You don't always know the whole situation - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 40 Old 07-04-2011, 07:23 PM
 
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That's what I was wondering too.  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Cumulus,
Did you do it?

 


It really doesn't matter if this passive aggressive BS was an attempt at looking out for the child.  If the person was actually concerned, she should have offered to bring a meal and help with the baby.

 


~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
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#32 of 40 Old 07-04-2011, 10:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cumulus View Post

 

  Hi:   I would like to point out that whatever

the woman said, it was out of concern for

the child; not communicated well at all but

it sounds like she was acting for the child

and I think that might be a thing to consider. 

   I wonder if you fell while alone with your baby

and hit your head and you were unconscious

if that woman might not be the first to call

an emergency number or to force her way though

your door when there was no response from you.

   I get upset with all the people who just want

children to disappear or shutup like maybe your

other neighbors are feeling. Yes, I agree with 

everybody that she acted poorly but maybe it's

also true that she's acting for your child, that

maybe she's an ally.

 


 

headscratch.gif

 

I'm sorry that happened OP.   Her actions show a distinct lack of decorum and it doesn't feel like a genuine offer of support to me.

 


 

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#33 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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Thank you for joining our community.  Thank you for parenting that child.  Thank you for reminding us that we do not walk in someone else's shoes.

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#34 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 08:45 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of people that you loved, who deeply trusted you. I wish you peace and joy in raising their sweet child.

 

One of my kids was a very easy baby, and my other child screamed for months no matter what I did. I hope that this phase passes quickly for the baby you are raising. I found it exhausting and draining.

 

Peace


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#35 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 09:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cumulus View Post

 

  Hi:   I would like to point out that whatever

the woman said, it was out of concern for

the child; not communicated well at all but

it sounds like she was acting for the child

and I think that might be a thing to consider. 

   I wonder if you fell while alone with your baby

and hit your head and you were unconscious

if that woman might not be the first to call

an emergency number or to force her way though

your door when there was no response from you.

   I get upset with all the people who just want

children to disappear or shutup like maybe your

other neighbors are feeling. Yes, I agree with 

everybody that she acted poorly but maybe it's

also true that she's acting for your child, that

maybe she's an ally.

 


Seriously? Telling the OP that she's selfish, lazy and self-centred and neglecting her baby is the action of an ally?
OP, your dear baby is lucky to have you. I know what it's like to feel judged for your baby's unhappiness. My first son howled much of his waking moments until about six months not matter WHAT we did.
It WILL pass. In the meantime, you're doing an amazing job.

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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#36 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 10:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrennC View PostShe left a note on them saying that she has been a member of mothering.com for years and had highlighted some specific parts that she thought would help me because "if I take the road of selfish, lazy parenting just because I am young and self-centered and chose to have a child without a father in the picture it is NEGLECT" (her exact words)

 

Wow, that's incredible.  I would be infuriated if this happened to me.

 

Quote:
I just want to remind everyone that things are not always as they appear and you don't always know the whole situation of what goes on other in people's lives and homes.

 

Yes, thanks for the general reminder here.  I hope you will also address your neighbor directly. 

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your cousin and his wife.

 


___________________________________

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#37 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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what-a-jerk!  if we'd had neighbors, they would have thought dd was CIO 24 x 7, too.  she was a screamy scream screamer. 

what a lot you've been through.  i hope you stick around.  we're not all jerky.  good luck to you, mama.


Is it getting lonely in the echo chamber yet?

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#38 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 02:30 PM
 
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I couldn't read this and not respond.

OP, I am so angry on your behalf! You are doing an amazing thing and your baby is so blessed to have you! My first response to your neighbor's actions was "omg! f**k her!!" Don't let her bring you down. I hope you clue her in somehow and that she feels as big a jerk as she is. Most people on MDC (and really, most *people* period) are not nasty like that!

As for his colic, when I was a baby I had colic too. My mom says the only thing that would get me to stop crying was a walk in the woods, that I'd stare up at the trees and calm down. So whoever suggested time outdoors, I second that--it's worth a try! At any rate I hope he feels better and gives you a break from the crying very soon. A crying baby is so stressful. It really will pass. Keep doing what you are doing!

