Totally upset! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 10-14-2011, 12:29 AM - Thread Starter
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this is more of a venting post. I am fuming! And so upset. 


I am pregnant, and not in very good condition. Having contractions and pain and being basically not able to move around very much. Sick and everything. I just said in another thread, that we have such a good health care system, that the insurances are even covering for child care, someone coming in and looking after the kids after their time in preschool. Brilliant in general, but in real life ... not so much.


I just got a call from the organization who was looking after my kids the last couple of days. They don´t want to look after the kids anymore, because they are not behaved well enough. Hello? They said things like: You are stupid! to the person looking after them. 

I just cannot believe this. I was so upset yesterday about this, that I had a lot of contractions and pain and everything. I mean, my kids are quite active, and they don´t watch tv for hours on end (it does not improve their behavior, therefor not even in situations like this) and they are quite bright. They are not horrible kids! There was never a problem in preschool, or with friends or anything. Even our cleaning lady is able to cope with my kids (they love to clean with her, and sometimes it interferes with her cleaning abilities, but she is great about it!)


These people sent 3 women in two weeks to look after the kids, none of them really trained in childcare, none of them really stimulating the kids, more like running after them and trying to stop them if they did something wrong. How can they expect a five year old who does not know them for more than an hour to obey them?


I really don´t know what to do now, I just talked to the childcare center and they agreed to take them longer so that they would be in an environment they know and like, and - as I said - there where never any problems!  


Am I maybe to blind to see how misbehaved and evil my kids are? 


Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
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#2 of 7 Old 10-14-2011, 03:43 AM
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I would assume that your children are reacting to your stress. I'm glad that your child care center will allow them to stay longer.


That being said, most kids will listen to a new adult. I used to baby sit a lot and did a lot of drop in child care. Your kids need to know that you expect them to listen to alternate caregivers. Have your spouse get out (or purchase, if needed) some things that sitters can do with the kids (playdough, crafts, games, etc.) It sounds like you may need to be more proactive.I would also ease up a bit on your tv restrictions in this situation. Maybe provide some appropriate DVDs.

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#3 of 7 Old 10-14-2011, 07:17 AM
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I'm sorry you're feeling so awful! 

I agree with what Polliwog said.  Planned activities or crafts, a bunch of new books from the library, maybe even a good video to watch sometimes?

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#4 of 7 Old 10-16-2011, 09:49 PM
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Yeah, most kids actually do listen to a new caregiver.  The ones that don't are a lot harder to handle.  I mean, sure, they test a little, but they usually do put on better behavior for a new person.


That said, they really are probably stressed by the situation and that is making it worse. 


Do your kids like books?  Would craft supplies keep them busy?  Stickers?  My kids could stick stickers for hours sometimes.



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#5 of 7 Old 10-17-2011, 12:58 AM
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i have a feeling your expectation out of the child care worker and the expectations of the childcare workers might be different.


while they might expect to just baby sit you might expect them to continue in the preschool vein. 


is there only one place u r getting child care workers from. sometimes the management of the agency focus on workers who are efficent but arent nurturers. 


can you try another agency. 


it may not be a reflection about your kids. it just might be the place had other things in mind. esp. if you are there in the house. 


not behaved well enough is such a subjective term. many find my dd v. v. v. well behaved. some dont and are usually overwhelmed by the amount of time spent with her. 



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#6 of 7 Old 10-17-2011, 06:04 AM - Thread Starter
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actually, I just expected them to keep my kids safe for the time that I can´t, however they choose to do it.

They are not especially well behaved, not like little angels, but they are not bad behaved as well, I´d say they are just quite normal, quite active kids. They don´t like not getting what they want (read: Icecream and chocolate) and if they don´t, they do say things like: You are stupid or I don´t like you. It never bothered me though, I just ignore it. Or  say things like: That´s not nice to say. I generally don´t make a big deal out of it, though.


I just got so upset because this people actually refused looking after them, leaving me with a big mess - as in being alone at home, not really able to care for the kids - and than telling me they cannot look after them because they are so bad behaved. They are not!


Obviously they are stressed and seeing a different person every day does not really make it easier either. But shouldn´t childcare people know that they might be stressed - with a mom who is not able to move a lot and not as caring as usual. Not as funny and happy as well.


Tomorrow, a new person will start. We´ll see. I plan to overtake a lot more of the childcare to keep things smooth... hopefully it´ll work!


Thanks for your suggestions, all of you!

Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
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#7 of 7 Old 10-17-2011, 01:49 PM
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Other posters here have offered a couple of ideas about how to maybe help your kids adjustment to the new people to go more smoothly - do you think you'll try any of those?

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