How paranoid are you? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 39 Old 07-05-2011, 12:36 PM
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 7,417
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

My kids are 16 y.o. and 12 y.o. 

 

Yes, hormones do a number on our brains.  I think it's long term, if not permanent.

 

For me, what led to me to be paranoid with my first child -or actually I was hyper vigilant-   was that I felt completely inadequate to be a mother.  Dd was unexpected, unplanned and I was having a very difficult time getting my own life together. Holy shit, now I'm responsible for the health and well being of another whole person??  A teeny, completely helpless person at that?? yikes2.gif My anxiety went through the roof.  This was real, not just noodling around with bad grades in school or being late to work.

 

And frankly I hated that a part of my heart was now and forever outside of my body, out there in the world. Vulnerable to accidents and misdeeds.

 

After a while I felt like if I worried enough about the worst possible scenarios I might keep them at bay.  Worrying was a talisman. 

 

OY.  It got better.  Actually I need medication to keep it reigned in, but gaining some confidence in my parenting helped a whole lot, as well. 

 

 

Quote:
Now, the good news is that, while of course I do worry sometimes about my kids, the *paranoia* is gone, if you see what I mean.  Give it some time mama.  It will get better.

 

Yes, that's a great distinction.  I do worry, and always will.   But I'm not wracked with irrational fears anymore. 

 

Edited to add: I agree, cut out the doom and gloom news.   Local tv news and the metro section of the news paper, certain article online,  with all the murders, rape and abuse.  I gain NOTHING by absorbing this stuff and it only sends me into a spiral of sadness and worry. 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
journeymom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 39 Old 07-18-2011, 09:30 PM
 
AnnaBees Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 125
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It is normal, sooooo normal.

 

With that said, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I'm not paranoid about DD getting sick/hurt/dying/etc. Things that would bother most FTMs, don't seem to get to me. I never have been one to have irrational worries about DD, except that when my PPD was full-blown, I constantly worried that I was a bad mom. ;)


mama to 1 gorgeous DD 11/05/10

When we know better, we do better.

AnnaBees Mama is offline  
#33 of 39 Old 04-20-2012, 07:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was just thinking recently about this thread. My daughter is almost 10 months old now and I've calmed down a fair amount. My paranoia actually has not translated into being super-protective or cautious in the way that I care for her. I let her eat just about anything, and don't stress about allergies. In general, choosing between options, I don't get too hung up on any given one. In the back of my mind, there is always that "What if?" but I don't think I have a lot of influence over potential horrible things that could happen, so I try to keep it quiet. Having watched her grow and thrive helps. She is sturdy and developing normally and even now seems a lot more robust than she did as a floppy little newborn, and also I know that I've done a fine job so far of taking care of her so I must be doing something right. I'm not explaining this well, but I just wanted to catch up on this thread and say a little about how my sentiments have changed.

erigeron is offline  
#34 of 39 Old 04-21-2012, 01:48 AM
 
rubidoux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm happy you're feeling more comfortable!  

 

For me the anxiety was much worse during my pregnancy and during the first year with my first child.  It did crop up again with baby number two, but not nearly as bad as with my first.  I think becoming a mom for the first time can just really throw you off kilter.  I still worry.  And I also worry about how worrisome it will be when they're more independent and I can't control so much of what happens to them.  But it seems more reality based, somehow.

 

One thing I don't think anyone mentioned that I had trouble with, especially when my first was young, was feeling much more worried about my own health.  I think I was much more invested in my future all of the sudden.  So I was noticing lumps and bumps and symptoms I don't think I would have worried about before having my first.  I would like in bed at night convinced I had cancer or some other horrible illness and worry about how terrible it would be for my little guy to have his mom die a slow death in the same house and what it would be like for him to be motherless.  Ugh.  That was not fun!  redface.gif  


Jayne, sewing up a storm mama to ds1 9/03, ds2 2/09, and 2 sweet furbabies.

rubidoux is offline  
#35 of 39 Old 04-21-2012, 06:52 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 25,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy212 View Post

 

On a bit of a side note, something that I have been wondering- does everyone follow their LO around the playground, outdoors, etc constantly? I have seen so many parents do this, while I am sitting on the bench watching him run around! I mean, ya he might fall down learning to go down a slope but to me it is just a learning experience. What do you think?

 

 

I tend to hang back when I'm at the playground, unless the kids want me to watch something, or play "store"  (several of our playgrounds have these little shelf things under the slide, and the kids set up ice cream stores and such - they always want me to be a customer). With my youngest, I keep her in view, but only because she's prone to wandering off. I need to be able to see her, so I know if she heads off the playground. I don't hang close while she climbs, slides, etc, though.

