What do you do that cancels our your NFL/AP/CRUNCHY/NON-Mainstream/MDCness? - Page 15 - Mothering Forums

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#421 of 468 Old 06-22-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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Oh, on the heels of the She-ra post, I'll add another one: Ds1 (6yo) LOVES spiderman, and has watched the first 2 Spiderman movies (he hasn't seen the last one because it's quite dark, and I think he would find it scary). He also loves ThunderCats and Transformers.


Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#422 of 468 Old 06-22-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Well, I woudn't say the things I do cancel out my other thing, I realize this thread and the other one are about polar opposites of eachother but I will just answer here for both, kinda.

 

Things that MAY be perceived as Crunchy/nfl/ap/non-mainstream-ish:

 

NO CIRC. Am very against circ. breastfeeding. Babywearing. Cosleeping. Cloth wipes. Cloth diapes. No crying it out. Natural cleaners or just stuff I make. I really don't like meat. Try to get as much as I can organic. No hfcs when we shop. no hydrogenated oils. No aspartame. No msg. When we use disposeables, I try to get 7th gen or some other natural brands. Try to get natural body products, like baby shampoo and whatnot. Try to get the "safe" sunscreens, toothpastes, etc. Try to buy only glass/stainless/wood or at the very least, aluminum for baking dishes, containers, pans, kitchen utensils, etc etc. NO Teflon. No microwaving. attempted homebirth. Raw milk, farmer's market, homemade jams. We keep a bunny in the house (I don't think this is a big deal but people around here think I'm crazy, they think it's an outdoor pet" I nurses till one child was 21 months, another was 16 months, I hope to nurse this guy much longer! Before #3 was born, I tried to make everything at home. Breads, muffin, broth, soups including "cream of" soups, gravy, casseroles, jelly, pizza dough, etc. We use a lot of raw milk but our local farm is not carrying it anymore it seems. I make really cute cloth wipes. I make KILLER granola bars. We've made our own beef jerky and other stuff similar....

 

Stuff that might "cancel some of it out"  TV watchers. I don't care if my two kids like Cars/Disney Princesses/Dora/Hello Kitty/Thomas/Elmo etc. If something keeps them happy for ten minutes, I'm all for it. I like to shop for sometimes fancy clothes for the children...boutique and brand name clothes and each child has a ton of shoes. I just got my hair highlighted and dyed. Son who only likes juice gets diluted juice. Sometimes plastic (bpa free) sippy cups with characters on them. Sometimes we do Pampers or other regular diapers (because things are hectic with new baby) Even though we don't buy things w/ hfcs and such, we do consume sweets, chocolate, ice cream, etc. I just prefer "real" ingredients. We go to other peoples' parties and eat all those "naughty" things. I don't limit the kids at those functions. I find it balances out because at home they eat so many fruits and vegetables, sometimes at parties they prefer those above the sweets. McD's is okay ONCE IN AWHILE. We have a "baby cage" one of the superyards, but we hardly use it, it just contains toys, only once in awhile two year old ASKS to go in it to play.

 

I had two C-sections and one regular birth. First birth was in hospital with midwife, Pit, stadol, no epi. Second was attempted homebirth, emergency section. Third, vbac was a possibility, but we did another c-section. I think natural childbirth is great. I totally support it and am in awe. I am terrible at birth. I am not sad about my c-sections. I am just glad my children arrived safely after the issues that I have had. I am a big wimp with regular childbirh. The hospital was fine for me as long as they stay away from my boys' penises. I had no desire to tandem nurse. We eat whole grains AND some white flour products. Now that number three is here and things are so crazy, I am buying premade things a lot of times. Tater tots! Though we eat vegetables and fruits, we don't really like greens too much. Spinach and lettuce is fine but that's about it. I own FIVE strollers. Three are doubles, two joggers (one was given to me) because a regular one won't go over our dirt bumpy road and we just bought the double City Mini that's for parks and such. I haven't used it, but two yr old has a "baby leash" in case of crowded areas...because well...I like my spirited, mischievous two year old and I'd like to keep him. I yell and moan sometimes to the kids. The last one and maybe a couple of others, I don't LOVE the fact I do those things and would like to work on them. So it's not something I'm "bragging about" you know?

 

Are other people like me, not proud you do some of these things, just kind of admitting them so you know there's people out there like you? Middle of the Roaders as some put it?

 

I like MDC and yes, not everyone loves the things I do...and sometimes I've gotten advice I didn't want to follow or a rude remark and really, it was so easy to just ignore it. If I don't like it, or don't want to do it, don't worry about it and move on. Because I've been helped by other moms more than I've been offended by them here...and sometimes I don't like what another mom has to say because I KNOW SHE'S RIGHT. Ha. I don't feel judged here even with the "You know you're crunch when" and "what is not crunchy" etc. I don't mind any of them. We are all different, but I think certain things that draw us to MDC make us "the same" too, you know? And that makes it okay.


