anyone give 1 child dad's last name, 2nd child mom's last name? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 33 Old 10-29-2011, 12:07 PM
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Originally Posted by indigosky View Post

DP's concern about this idea is that if a kid doesn't have his last name, people will suspect/wonder that he wasn't the father -- as if he came along later, or one of our kids had a different dad, etc. He makes the fair point that in general, there's no question about who a child's mother is if she was pregnant and gave birth. But since fatherhood is less clear, having his last name is one way to indicate that he's the dad.


I know this is a bit of an old thread, but I was thinking about it last night at a school event. My kids are teens, and at this point, few family are still mom/dad/kids. So many families are blended families, or kids are at events where one parent is there with their new boyfriend/girlfriend while the other parent is on the opposite side of the room with a smile than does extend to their eyes.


I think your DPs concern is VERY valid. I think  that in the future, people will assume you are a blended family, and they won't bother to ask. Honestly, at this point, those question tend have very personal answers so most people just don't ask.   Depending on whether or not your kids end up really looking like sibs, people will assume you are a blended family.


There's nothing wrong with a blended family, and I don't think it will ever cause complications (some kids don't have the same last name as any of their sibs or parents, the world is set up for it) but if you would like people to know that you are a traditional nuclear family, that's  not a good way to do so. They will assume - they won't ask


I really like that we all have the same last name. It wasn't a big deal to me until recently, but I like it.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#32 of 33 Old 10-29-2011, 03:22 PM
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im still not sure on this. i think i would like our girls to have my last name and our boys to have his. i would totally just hyphenate our names, but that would be kind of cruel. DP's name is very unusual and mine is already hyphenated and german/polish. so thats three hard to spell, hard to pronounce last names. they actually all sound pretty neat together and DP thinks we should hyphenate anyway lol. he doesnt want any of the kids to have just my last name. but i don't really want to be the only one with a different last name. even if we do ever get married (not likely) i would not change my name. 


i liked having a hyphenated last name as a kid, though my brother and i usually went by my mom's last name to make it easier on people. my brother still does, but i usually use both now. we were a "nuclear" family, my parents are still together, though they never married.... so it doesn't seem unreasonable to me that our kids would share our names in some way.

Karla (25), loving having and growing a family: my amazing DP, DS (2), DSD (7). Expecting my second
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#33 of 33 Old 10-29-2011, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
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Not an old thread at all -- I'm still pregnant and expect to me for a couple more months, so keep the thoughts/experiences coming!

Like wanderinblues, we're happily unmarried by choice (18 years and counting), and don't ever expect or want to have the same last name, so there's no chance our family will ever all have the same last names. DP would be happy to hyphenate, but I just don't think that's a workable solution for the long-run. So that's why the question is even on the table, as an alternative solution that could feel fair/logical/equitable/understandable/all that good stuff.
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