What do you do when you are out with friends who parent differently than you, in re: free-range, "permissiveness"? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 64 Old 09-02-2011, 11:34 AM
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I would like to add, that if my kids in anyway act "good" in public, it's not something I did. I swear! We are super relaxed in our house. Just don't do anything dangerous please. Mommy can't handle blood. I wish I had been a little stricter as well. Of course DH thinks we're plenty strict since our only rules are be nice to the animals, respect others around you and don't pour water into anything electrical... again.

My house is destroyed as well.

I'm the permissive parent. Sorry guys. However my rule respect others does help... right?
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#62 of 64 Old 09-02-2011, 11:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

my line when my kids were small was "different families have different rules, and following the rules for one's family is part of being in that family." 

I love this! 


My friend and I were on the same page parenting wise before we had kids.  You know the whole "I was a perfect mother and then I had kids" line.  Now that we have our own kids it's very clear that we are complete opposites parenting-wise.  She and her daughter can coming to visit soon and I've worried about how things will go as far as our kids and their respective rules.  I'm sure I'll get the side-eye but I know we are both doing what's best for our families and children. 

Vegetarian, Montessori-loving, Blogging, Doula in Training, Student Midwife Mama to A 10/17/09

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#63 of 64 Old 09-02-2011, 02:45 PM
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That's how my friend and I are. Before we had kids, we knew we were going to be strict, traditional parents with well-mannered, polite kids who know how to behave in public. Well, one of us can't even eat out at a restaurant b/c her child won't sit still long enough to eat, climbs on the booth, runs around the restaurant, and screams bloody murder if you try to stop her.


And one of us treats her baby like a 12-year-old and needs to manage her expectations a bit better....bag.gif

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#64 of 64 Old 09-03-2011, 11:09 AM
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I guess here's my take on things...


I used to have a group of "friends" where we hosted playdates at our houses each week on a rotating basis. My child followed my rules at their houses (I guess I could be considered "strict," but I call it "having reasonable, age-appropriate expectations," which is, frankly, healthy. I don't scream, yell, hit...but I do model by example and expect my child not to be a complete out-of control demon.) Anyway, my "friends" were all VERY free-range, and at their houses, that's fine (other than not disciplining your almost 4 year old after deliberating pushing my baby down repeatedly is not ok...but I just removed him from the situation and redirected him to a new activity), but at my house, your kids need to more closely adhere to my rules and expectations. You're a guest in my home, so please respect my space. I shouldn't have to run around the entire playdate cleaning up chewed-up carrots out of my son's toys, wiping up huge juice spills off my wood floors, and spending over 2 hours cleaning my house after the playdate so its not disgusting (like my "friends'" houses...ugh...fossilized food, dirty clothes, and broken toys EVERYWHERE), while the other moms sit on their butts playing with their smartphones and not minding their children once in awhile. I finally had to just bid adieu to this group of "friends." I have found, in my own experiences, that people who parent more closely to you are just more akin to you, period,  and therefore, you're more likely to get along with these like-minded parents and develop closer friendships. I have a group of friends now that meets up for playdates, and our styles are much more similar, making it an overall more enjoyable experience for the children and the adults alike. Birds of a feather flock together, ya know?

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