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#423 of 468 Old 06-22-2011, 06:48 PM
 
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Two words...."Disney Princess"bag.gif....though I still blame MIL for that one.wink1.gif


Granola-ey, crunchy, marathoning, natural living Christian mamatreehugger.gif down south with DHguitar.gif and DD1 (6)dust.gif, DD2 (2)energy.gif, and DD3 babygirl.gif.    homebirth.jpgwinner.jpgcd.giffemalesling.GIFgoorganic.jpghomeschool.gif
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#424 of 468 Old 06-22-2011, 10:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post


What scares you about nurses?  It would worth your time to just tour the local hospital L&D unit and talk to people. If god forbid you need a transfer, you will be familiar with the surrounding. familiarity reduces anxiety.



 


Oh, haha, I'm not scared of nurses. I meant it sounds nice, being able to have them take care of you in a shiny, nice, comfy hospital, haha.

 

If, heaven forbid, I would need to transfer, I'd be fine. I am a huge fan of life-saving medicine and I'd put on my big girl panties. My fear is to have a normal, low-risk birth in a hospital. My aunt suffered a horrific complication from an epidural in a low-risk birth (which was truly a freak, 1 in a million occurrence), so starting at the age of 11, I viewed hospitals as a place you only go if something is wrong and the benefits outweigh the risk. I'm genuinely excited to home birth, but when you see those baby story episodes where the women are totally chilling out and watching tv, a nurse comes in and says "okay honey, it's time to push!" and the baby slides right out? I'd be lying to say that doesn't sound appealing. 

 


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#425 of 468 Old 06-22-2011, 11:47 PM
 
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I'm definitely a middle of the roader too. My non-crunchy friends think I'm pretty out there in left-field, but I ve met some true crunchy mamas and I in comparison I can look pretty mainstream. So like Babina's Mommy I want to list both sides of the coin.

What makes me crunchy
Used cloth diapers almost exclusively with my first kid and quite a bit with my second
We eat a fairly TF diet with grass fed meat, pastured eggs, raw milk etc.
Make hippy dippy smoothies every morning filled with things like coconut or almond milk, flax and chia seeds and hidden vegetables
Regularly shop at farmers markets
No HFCs, no nitrates, no trans fats
Breastfed dd until her third birthday
Tandem nursed for 6 months (nursed through pregnancy as well)
Still nursing ds who will be 2 in August
Had ds at home
No circ
No vax
Love to baby wear and own a half dozen carriers
I had both my babies adjusted by the chiropractor
Co-slept with both my children for at least a year
We recently voluntarily downsized from a 5 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment
I have started dressing my kids more in 2nd hand clothing rather than always buying new stuff
Own mostly wooden toys (only plastic is Lego, wedgits, and a couple of Eco friendly brands)


Why you might want to kick me out of the crunchy club
I own at least three strollers
I love to shop, especially for kids clothes ( baby gap, gymboree, and Janie and jack here I come)
Until dd started on a gluten free diet we used to eat at mcdonald's once a week
I yell
I have been known to carry a stash of lollipops in my purse to use as a bribe
I left my four month old with a sitter and a bottle of pumped milk, once a week, every week just because I needed a break
I don't think I could survive without sending my very high needs four year old to preschool
I had a hospital birth with epidural with my first kid (hated it, is what not at all the painfree blissful experience that had been painted for me)
I did some sleep training with my second child (no ferberizing- just not totally child led)
My daughter loves Disney princesses and anything sparkly and pink
We watch way too much tv
In the end I used mostly disposable diapers with ds though mostly because the high efficiency washing machine we had just didn't get the cloth ones clean enough

Jennifer, mama to darling dancing Juliette, and sweet baby Jameson
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#426 of 468 Old 06-22-2011, 11:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DevaMajka View Post

 

rightkindofme, it's pretty clear that you know that you did the right thing in those situations. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about general situations that might have some similarities.


 

I absolutely agree that I did the right thing.  There is no doubt in my mind.  But I *know* that I did the right thing because I have a really extreme situation.  Why is it ok *for me* but not ok for someone who has less trauma but who also feels done.  You know?  It's getting to the point where I feel like AP means "My special little snowflake should never experience an unpleasant moment" and that doesn't seem awesome to me.  I can't see how that will go well for anyone.

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#427 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie View Post

 I'm genuinely excited to home birth, but when you see those baby story episodes where the women are totally chilling out and watching tv, a nurse comes in and says "okay honey, it's time to push!" and the baby slides right out? I'd be lying to say that doesn't sound appealing. 

 


You know, it's appealing to me, also. Towards the end of each pregnancy I'm thinking, "Why don't I just go to the hospital and have an epidural and take the pain away!?" Yet my last one and this one is/will be planned a homebirth. I just don't feel the risks outweigh the benefits. I can definately see the attraction, though...it HURTS. No orgasmic labor for me, when I hit transition I cry and announce loudly and repeatedly that I'm gonna die. Here I'm on #4, never had epidural, and it could be so easy to give in...

 

BUT Out of the 5 births I have witnessed/supported, 4 were epidurals, and 3 of those epidurals did not work. It worked for a few minutes then full-blast pain again, or it worked on a whole half of the body(left/right), two mamas were starving and weren't "allowed" to eat because of the epi, one was very uncomfortable and her back ached and the nurse wouldn't let me help the mama. I know they normally work as intended but from what I have witnessed, it did not work and that's not a fight I want to have. Hungry? want to sit up higher in bed? I don't want to have to fight against stupid things like that. It feels like the epi gives the nurses/ob complete control over you and I will NOT give that control to someone else, not during a normal birth, not when I barely keep control during transition as it is.
 

