What do you do that cancels our your NFL/AP/CRUNCHY/NON-Mainstream/MDCness? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 07:45 AM
 
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My kids are fully vaxed.

 

They go to public school.

 

I work full time so they both started being watched by a sitter at 6 weeks.

 

They both had to be supplemented with formula.

 

We go to McDonald's sometimes.

 

We used disposable diapers.

 

We watch tv and play video games.

 

I had 2 hospital births attended by an ob.

 

My kids have had many rounds of antibiotics, my oldest was on asthma meds for a long time.

 

I drive an SUV.

 

I refuse to use family cloth or mama cloth or whatever all those cloth things that are so popular on here.  Give me tampons and toilet paper!

 

 

 

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#62 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 07:51 AM
 
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Everyone just tries to be the best parents they can be...I am pretty crunchy but we watch tv and we CD full time b/c of the $$$ not really the environment.

 

I have no issue with people having a rant thread on why they aren't "AP" enough but non of these things seem non-AP to me. Attachment Parenting has nothing to do with recycling....

 

I do feel compelled to say that hitting a child, FF a 10 m/o (!!!), and being pro-circ don't make you not "AP". I'm not going to say what I feel they are b/c I don't need to get flamed...

 

Especially circ. A lot of people can be AP parents and have a circ'ed child. I can't imagine why anyone would want to do that to a child and I am completely against it but you aren't crunchy for having an intact child. Plenty of mainstream parents have intact children...can't we leave babie's genitals out of it?

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#63 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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Everyone just tries to be the best parents they can be...I am pretty crunchy but we watch tv and we CD full time b/c of the $$$ not really the environment.

 

I have no issue with people having a rant thread on why they aren't "AP" enough but non of these things seem non-AP to me. Attachment Parenting has nothing to do with recycling....

 

I do feel compelled to say that hitting a child, FF a 10 m/o (!!!), and being pro-circ don't make you not "AP". I'm not going to say what I feel they are b/c I don't need to get flamed...

 

Especially circ. A lot of people can be AP parents and have a circ'ed child. I can't imagine why anyone would want to do that to a child and I am completely against it but you aren't crunchy for having an intact child. Plenty of mainstream parents have intact children...can't we leave babie's genitals out of it?


And there is an interesting point....  I really feel this is a personal decision to the person.  This is such a flame war discussion... and so many strong opinions on BOTH sides.

 

Just because a person reads ALL the research presented on BOTH sides and comes to a different decision than you... does not make them a child abuser or a non-AP, or even a bad parent. 

 

*shrugs*  Just my not so humble opinion on that whole can of worms....

 

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#64 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just want to go on the record as stating I am NOT pro circ. 

 

Thank you.  Please continue. 

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#65 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:23 AM
 
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Wow.  This is apparently a really touchy topic.  I was happy this thread was started and jumped right in, but it seems like people are taking it all way too seriously and getting offended.  When I joined MDC, all my friends were mainstream and I was so thrilled to find a place where there were other crunchy mamas.  There is no way I'm ever going to homeschool, unschool, eat my placenta, UC, or breastfeed past three, but the fact that those are encouraged and supported on these boards never left me feeling like I wasn't crunchy enough or like I didn't belong here.  I take what I like, and leave the rest.  I don't let a stranger on the internet convince me I'm a bad mom for falling off the cloth diaper wagon, not breastfeeding long enough, or putting my kid in timeout.  I'm probably somewhere in the middle as far as how crunchy I am and maybe more mainstream compared to other MDC mamas, but I am still really disappointed that MDC is turning as mainstream as it is. 

 

This is the one and only place I come to be supported in any of my AP/NFL decisions and I'd like that to continue.  I don't want to come here and be told to formula feed my kid or let him cry it out.  If I go that route, fine--I know I'm not a terrible mother, but I have always come here to be encouraged to try to do the AP/NFL thing, even if I determine I can't do it or it isn't best for our family.  I get that a lot of the backlash is from people who have been spanked over the years for not doing things "right" and I have in fact been spanked myself, but that isn't who MDC is anymore.  I think there is plenty of space for balanced conversation and a lot fewer spankings while still encouraging each other in whatever NFL/AP choices we have made.  I never go to the homeschool board because I'm not pro-homeschooling.  I don't want to steer anyone else away from it though and I am seeing a lot more posts trying to steer people towards mainstream.  Let this board continue to be a place where NFL/AP and eating your placenta is supported. 

