I got an ugly letter in the mail on Christmas Eve! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 51 Old 12-24-2011, 09:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It reads:  "The next time we walk past your house and you are screaming at your little boys, we are calling Social Services.  Those two innocent boys do not deserve to be treated the way you treat them.  If you are having trouble being a Mom, its okay to go get help!  But do not take your problems out on those two little boys.  We wish you well, and we hope you get some help for yourself.  But we are going to make sure those little boys are safe."

 

WHAT??? -- WHAT??? 

 

Part of me thinks my ex's wife is behind this, she has sent me some extremely nasty text messages lately. 


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#2 of 51 Old 12-24-2011, 10:27 AM
 
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Please be careful. I had a neighbor call police on me when we were living in an apartment for my yelling at the kids. They went to stay with their dad to give me a break and it took me two years to get them back.

I did yell at my kids tho back then I try not to now.  Social services never got involved with it but the courts did and it was hell.


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#3 of 51 Old 12-24-2011, 01:44 PM
 
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Are you yelling at your kids?  Loud enough for people walking by to hear?

 

If it's completely untrue, I don't think you should worry about it. Could be some kook.  I think if you're yelling a lot, you should consider getting help.   I don't think yelling at kids is appropriate either. 

 

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#4 of 51 Old 12-24-2011, 02:02 PM
 
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Yes, be careful.

If there's even a grain of truth in this... get some help and stress relief. Its okay to get a sitter, arrange a playdate or leave them with a trusted relative while you re-charge.
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#5 of 51 Old 12-24-2011, 02:51 PM
 
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Also wanted to say hugs mama!!!!!!  Thinking of you.


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#6 of 51 Old 12-24-2011, 09:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's illegal to yell at your kids?  No I'm not yelling a lot, but it happens.  In our neighborhood, houses are six feet from the sidewalk.  I can hear my neighbors television or phone ringing. 


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#7 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 12:27 AM
 
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No its not illegal  but pm me and i will tell you my story- i am not very open about it but will share it with you.

It s a sad story that started with me yelling....a neighbor hearing.....

 did not realize how bad I sounded.... until the police were at my door and took a report.

Fwiw the neighbor did not like me and should have approached me first as your neighbor seems to have but alas it was over 4 years ago.... and we don't live in an apt now and I do my best to not yell...

 

 


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#8 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 06:48 AM
 
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Yelling at your kids isn't illegal. I can understand being uncomfortable if I heard it happening, especially if it happened a lot. But in and of itself? It's not abusive to the point of needing the intervention of CPS.  That's just cuckoo, seriously. Sorry you got such a nasty note. :(


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#9 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 06:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie2 View Post

Please be careful. I had a neighbor call police on me when we were living in an apartment for my yelling at the kids. They went to stay with their dad to give me a break and it took me two years to get them back.

I did yell at my kids tho back then I try not to now.  Social services never got involved with it but the courts did and it was hell.

 

Sounds like this was more of a custody shenanigans thing than an actual "omg you're yelling at your kids too much, you're an unfit parent, we're taking your kids away" kinda thing. Right? Either way, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I couldn't even imagine.

 


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#10 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 08:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I will definitely be more conscious to keep my voice lower, but part of me still thinks the step-mom or some other busybody is behind this.  Just think, someone sent this to me on Christmas Eve on purpose! 

 

My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, so he hates transitions and throws epic tantrums quite often.  My older son (7) gets provoked by his drama and they end up screaming at each other.  Then I have to be the referee and split them up and send them to different rooms.  It probably sounds way worse than it is.  I know exactly what is going on with both of them and work hard to be calm and strong and set a good example.  And we talk about it A LOT.  I compliment and reward good behavior, let them make their own choices whenever possible, don't believe in spanking or intimidation.  My house is clean, there's food in the kitchen, overall my kids are happy and friendly and outspoken, we have friends over all the time, the dog is well-trained.  Whatever.  Social Services is more than welcome to come over and check the place out.  I'd love to tell them all about the primary research I'm doing to help college students with mild ASDs develop stronger writing skills and learn to speak their own minds.  And how that philosophy carries over into my parenting.  :) 


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#11 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 09:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post

Yeah, I will definitely be more conscious to keep my voice lower, but part of me still thinks the step-mom or some other busybody is behind this.  Just think, someone sent this to me on Christmas Eve on purpose! 