 


drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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#428 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 05:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am going to admit that not having an epidural both times I gave birth had less to do with wanting to be "natural" and more to do with FEAR.  Fear of them shoving a needle in my back, fear of having something pumped into my spinal column, fear of having something ATTACHED to my spinal cord, allllll combined with what I watched my mother go through with her epidural when she had my sister at 41 years old.  It was SUPPOSED to be a routine c section that she would be totally awake for.  You shouldve seen my dad all dressed up in scrubs with this shit-eaten grin on his face.  But then the epi wouldnt take.  They tried 3 times!  Finally they had to give up (After about 2 hours of exscrutiating pain for my poor mother) and just knock her out.  she was barely conscience when Sam came out, and she barely got to hold her for almost an entire WEEK.  and heres why........

 

The hack that was trying to numb my mothers lower body did such a piss poor job, she ended up with a slow leak of spinal fluid on her brain.  The pressure and headaches she was trying to manage through (With a weeee tiny newborn) were complete agony.  The women couldnt keep her eyes open, lift her head off the pillow.  It was mid summer.  So thankfully I was home to be with Sam while my mom was rushed BACK to the hospital for an epideral patch.  She hadnt planned to BF Sam anyway (she didnt with me either) so feeding Sam wasnt an issue (My dad had returned to work the day after my mom came home).  It was an amazing bonding experience for all of us.  I was only 14, but my inner maternal goddess kicked right in, and I took care of Sam that day like she was my own.  Feeding, burping, changing, while my poor mother could barely think straight because of a scheduled c section (because of her age, weight, blood pressure, and diabetes)

 

So as you can see, that kinda traumatized me into being scared shitless of EVER getting an epidural for myself. 

 

HOWEVER.  That did NOT stop me from BEGGING for one when I went into transition with matthew.  matter of fact, that was my cue that I needed to start pushing, the fact that I wanted one sooo bad.  lol.gif

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#429 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 06:22 AM
 
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You know, it's appealing to me, also. Towards the end of each pregnancy I'm thinking, "Why don't I just go to the hospital and have an epidural and take the pain away!?" Yet my last one and this one is/will be planned a homebirth. I just don't feel the risks outweigh the benefits. I can definately see the attraction, though...it HURTS. No orgasmic labor for me, when I hit transition I cry and announce loudly and repeatedly that I'm gonna die. Here I'm on #4, never had epidural, and it could be so easy to give in...

 

BUT Out of the 5 births I have witnessed/supported, 4 were epidurals, and 3 of those epidurals did not work. It worked for a few minutes then full-blast pain again, or it worked on a whole half of the body(left/right), two mamas were starving and weren't "allowed" to eat because of the epi, one was very uncomfortable and her back ached and the nurse wouldn't let me help the mama. I know they normally work as intended but from what I have witnessed, it did not work and that's not a fight I want to have. Hungry? want to sit up higher in bed? I don't want to have to fight against stupid things like that. It feels like the epi gives the nurses/ob complete control over you and I will NOT give that control to someone else, not during a normal birth, not when I barely keep control during transition as it is.
 

 


You can add me to your list of women for whom an epidural only half worked. While I was too numb to have any use over my lower half of my body, half of it was in constant excruciating pain. Along with an anesthesiologist who didn't have me on a constant drip so every half hour or so the medicine would start to wear off and then it would take another half hour for the nurses to track him down so he could give me more. And I too was starving and sooooo thirsty. They wouldn't let me have anything to eat or drink. When I was pushing I wasn't thinking about getting to meet my baby because all i could think about was getting to drink some juice. greensad.gif

Jennifer, mama to darling dancing Juliette, and sweet baby Jameson
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#430 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 07:42 AM
 
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Two words...."Disney Princess"bag.gif....though I still blame MIL for that one.wink1.gif


DD1 is completely obsessed with Disney princesses.  I mainly blame my SIL, who is much more "girly" than I am (and she has twin boys, lol), but DD has really cultivated her own interest in it.  It really irritates my "crunchy" side--I feel like the values are materialistic and anti-feminist.  Sometimes I try to divert DD's interest to something else, but I also don't want to discourage her from expressing her own tastes--that wouldn't really be very AP, would it redface.gif  Incidentally, DD also loves playing in the mud, her train set, picking veggies from our garden, and going fishing with DH.  So, as much as it irks me that something so "mainstream" has crept into my child's otherwise mostly "crunchy" life, I don't really think it's appropriate for me to crush her enthusiasm over something that will likely turn out to be a passing fad with her.  I say all of this not to make a huge deal over the princess thing, but because I think it's a good example of how parents just have to use their best judgment to weigh what is best for their family at the particular time.   Sometimes that means including some "mainstream" things with an otherwise "crunchy/AP/NFL" lifestyle.  When DD1 was born, I was extremely anxious about doing exactly the right thing for fear that I would "ruin" her.  I think in one way that anxiety is probably a mark of a good parent, but now that DD2 is here, I feel like I am much better equipped to trust my own judgment and instincts over and above what everyone else is saying or what the books say (while still taking these things into account, of course--why else would I be on MDC?).  To me, one of the key elements of natural family living is trusting your own instincts as a mother and picking up on your child's cues.  For example, I tried to wear DD1 as much as possible, but sometimes she actually preferred the swing (or stroller) over the sling.   I loved cosleeping, but when DD1 got to be a certain age, I figured out that ALL of us slept better (including DD) when she was in her crib.  We were still able to maintain an attached relationship, IMO.  Anyway, i think that pointing out apparent inconsistencies in our parenting style can help remind us that we're all human and just trying to do the best for our kids :) 
 

