I just joined this site a couple months ago since I'm tired of being the weird hippy-dippy chick in my family and group of friends. Except after joining here I found out just how mainstream I am. People I know in real life think I am weird to breastfeed for as long as I do and not use any formula, but here I seem like a down right slacker for weaning my first son at 15 months. In real life I am weird because I planned natural, intervention-free births, but here I am part of the system because I wanted those births in the hospital attended by an OB. In real life I am weird for delaying and selectively vaxing my boys, here I am poisoning them with the toxins I do choose to inject. In real life I am weird because I won't circ my boys, here I am not a true intactivist because I don't believe in outlawing RIC. In real life I am weird because I won't spank my boys, but here I am a torturer because once they were 9 months I did a modified version of sleep training?
So my username is apt, I'm a sorta crispy gal But really, I am probably not the only one who feels too weird for the mainstream but not sure if they are quite welcome here? Just wanted to shout out to the community and see if there are other moms and dads out there who feel the same way :)
Welcome to MDC! I've only been around MDC for under a year, but I find that there is room for everyone. Yeah, there are some folks who want to out-AP or out-crunchy everyone else, but mostly I've found it to be a pretty supportive place, even for "crispy" folks like you. Just be yourself and click around the different forums until you've found your place. Also, I recommend the Finding your Tribe section too.
Mama Bear , Papa Bear and Baby Bear (8/11)
I'd say I often feel that way too. For me, I'm not so crunchy but more AP. I do some things this way, and others more mainstream. I know there are many days when I feel like I'm too AP/crunchy for my mainstream friends and too mainstream for my crunchy friends. Not a fun place to be, for sure.
That said, although I lurk far more than I post here, I'm learning to be that confident mom that I've always admired and wanted myself to be.
You're in good company, OP. I think there are lots of mamas who feel that way, even if they never voice that feeling.
Our family and while DH works nights.
Well... you DO belong somewhere, Gina. ;-)
*waves* *points at tag line*
That's me too... a crispy middle roader. :-)
Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula
Student, Aspiring CNM
DD ~ 1/7/09 DS ~ 9/22/10
Welcome to club!
I've been here for years. IRL, I'm considered a radical. Here, I'm very mainstream to have stuck around so long!
I like the middle path. The middle is always the best part (take Oreos, for example).
but everything has pros and cons
I feel that way sometimes too. I use organic hair care products, but I dye my hair. I have an organic garden, but I also enjoy a good bowl of ice cream (often). My birth plan includes no vaccines, vit K, or eye ointment, but also says I'll most likely have an epidural. I think everyone is a little "middle of the road," but some of them don't like to admit it.
Mom to (12), (7), (5), (4), (born 7/8/11), , and
I'm a lesbian who got pregnant by AI, had a doula at my hospital birth, ended up with a c-section, cloth diapered my baby, did baby wearing but not hard-core, sort of EC'd to potty train DD, did co-sleeping but is in transition with that, BFs a soon-to-be-3-year-old, works full-time, comes home to a permaculture-influenced urban homestead (complete with compost bins, rain barrels, mostly organic gardens), doesn't drive a car (commutes by bike), feels right at home with kooky artsy-fartsy types without really looking like one of them, and is just happy to live in Madison, WI where all of the above fits just fine, as do many other variations on "mainstream" (whatever that is) and "crunchy" (whatever that is).
I'm not the weird one in my family. We're all weird, just in different ways!
Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DD(Born 10/09/08 ). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!
Another middle of the roader here. I breastfed, cosleep, and still wear my toddler. But I had to have a C section for my own health and medical history, used sposies (awful I know), and use a mix of regular and organic food. I sure as heck am not as perfect as the "model MDC mom" but I suspect that is a fantasy anyway. I aspire to do the best I can and do better each and every day.
I prefer to think of myself as a bilateral extremist.
I nursed my dd until she was 3 y.o., pumped for three years, cloth diapered, we use family cloth, did baby wearing until child was 5 years old, still co-sleeping at age 7 y.o, cook from scratch, I use cloth mama pads, no TV/movies/DVDs/Computer games, etc..
My dd was born by C-section, is fully vaxed, and has been getting a full complement of allergy medications (including a nasal steroid) since a year old. Herbal medications generally frighten me, and I prefer my medications approved by the FDA. I enjoy talking to my dd's pediatrician. I love working full time. My child goes to a public school, and I'm very happy with it. I would go bananas if I had to homeschool. ETC.
BUT I have many friends (both crunchy and mainstream) in real life that do things that I don't, and don't do things that I do. I get along great with them, and when we talk about things that they do that are very different from what I do, I admire them because it seems to be working very well for them. Whenever other mothers talk about things that I don't do, I consider it as an opportunity to learn about what is different from what I do, instead of as a chance to convert someone to "my" side. Once in a while, I do change my mind and my practices.
