be nude or anything.....but "nude-appropriate" actitvities...yeah. We're fine.

 

 

As for the post about our kids not having a right to tell us not to be naked. I'm sort of shocked at my own opinion about this. On the one hand, I totally believe we have to listen to and respect our kids...on the other hand, I can admit that I would really resent being told not to go about as I pleased in my own house. I am interested to see more stories, experiences and opinion on that one...I never thought about what I would do if one of my kids said they were uncomfortable with my occasional nudity in the house. I guess I would try to talk with them about where that came from....but I would definitely not be like "tough, kid, you're going to have to see my lady parts all the time, muahahaha!" - so I don't know what falls in between my right to be free in my home and my childs right to feel comfortable in his home. Interesting.


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#34 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 07:10 AM
 
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Nudity is not real issue for us either. DS is 13 now and while I would not deliberately walk around the house naked in front of him, I also don't make an issue if he happens to walk in while I am changing or showering.  

My father on the other hand, God bless him, was a bit of a hippy and used to just hang out naked. My parents were divorced and I lived with my mom most of the time. I HATED it.

 

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#35 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 10:26 AM
 
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In the context of Princesstutu, it doesn't really matter what kind of nudity is the problem. Her son brought it up, she dismissed him, and then told HIM to put clothes to make himself more comfortable. I'm assuming the article of clothing she's talking about was an eye cover? Because that's about the only thing that I can see working.

 

 


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I find the OP's post disturbing and I feel sorry for her child. If my children ever expressed discomfort about me being nude in front of them I'd keep my nudity in my room with the door locked. Honestly, their comfort is WAY more important than mine. 

 


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#36 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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My older son is almost eight and he hasn't expressed any discomfort yet, but I make sure to never put him in a position where he's unwillingly confronted with it.  It is fine with me if he comes into the bathroom while I'm showering or into the bedroom while I'm getting dressed, but I don't hang out around the house, so it would be very easy for him to avoid seeing me naked if it bothered him.  I would say it's only in the last year that I've been making a point of not being naked outside of those situations.  I don't want him to be feeling uncomfortable about it and feel like he either has to suck it up or tell me, which might feel awkward to him.  


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#37 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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so if your child is embarrased do u try to find out why? before you take any actions?

 

are they really embarrassed or are they accepting societal norms and just doing it without thinking about it.

 

do u think sometimes you might need to push the issue a bit to help them see nothing wrong in nudity? or to let them even just think about nudity rather than just accept something? but if they are still v. uncomfortable after trying then you would reconsider?

 

because my mom told my brother to go suck it. she made him think about his own views on nudity. about being comfortable nude. and it really helped him.

 

dont any of you like walking around in the nude on a hot hot sweaty day? what about those of you who sleep in the nude?

 

who defines where one can be nude (not going by the law but just in principle) - the nudist or the person wearing clothes.

 

would u be shocked if u saw a 2 year old or even 3 or 4 or 5 year old happily playing in the front yard totally nude? not saying you 'should' be shocked because that is the norm here, but would u be? 


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#38 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 11:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by meemee View Post


would u be shocked if u saw a 2 year old or even 3 or 4 or 5 year old happily playing in the front yard totally nude? not saying you 'should' be shocked because that is the norm here, but would u be? 


All I can think about when I read that is SUNSCREEN OMG!!  But then my kid is uberpale.

 

My parents wandered around naked (and left the bathroom door open) until I was twelve.  Their nakedness never bothered me because it was so normal.  I wanted to be a nudist when I was young though (up to about 9 I think?) so maybe I'm a different kind of apple.

 

Anyway when I was twelve my mother decided it was no longer appropriate for me to see my dad naked so the door was closed to the bathroom (both for him and for me).  Really the message this sent to me was that there was something wrong with ME.  Like I had somehow become oogy over night.  I totally didn't get it.  I don't know how I would have/will handle this differently though.  I suspect it will probably be a different dynamic since our kid is a boy.

 

 

 

 

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#39 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by meemee View Post

so if your child is embarrased do u try to find out why? before you take any actions?

 

are they really embarrassed or are they accepting societal norms and just doing it without thinking about it.

 

do u think sometimes you might need to push the issue a bit to help them see nothing wrong in nudity? or to let them even just think about nudity rather than just accept something? but if they are still v. uncomfortable after trying then you would reconsider?

 

because my mom told my brother to go suck it. she made him think about his own views on nudity. about being comfortable nude. and it really helped him.

 

dont any of you like walking around in the nude on a hot hot sweaty day? what about those of you who sleep in the nude?

 

who defines where one can be nude (not going by the law but just in principle) - the nudist or the person wearing clothes.

 

would u be shocked if u saw a 2 year old or even 3 or 4 or 5 year old happily playing in the front yard totally nude? not saying you 'should' be shocked because that is the norm here, but would u be? 


Well my kids have no reason to be impacted by "societal norms" in terms of nudity as they are never exposed to other people's opinions regarding this. If my son came to me and said eh's uncomfortable seeing me nude why would I say "Honey, why are you uncomfortable seeing mommy naked?" Why isn't him telling me he's uncomfortable enough? 

 

I don't walk around nude on a hot day but we have A/C and beyond that I don't enjoy being nude. I like my boobs kept in place or it's extremely uncomfortable and female discharge? Don't even get me started. 2whistle.gif My kids are free to run around naked if they wish to but they mostly run around in jammies or underwear, but no, I wouldn't be shocked in the least. 