 

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#431 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaylaBeanie View Post

 I'm genuinely excited to home birth, but when you see those baby story episodes where the women are totally chilling out and watching tv, a nurse comes in and says "okay honey, it's time to push!" and the baby slides right out? I'd be lying to say that doesn't sound appealing. 

 


If it helps any, I had one epi birth (with an ob), and one drug free birth (in a hospital with a midwife). Of the two, the drug free one was much less traumatic, and less painful. The epi worked, a little too well. I could barely feel to push, so the pushing stage was long and tiring and drawn out. Then (and I think this is at least in part attributable to the epi) I hemorrhaged and the dr. did manual removal of placenta. They gave me extra pain drugs at the time, but manual removal of placenta (that means, hand up inside your uterus) on pain meds is FARRRRRR more painful than natural birth with no pain meds!

Plus, with a drug free birth, you forget the pain pretty quickly, because that's how it's supposed to go. I remembered (and was traumatized by) my epi birth for 5 years. With my drug free birth, it couldn't have been 6 months later and I was saying "you know, it wasn't really THAT bad" (and dp looked at me like I was CRAZY!)
 

 



Quote:
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I absolutely agree that I did the right thing.  There is no doubt in my mind.  But I *know* that I did the right thing because I have a really extreme situation.  Why is it ok *for me* but not ok for someone who has less trauma but who also feels done.  You know?  It's getting to the point where I feel like AP means "My special little snowflake should never experience an unpleasant moment" and that doesn't seem awesome to me.  I can't see how that will go well for anyone.

I'm going to think about this. My initial thought has to do with CIO being sleep training, and leaving your child to cry because you just are done isn't the same as sleep training. It's also not the same as letting your kid cry because you think it's funny, or want them to toughen up. But I will think on it, because I think it deserves thought.

 

 


Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#432 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 10:47 PM
 
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Well said.

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#433 of 468 Old 06-23-2011, 10:50 PM
 
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I replied to this, then bumped the button on the surge strip.  Probably that was for the best. 

 

Synopsis!

 

I try not to buy into the One Right Way parenting approach.  Different things will work for all of us.  I know I discipline and praise more than many folks here.  It works for my kids and my family.  It meets the needs my kids have- in that it's as much AP as any other option.  Discussing why we shouldn't hit our little brother over the head with the toy just doesn't work here.  My kid looks at me as though he's won and wanders off grinning only to do the Same Darn Thing 15 seconds later.  Telling him to sit down right where he is for a time out- and then (gasp!)  making him hand the toy he was trying to steal and use as a weapon over to his victim?  That works.  It works really well for him.  I will not be made to feel guilty about how I handle those moments or made out to be painted as a monster by someone who thinks my world should all be sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows.  If you have kids your approach works with- great, they are not my kids, and my kids have different needs.  My trying to parent the the way someone else thinks is right and not giving them boundaries and consequences is no different than my trying to parent them through hitting, screaming, and yelling would be.  None of it would be good for my children.  I would not be meeting their needs, and that would be as un-AP  as anything could be. 

 

The gist here is that this debate is over who does the best for their kids.  Who is the most loving, most caring, Bestest Parent Ever!!!  We are pretty blessed to live in a society where we can take the time and energy to care about what we think is best.  We are blessed to be able to debate whether the food we are feeding our kids is organic enough or healthy enough.  Around the world as we discuss the horror of Nutella as a food source, kids starve. In other parts of the world, as we discuss what it is to use Gentle Discipline, young children are conscripted to the armies around the world, and young girls are being forced to have sex before they even hit puberty.  

 

Chances are, if you are thinking about what is best for your child, and if you actively consider their well being throughout their lives, your kids will be just fine- even if they occasionally eat a twinkie or if you lose it and yell once in a while.  The TV won't kill them off- even if you use it to buy yourself time for a much deserved shower.  Yes, we can all find something we have done wrong or something to feel guilty about, but it really seems like energy that could better be spent on our families well-being rather than feeding the bottomless pit of Mommy-Guilt. 


Sorry--forgot quote...well said, this.

 

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#434 of 468 Old 06-25-2011, 03:11 PM
 
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Yesterday I told ds2 "Take these froot loops and go watch tv." Not something I ever thought I'd say to an almost 2yo, but omg, it was one of those days!

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#435 of 468 Old 06-26-2011, 05:40 PM
 
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Hmm... let's see...

