When other people's kids won't listen to you... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 37 Old 07-25-2011, 10:18 AM
 
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I have run into this plenty of times myself.  That 7 yo boy may not be exposed to children younger than he on a regular enough basis to learn how to be patient.  Or he may have siblings and has always had to compete for a turn.  I see this in the neighbor kids.  There are 4 of them and they are spaced very closely in age.  Even though their mom was consistent with them, and always had a decent routine, etc., after almost 5 years of them playing almost daily at my house, I still have to remind them to take turns when speaking.  I have to remind them to stay out of other's conflicts (they are always trying to make sure someone *else* gets in trouble).  It seems to me that they always have to compete to be heard, get turns, have things be "fair".  I know that they were not raised the same as my kids, but they are still generally good kids.  I find their competitions to be frustrating, and not very peaceful.  There are plenty of times I've sent a couple of them home for awhile just to keep the competition down.  I don't want my own children learning to be so competitive over every.little.thing.  Thankfully my own children are wonderful at taking turns, being patient (not always, but generally speaking), and not stepping on the littles.  The children next door have come a very long way, and they are now completely trusted to play with my littlest one.  They may still compete to be heard, but they learned to be patient w/littler kids, but again, I still need to be near.  They may not argue so much with my kids, but they compete and argue with each other constantly. 

 

I also have a friend w/a sometimes very aggressive son who is on the spectrum.  He has tons of sensory integration issues and really loses control sometimes.  He is liable to start hitting or kicking or whatever at any time.  We both watch closely at all times.  To look at him, you would not be able to tell he has issues. 

 

I guess my point is is that it's just hard to tell.  OP, I think you handled it fine.  Also, there *is* a difference in how many boys at that age will respond to little ones.  Girls seem to be more patient.  They are often just more nurturing from a younger age.  I know w/the kids next door (2 girls-oldest, 2 boys-youngest), the girls were automatically more patient w/the younger ones  than the boys, but they would still argue and fight w/their siblings alot.  Just explain to your son that sometimes even older kids are still learning to be patient and take turns.


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#32 of 37 Old 07-26-2011, 08:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

Zebra15 -  <<There are a million and one ways to parent a child, most parents are going to do so differently than you.  And yes most kids are going to flat out ignore other adults.>>
 

waiting2bemommy - <<I disagree. I was raised, and my kids are bewing raised, to show respect to other adults. If anything, growing up I was *more* compliant with other adults than with my own mom!>>

 

I agree with Zebra15, and wouldn't want my kids to be "compliant" with adults they do not know.  That's just icky.

 


My kids have been raised to show respect to adults and would never flat out ignore someone. They know to come to me if anyone makes them uncomfortable or they are just wrong, and to yell and run if anyone tries to hurt them or take them, but otherwise, they listen to adults. They are as shocked as I am by the way some kids behave in public. 

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#33 of 37 Old 07-26-2011, 08:31 AM
 
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I honestly haven't raised my kids to "respect" adults.

 

As a child, I was sexually assaulted by someone who I knew and should have been able to trust, and my upbringing to not speak back to an adult made it easier for him.  I think the standard line on this "come if someone tries to grab you" shows a lack of understanding of how molesters prep kids, push the boundaries gradually, and get silence from their victims.

 

Oddly, my kids are super well behaved and their teachers LOVE them. Adults who work with my kids tell me that if all children were like them, their jobs would be easier. But it's not because I've told them to respect adults. Quite the opposite. I raised them to respect themselves.

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#34 of 37 Old 07-26-2011, 11:25 AM
 
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We raise our children to respect themselves AND adults.  In general, most adults are not molesters.  Of course it happens, and I'm so sorry for the children it happens to.  We cherish and honor anyone older and wiser than us, rather than being afraid of them, unless they give us a good reason not to.  They of course know what to do if someone makes them uncomfortable in any way, but so far that has not happened.  If our children were to ever flat-out ignore any adult, they would definitely have consequences, including apologizing to the grown up.  There are just not enough "thank you, ma'am" and "thank you, sir"s happening anymore and we find it offensive to older generations and plain sad.  I love that our children love to sit and talk w/the elderly and learn from their wisdom, too. 


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#35 of 37 Old 07-26-2011, 12:19 PM
 
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OP, I think you handled it fine.  I'm kind of surprised by the number of responses that this is a typical way for a 7 year old to behave.  IME, it isn't at all.  My son's 9 and would never behave that way.  My 5 year old might, but that's why I supervise him more closely. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

I honestly haven't raised my kids to "respect" adults.

 

Oddly, my kids are super well behaved and their teachers LOVE them. Adults who work with my kids tell me that if all children were like them, their jobs would be easier. But it's not because I've told them to respect adults. Quite the opposite. I raised them to respect themselves.



Same here.  I'm raising my kids to not give respect to adults simply because they're adults.  They're very respectful of adults who are respectful of them and people always tell me how well behaved my kids are (even my wild man, he may be wild but he's not mean or rude).   I think it's much better to teach my children to judge people and situations for themselves.

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#36 of 37 Old 07-26-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

I will get between my daughter and another kid and say, "Where is your grown up?"  because really?  I'm just not putting up with that.  I don't let her knock smaller kids off of things, so I'm not going to let bigger kids do it to her.  Her "turn" is not over just because another kid turns up.  Why yes these places ARE busy in the summer, what a good reason for children to know they should wait their turn.  I am always polite, I am not threatening.  I don't let my daughter monopolize anything and MOST children won't listen when she says, "it's my turn, I'm almost done" but they do listen when I say the same.  On the rare occasion that they don't, I will step in.


Yep, I would have said "who are you here with? Where are they? What you just did was not OK, and I"m going to go get your parents/grandparents/daycare person and explain to them what you did. We'll be right back, and when we get back, I expect you to be off the bike." Some kids need very very clear social lines drawn. They don't get the subtleties.

 


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#37 of 37 Old 07-26-2011, 12:48 PM
 
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The only thing I'd have done differently is say "Wow! That was rude, he budged!" to my kid and then ask the kid where I can find his grown-up. 


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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