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#1 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't get them to do anything!  NOTHING!  They make 95% of the mess.  Ok the little one will clean up sometimes but the oldest... NEVER!  I need ideas!

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#2 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 07:11 PM
 
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There's a book called "Kids Are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso. I found it to be very helpful. It's hard to MAKE someone do something, but it is not that hard to refuse to do something for them.

 

Example: "Mom, can we go to the park?" "Yup. Right after you clean your room."

 

This technique really, really helped. Because I don't like standing over him, forcing him to do this or that, nagging & all that. Once he learned that there were "extras" I was not going to do as long as his attitude was "let someone else in the family do all the work," he really started to shape up.

 

Also, with my son, his floor was getting to be knee-deep in Legos, and I could not get him to do a darn thing about it. So one day I put 80 percent of them away in the attic. I left him a decent selection to play with which took two plastic "shoe boxes" to hold, and told him that he would get the rest back when he showed me he could handle it. Well that day never happened, and he has learned to live with fewer Legos. I've even asked him if he was ready to have them back, and he said no. I actually look forward to the day I give him back the Legos, but he's going to have to show a little more initiative.

 

One more thing. My son is pretty scattered, attention-span-wise. He's all over the map and it's hard for him to stay on task sometimes. So if the job involves many steps, I type them up. Sounds odd, I suppose, but it helps. Now, whenever he has to wash the kitchen floor or clean the bathroom, I just hand him the step-by-step instructions and tell him to go to it.

 

Of course HOW you present the chores is important too. I found that my son really rebelled when we gave him lists of chores...you know, stuff that was clearly busy-work designed to teach him. That's sort of insulting. But I find that when we are honest and really need his help for something, he does it. Also, we have a thing where he knows that if he blows off his bedtime, he has to do a job the next day. A significant job. Like clean out the fridge, put away a basket of laundry, or whatever. (he is 8) Oddly enough, after he does the jobs, he feels very proud of himself! So even though in this case the chores are a consequence, they end up teaching him and he gets work done (I always assign something that REALLY needs to be done, something valuable, not busy-work designed to punish.)

 

I used to get thrown off by people like Dayna Martin who never ask their kids to do chores, and magically they willingly help out on their own, but it wasn't happening in our house. I find that locating that spot in between being a stern task-master and a resentful doormat is key.  :-)

 

 

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#3 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 07:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How exactly did you present his chores?  Did you tell him he'd have to do them and then tell him what you wanted him to do?  Did make a list or spreadsheet of his responsibilities?  

 

At this point all I want them to do is clean up their play room.  They actually do not have a lot of toys, a wooden house and some horses, drum set, guitar and keyboard.  Also art supplies.  I have problems with them taking food in there and leaving it on the floor or leaving wrappers everywhere.  They have a trash can in there that I empty often.  However if I go in there to get the trash it will be empty and the trash will be under a chair.  Shoes dirty socks everywhere.  And currently theres a vat of beads on the floor.  Since I just cleaned the playroom two days ago and I went in there to take out the trash... it's a horrendous mess all over again.  I'm kind of considering locking the door with all their stuff in it.  I"m seriously that mad.

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#4 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 08:36 PM
 
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so there are two kinds of chores in our house.

 

one that is a command and dd knows she does not have the choice. it has to be done.

 

two - its a request which means she does not have to do it. if she chooses to she can either do it or refuse.

 

mostly they are all requests. or commands which include giving her some control like she has to do something by such and such time and does she agree. she is allowed to ask me for help which if i am able to i will. if it is a command its because its for a reason (like guests coming over) and usually i am not free to help.

 

clean your room is not a command. its like saying 'write a paper on the computer". well u need more info than that, esp. when they are at the age where the dirty socks will be right under their nose and they cant see it. for that reason you have to be specific. instead of saying clean your room, i say pick up your socks, put the beads away (you migth already be doign this).

 

but here is my secret. dd has been doing chores since she could crawl (she WANTED to do it to show her independence - i dont give her chores, she asks for them because its not chores but helping out in our family). and the secret is me cleaning her room and she cleaning my stuff and joint stuff. i put her clothes away, she puts mine away.  