I hope you stick around here!
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#39 of 40 Old 07-05-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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First of all, I'm so so sorry you're even in this situation, and you are totally my (and the baby's) heroine for stepping up like you are.

 

It sucks that your neighbor was so rude and judgmental, but on the positive side of this, you have two good things that came out of this:

1. People suck. Just kidding, but really -- you are facing a tough road, and you sound like you're plenty strong to handle it. Which means that down the road, when you see a new/young mom struggling, you're even more apt to kindly offer assistance and support than to have the attitude of, "Well, look at all *I* went through and I survived. Why can't SHE manage?" And so are the rest of us who have read this thread. I know I won't forget it very soon.

2. You found MDC, and a support network that you might find you need in the future. (For starters, I'm pretty sure someone here posted about giving her baby probiotics to help cure/treat colic... Something I've never seen/heard of anywhere else, not that I looked all that hard....) I hope you don't think we are all so judgy and mean. Only some of us are! ;-)

 

Hang in there. You are doing a great thing. Don't let the lazy assumptions of others bring you down.

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#40 of 40 Old 07-06-2011, 07:40 AM
 
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Original poster, I think you should print out this reply below and put it on your neighbor's door, car, and wherever else they put their note to you!   That is NO way to be neighborly or supportive, and I totally agree that no one can know the situation and just blindly judge.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeannine View Post

I am so sorry someone did that to you!  Crying babies stress out everyone.  It sounds like your (let's just call him son, because that's what he'll grow up to feel like) is also stressing out your neighbor.  The easy road is for her to rush to judgment, reacting with anger and superiority.  How much nicer it would've been, if she'd remembered that the crying baby stressing her out probably stresses you out a lot more!  

 

When I was a young, single mother of Autistic twins, when my next-door neighbor thought she heard havoc at our house, she'd come over to be supportive.  Sometimes it was just the kids playing loudly and she'd laugh with me about what they were doing.  But on occasion she found me frustrated and crying and would be ready with a big hug and make me a cup of tea.  I think God's intention is for us to try to be that sort of neighbor to each other, not the finger-wagging kind.  

 

I hope your neighbor reads this and decides to change her approach to your crying baby.  It sounds like you could use a hug and a cup of tea, too!  And helping you to stay calm, making sure you feel cared about and supported, would be a much better way to help your baby, if she's truly concerned about him.  Would you give her a second chance, if she tried?

 

Despite your poor introduction to Mothering.com, I hope you stick around.  I think you'll find that the vast majority of moms on here are supportive of each other, open-minded, and have a wide variety of good ideas about how to handle all the ups and downs of raising kids - regardless how you landed the job!



To Astrogirl: Your post is very interesting.  I'm not sure I see how you're lumping every single approach and conversation about things like safety/nutrition into the category of "confrontation"?  And saying that common "I saw a parent doing ____" threads like approaching a neighbor about not putting their infant in a car seat (not yelling at the person, but maybe asking if they know there are places they may be able to get one) is akin to leaving passive/aggressive anonymous judgemental notes on someone's car...?  The threads where people saw a parent doing something that seemed extreme, yes there is always judgement involved in having a reactiont to that, but it's the nature and spirit and way that people approach the other parent that is the key difference between "confrontation" and "offering support".  No, we dont all agree on where the line is drawn even between those 2 things, but it sounds like we all agree that the way the neighbor in this situation handled this with OP was not cool.

 

I do think situations where you can see and hear what is happening and it seems extreme, I would hope people would act in a respectful and supportive way.  I will still always walk up to a parent who is hitting or saying really mean things to their kid, and try to offer some words to cool the parent down.  But a crying baby in a house... you absolutely don't know what's going on and if you're really concerned, get some cookies and juice/tea and ring the bell and say "Hi, I'm your neighbor, I hear you have a little one and I'm a parent too, just wondering if everything's ok and if there's any way I can help you?"

 

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