 

My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, 



even if it is the step-mom, she can still call CPS and file a report and you can still be investigated. Some CPS investigators are wonderful, and some aren't. It's a crap shoot best avoided.

 

Has your son had an eval, has access to appropriate services, etc? If not, I would get the ball rolling. If your son's behaviors could be suspected as the result of poor parenting and you don't have documentation of special needs, it could cause you problems. If you son has special needs that could result in some people thinking he is best off receiving services that you aren't getting him, that could cause you problems, too.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#12 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 09:44 AM
 
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Yes... it was a custody battle that stemmed from my yelling at my kids one night and the police being called by a neighbor.


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#13 of 51 Old 12-25-2011, 10:22 AM
 
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GEESH!  Sometimes parents yell.  Sometimes parents yell at each other!  I could see if it was yelling constantly and they heard that but to call CPS/CAS over yelling seems a bit extreme.  I try not to yell very often but it does happen.  My husband and I don't yell at each other but it does happen with people.  Oh man, parents can't even raise their voice anymore without getting threatened!  I homeschool, don't vax, co-sleep...you get the idea.  I already have enough strikes against me.  Now I have to worry that I raise my voice? 

As a sidenote, I was Christmas shopping and felt very sad by the way other parent were treating their children.  I just felt drained when I was done.  I understand parents getting annoyed or upset but it was the berrating and ignoring that just left me with a bad feeling.

I think there is a difference between a parent who yells on occasion because it is one of those days and a parent who yells constantly, berrating their children.  At least I hope CPS would see it that way.

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#14 of 51 Old 12-26-2011, 01:16 PM
 
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I think what i would be bothered more by, than the note, is that its anonymous. you're left feeling like the neighborhood is watching, and you have no idea really who is "the one" trying to make you miserable. Awhile ago, "someone" called the police on me stating there was a child left alone in my house. I had just pulled up when the cop car got there. My two boys were in the back of my van, but my daughter had beat me home (from school)  and had been sitting on the porch for literally like five minutes before i got there(the person would have had to call as soon as she got off the bus, or even before.) this wasnt the first time it had happened, but we live in a VERY safe neighborhood with involved neighbors that she knew well, it was nice weather, and it was not unsafe for her to hang out for a little while at home until i could get there. She told me later the girl across the street said "my mom said the next time your mom isnt home when you get home from school she's calling the police!" ..i dont know if thats true or not (my dd has issues with truth telling) but i find it VERY bothersome that a neighbor would do that instead of just asking me if i needed her to keep an eye on my dd until i could get home. We're not talking hours, or even an hour, but like fifteen minutes or less a handful of times. The cop came, saw my dd was older (8, almost 9 at the time) asked if there were smaller children home alone, i said no. I showed him my boys in the car, he complimented me on extended rfing. I asked if there was a law about children home alone, he said no its a gray area, but no set age. I told her i NEVER left her to go do something, the only time she was EVER alone was if i ran into a train or traffic or whatever and was hurrying home but didnt get there before she arrived. He suggested i get her a key (which i did, school had just started and she'd only been living with me for two months at that point.) But all of this took place in my front yard in a 'hood where everyone sits on the porches and watch their kids play, so im sure it was all the talk of the neighborhood.

 

But i felt really betrayed, why in the world would someone's first response be to call the police?! It made me really paranoid like my neighbor's were watching me all the time. Having that cop show up really scared my dd who had been a foster child and thought she might have to leave our family. That was way more damaging than sitting on the porch for a few mins. I started wondering, sheesh if i yell at one of my kids, is somebody calling? if my boys are out playing in the front yard, and i run in to use the bathroom, is someone going to call?? if my dd tries to curry favor with a neighbor by saying she's sooo hungry and hasnt eaten all day (as i said, she's got issues) is someone going to call?? I already have another neighbor who called the city because my cat got out (and he's not even an outdoor cat just an old guy that can push the door open if my boys dont shut it all the way.)

 

Sorta makes me want to live out in the country where the neighbors are far away.

 

 

 


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#15 of 51 Old 12-26-2011, 01:33 PM
 
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Ugh queen jane thats awful


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#16 of 51 Old 12-26-2011, 04:28 PM
 
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I hope it wasn't anything besides someone trying to get under your skin. Sounds like an empty threat to me. Go on about your life and have fun with your kids. If CPS does come knocking, act concerned that they were called, "Because I love my kids and they are amazing. Why would anyone think that something is wrong in my house? Would you like to come in and have something to drink?" I don't think that CPS would investigate you on one anonymous tip that you were yelling at your kids. There would have to be more than one call or something worse than just a one time, "she was yelling at her kids." And yelling? You weren't physically beating your kids on the front porch. I think someone is trying to get to you my dear. Hugs to you Mama.