 

I recently returned to the work force FT by choice. I was perfectly happy as a SAHM but decided on a whim to throw my name in for a position at city hall. Got an interview, got offered the job and it was opportunity I could not pass up. And you know what? My kids (and me too!) are perfectly happy with going to before school program and daycare. Our DCP loves my kids as if they were her own. I love my job and I feel this helps me appreciate the time I do have with my children even more as I think I was starting to take the whole SAHM thing for granted. And the increase in our household income has been nice... this winter we should be able to afford a *gasp * kid-free holiday in Mexico and our usual family ski holiday.

 

As I type, my kids are watching America's Funniest Home Videos and we went to see Cars 2 this afternoon as a family, where we drank soda, ate candy bars and had popcorn doused in butter. DD loves Barbies and Disney Princesses and whenever we're shopping at *gasp again* Walmart, we peruse the Barbie aisle.

 

I quit CDing #3 b/c I got tired of washing diapers, I had enough laundry to do being there's 5 of us, I hate doing laundry and the extra load of diapers pushed me over the edge. Not to mention my front loader did a craptastic job of washing cloth dipes so 1 load of dipes ending up being an all day washing event.

 

My older 2 attend public school where I send lunches for DS1 that sometimes include items such as Fruit by the Foot, Kraft Easy Mac & Cheese and Pizza Pops. (DD is celiac so those items, save certain kinds of fruit snacks, are out.)

 

These are only a few things that cancel out my AP/NFL-ness. I do what works best for our family and, quite frankly, while some of my choices will not be viewed favorably by others, I have happy, healthy, wonderful children and isn't that what's most important?


Mama to my 3 wild things.

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#436 of 468 Old 06-26-2011, 05:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sweetcheeks View Post

Hmm... let's see...

 

I recently returned to the work force FT by choice. I was perfectly happy as a SAHM but decided on a whim to throw my name in for a position at city hall. Got an interview, got offered the job and it was opportunity I could not pass up. And you know what? My kids (and me too!) are perfectly happy with going to before school program and daycare. Our DCP loves my kids as if they were her own. I love my job and I feel this helps me appreciate the time I do have with my children even more as I think I was starting to take the whole SAHM thing for granted. And the increase in our household income has been nice... this winter we should be able to afford a *gasp * kid-free holiday in Mexico and our usual family ski holiday.

 

As I type, my kids are watching America's Funniest Home Videos and we went to see Cars 2 this afternoon as a family, where we drank soda, ate candy bars and had popcorn doused in butter. DD loves Barbies and Disney Princesses and whenever we're shopping at *gasp again* Walmart, we peruse the Barbie aisle.

 

I quit CDing #3 b/c I got tired of washing diapers, I had enough laundry to do being there's 5 of us, I hate doing laundry and the extra load of diapers pushed me over the edge. Not to mention my front loader did a craptastic job of washing cloth dipes so 1 load of dipes ending up being an all day washing event.

 

My older 2 attend public school where I send lunches for DS1 that sometimes include items such as Fruit by the Foot, Kraft Easy Mac & Cheese and Pizza Pops. (DD is celiac so those items, save certain kinds of fruit snacks, are out.)

 

These are only a few things that cancel out my AP/NFL-ness. I do what works best for our family and, quite frankly, while some of my choices will not be viewed favorably by others, I have happy, healthy, wonderful children and isn't that what's most important?



I agree. I'm quickly growing tired of the labels and making choices for my family based on what others think is best. We know what will or will not work in our homes, with our children or partners and with our own abilities, desires, sanity, etc. 

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#437 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 06:20 AM
 
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Yeah but everyone judges everyone. That is the real issue. Who cares if your kid drinks soda? I would never let my kid drink it but I won't crucify or judge you for doing it.

 

I truly do feel bad that some people feel judged here and I *really* didn't get it at first. Now I can kind of see as I remember when I first came and mentioned TV and had people jumping down my throat. The reality is it doesn't matter though.

 

Crunchy people have standards they apparently expect other crunchy people to live up to BUT mainstream people do the same thing. Everyone does it.

 

My DD hates the stroller so I never bothered with it and actually BWing literally changed my life forever ad I have an amazing OT story about that, but I would go to the park or wherever and have "mainstream" people judging me and asking me over and over again WHY I just don't use a stroller. I would never be snarky just say "I don't want to" and they would all talk about me...

 

Same with CIO a lot of people think I am doing my child a disservice for not doing CIO and some even for not spanking.

 

All that matters is what works for each individual person. Now I am someone who definitely can not handle people who force CIO or spank (unless they are in my family and I have no choice..) so I don't talk to them. If I felt completely attacked on a site I wouldn't go to it. If you feel the slightest bit comfortable here than just stay and make the best of it. If someone attacks you for anything just say hey I'm trying my best here bug off.

 

I remember last year someone posted about giving their kid cool aide *I* was horrified but I didn't say anything b/c it is none of my business. Do I think she is a bad mom for it? No. I mean it is *just* cool aide but I just think it's incredibly unhealthy and I grew up in a very obese family and I worry about the US as a whole...


 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

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#438 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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Oh man sosurreal! I am terrified about the health of our country overall. I too grew up in a very obese family. My parents, some siblings and much of my extended family are morbidly obese and it has absolutely fueled me to avoid that path. No we're not perfect, junk still gets through on occasion but I do find myself judging them (my family) and other's for their food/ dietary choices. It is hard cause you're right, ultimately it isn't our business but it breaks me to pieces when I'm say, paying for gas and there's an obese 4 year old with a 32 oz. soda pop and a candy bar in his hands. It's just so unfortunate that the culture of obesity and overall disregard for health is being passed on and perpetuated. I don't want to judge another mother based on what she's giving her kids but sometimes I wonder if we're doing everyone a huge disservice by not saying something... I don't know...

