I need some advice please. I am a mother who is very open minded. My son is four years old and loves playing with his little girl cousin. Last night they were playing and My son and niece dressed my son up as a girl. He seemed to love it as he was giggling and was all smiles. I see absolutely NO harm in this what so ever. All I see is a four year old little boy playing dress up. As for my ex he blew up in steam and was VERY angry when he found out. He accused me of confusing our son. Again I see this to be completely normal and nothing wrong. Can I please have some feed back that I am not alone? Is there any GREAT articles out there that state this is fine and healthy for a four year old boy to do this? Thank you...OliverBirdsMa.
Hi there, just wanted to say that it's great to hear a mama that is open to her son's exploration!
The fact of the matter is, he's just having fun and he doesn't know that it's socially "unacceptable" to dress up as a girl. I haven't hit this point yet, but it's something that my husband and I discussed in depth as to how we would handle the situation.
I hope you find what you are looking for, it makes me so sad to think that people are still like that at all. Sounds like your ex has some homophobia going on, when in reality it probably has nothing at all to do with his sexuality.
It WILL, however, effect his sexuality and self esteem for him to go balistic about it. Sounds like he could use some counseling.
"As for my ex he blew up in steam and was VERY angry when he found out."
I think you might need some better boundaries with your ex. The details of games that your child plays during your parenting time really aren't something you need to, or should, report to him. Now, when your son is young, is the time for you to establish the habit that what happens in your home is not his to pick over. (And, of course, he deserves the same courtesy from you.)
I don't know if it would help in your case, but when people express surprise that my son is wearing a dress I just say, "Yup, he likes pretending he's a princess. Earlier, he was a puppy, and before that he was a robot."
i've been in ur shoes of ex getting mad. because dd had makeup on. she was soooo excited to show him and he just blew up.
there will be many more ocassions than just dressing up where he will blow up.
figure out how you can maintain your calm and not ur ex get you all riled up.
dd learnt to wipe all her make up off before she went to her dad's place.
we share very little information except for the necessary one. and dd has learnt to keep her mouth shut so that the other parent doesnt get mad. she keeps a lot from her dad rather than from me.
My thoughts, exactly.
Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
It's okay, mama!! Your son is being normal. What your ex is doing, if kept up, threatens to give your boy a complex about who he is...your son is openly exploring his world and the ideas it is filled with. Exploring these ideas is normal and healthy. An adult using anger and fear of disapproval to try and squash normal exploration of the world, leads to a crappy relationship down the line at best and a little boy who represses normal expression for fear of being "weird" or "queer" or whatever....and THAT leads to unhappiness.
Your son is just being bright, beautiful him.....you gotta keep information about this type of thing from getting back to him and/or find a way to gently explain to your son that his father is confused and doesn't understand, but that he still loves him very very much and wants him to be happy.
I promise you, now that this is on your exs "radar", he is going try to make a point of talking to him behind your back about "manliness" or "not being girly" and crap like that....help your son to see that your husband is confused with his own feelings and that is has nothing to do with what your son is playing at or trying to be or whatever. You don't want to tear his father down, because that is hurtful too...but you also want to appropriately frame the situation and try to help your son see that this is about his father, not about him. I honestly don't have any advice about how to do that because I don't know your kid....but I have seen this exact situation play out before and the father in the scenario became really intense about using his time with his son to "counter act" the "gayness training" he imagined was going on at moms house. (in this situation it was about the father finding out that female relatives had (all in fun) applied makeup to the boy and that the boy didn't mind it....the father, from that day forward, assumed that the mother was secretly trying to make his son a "pansy" and proceeded to really start confusing the kid with crap about how to be a man - fighting, spitting, baseball...real boneheaded, stereotypical stuff!).
So, talk with him, tell him it's normal.....but also keep stuff like this at your house and help your son to know that he is a good boy, a normal boy and that his father has his own issues to work out that have nothing to do with him. <3 GL....you are a good mama for knowing how perfectly sweet and normal this is.
Me and DH ...lovin' DD (6/08) and DS (11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD (UC-5/12) We Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'!