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#17 of 51 Old 12-26-2011, 11:59 PM
 
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If CPS does come knocking, act concerned that they were called, "Because I love my kids and they are amazing. Why would anyone think that something is wrong in my house? Would you like to come in and have something to drink?"


Unfortunately, I agree with a PP: some CPS employees are amazing, fair, non-judgmental people who sincerely only want the best for the kids they're investigating. And some are bitter, jaded, and judgmental folks who see the worst in everything. And that's an insider's perspective.

I would not invite any official agent into my house without documentation telling me it was no longer optional. They may have trouble getting just cause for a search, but if you invite them in you may give them what they need for it. Don't go borrowing trouble!

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#18 of 51 Old 12-27-2011, 12:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by queenjane View Post

I think what i would be bothered more by, than the note, is that its anonymous. you're left feeling like the neighborhood is watching, and you have no idea really who is "the one" trying to make you miserable.

Yeah exactly!  My neighborhood is pretty tight-knit, and I would hope that since my neighbors are my friends that they would act like friends.  A friend would offer help, not tell you to go get help.  "Hey you seem stressed out, want to come in for a cup of coffee?"  That's what I would do for a friend.  I wish I knew who sent the letter to take them up on their 'offer' of help.  "That'd be great! Why don't you come over from 4:30 to 5:30 every evening and entertain my kids so I can make supper?"  HA!  Whoever sent the letter knew my kids names!  And I'm the only single parent in the neighborhood. 


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#19 of 51 Old 12-27-2011, 04:11 AM
 
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No one needs a reason to report you.Consider it a benefit you got the letter so you can make sure everything is always in order. Clean house,food in the fridge,,beds for all....all the things they will check.

 

Any person can make a call on you.Then social services or the police will show up to scope things out. Be nice. Even if all is in order if you piss them off they can find a way to make your life hell.

 

If you want to find out who left the note make a copy of it and go door to door. Gauge reactions when you ask,"Did you leave this note? I would really like to discuss this with the person who left it for me. I want them to know how it made me feel,and to explain what is going on in MY life." You may or may not talk to the writer,but pehaps the person who wrote it told another.People talk. Once you know you SHOULD talk about how you felt.feel,and your sitaution.Let them know that offering help in any way is far better than threats.

 

In the meantime be grateful for the kids and what you do have.Life can be crazy,but having each other is a blessing we should not forget for long(if at all).

 

Wishing you well!

 

ps. I would go nuts wondering who was watching me an/or who reported me....if a neighbor did that to me over any issue. For some notes are easier,but they are way more *hostile* than direct confrontation.

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#20 of 51 Old 12-27-2011, 04:28 AM
 
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Maybe you could ask your neighbors.  Was it sent to you or dropped off?  Maybe if it was dropped off someone saw them do it.  Then you'd know who did it.  Or maybe they will fess up and say they sent it. 

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#21 of 51 Old 12-27-2011, 10:53 AM
 
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geesh.Im glad I dont live in your neighborhood! Im a single mum of 5 boys and MOST of the time I try to keep it calm and even. But when your two oldest are wrestlingand one takes it too far and breaks a cabinet door wth his brothers body, whilst the 3 year old is screaming because he is overtire and you gave him the (gasp) RED cup instead of the beloved BLUE cup and the dog just chased the cat up onto the counter to knock a plant down...well,sometimes you gotta yell. I dont hit them, I dont threaten t hit them, there is just alot of VOLUME in our home. And alot of love too so its all good. But I can imagine if a stranger is strolling past a atime like that, its going to sound like chaos.

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#22 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 03:54 PM
 
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I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

Yelling happens. Kids falling down the stairs happens, too, and no one will judge you if your kid falls down the stairs. If your kid falls down the stairs more than once or twice? Yeah, there's a problem. Same thing for yelling- losing it on a really awful day? Understandable- we've all been there. Thinking your kid *needs* to be yelled at, yelling enough that the neighbors notice, yelling daily, yelling as your default? Time to re-examine your parenting tools.