 

even today at 9 she does a LOT at home. however ask her to clean her room and its 'moAHM NOT now. i am too busy'. eyesroll.gif yet she happily does the laundry, dishes, cooking, sweep and mop but her space. HAH!!!!


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#5 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 08:51 PM
 
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We are working on this at our house too. winky.gif

 

I made a detailed list of what they are to do each day, and I check it at the same time every day (right after I get home from work). It is the exact same list every day and includes exciting things like "neatly hang up towel" and "empty dishwasher."  It's nearly a page long, but most the things on it take 2 secs. It's making a massive difference in how our house feels,though. If you want, I could copy it paste it here (but most likely not until the weekend).

 

A check list for a playroom could include thing like checking that all trash is in can, dishes and shoes have been removed, etc. For bedrooms our list is something like "make bed, put clothes in hamper or away, put reading material away, tidy nightstand and dresser, close closet door"

 

but the key here is breaking it into tiny steps and then checking the list every single day.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#6 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 09:22 PM
 
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We started doing a ChorePack with my DS, who is four, this year. The Duggars use this kind of idea and I got it from Masters of Their Chores by the Maxwells. Basically it's a laminated pack that you put chore cards in that hangs around their neck (or ckips to their shirt). He puts it on in the morning after breakfast. Once a chore is completeed, I inspect it to make sure that it was done properly. Then he puts it behind the other chore cards in the pack and does the next chore. He has both a picture of the chpore & the words on it (he is a reader but likes the pictures too- makes it more fun). He has morning and evening chores and in-between chores. I can add to this new cards as he grows in ability.

 

Right now, for age 4, his chores include:

 

Everyday

-Wipe table after breakfast

-Unload dishwasher

-Hang up/fold all of his own clean clothes out of the laundry

-Get dressed

-Put pajamas away

-Brush teeth

-Read his Bible

-Straighten up room/living room

 

Ones he does on occasion that I am sooner going to be making a daily thing

-Help make lunch/dinner

-Sweep the kitchen

 

By the time he's five, I hope to add a few more like wiping down the bathroom sink/counter/tub edge.

 

Anyway. I had to take him step by step through the process. It helps to make a detailed description of each chore, esp for readers/older kids so that they know they are doing a thorough job. I do not pay my son for doing these things. He is just expected to help out. Once he gets to the age that he can do ut of the ordinary type work then I might pay him for it.

 


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#7 of 37 Old 01-11-2012, 09:26 PM
 
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Also, if they can't learn to care for their own things, I will take away their things. If your kids make a huge mess in the playroom and leave it for you to clean up, teach them to respect their things or they will no longer have them. *hugs* How old are your kids?

 

I also have a "no-food in the house except the kitchen" rule. Saves a ton of headache and mess.

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#8 of 37 Old 01-12-2012, 12:49 AM
 
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Here's the system I developed a few years ago: (i'm shamelessly cutting and pasting from another post)

 

We started "chore time" when dd was about 3 and ds was about 6. Chore time consisted of 15 minutes after dinner. I wrote down very specific things on popsicle sticks for them to do. they would pull a stick, do the chore and go back for the next one until the 15 minutes were up. I'd mix them up depending on what needed to be done. "Pick up 15 things on the living room floor." (The fact that this was in there several times gives you some general idea of the state of the living room floor!) "Vacuum stairs." "Scrub sink in bathroom". When they were really little, I had to work with them, showing them how to do it. You have to realize that it's sometimes more work to teach them than it is to do it yourself. The bonus will come later.

 

They key to making this work is that we did it every single night and the whole family worked at the same time. Nothing else happened until the timer beeped and those 15 minutes were up. And yes, some nights they didn't do much. Some nights I lost my temper because it took them 15 minutes to pick up the six pairs of shoes in the living room .