 

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Anyone ever seen the movie Motherhood with Uma Thurman?



I own it

 

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#440 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 12:30 PM
 
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The scene with the 4 year old dressed in the organic hasmat suit with his mother commiserating his distress by crying in his face along with him gets me every time. 
 



 


Yeah me too :)
 

 

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#441 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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Yeah, I've had it with "Take your not-so-pure AP-ish approach to a more mainstream forum." I can't get good advice in those forums! Mothering is wonderful. I am deeply in love with the community here, including the people who UC and never let a speck of plastic in their house. God bless people who are that committed! I am floored by how extreme some people are, in a good way! I ADMIRE YOU!!! I AM JEALOUS OF YOU!!! blowkiss.gif

 

However, I have never, in all my life, EVER fit in. I don't fit in completely here, and I certainly don't fit in at the more mainstream forums.

 

I need a safe place to talk about how to pump and bottle feed at 4 weeks when I HAVE to go back to work at 5 weeks, instead of being shut down with a single comment, "Mama, you should never offer a bottle before six weeks." I can't get help with this in a mainstream forum.

 

I want advice about wraps AND strollers. Cosleeping AND cribs.

 

I don't long for the "old days" of Mothering, because I am deeply relieved to know there are others like me. EVERYONE in my local mom's group had a homebirth, shunned bottles, still cosleeps, and don't own cribs or strollers. I think, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT WENT WRONG??? mecry.gif

 

Thank god these boards have not remained "pure to the ideals of AP/NFL" because otherwise I would be LOST...



I love you..I have never fit in anywhere either....I am like you in that I want advice on 2 different things...by the way, just started reading your blog and I love it!!

 

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#442 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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hug2.gifnod.gif  I have an 11 year old.  I have loved him intensely from conception and put myself and my needs always below him and his.  I'm starting to see now, how little it's actually done for our relationship.  I've always done more for my children than I should, felt guilty about not doing enough, put myself last (with the exception of hiding out behind a locked door from time to time to gain some composure.)  I find now that my kids expect little things from me that are disrespectful and I've always really enforced that (like giving them my dessert or gathering up their dirty dishes and laundry while they play video games) I think it's great to know your limits and do what you can, but take care of yourself as well as you take care of your children.  It's really hard to balance that and I think it's great for you to acknowledge that you're doing it for you because you need it.  

 

I'm really starting to take care of my own needs lately and it's very nice.  I'm going to grad school (starts tonight!) just because I want to and it's just for me:)  You know, I'm not even my kids favorite parent???  After all I've done for them.LOL 

 

I want to add that I don't think that AP is the same as martyrdom at all.  My experience with overdoing it doesn't mean anything towards anyone else's way of doing it.  AP is great, martyrdom isn't.  I do a lot right, so I'm not bashing myself either when I say that I'd redo this one part of my parenting.

 



 



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Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post

Goodness. I get all busy having a life and the flame fests continue without me.

I'm not going to have much of a list on this one, because I really am a dirty hippy freak. wink1.gif I'll go post over there after this, but my Gina wants to know more about my fall from grace and Im all about obeying the requests of my ladies. orngbiggrin.gif

We eat fast food sometimes. I practically live on Ramen. That's my big unhealthy food thing.
I am really upset that my youngest won't take a bottle of formula. I'm so sick of nursing I spend a lot of time crying about how much I hate it.
I love to travel and that is the most wasteful thing imaginable.
I'm a heller and I honestly think it's ok. My kid tells me when I'm being too loud or intense for her. She's really good at stating her boundaries and when she tells me I need to back off I do. It's ok that we otherwise have loud voices.


I'm going to jump on a hand grenade here. I've never really been fully clear on CIO. What exactly qualifies? To be honest there are times I put my baby in the pack n play and let her cry herself to sleep. It's never taken longer than 15 minutes. I do this because I have extreme mental health issues. I do this because I am sadly aware deep in my gut that I would be violent if I tried to martyr myself again. I just can't provide 24 hour physical contact anymore.I feel enormous guilt about this but I know this is the only way I will actually be a non-violent parent. Yeah, I feel judged here. I feel like me making a choice that makes us all a little bit unhappy is better than a choice that could be permanently damaging.


Every time someone says that ap is "natural" and that is why we should do it I want to point out that infanticide is natural. Many species of animals and cultures throughout history have deliberately killed off some of their children for many reasons. Can we not act like natural is the be all end all please?


And dude, I am totally here for friends. I'm kind of sad for people who aren't. And I really don't have time to spend on any other boards so I hope I don't get kicked out. greensad.gif



And this is why Dr.Sears also adds this other baby  B....BOUNDARIES.  He says that AP is not matyr mothering. He is speaking out against the extremeness of it all.  It makes me so sad and angry that mothers are taking this stuff so far that they are compromising their physical and mental health to be a perfect mother.  There is no such thing!!