 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post

I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

Yelling happens. Kids falling down the stairs happens, too, and no one will judge you if your kid falls down the stairs. If your kid falls down the stairs more than once or twice? Yeah, there's a problem. Same thing for yelling- losing it on a really awful day? Understandable- we've all been there. Thinking your kid *needs* to be yelled at, yelling enough that the neighbors notice, yelling daily, yelling as your default? Time to re-examine your parenting tools.

 

 

Could you point out where anyone said that yelling as a default, or even yelling daily, are "valid parenting choices" or that they should be respected and supported? Parents yell sometimes, as you said yourself. The fact that some busybody shoved a note in OP's mailbox implying that she's always yelling at her kids does not mean that she is.

 

And, I don't think yelling should be reported to CPS, even if it is the default (unless it involves a lot of threats or something like that). I'm not the biggest fan of CPS, but I do think they have their place - and their place is kids who are being seriously abused and neglected, not parents who happen to yell a lot. That doesn't mean I "respect and support" yelling. It means I don't think it's CPS-worthy.


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#24 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 04:31 PM
 
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I totally agree that yelling isn't CPS-worthy (I don't think spanking is CPS-worthy, either, though.) I do think that yelling at your kids can be as bad, if not worse to some kiddos, as spanking, though. Many of us have had less-than-stellar moments where we've yelled or spanked, but I think it's the matter of fact tone that's making me twitchy, like, yelling is just a thing, you know? It's not like I'm *hitting* my kids. I'm *just* yelling, and sometimes you gotta yell.

 

I dunno- if you replace the word "yell" in this thread with "spank," it's quite troublesome, so to people like me, who see them as being equally harmful, the general tone of this is not so hot.

 

I apologize if I've misinterpreted this, though; I'm not super-great with reading tone.

 

 


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#25 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 04:45 PM
 
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I think they can be equally harmful, but I don't think they are equally harmful.

 

I think the tone in this thread has been a lot more "hey - we're human, and sometimes we yell, even though it's not a great thing to do" than "yelling's no big deal". I don't think I know a single parent who has never yelled, ever, yk? I think the "matter of fact" tone is more "wow - CPS for that?" than "no worries - yelling at kids is awesome parenting".
 

Personally, I'm more worried by the potential damage and anxiety from an unfounded CPS call than I am about the yelling. I've seen kids be really traumatized by their experiences with CPS, and it drives me batty the way people pull out "I'm going to call CPS on you" as some kind of hammer to beat parents with.

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#26 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 08:39 PM
 
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That sounds like a tough letter to receive.  Once you move past the hurt this letter caused, I suggest that you try to view the letter as someone trying to help you instead of hurt you though.  Either you are perceived as yelling a lot by neighbors passing by or by children talking to their step-mom about their perspective and that is something you may want to explore more and try to problem solve. 

 

I understand yelling and frustration, there have been times when I have been sucked into a cycle of frustration and yelling, especially when I am stressed out and my dd is acting up.  It really is hurtful to not only my dd but also to our relationship though no matter how justified I feel at the time (or even afterwards).  My dd also tends to act worse when I am in a negative cycle rather than better so it is really up to me to pull us both out and you may find that is the case here.  Once I do make a plan for getting myself support and some peace I am able to stay calm and she responds by behaving better so yelling really doesn't seem to do much for me beyond causing more problems than it solves.

 

It may be a simple matter of your children interpreting your emotions incorrectly and labeling the slightest irritations as yelling also, which is something you should explore if you think the letter came from their step-mom.  My dd used to, and occasionally still does, interpret me telling her to do something in a serious tone as me yelling despite my voice not going any louder than its usual tone.  We had to talk many times about what a serious voice is versus what yelling is, why I sometimes use a serious tone, how I feel when I use a serious tone, and how mom's can have a wide range of feelings that extend beyond anger just as children can. 

 

The biggest thing helped solidify the idea that I can be serious without being angry was for me to use my normal happy request voice first then to warn her (still mostly cheerfully) that I would have to use my serious tone to make my request if she didn't listen to my happy voice.  I rarely ever have to move past that and she almost always sees that I am not angry, just serious.  If you think that interpretation is causing the problem rather than actual yelling that may be something that helps.

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#27 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 08:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by One_Girl View Post

That sounds like a tough letter to receive.  Once you move past the hurt this letter caused, I suggest that you try to view the letter as someone trying to help you instead of hurt you though.  Either you are perceived as yelling a lot by neighbors passing by or by children talking to their step-mom about their perspective and that is something you may want to explore more and try to problem solve. 