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#66 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:31 AM
 
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Yesterday, my kids wanted Little Debbie Oatmeal cream pies (lol, creampies blush.gif) with whipped cream on top.  CANNED whipped cream.  And I LET them!  For BREAKFAST.

 

We don't eat organic produce.  Simply cannot afford them.  But we do mostly eat fresh (except for the oatmeal cream pie extravagance LOL)

 

I yell.  I scream.  I curse.

 

My kids were born in a hospital (gasp), DD1 was induced (double gasp), and I had an epidural with DD1 as well (holy crap!).  And get this...I don't care!  I don't give two figs about how my children came into the world.  So there!

 

Both girls had pacifiers, although both gave them up on their own around 6 months.

 

DD1 self-weaned at 3.5 years, and DD2 self-weaned at 4 years, but when I was thinning their baby food...I used formula to thin it, not breastmilk.  You know, since I had the sample can and pumping never worked for me.  OMG, that is the biggest confession EVER, for me.

 

DD1 started baby cereal at 4 months.  The hospital lactation consultant told me to.  My period came back and my supply dropped.  I know better now.  Ah, well...

 

DD2's first table food was pork and sauerkraut LOL.  Not really non-AP, but I thought it was funny.  She was about 11.5 months old.

 

The kids watch TV.  Pretty much whenever they want to.  Meh.

 

Homeschooling sounds like hell to me.

 

My kids are punished, rewarded, and praised.


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#67 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:33 AM
 
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I've been here a looong time - pre-crash, even - and I've never felt like I shouldn't be here because I don't do enough crunchy stuff. I think maybe people feel more judged than they really are? I guess I think people who are judging others often do that because they feel insecure about their own choices, and they feel more secure if they can tell themselves that they're doing it right and other people are wrong. I just don't see much of that here, though, or maybe I don't pay it much mind. When it comes up I've always been pretty open about my choices to have a hospital birth, use disposable diapers, Western biomedicine, childcare , pacifiers, network TV, fast food, and so on... but I don't generally feel the need to bring stuff up out of context here.
 


I've seen many a thread where people will talk about unfriending people for some things...or entire threads devoted to making fun of some of the decisions we've listed. So no, I think that MDC can be quite catty.


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#68 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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I've seen many a thread where people will talk about unfriending people for some things...or entire threads devoted to making fun of some of the decisions we've listed. So no, I think that MDC can be quite catty.


I agree. 

 


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#69 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:44 AM
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I support everyone's right to eat their placenta, just don't go waving your placenta in my face all "i'm gonna eat this, watch me do it!!" and we are good...

 

MDC can be super catty, pretending it is never like that is just willfully turning a blind eye to some of the bs around here. That doesn't negate that there is some really wonderful advice given here.

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#70 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:47 AM
 
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I support everyone's right to eat their placenta, just don't go waving your placenta in my face all "i'm gonna eat this, watch me do it!!" and we are good...

 

MDC can be super catty, pretending it is never like that is just willfully turning a blind eye to some of the bs around here. That doesn't negate that there is some really wonderful advice given here.



I will admit to posting photos of my placenta encapsulation on Facebook...but I just wanted to gross out my college buddies (I had to hear detailed stories of their sex lives and bodily functions...I finally got to win)

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#71 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:49 AM
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I will admit to posting photos of my placenta encapsulation on Facebook...but I just wanted to gross out my college buddies (I had to hear detailed stories of their sex lives and bodily functions...I finally got to win)

pictures I can handle...those are easy to distance yourself from..Raw placenta is just sooo....jiggly looking though...ugh
 

 

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#72 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Forgot to mention I tell my kids "good Job".  ALOT. 