 


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#40 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 03:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post



Depending on your kids' ages when she became concerned though, I don't know that it is that "off."  I have never felt uncomfortable seeing my mom naked, even now, but definitely started to feel uncomfortable at a young age with seeing my dad naked...probably 3 or 4, which I am guessing is young compared to most, though I don't know.  That was also around the time when I stopped seeing him naked so either he figured out I was uncomfortable or became uncomfortable himself. 

 

I was comparing parents bathing with children of opposite sex. Ds is 6, and dd is 21 mo! She hasn't even noticed that his dad and brother are different from her. Yet my mom is concerned about my dd, but didn't say anything about my ds.
 

 

 

 


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#41 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 06:49 PM
 
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I was comparing parents bathing with children of opposite sex. Ds is 6, and dd is 21 mo! She hasn't even noticed that his dad and brother are different from her. Yet my mom is concerned about my dd, but didn't say anything about my ds.
 

 

 

 



As far as that goes my DS is six as well and my DD is 3. It's never occurred to me that they shouldn't bathe together. My kids talk about each other's genitals very rarely "DD has a vagina because she's a girl like you mommy but we have penises" that sort of thing... Oh and my sons just loooovvee to say "Oh, OW my weeeenie!!!" and DD has started saying that now. rolleyes.gif

 

I wouldn't worry about that in the least as long as there's no actual problem with the kids not respecting each other's bodies. shrug.gif


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#42 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 07:01 PM
 
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The rule in our home is when DD starts wanting more privacy regarding her nudity, then we will give her that privacy. Not only in regards to her nudity but ours as well.

 

As of now that is just not happening. The kid strips off all her clothes when ever she is alone in her room and comes prancing out naked. lol. Its not the nudity part that bugs me, but her naked butt all over my furniture. lol.


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#43 of 47 Old 06-15-2011, 07:49 PM
 
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Our rule is that whenever anyone wants a change, they make that change. So my husband got uncomfortable with dd #1's curiosity about his naked body, and he started being careful to wear at least underpants around her. She is still not particularly modest, though I do make her wear underpants because I think it's cleaner. When she wants more modesty, she will get it. I keep expecting it to happen and she keeps wanting to run around in underpants around the house. Everyone walks in on me while I shower or change clothes or whatever and it hasn't bothered me yet so I still let it happen. But if it made me uncomfortable, I'd say I wanted privacy.
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#44 of 47 Old 06-21-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by transylvania_mom View Post



 

I was comparing parents bathing with children of opposite sex. Ds is 6, and dd is 21 mo! She hasn't even noticed that his dad and brother are different from her. Yet my mom is concerned about my dd, but didn't say anything about my ds.
 

 

 

 



oops! Misunderstood you.  Yeah, nothing weird about that!

 

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#45 of 47 Old 06-21-2011, 11:11 PM
 
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I require people to wear underwear in the house because I think sitting on the furniture naked is gross. :P  That said, I'm not a naked person.  I like my clothes thankyouverymuch.  My husband and soon-to-be-housemate are both nudists.

 

And Chamomile Girl, my kids are out back naked all day every day and we don't use sunscreen. :)


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#46 of 47 Old 06-22-2011, 11:22 PM
 
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My mother was nude around me long after I expressed my discomfort with it (age 10 or so), and would totally blow off my own requests for privacy in the bathroom and shower when I was nude. She would call me in to talk with her when she was nude, etc, and even sat around nude in her hotel room with her partner when I had to share a room with her (post college). I can't tell you how many times I've seen her on the toilet etc. Frankly, I think her insistence on doing this was a sign of no boundaries to the point of being abusive. It was very traumatic to me, not that she was naked, but that she seemed to insist on me seeing it.

 

So, every family is different, but I would strongly urge people to consider the importance of showing respect for their children's boundaries around issues like this, and maybe even marking the boundaries before it becomes an issue for their children.

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#47 of 47 Old 06-23-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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I just noticed there were replies that referred to my reply.

 

It is difficult to share all the intricacies that went into our conversations about this topic, but yes, I know the kid wasn't uncomfortable b/c we kept discussing it afterward and he told me he was fine (the level of discussion in our family is such that I questioned that and approached him about it, again) and he understood my perspective.

 

Maybe that would not work for other people in their families, but it worked for us in ours. 

 

We have lots of instances in our family (since there are so many of us) where we have to clearly discuss boundaries and when it's okay to force "my" beliefs onto someone else.  (Actually, I would hope this is normal conversation in any household, regardless of size.)  In the case of nudity, I do not believe it's okay to force my beliefs onto someone else and I also don't believe it's okay for someone else to force his beliefs onto me.  Hence discussion and a resolution that works for all interested parties. 

 

Interpret how you will.  If it doesn't work for your family, I understand.  That does not make it inherently traumatic. 

 

It's interesting that folks would assume that an 8yo would be traumatized and lose trust in his mother from the little bit I wrote about this here.  I think we could agree that communication involves sometimes uncovering the real root of discomfort in a conflict and if that root is gotten to, I think a workable resolution can be acquired.  That is the point of healthy communication.  I know, though, that not everyone practices healthy communication, even on message boards. 


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