 

I understand yelling and frustration, there have been times when I have been sucked into a cycle of frustration and yelling, especially when I am stressed out and my dd is acting up.  It really is hurtful to not only my dd but also to our relationship though no matter how justified I feel at the time (or even afterwards).  My dd also tends to act worse when I am in a negative cycle rather than better so it is really up to me to pull us both out and you may find that is the case here.  Once I do make a plan for getting myself support and some peace I am able to stay calm and she responds by behaving better so yelling really doesn't seem to do much for me beyond causing more problems than it solves.

 

It may be a simple matter of your children interpreting your emotions incorrectly and labeling the slightest irritations as yelling also, which is something you should explore if you think the letter came from their step-mom.  My dd used to, and occasionally still does, interpret me telling her to do something in a serious tone as me yelling despite my voice not going any louder than its usual tone.  We had to talk many times about what a serious voice is versus what yelling is, why I sometimes use a serious tone, how I feel when I use a serious tone, and how mom's can have a wide range of feelings that extend beyond anger just as children can. 

 

The biggest thing helped solidify the idea that I can be serious without being angry was for me to use my normal happy request voice first then to warn her (still mostly cheerfully) that I would have to use my serious tone to make my request if she didn't listen to my happy voice.  I rarely ever have to move past that and she almost always sees that I am not angry, just serious.  If you think that interpretation is causing the problem rather than actual yelling that may be something that helps.


You make some good points, except that I don't see anything in any of OP's posts to suggest that there's an issue with her children thinking she yells too much. (I'm not saying they don't think that - just don't see anything in the posts to suggest it.)

 

And, I can't imagine how anybody, in any circumstances, could think that dropping an anonymous "we'll sic CPS on you" letter in someone's mailbox on Christmas Eve would help the mom/family in question. Can you explain why you think this might be an attempt to help, because I can't see it at all. It's a threat, pure and simple. Threats aren't attempts to help...anonymous threats are even less likely to be such an attempt.

 


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#28 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 09:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post
My younger son (4) has sensory issues and probably Asperger's, so he hates transitions and throws epic tantrums quite often.  My older son (7) gets provoked by his drama and they end up screaming at each other.  Then I have to be the referee and split them up and send them to different rooms.  It probably sounds way worse than it is.


The OPer seems to feel she HAS to yell because one of her kids has special needs. But when asked if he's had an eval and is receiving services, she remained silent.

 

I think there are a couple of things here that could cause her problems. Her child *may* show behaviors that can be misconstrued as being caused by bad parenting, either to a neighbor or a CPS worker.  (I know my spectrum kiddo has from time to time). These behaviors *could* make CPS involvement more likely.

 


 

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Originally Posted by ErinYay View Post

I'm sorry, but yelling at your kids, even (*especially*) special needs kids, is not a valid parenting choice that should be respected and supported by the community. I'm boggled by the idea that "sheesh, what a world, we can't even yell at our kids anymore" here on MDC of all places.

 

Yelling happens. Kids falling down the stairs happens, too, and no one will judge you if your kid falls down the stairs. If your kid falls down the stairs more than once or twice? Yeah, there's a problem. Same thing for yelling- losing it on a really awful day? Understandable- we've all been there. Thinking your kid *needs* to be yelled at, yelling enough that the neighbors notice, yelling daily, yelling as your default? Time to re-examine your parenting tools.

 


 

I agree with this post. Part of what CPS does is look at cases where things like a child has been injured falling down stairs and figure out if there is an underlying parenting problem.

 

Living with a kid on the spectrum, I suspect that many spectrum kids do all things that *combined with something like a parent seeming out of control* could cause a CPS investigation. I would want to have my ducks in a row. I would want documentation about what professionals believe to be going on with my child and clear plan of what sort of therapies my child was getting. 

 

I would not want to answer with "I have to yell because my child has special needs, but no, I've never bothered to talk to an expert about my child."  That, to me, would seem to risk opening the door to a lot of intervention on the part of the state.

 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#29 of 51 Old 12-28-2011, 09:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post


The OPer seems to feel she HAS to yell because one of her kids has special needs. But when asked if he's had an eval and is receiving services, she remained silent.

 

I think there are a couple of things here that could cause her problems. Her child *may* show behaviors that can be misconstrued as being caused by bad parenting, either to a neighbor or a CPS worker.  (I know my spectrum kiddo has from time to time). These behaviors *could* make CPS involvement more likely.