 

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#443 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 01:38 PM
 
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I was *really* not trying to say that every attached mother is a doormat.  I hope I didn't imply that.  However, *for me* I need boundaries a lot further out than some people or *I* feel like a martyr.  But I've got a lot of toxic stuff in my head other people don't.  

 

I feel judged here because I feel judged in pretty much all of society.  I was very badly socialized by my family.  I don't know how to feel "ok" because I was told from birth that I was evil/bad/everything was my fault.  This is something that was observed by outside people.  It was a really extreme case of child abuse.  My father started raping me when I was a toddler.  It got worse.

 

I'm really tired of people acting like I am an evil person because my kids sometimes have to cry themselves to sleep because I am walking a thin line.  Anyone who wants to rant at me about how I am abusing my kids can kiss my lily white ass.  You obviously don't know what actual abuse is.  I'm not a perfect parent, but I am not abusive.  And it's really hard to hear the constant, "Well I guess if we are really open minded we can tolerate formula feeding.  But not CIO.  Anyone who does CIO is harming their children!!"  No.  I would harm my children if I forced myself to touch them when I am having body memories of being raped and I want to lash out and hurt anything that comes near me.  

 

Just... ugh.



 



rightkindofme, I am so very sorry that you were abused as a child.  I think you are a wonderful mother who knows her limits.  AND IT'S REASONS LIKE THIS THAT WE CANNOT MAKE A BLANKET STATEMENT ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS.  WE CANNOT KNOW A MOTHER'S REASONS FOR EVERY PARENTING DECISON SHE MAKES. 

 

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#444 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 02:55 PM
 
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I agree. I'm quickly growing tired of the labels and making choices for my family based on what others think is best. We know what will or will not work in our homes, with our children or partners and with our own abilities, desires, sanity, etc. 



 



Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaboss View Post

Oh man sosurreal! I am terrified about the health of our country overall. I too grew up in a very obese family. My parents, some siblings and much of my extended family are morbidly obese and it has absolutely fueled me to avoid that path. No we're not perfect, junk still gets through on occasion but I do find myself judging them (my family) and other's for their food/ dietary choices. It is hard cause you're right, ultimately it isn't our business but it breaks me to pieces when I'm say, paying for gas and there's an obese 4 year old with a 32 oz. soda pop and a candy bar in his hands. It's just so unfortunate that the culture of obesity and overall disregard for health is being passed on and perpetuated. I don't want to judge another mother based on what she's giving her kids but sometimes I wonder if we're doing everyone a huge disservice by not saying something... I don't know...

 



Do you realize that you contradicted yourself here?  You're absolutely doing the right thing by not saying something to parents of obese children about what they're feeding their children.  Would you even notice what a thin child was eating?  Since you have loved ones that are obese, you might like this blog http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2010/10/discussion-thread-i-was-fat-shamed.html 

What struck me is exactly what you said...an obese child with a soda and a pop...you feel you should say something.  You didn't just say a child.  I doubt that anyone would ever even notice what my thin children are eating or drinking in public.  It's something that most people would do without even realizing it, I've just been reading about it lately, so I'm becoming newly aware of this issue.  Try not to get lost in that blog..it's hard to stop reading.

 


Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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#445 of 468 Old 06-27-2011, 04:28 PM
 
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Do you realize that you contradicted yourself here?  You're absolutely doing the right thing by not saying something to parents of obese children about what they're feeding their children.  Would you even notice what a thin child was eating?  Since you have loved ones that are obese, you might like this blog http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2010/10/discussion-thread-i-was-fat-shamed.html 

What struck me is exactly what you said...an obese child with a soda and a pop...you feel you should say something.  You didn't just say a child.  I doubt that anyone would ever even notice what my thin children are eating or drinking in public.  It's something that most people would do without even realizing it, I've just been reading about it lately, so I'm becoming newly aware of this issue.  Try not to get lost in that blog..it's hard to stop reading.

 


First, thanks for the blog link, I'll have to check it out. 

However, I don't really see how I contradicted myself...

I feel like overall, in parenthood we face a lot of judgement, especially from other mothers. I had been in the habit of trying to live up to some hypothetical "standard" that over time just didn't mesh with my family or our lifestyle, finances and so forth. Over time and with some searching, I feel like we are working more toward our own ideal rather than someone else's. That's basically what I meant by my first statement.

When it comes to judging others, I don't think I am innocent by any means. We are all guilty of passing judgement at one time or another. I realize that is what I am doing when I look at my parents or other families choosing what they do. The judgement against my parents' choices are the main reason I make the dietary/lifestyle choices that I do. But I disagree with the notion that no one should say anything. I don't think I have any right or position to but things DO need to change. Doctor's and other care providers need to stop brushing childhood obesity under the rug. School lunches and the marketing of unhealthy foods to children need to change. It is not just overweight or obese children who are suffering either. I do notice what thin children are eating too, and feel am pleased to see when it is "real" food. Poor health isn't only going to manifest itself as excess weight and I think it is sad that the overall health of children is at stake. Physical and mental health. I have a sister who is six years old and she is becoming very aware of what she eats in a way no 6 yo should. At six she is afraid of eating foods that will "make her fat". I don't see her often enough to no if she is truly obsessing over it but she has made several comments that do worry me. 