 

 

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#73 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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Half the stuff listed here doesn't strike me as un-AP at all. It sounds like some misinformed, straw-man version of what mainstream-ers think AP is.

 

Part of being AP is having balance in your life. Not being superwoman doesn't cancel your AP-ness.

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#74 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:53 AM
 
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Forgot to mention I tell my kids "good Job".  ALOT. 

 

 



Us too!!! :) 


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#75 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:56 AM
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I've seen many a thread where people will talk about unfriending people for some things...or entire threads devoted to making fun of some of the decisions we've listed. So no, I think that MDC can be quite catty.


I guess I don't read those forums, then, maybe? I don't read a lot of little kid stuff anymore... I dunno, the few times I've seen something like that it always seems like most people post and say how silly it is to unfriend someone because she gives her toddler McD's fries or whatever. If we're talking about something like spanking, or shaming, or really seriously neglectful parenting like giving a 3 month old bottles of kool-aid... yeah, I could see that. But other stuff, not so much. And I guess I don't get the point of a thread to list the non AP/NPL stuff people do - it almost feels like people are trying to rebel against.... something. AP/NPL? Are people looking for high-5s or something for refusing to be AP/NFL in certain areas? I find myself nonplussed...

 
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#76 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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Great thread!
I tried buying organic for a while but just can't afford it, so we now east 90 % non organic.

I use disposable nappies at night and sometimes non-Eco ones.

I buy Bleach occasionally, and have non-eco cleaning liquid.

I yell sometimes though I never intend to and am not proud of it!

DS eats sugar, dairy, meat and all sorts of things I didn't want him to mainly b/c his dad and grandparents don't share my views on food. And  I've relaxed about it too!
Other than that I'm pretty AP - but not because of trying to live up to a 'label', just b/c that's how things evolved for us as a family.

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#77 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:01 AM
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I will admit to posting photos of my placenta encapsulation on Facebook...but I just wanted to gross out my college buddies (I had to hear detailed stories of their sex lives and bodily functions...I finally got to win)

pictures I can handle...those are easy to distance yourself from..Raw placenta is just sooo....jiggly looking though...ugh
 

 

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#78 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:05 AM
 
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to add to my earlier list:

 

I drive a hummer with leather seats and I love it

 

i have used time outs, and I have gotten up from trying to put little man to sleep to let him cry and get tired for 5-10 minutes while I collect myself

 

we own a lot of battery operated toys (which I hate but if I threw them out he would have very few toys) 

 

This is not an anti ap thing but we also eat lots of soy milk and other soy products!

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#79 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:09 AM
 
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Quote:
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I've seen many a thread where people will talk about unfriending people for some things...or entire threads devoted to making fun of some of the decisions we've listed. So no, I think that MDC can be quite catty.




I guess I don't read those forums, then, maybe? I don't read a lot of little kid stuff anymore... I dunno, the few times I've seen something like that it always seems like most people post and say how silly it is to unfriend someone because she gives her toddler McD's fries or whatever. If we're talking about something like spanking, or shaming, or really seriously neglectful parenting like giving a 3 month old bottles of kool-aid... yeah, I could see that. But other stuff, not so much. And I guess I don't get the point of a thread to list the non AP/NPL stuff people do - it almost feels like people are trying to rebel against.... something. AP/NPL? Are people looking for high-5s or something for refusing to be AP/NFL in certain areas? I find myself nonplussed...


What about the very recent thread that compared formula feeding to child abuse? Strollers and "bucket seats" have been deemed abusive more times than I care to count. It seems if you're not carrying your children everywhere you're looked down on as some sort of lazy schlub who just refuses to go that extra mile. Don't even get me started on ultrasounds..

 

I have actually noticed a shift around MDC lately toward being more inclusive and I don't think anything has been lost in it. There are still A LOT of moms that are hardcore AP/NFL and I guess I look at it as a learning experience for those who have never been exposed to such ideas.