 

I didn't see where she was saying that she was yelling in that situation...and it's possible that she does have to yell (ie. raise her voice) in order to even be heard, if the two boys are already screaming at each other and melting down.
 

 

I agree with this post. Part of what CPS does is look at cases where things like a child has been injured falling down stairs and figure out if there is an underlying parenting problem.

 

Living with a kid on the spectrum, I suspect that many spectrum kids do all things that *combined with something like a parent seeming out of control* could cause a CPS investigation. I would want to have my ducks in a row. I would want documentation about what professionals believe to be going on with my child and clear plan of what sort of therapies my child was getting. 

 

I would not want to answer with "I have to yell because my child has special needs, but no, I've never bothered to talk to an expert about my child."  That, to me, would seem to risk opening the door to a lot of intervention on the part of the state.

 

I can see that. Of course, going for an evaluation can also open doors people don't want open. My initial attempt to get an evaluation on ds2 left me discouraged and depressed in a way I hadn't been in months. That was July, and I still haven't gone further with it, because I simply don't have the strength to deal with the crap. (My initial evaluation basically said, "ADD, ODD and your parenting sucks" (I'm trying to be "too reasonable" and "talk too much", by saying "we don't bite - it's not acceptable" and setting ds2 back down in his chair). I know I need to go back at some point, but I hoped starting the wheels on an evaluation would help me find tools to cope better with ds2...and it just made me want to give up. Maybe OP has been in a similar situation (or not - hard to say).



In any case, if OP hasn't had an evaluation, then maybe that's a step she should take, just in case CPS does become involved. That still doesn't mean the self-righteous busybody who gave her the letter in the first place are trying to help.


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#30 of 51 Old 12-29-2011, 09:59 AM
 
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Haha....that nosy, cowardly neighbor of yours should be glad she doesn't live next to me! For that matter, I guess it's pretty nice of me to live in the middle of the woods where no one is around us!!

 

We yell CONSTANTLY in this house. Anyone walking by here, would probably think there was some crazy circus family living here. Between the four dogs and the crazy kids who run wild in and out of the house and my DH who is always off daydreaming somewhere...I'm yelling all. day. long.

 

But it's because I'm ***ALWAYS*** in the kitchen, busy, and the kids are ALWAYS either outside or on the other side of the house. So I'm constantly sticking my head out the window and yelling things out to the edge of the woods, where I can see them playing "Oh I KNOW you aren't trying to swing that rake around!!" or "You better not let that dog run off with the cheese, there's no more!!" or yelling out across the house "I hear you playing with the vacuum...you better knock it off kids!"  - and they always yell back "Okay mama!" Or "mama mama mama CAN WE HAVE MORE CHEESE!!!" - we're loud people. They play LOUD games with each other, wild make believe dragon fights, etc...and I let them. I let them yell and be loud...because it's fun for them. We have quiet times..the evening time is really peaceful in my house...by during the day, from sun up until 5 or so in the evening, it is LOUD here.

 

...and if some nosy punk were to pass by, they might imagine that I was "Angry Yelling" at my kids...when in fact, I rarely do that. I do lose my temper sometimes, everyone does...and I don't feel bad about it. My kids have never even ONE time been scared of me. This is a loving and harmonious household. I'm not yelling at them, I'm talking to them....at a yelling volume....and they're doing the same back. They don't do it to other people, they are well behaved and speak with indoor voices when we go to other places....but the nature of our lifestyle at home is such, that yelling is an acceptable form of communication.

 

I find it deeply disturbing that anyone here would support CPS being called on a mother who yells at her kids. I do not believe that ACTUAL "Angry Yelling" is a GOOD parenting choice...but it is not worthy of a call to CPS, IMO.

 

(And this coming from someone who was yelled at viciously by an angry, scary mama as a kid...who was hit a lot and had things thrown at her and was actually emotionally abused in her childhood by a way overwhelmed mother.....so yeah, I DO get how bad it can be. But someone passing by on the street has NO idea what is really going on in the house and if "yelling" is the only "evidence" of bad parenting you have, you need to keep your nosy little self out of other peoples business and not invite the hell of CPS into their lives)

 

OP, the letter you got might make me move. I don't know that I could tolerate living in a neighborhood where I was being monitored by my neighbors in that fashion. I would NEVER ever be mad at a neighbor for coming to me personally and saying something to me about my yelling...but an anonymous note!? That would have me so mad and on edge....AHHHH!


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