Facebook friend says starting to let LO CIO tonight, do I say something? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 07-15-2011, 06:55 PM - Thread Starter
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A "friend" who I've never been close to just posted on facebook that she's going to start letting her little one cry it out tonight.  My heart just dropped for that little baby. Would you step in to offer an alternative or let the mama do her own thing?  

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#2 of 13 Old 07-15-2011, 10:40 PM
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You could offer an alternative, but ultimately the mom will do what she wants anyway. Do you think you saying something will help her or just start problems?

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#3 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 11:42 AM
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I wouldn't say anything NOW because it's just going to start a lot of conflict she probably neither needs nor wants.  You can either a. wait till she complains about it tomorrow and tell her something like, "Don't let any 'expert' tell you to go against your gut!  You're the mama and you know best.  If you want some alternatives to CIO, try these books/this site/etc" or b. message her with something neutral about knowing what it's like to be ready for some sleep.  Some other sources she might consider are these books/this site/etc.


You're not going to help at all by getting involved in a debate about it.  People get so heated, ugly things are said, and then you look like a nut and your advice seems iffy at best. 

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#4 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 11:52 AM
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If you do say something, try to make it an "I" statement instead of a "you" statement. Rather than "you shouldn't do CIO", you could try "I haven't done CIO and things are OK here, if you want another perspective." If you make "you" statements, they're more likely to come off as judgmental. Most people do CIO unfortunately, so this is what's normal for her and coming off as judgmental when she's doing what is most common isn't going to help anything. Offering up a perspective based solely on your experience without judgment might make her wonder if it's necessary, but on the other hand she still might take offense. If you say something, and I'm not convinced it will be helpful, but IF, be as gentle as possible. If she takes any offense or hears any judgment, she is likely to disregard it all.
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#5 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 01:58 PM
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I wouldnt say anything

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#6 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 02:28 PM
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I think you could say something but I'd be very careful what I said.  Just this past week a friend of mine posted something similar, and someone I don't know posted something along the lines of " I hope this is just a phase with your baby.  Baby's are still building trust at this age and are crying for a reason.  Feel free to call me or email me if you want to chat about it :)"  I wouldn't have the guts to even go that far, but I might mention something like "I thought about that too but just didn't have the stomach for it.  I read a great book The No Cry Sleep Solution which helped us a lot.  Let me know if you want to borrow it."

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#7 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 04:31 PM
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I wouldn't say anything either. Mostly because I've heard of two different situations exactly like-- one on this forum awhile back and one on Diaperswappers. (you know...."friend on facebook....made a comment about CIO....I feel sick about it....should I comment?" etc.) In both cases it didn't end well. :(

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#8 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 06:11 PM
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I might send her a message (but not post on her wall) telling her that if CIO is can be just as hard on the mama as it is on the baby and if she needs to talk to call you, even if it is the middle of the night. Then when she is really upset that her baby is crying and she calls, you might be able to give her some alternatives (but this would only be after she had reached out to you for support).

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#9 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 07:01 PM
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I wouldn't say anything. More so because your not close to her.

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#10 of 13 Old 07-16-2011, 07:05 PM
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I wouldn't say anything either.

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#11 of 13 Old 07-17-2011, 03:03 PM
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I don't even know what I would say. I've only had people post during the fact, and they complained so bitterly about it like it's all about THEM. I just couldn't stop myself. They both posted something to the effect of, "This sucks, I hate doing this." So my response to that (among the many posts of "hang in there," "be strong," "stand tough") was, "How do you think the baby feels about it?" At least they stopped posting their "progress" after that. It's not like I was trying to get them not to do it, b/c after all it IS their choice, but I just want someone to consider the baby's feelings.

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#12 of 13 Old 07-18-2011, 05:56 AM
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I wouldn't even feed into it.

If someone's going to post on FB that they're planning on doing CIO then they're obviously trying to cause controversy. I mean, why the heck else would someone post that??

She's looking for drama, I'd just roll my eyes and move on.

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#13 of 13 Old 07-18-2011, 06:03 AM
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I Would Offer Her Some Alternative Ways To Soothe The Baby.

No Baby Should "Cry It Out".


People Post Anything On Facebook. (SMH)

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