 

When I came here back in 2006 the most crunchy thing I did was breastfeed. I was 20 years old and a new mom...I was very pro circ and I thought I would be a spanker and made an ass out of myself over it several times..but here I am, having my fourth baby who will be left in tact...because of MDC, soley. I never thought to question my doctors on vaccinating and now find myself somewhere in the middle on that issue. I guess what I'm trying to say is if you don't allow people like me in, or the old naive me, than what good are we really doing? Can't we support all mothers? Do you (the collective) really think that if you come here asking for advice and someone says "Just switch to formula" you're going to have no choice but to do so? There will be plenty of breastfeeding advice and beyond that I don't think anybody is saying MDC has to advocate for formula, but maybe just be more inclusive to those who chose it for whatever reason. 

 

I have actually loved my DDC as everybody there is very supportive of everybody else. It's been a great place for open sharing and support. A safe place to land, so to speak. 

 

I'll stop rambling now as my son just came up to show me that he made a smore out of legos...I mean, come on...if that's not a genius. ROTFLMAO.gif


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#80 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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to add to my earlier list:

 

I drive a hummer with leather seats and I love it

 

i have used time outs, and I have gotten up from trying to put little man to sleep to let him cry and get tired for 5-10 minutes while I collect myself

 

we own a lot of battery operated toys (which I hate but if I threw them out he would have very few toys) 

 

This is not an anti ap thing but we also eat lots of soy milk and other soy products!


Why? How can you love spending that much money on gas? 10 miles a gallon for what? What do you do that requires you to drive a vehicle that gets such low gas mileage and is polluting the environment that much?



ETA: Ive driven vehicles with low gas mileage before, but it was because they were old and all I could afford. I just cant imagine spend tens of thousands of dollars on a car that had terrible gas mileage.

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#81 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:31 AM
 
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I think we can support all mothers while still encouraging AP/NFL choices.  There are plenty of mainstream boards that will support and encourage mothers to make mainstream choices.  Why can't MDC continue to be a board that supports and encourages AP/NFL?   I circ'd my son, but also know I won't ever do it again...also thanks solely to MDC.  The more mainstream MDC becomes, the less likely new members are going to come on here and be influenced to consider AP/NFL.  MDC has greatly influenced my parenting choices, for the better, and also supported choices I had already made.  Like I said before, I've gotten plenty of spankings here and I know other people have too, and maybe that is why people find this topic so touchy, but I really do think MDC has changed and I don't see as many harsh comments like "your baby is going to turn purple if you formula feed".  I think that is fantastic and a welcome change, but I don't think being inclusive and supportive means MDC should abandon its roots as a place where members collectively believe in AP/NFL and encourage those practices.  A lot of people are refusing to put on their big girl undies an accept that nobody is going to pat them on the back here for having an epidural or formula feeding.  So what?  You know that doesn't make you a bad mom, and if it makes you feel like one, go to one of the 10000 other boards that will tell you an epi is the best thing you'll ever do. 
 

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I guess what I'm trying to say is if you don't allow people like me in, or the old naive me, than what good are we really doing? Can't we support all mothers? Do you (the collective) really think that if you come here asking for advice and someone says "Just switch to formula" you're going to have no choice but to do so?

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#82 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:34 AM
 
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to add to my earlier list:

 

I drive a hummer with leather seats and I love it

 

i have used time outs, and I have gotten up from trying to put little man to sleep to let him cry and get tired for 5-10 minutes while I collect myself

 

we own a lot of battery operated toys (which I hate but if I threw them out he would have very few toys) 

 

This is not an anti ap thing but we also eat lots of soy milk and other soy products!




Why? How can you love spending that much money on gas? 10 miles a gallon for what? What do you do that requires you to drive a vehicle that gets such low gas mileage and is polluting the environment that much?



That is a perfect example of the kind of spankings that have people all hysterical on these boards about MDC not being inclusive.  This thread was meant to be a light hearted "we're not all perfect" place to share, not a place to get criticized. 

 

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#83 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:36 AM
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I don't recall seeing a thread saying formula feeding was child abuse. I guess people can say whatever they want, but I find it hard to belueve that someone would say that here and get a lot of support for it.