 

The paranoia? At five days, I wouldn't worry about it. I've been hyper-aware of every bad thing that could possibly happen with every baby. I find that it gradually fades after about the first month. Now, I have some specific concerns (eg. ds1, who is 19, likes to do free-running and parkour type stuff, and sometimes I worry that he's going to fall on his head), but the generalized paranoia is pretty much gone. I do seem to have a higher-than-normal level of anxiety about walking near traffic, even on sidewalks. DD2 shows no signs of being a bolter (dd1 was a bolter - drove me nuts!), but I'm super edgy every time we're walking along a road. I'm not sure why. I don't have the "OMG - she could die in her sleep! OMG  -someone could break into the bedroom! OMG - he's going to die because he got some popcorn and could choke!" thing going on, anymore. I think it's a normal part of being a new parent, but I don't miss i.


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#36 of 39 Old 04-23-2012, 08:48 AM
 
MrsGregory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: The 'burbs of Central Texas.
Posts: 1,030
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

erigeron, I think I understand your sentiments.  I actually just slept about 12 hours straight for 3 consecutive nights... well, with nursing breaks of course... I felt, when I woke up, much more refreshed, and although I am still a fairly hyper-vigilant person by nature, I have noticed that I seem to have relaxed a little.  My daughter is just now 7 months old, has already survived a minor mishap, a nasty cold or two, a less-than-alert-Papa and several encounters with complete strangers, so maybe I'm starting to realize that mine might actually survive.  Oh yay! 

 

She's napping now, and I confess, I have cracked the door so that I can peek through where the door meets the frame and see her little chest move up and down, up and down...

 

love.gif
 


lovestory.gif   And on 09/23/2011, we were three;  husband, daughter, and me!

MrsGregory is offline  
#37 of 39 Old 04-23-2012, 10:44 AM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I had two paranoia issues.  One was much worse than the others.

 

My daughter was always sick.  (looking back, I was doing everything wrong)  But, since she was always so sick, I kept assuming it would get worse.  I felt like I loved her so so much, that this was too good to be true, and could/would be taken from me.  I expected to be one of those moms who got the bad news that her illnesses were really from AIDS, or Cancer.  I actually envisioned myself being that mom on St Jude's telethon talking about how wonderful the nurses are.  I pictured myself losing everything I owned and living in the hospital trying to help my child survive.  My life would be turned upside down, and everything would change.  

 

Because why not?  Why not me?  Why not my child?  Why all those other children and not mine?  I lost so much sleep over this fear.  I couldn't watch telethons.  I never donated money to St Judes or Phoenix Children's hospital because I felt like I was tempting fate.  It was in the back of my head every time she got a sore throat of complained of leg pain.

*******************************

 

My other fear was that she would fall from her second story window.  Or the balcony.  I was insanely uptight about that kind of thing.

 

In the end, neither one of those things ever happened.  I have never even known anybody who's child became very ill, or fell from a window.   I don't even know anybody who knows anybody IRL who has had anything like that happen.  So, My fears were obsessive for nothing.  

 

I have a daycare, and have had hundreds of kids in my life for 30 years, and I've had only a small handful of families who have suffered any kind of tragic loss.  Two of my former daycare kids died in a bus accident about three years ago when they were in high school, on a ski trip.  That was horrific, but so random.  None of my own fears have ever been a part of my life, so I don't know why I had them.

nextcommercial is offline  
#38 of 39 Old 04-23-2012, 10:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,342
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

SIDS scares the pants off of me... not so much those rare disease things. I don't worry when my child bumps her head or sniffles. I figure babies bump their heads and they sniffle... particularly my kid, who gets lousy sinuses from both sides of the family. I worry more about being nailed out of the sky (baby snatcher, SIDS) than about stuff that's actually more likely.

 

I read the book Protecting the Gift, which I think was helpful. He points out that the likelihood of a child being kidnapped by a stranger is less than the likelihood of them dying of a heart attack, and nobody worries that their healthy kid will have a heart attack.

 

At any rate, making it to 6 months, when the SIDS risk drops, definitely eased my mind some. I think it'll be a little easier with the next one too, as I have a frame of reference.

erigeron is offline  
#39 of 39 Old 04-23-2012, 12:31 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,387
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post

 

My other fear was that she would fall from her second story window.  Or the balcony.  I was insanely uptight about that kind of thing.

 

In the end, neither one of those things ever happened.  I have never even known anybody who's child became very ill, or fell from a window.   I don't even know anybody who knows anybody IRL who has had anything like that happen.  So, My fears were obsessive for nothing.  

 

I have a daycare, and have had hundreds of kids in my life for 30 years, and I've had only a small handful of families who have suffered any kind of tragic loss.  Two of my former daycare kids died in a bus accident about three years ago when they were in high school, on a ski trip.  That was horrific, but so random.  None of my own fears have ever been a part of my life, so I don't know why I had them.

 

My uncle fell off a roof when he was 8. He climbed up when my grandma wasn't looking. Poor woman had 3 boys who regularly almost gave her heart attacks (bringing snakes home, climbing onto the roof, intentionally tipping over the small sailboat they had, etc, etc, etc.).

Super~Single~Mama is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off