 

We've recently moved to a 'new' system. Our kids are 7 and 10 and can handle more responsibilities. I've made a list of chores that need to be done to keep the house minimally clean. It doesn't include the decluttering and other things (like cleaning out the fridge) that need to be done. Those are still parent jobs. I've divided them into roughly 6 days' worth of work (Tuesday is garbage night). It doesn't matter which chore is done on which day, but over the course of a week, all should be done. And instead of working for 15 minutes, they work until their chore is done. This does reward ds a bit because he's more focused. I still have to keep an eye on him and make sure he's thorough enough (he's older so my standards are  higher for him.)  Last night, the kids scrubbed the bathroom floors. The night before the kids cleaned the bathroom sinks and the toilets while I changed their sheets. Today, they picked up things on their bedroom floors because tomorrow we will vacuum.

 

In addition to the family chore time, I've added unloading the dishwasher for ds. He does it when I tell him to. He never remembers and often tries to weasel out of it. I've only lost my temper once or twice, and told him that if he wants to eat, he can darn well help us with the dishes! (Ds likes to be served, so it's an uphill battle with him.)

 

So, things that work for us are:

Being very very very specific about what needs to be done

Working with our kids, often right next to them showing them what to do until they've learned how to do it

Being consistent about doing chores daily (when we get busy and skip a few days, I always get more complaints and backlash from the kids)

Adjusting expectations to their skill levels and ages

 

 


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#9 of 37 Old 01-12-2012, 06:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok ladies lots of help thank you so much.

 

The girls are 9 and 7.  They actually don't have many toys due to my toss all broken or too dirty to care about rule.  They got lots of Christmas money this year and were allowed to spend it on what they wanted.  They did get a lot of toys.  I have them nice containers to keep all the toys separate and put up.  I put it all way first and explained to them what needs to be done. Obviously they won't do it otherwise I wouldn't be begging you guys for help.  

 

I'm going to start a list of things that are most definitely their responsibility and things that would help if they do it.  And I really like the idea of small steps to get there.  

 

Does anyone have a specific time that in the day that works best for kids that do go to school?  

 

 

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#10 of 37 Old 01-12-2012, 07:10 PM
 
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What do you mean they won't do it?  Is that actually an option in your house?  My kids do not have the option to not clean their room when I tell them to.  There are consequences for every action, or inaction. If I tell them to clean their room they do it or they will lose their stuff.  It's that simple.  I don't want to see it lying all over the place so if they don't do it their stuff will be put into a garbage bag for a week.  After the week they get their stuff back and they will put it away or it will be gone again.  I'm the parent and they need to learn responsibility.  But I guess I'm the odd one out here.


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#11 of 37 Old 01-12-2012, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not the odd one out. 

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#12 of 37 Old 01-12-2012, 07:37 PM
 
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When my children have chores to do, it's not a request, nor is it phrased as one.  I tell them to do it now and it works better if I supervise them.  It also goes much quicker.  They are very prone to overlook things that are right in front of their faces.  Eg, I ask if everything is picked up and they say yes, but when I check there are still toys all over.  They're not ignoring them, they just don't see what I see or consider it clean when I consider it clean.  So I supervise.  It's a PITB, but it cuts the time spent on chores down to a fraction and also helps my frustration levels. 

 

All food stays in the kitchen.  This is one we're still working on, but you won't believe the difference a designated eating area makes.  It cuts down on the mess and the food stashed all over.  BIG time.  :)  Have them focus on different tasks, because in our house two kids responsible for the same thing just turns it into a competition.  We focus on having toys picked up before bed time or when the mess just becomes too much during the day, we do a quick clean up.

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#13 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 06:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Almost everything is an option in our house.  Well except hygiene... not an option at all!  Eating a decent meal is not an option either.  Cleaning up at the table not an option.  The rest used to be an option but no longer.  I've had enough of all this cleaning after capable children.  DH helped them clean their play room yesterday and vacuumed up anything left on the floor.  They knew it would happen and yet they still didn't even attempt to pick up their beads.  So they lost them.  Everything else they put away nicely.  I picked up hundreds of beads on my own as I really didn't want them all gone.  Since they can spend hours making things.  The new rule in the house stems from leaving a mess.  If you want to go out and play you need to make sure the play room is clean.  They have to check the house for their shoes and clothes they've just thrown about.  We did it all together last night and a quick pick up only took us 15 minutes.  They're afraid to play in their playroom now though.  DD1 said she's prone to messiness and she doesn't want to have to clean so she spent the evening reading instead. 
 