I do recall a thread about facebook in which the OP was defriending someone whose statuses were all complaints about stuff, and I think she mentioned the person complaining about how hard CIO was... but I didn't read it as unfriending her because she was too mainstream, but because she complained a lot. I actually hid someone's statuses on my facebook because most of her statuses were complaints about how tough homeschooling her kids was, and I just got tired of reading all that whining. It wasn' about homeschooling - I homeschool - it was about the whining...

 
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#84 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:38 AM
 
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I guess I just dont understand why someone would feel the need to brag about how much they are using up natural resources for no particular reason other than they "love" it.

And to be fair, this thread was started in direct response of the "you might NOT be a mainstream parent if....," where things that people were saying over there were being criticized, even though it was stated over and over again that the thread was started for fun.
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#85 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:44 AM
 
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And to be fair, this thread was started in direct response of the "you might NOT be a mainstream parent if....," where things that people were saying over there were being criticized, even though it was stated over and over again that the thread was started for fun.

I agree...and I don't think people should have gotten so hysterical over "you might not be a mainstream parent if...your kids don't understand why their friends can't come over until 3pm".  I will never ever in a billion years homeschool, but it doesn't offend me that someone says homeschooling isn't mainstream.  It isn't.  And if that person thinks they're better than me, (which I didn't sense at all from that post), I don't care.  I am having a really hard time understanding why so many other people care and take everything as such an attack on them if they don't do the same thing. 

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#86 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AH HA!  So you claim that the other thread was started for fun, and I do as well.  But because its the opposite, and not inline with the crunchier way of thinking, its really just mocking?  Double standard?  (please understand I am only saying this in a "healthy debate" sort of way)

 

And maybe that other poster loves her hummer the same way someone else would love thier corvette.  Some car enthusiasts could care less about gas prices and carbon emmissions.  just sayin. 

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#87 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 10:21 AM
 
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I have not been too much more than a lurker here, but I have found some great support in the DDCs and GD forum.  GD is the most difficult aspect of AP for me, but I firmly believe in it, and I am thankful that the GD forum is here for me to be able to read or ask a question about something that I'm finding especially challenging.  Same thing for homeschooling -- I don't have a lot of local support for that.  There was only one response I remember feeling taken aback and ashamed/wrist-slapped because of.  I tend to stay out of heated debates, even if it's about something I am passionate about. 

 

I am a huge fan of Dr. Sears' saying: "Do what works for your family."

 

 

I think this thread is great.  It is a way for those of us that feel slightly out of place/less than perfect here to feel more encouraged that we are "normal."  My crunchiness has evolved over the years, maybe in part thanks to MDC.  So, on that note:

 

- I have MAJOR issues with Alfie Kohn.  I simply don't think following him to a tee is realistic, and I have purposely distanced myself from that guilt-trip.

- I yell and cuss.

- We eat a LOT of fast food, when we can afford it (and sometimes when we can't).

- We go through a lot of ibuprofen around here.  I use it to treat teething, among other things, and DH and I go through a 500ct bottle about every 3 months.

- We also use plenty of other conventional medications (sometimes after trying alternative treatments, sometimes as a first choice, depending on the ailment).

- I am absolutely not opposed to the use of Artificial Baby Containers, as long as the baby is happy with it.  I have been...errr...blessed...with high-need babies and if I can get 5 minutes out of the Jump-a-roo, I am thankful.

- I use the TV as a babysitter sometimes.

- I use paper towels for greasy/oily messes, raw meat juice messes, and sometimes just "regular" messes.  And we use toilet paper.

- We use disposable pull-ups because toddler poop is disgusting and makes the whole diaper load harder to get clean.

- I use bleach for mildew (and "stripping" diapers), and caustic blue stuff in our toilets.

- We have 2 vehicles, both of which get about 14-17mpg.

- I "gave up" on breastfeeding before 1 year with my first 3 children.  I regret it, but am learning not to feel guilty about it anymore.

- I had 3 hospital births (babies # 2, 3, & 4).

