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Parenting > 2011 Fall recipe for family...problems
Essie's Avatar Essie 12:27 AM 11-04-2011

Am I right to not send a school picture of DS to FIL this year? after our visit he asked me for a photo of the three of us and I never sent it. Said I couldn't get it to work from my phone. This is all so warped. 



swd12422's Avatar swd12422 08:49 AM 11-04-2011

I wouldn't bother. You'll have copies for yourselves. If there is ever a time when it seems to be appropriate to do that, you can make a copy from whatever school year (or all of them) and share them. Now wouldn't be the time, IMO. I wouldn't be initiating contact with him for any reason, unless it concerns something serious with DH (like hospitalization or death). Beyond that, he'd be out.


Essie's Avatar Essie 01:31 PM 11-04-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by swd12422 View Post

I wouldn't bother. You'll have copies for yourselves. If there is ever a time when it seems to be appropriate to do that, you can make a copy from whatever school year (or all of them) and share them. Now wouldn't be the time, IMO. I wouldn't be initiating contact with him for any reason, unless it concerns something serious with DH (like hospitalization or death). Beyond that, he'd be out.



Ditto. Sounds dumb but I am just a self doubter and guilt ridden by nature even though I know this guy is not deserving.

 

Thank you!


swd12422's Avatar swd12422 08:45 PM 11-04-2011

It's not dumb. And it's so much easier for me to say from way over here than it would be if I were in your shoes. It's so hard to believe it's really that bad when something like this happens, and then you start wondering if you're overreacting and it's nothing or not so bad, and then you feel bad.... That's how abuse works.


Essie's Avatar Essie 09:47 PM 11-04-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by swd12422 View Post

It's not dumb. And it's so much easier for me to say from way over here than it would be if I were in your shoes. It's so hard to believe it's really that bad when something like this happens, and then you start wondering if you're overreacting and it's nothing or not so bad, and then you feel bad.... That's how abuse works.



Exactly. Thank you.

 

I noticed that after all of this happened at FIL's house he kept giving me things and bought me a couple of things (to be nice) I thanked him, but in my gut felt like he was doing it out of guilt and also b/c it's a way of making himself not look like such a jerk. Doesn't fool me. No one will ever hurt DS and he will never go unprotected as I did when I was a child. It only takes one time, you all are right. I am lucky in a sick way that FIL said what he did so we *know*.


Essie's Avatar Essie 08:41 PM 11-07-2011

I am working on setting boundaries. For me it sometimes isn't immediate to identify if a boundary has been crossed. It's frustrating but I am working on being more empowered. 


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