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What do you mean they won't do it?  Is that actually an option in your house?  My kids do not have the option to not clean their room when I tell them to.  There are consequences for every action, or inaction. If I tell them to clean their room they do it or they will lose their stuff.  It's that simple.  I don't want to see it lying all over the place so if they don't do it their stuff will be put into a garbage bag for a week.  After the week they get their stuff back and they will put it away or it will be gone again.  I'm the parent and they need to learn responsibility.  But I guess I'm the odd one out here.



 

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#14 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 07:31 AM
 
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I'll think a bit more about it (not like our place is *clean* and I'm an *expert* 2whistle.gif), but I've always done regular picking up times before meals (so, before I start making dinner I'll ask dd1 to make sure she picks up bigger stuff she's working on, check table and clear as much as she can do - if she balks, I get specific and say she needs to get her art things picked up, or gather all the dishes, etc).  If it's some night we're staying up later (like on the weekend), I try to get in a bigger house picking up first (so, extra stuff in her room or things like that).  We generally do it together.

 

Getting stuff done before meals or as part of bedtime has worked fine with school.  She never wants to pick up stuff right when she gets home, so thats the worst time.  Sometimes deferring to dd things that I normally do (ie. letting her do the vacuuming, clean the tub & toilet) while I fit/organize all the tiny toys on the shelves or clear off her dresser, etc. works out better than expecting her to do tasks like that.  Sometimes I've had 'misplaced stuff' baskets or bags around the house to be able to dump stuff in that just doesn't go there, and then have dd, dh sort through later and put their things away (so I can at least clean up and they still are responsible for their things).      

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#15 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 08:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You know I have tried this and it always seemed to work.  When the DD's wanted me in the play room I would say I needed a place to sit if I had to go in there.  And I didnt want to sit on a lego or doll shoe.  They would go in and shove things to the side.  Of course It wasn't clean.  When we clear the table for dinner I can get them to help with that but they try to stack their books on the floor.  I've shown them the proper places for everything daily.  I just have to keep showing them how to take care of these clean ups.  Eventually we'll get there. 

 

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I'll think a bit more about it (not like our place is *clean* and I'm an *expert* 2whistle.gif), but I've always done regular picking up times before meals (so, before I start making dinner I'll ask dd1 to make sure she picks up bigger stuff she's working on, check table and clear as much as she can do - if she balks, I get specific and say she needs to get her art things picked up, or gather all the dishes, etc).  If it's some night we're staying up later (like on the weekend), I try to get in a bigger house picking up first (so, extra stuff in her room or things like that).  We generally do it together.

 

Getting stuff done before meals or as part of bedtime has worked fine with school.  She never wants to pick up stuff right when she gets home, so thats the worst time.  Sometimes deferring to dd things that I normally do (ie. letting her do the vacuuming, clean the tub & toilet) while I fit/organize all the tiny toys on the shelves or clear off her dresser, etc. works out better than expecting her to do tasks like that.  Sometimes I've had 'misplaced stuff' baskets or bags around the house to be able to dump stuff in that just doesn't go there, and then have dd, dh sort through later and put their things away (so I can at least clean up and they still are responsible for their things).      



 

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#16 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 10:35 AM
 
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Would a weekly clean up work better for them?  I used to have my dd clean up nightly, but since I started working full time it has been hard to keep track of it and she is tired by the end of the day.  It was taking so much energy and causing such a strain on our relationship that I changed to requiring her to do one big clean up on Sunday, unless a friend is coming over then she has to help me get it organized.  At first she tried getting out of it by whining and grumping but I made it clear that she had to have it done before watching a movie at 6:00 on Sunday night.  The timing was under her control but the actual action of cleaning the room was a requirement.  Now she just does it and doesn't fuss. 

 

The stuff she brings into a room that isn't hers does still have to be put away right after using it, but that doesn't usually cause her trouble because she has had enough stuff eaten by the dog when she left it unsupervised.  Books are also always stacked neatly on the floor by her bed in a small pile or put back on her shelf (and that is just because I have always been anal about caring for books). When it does cause her trouble I offer to put it away in my closet until she feels ready to clean up after herself another day and she comes around quickly.