 

I could go on, but I won't -- I think I have gone on long enough!  lol.gif  Thanks for this thread; it feels like I have a giant weight off my shoulders!


lady.gifMama of: DSjammin.gif (9), twins DDjoy.gif & DSautismribbon.gif (6), DSkid.gif (3), and DDbabygirl.gif born 11/2010
            
              

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#88 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 10:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by motherhendoula View Post

Ooooh - i like this thread! 

I use chemicals to clean - including Tide and Oxy Clean on my cloth diapers

I only CD part time

i do not know what a paraben is - nor why i should avoid it.

i have my 25lb  10 month old son in a Front facing car seat and i have no plans to change it.

I often use a stroller

we watch TV all day, every day.  (this is the one thing i am working on changing!) 

we do not eat organic produce - although i do make all my own baby food.

whenever Oreos are on sale - i buy them.

I used to smoke - when my oldest two were little i smoked - in the house, in the car, i smoked.  Of course, i didnt know what AP was back then!blush.gif



Whoa whoa whoa.

That has NOTHING to do with being AP or natural.

It is highly illegal and life threatening to your child.

I'm just gonna stop right there.

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#89 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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I replied to this, then bumped the button on the surge strip.  Probably that was for the best. 

 

Synopsis!

 

I try not to buy into the One Right Way parenting approach.  Different things will work for all of us.  I know I discipline and praise more than many folks here.  It works for my kids and my family.  It meets the needs my kids have- in that it's as much AP as any other option.  Discussing why we shouldn't hit our little brother over the head with the toy just doesn't work here.  My kid looks at me as though he's won and wanders off grinning only to do the Same Darn Thing 15 seconds later.  Telling him to sit down right where he is for a time out- and then (gasp!)  making him hand the toy he was trying to steal and use as a weapon over to his victim?  That works.  It works really well for him.  I will not be made to feel guilty about how I handle those moments or made out to be painted as a monster by someone who thinks my world should all be sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows.  If you have kids your approach works with- great, they are not my kids, and my kids have different needs.  My trying to parent the the way someone else thinks is right and not giving them boundaries and consequences is no different than my trying to parent them through hitting, screaming, and yelling would be.  None of it would be good for my children.  I would not be meeting their needs, and that would be as un-AP  as anything could be. 

 

The gist here is that this debate is over who does the best for their kids.  Who is the most loving, most caring, Bestest Parent Ever!!!  We are pretty blessed to live in a society where we can take the time and energy to care about what we think is best.  We are blessed to be able to debate whether the food we are feeding our kids is organic enough or healthy enough.  Around the world as we discuss the horror of Nutella as a food source, kids starve. In other parts of the world, as we discuss what it is to use Gentle Discipline, young children are conscripted to the armies around the world, and young girls are being forced to have sex before they even hit puberty.  

 

Chances are, if you are thinking about what is best for your child, and if you actively consider their well being throughout their lives, your kids will be just fine- even if they occasionally eat a twinkie or if you lose it and yell once in a while.  The TV won't kill them off- even if you use it to buy yourself time for a much deserved shower.  Yes, we can all find something we have done wrong or something to feel guilty about, but it really seems like energy that could better be spent on our families well-being rather than feeding the bottomless pit of Mommy-Guilt. 

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#90 of 468 Old 06-14-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post



nod.gif I've not been in tears but have been upset by people jumping down my throat for not conforming to the perfect AP standard. It ticks me off how a person can just hide behind "Well, there are other mainstream boards if you want to have views like that" instead of actually considering somebody else's parenting choices as valid, for them.

 

Whatever happened to live and let live? Barring any actual child abuse (And no, that does not include formula feeding no matter how you slice it.) I don't see why all the extreme judgement and holier-than-thou even has to come into play. 

 

Why not bring more "mainstream" people in from other boards so they can be exposed to new ideas instead of kicking them to the curb for not quite making that mark. 
 

 



Yeah...MDC is a wonderful place to go to for support and education but unfortunately yes, it can be a very judgmental place also.  I feel sad that I have to worry that if I send friends here they will get upset by what they see and that won't help them learn about AP at all.

 

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