I am certain that everyone's own personal experience is different from mine. I have to say, however, that all of my mainstream friends are tolerant of the crunchy things that I do. I am sorry to say that a few of my crunchy friends speak very militantly against some of my mainstream practices. Fortunately, we still have lots enjoyable conversations about it.
Funny.... I don't fit in anywhere. And, when I read this thread, if the OP is "sortacrispy", then I'm likely "justsorta"..... I don't even want to list stuff for myself that makes me considered "out there" by those around me. I think I'd end up run out of here too if I did. So, I don't really fit in here either.
nuhuh gals. you cant stick a label on me. i defy all labels.
some find me weird. some find me cool.
i am who i am. others perception of me defines who i am in their eyes.
and i am not just talking about parenting.
i dont really 'fit' in anywhere. i never have even as a child. neither does dd. children tell her she is strange and so do adults (but the adults do it in a positive way).
so dd and i are a team. and we are both aware that while we enjoy who we are we are also prepared to be loners.
however i know many mainstream parents and their parenting philosophy has never stopped me from getting to know them and be friends. while i have felt bad for their kids, i have also seen that they do care about their children. we just focus on different things.
Me, too! I was gonna say I was on both sides of the road but never in the middle. Oddly, though, I don't think I'm as nice about it as you are. Like, I feel pretty horrified when I hear people talking about circ'ing like it's not a form of torture. And it freaks me out to see a mom feeding a baby to a 2 mo old. But I don't think even I am terribly judgmental about someone with your leanings, OP.
I feel like there's nowhere for me because I'm what *I* consider to be crunchy, but nobody else actually considers it crunchy. I want to know where the good old fashioned hippies are -- the ones who are all about peace, love, and non-conformism, who would think that my ancient volvo wagon was cool and not embarrassing, and who are pay some attention to social issues and politics and would be willing to move to Canada to make sure their children weren't drafted. To me, those things are the essence of hippy-dom, but I don't know any of those hippies. :(
Otoh, ya'll would think I was very mainstream if you heard me talking about my truly awesome C-section birth (best day of my life!), or saw me pushing my little ones in a stroller, or saw how we eat (well, you'd think I was *worse* than mainstream on that one).
Jayne, sewing up a storm mama to ds1 9/03, ds2 2/09, and 2 sweet furbabies.
I'm a little freaked out about this right now too.
I hope this site becomes a little more accepting of people who don't go Full Crunch. Mothers shouldn't have to keep half their lives secret from the forum for fear of being shunned as a bad parent.
Signatures are sooo mainstream.
lol That was a pretty good typo. I think I'll leave it.
Jayne, sewing up a storm mama to ds1 9/03, ds2 2/09, and 2 sweet furbabies.
I'm not crunchy. I'm not mainstream. I haven't felt like I fit anywhere since several years before my first marriage went belly-up. The last label I willingly self-applied was probably "metalhead" somewhere around 1983 or so.
I'm not here because I'm crunchy. I do pretty well on the AP front (although I'd already been here several months, and my oldest was 12, before I'd ever heard that label), but my NFL cred is in the toilet. It used to be decent, but I've become considerably less green over the years, in several ways, for various reasons. I'm pretty hardcore on being anti-circ and I'm kind of nuts on the subject of informed consent where birth choice is concerned. Other than that? I don't "fit" here all that well, in many ways - but I like it, anyway and it's suited me well enough for the last six years.
Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) , Emma (5/03) , Evan (7/05) , & Jenna (6/09)
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing Aaron Ambrose (11/07)
I had my first child was I was barely 21. I had no non-mainstream parenting support and it was several years until the Internet became widely accessible. If I'd known then what I know now, lots of stuff would have been done differently. I also had a very mainstream husband and was in the Navy, so I was surrounded by convention.
Anyway, my boys were fortunate enough to be left intact and were each breastfed for several months. I'm pretty vocal about intactivism (am working on getting Medicaid to stop covering it in my state). I use mostly baking soda and vinegar for cleaning, but have been known to bust out the EZ-Off and Clorox on occasion. My kids are fully vaxed....they were military brats and it never occurred to me to NOT vax them. I'm pretty sure I would still have selectively vaxed. I did briefly consider using cloth diapers when DS1 was born, but couldn't figure out how to swing it with his sitter.
I shun artificial sweeteners and colorings, and don't buy into the "low-fat" craze, and boycott Nestle. I'm pretty rabid about Church/State separation, and also about recycling. My kids went to daycare when they were very small, but we've been homeschooling/unschooling for almost 12 years now....and I've WOTH for all but two of those years. When it comes to religion I'm a Naturalist, when it comes to politics I'm a Moderate. I pretty much a square peg in a round hole no matter where I go.