I guess I just feel like we have a responsibility as parents to ensure our child's well-being and nutrition is definitely a factor in that. A piece of cake or some other treat every now and then isn't a bad thing at all. It is bad when a child's diet consists of nothing but, for lack of better word, crap. 

 

(I'm kind of rambling now, aren't I? I hope this all makes sense.)

 
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#446 of 468 Old 06-28-2011, 06:07 AM
 
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--- fatshaming.   the last socially acceptable form of purposeful marginalization.  socially acceptable projection of hatred for the appearance of another person. 

i think there's a big disconnect between the actual parties who are responsible for the absolute cruddiness of our food, those who create products and market them to an insane degree, put hormones in our food, HFCS that is known to contribute to the most unhealthy living possible.. and the shame and blame for parents, many of whom do the best they possibly can.  processed food is cheap.  it's marketed so that kids frequently won't accept anything else.  parents who work and don't have time (or money) to prepare food in a way that would make it healthy.  i think we all need to take a long look at who is actually responsible for the crap that passes for food, and why there's so much of it, and why we put the blame on individuals rather than industry or government or capitalism.  fatshaming comes from fear, the industries that push consumerism, and is a subtle form of classism that people don't realize they are participants in. 

 

back to your regularly scheduled program.  thank you for allowing this interruption..........


Is it getting lonely in the echo chamber yet?

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#447 of 468 Old 06-28-2011, 08:31 PM
 
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Never assume you've found the last socially acceptable form of purposeful marginalization--you'll always be able to find another example! irked.gif

 

But I have to agree about the demonization of fat people and the focus on whether food is fattening. The reason for all the food additives is that the real ingredients are cheaper.  Worse than that, we're all focused on nutrients while the federal government cuts the budget for food safety enforcement. 

 

http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/anson-kaye/2011/06/23/house-republicans-stop-pesky-food-safety-regulations

 

 

 

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--- fatshaming.   the last socially acceptable form of purposeful marginalization.  socially acceptable projection of hatred for the appearance of another person. 

i think there's a big disconnect between the actual parties who are responsible for the absolute cruddiness of our food, those who create products and market them to an insane degree, put hormones in our food, HFCS that is known to contribute to the most unhealthy living possible.. and the shame and blame for parents, many of whom do the best they possibly can.  processed food is cheap.  it's marketed so that kids frequently won't accept anything else.  parents who work and don't have time (or money) to prepare food in a way that would make it healthy.  i think we all need to take a long look at who is actually responsible for the crap that passes for food, and why there's so much of it, and why we put the blame on individuals rather than industry or government or capitalism.  fatshaming comes from fear, the industries that push consumerism, and is a subtle form of classism that people don't realize they are participants in. 

 

back to your regularly scheduled program.  thank you for allowing this interruption..........



 

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#448 of 468 Old 06-29-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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I am going to admit that not having an epidural both times I gave birth had less to do with wanting to be "natural" and more to do with FEAR.  Fear of them shoving a needle in my back, fear of having something pumped into my spinal column, fear of having something ATTACHED to my spinal cord, allllll combined with what I watched my mother go through with her epidural when she had my sister at 41 years old. 

 

HOWEVER.  That did NOT stop me from BEGGING for one when I went into transition with matthew.  matter of fact, that was my cue that I needed to start pushing, the fact that I wanted one sooo bad.  lol.gif


nod.gif

I had initially planned a natural childbirth because my fear of the needle in my back and not being able to feel my legs far outweighed my fear of pain. As my pregnancy progressed and I learned more about it, I did become more convinced that it was the right choice for me.

 

Right before I started pushing DH said he had to go move the car, he was parked at the hospital illegally. As he walked out of the room I thought "Now I can have some drugs". I had already been telling him for at least 10 minutes I couldn't do it anymore and he kept telling me I could. But after he left I looked over and saw the doula and was like "oh crap'. It was too late anyway and I'm glad they got me through it.

 

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#449 of 468 Old 07-07-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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nod.gif I've not been in tears but have been upset by people jumping down my throat for not conforming to the perfect AP standard. It ticks me off how a person can just hide behind "Well, there are other mainstream boards if you want to have views like that" instead of actually considering somebody else's parenting choices as valid, for them.

 

Whatever happened to live and let live? Barring any actual child abuse (And no, that does not include formula feeding no matter how you slice it.) I don't see why all the extreme judgement and holier-than-thou even has to come into play. 

 

Why not bring more "mainstream" people in from other boards so they can be exposed to new ideas instead of kicking them to the curb for not quite making that mark. 
 

ITA!!!  clap.gif



 

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#450 of 468 Old 07-13-2011, 09:04 PM
 
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I like tis thread. :)

 

- One boy is circd. The other, due in Nov/Dec, will not be.


- I like junk food sometimes and do not buy all organic

 

- My daughter takes a paci

- I HATE co-sleeping

 

-I do a light modified CIO sometimes

 

-I'm a vegetarian who is bad at remembering to eat veggies

 

-I do believe and practice corporeal discipline


Jesus-loving Doula/Birth Photographer Mama to Tor 4/2007, Zion 11/2009, Enoch 11/2011, and Zephyr due 12/13/2013

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