 

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#17 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 11:02 AM
 
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I have fallen off my system this pregnancy but I am getting back on board. I just made checklists (for some reason they accept the checklist much easier then me telling them) . They have a morning checklist for before school, an after school checklist and an evening checklist. Once we get used to this again then we will add some new chores in because they are old enough to help more. I think though taking them from pretty much no expectations to tons isn't going to help. Once their checklist is done they can choose what they want to do play wise. I will be making a weekend one too. Over the summer my 8 year old had to do a load of laundry every day, that isn't practical during the school year so I will have do 2 loads do laundry on the weekends. I think I might do a popsicle stick type thing  our an extra assigned chore on school days we don't have a lot going on.

 

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#18 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 01:33 PM
 
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So this is not specifically addressing the "chores" aspect, but just curious and it might be helpful (or not...)

 

I read "Simplicity Parenting" recently and the part about your daughters not caring if their beads got vacuumed made me wonder...have you thought about just simplifying their stuff?  If they had fewer things (but that they really loved and could get tons of "play" out of) it might make them (a) better able to manage it and (b) want to take better care of it.  Given that you already toss what is dirty or broken, and given that you are already doing 2012 in 2012 maybe this isn't an issue for you.


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#19 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 02:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah they really don't have a lot of stuff.  They do leave clothes, paper, pens and other things around.  As well as cups and plates.  I think I'm really going to have to get tougher on them with eating or snacking outside the dining room.  And I may say no more to beads when they want more for jewelery making.  I don't feel they valued the ones they had. 

 

 

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So this is not specifically addressing the "chores" aspect, but just curious and it might be helpful (or not...)

 

I read "Simplicity Parenting" recently and the part about your daughters not caring if their beads got vacuumed made me wonder...have you thought about just simplifying their stuff?  If they had fewer things (but that they really loved and could get tons of "play" out of) it might make them (a) better able to manage it and (b) want to take better care of it.  Given that you already toss what is dirty or broken, and given that you are already doing 2012 in 2012 maybe this isn't an issue for you.



 

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#20 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 03:09 PM
 
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This may sound harsh, but my rule is generally, if you can't take care of your things, then you aren't old enough to have them.  If things start to get messy, I will politely ask to have them picked up, and if DD doesn't pick them up (usually with some help from me since she is only 3) then I remind her that if she isn't ready to take care of her things I will put them away in the closet and we will try again tomorrow.  We usually have 15 minute clean up sessions though out the week, and all family members participate.

 

With older children I would probably put up a white board to write chores down on for the day for each family member.  Then designate times during the day for clean up (15 minutes after breakfast/after dinner).  I would then let them know that I will be doing inspections after bedtime, and anything not put away will go in the closet.  I would also make sure you do have a space for ongoing projects, like block or lego structures...  since these may be played with for many days and don't necessarily need to be cleaned up.  

 

Maybe for the jewelry, you could set up a table and get some of those large flat tupperware containers for storing them in, so it would be easier to see what they're looking for, but make clean up easy.  

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#21 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 03:21 PM
 
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Linda, please I'm also interested by your detailed list for your children

(= am sure that my children will take it better if work something out from other people's lists & then I can tell them that's what "other people" do too, it's not just me being mean - eldest DD replied back that she wasn't Cindrella, one day when she was 6 or so & I had asked her to "help" with picking up stuff ...)

 

presently, she's been with very limited computer time allowed after I lost it big way when one ant in her bed ( and the next day 50 half dead ants -half dead after DH sprayed something all over the previous night- that were clustered around a very very small sweet that must have been sucked and spat out on the floor) => I have been trying to implement the "only eat in the kitchen" rule for quite a few years now ... not very successfully

 

felt really bad taking away computer time, but there are also other issues that I would like to see an improvement about ...

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#22 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 04:15 PM
 
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OP, I have the impression from this and some of your other posts that your kids might be the sorts who have a hard time breaking down organizational tasks regardless of how you parent them.  You've already decided to make chores not a choice, which is good.  I second previous posters' suggestions for an actual visual chore list on the fridge and with not doing certain special things (TV, computer, outings) until chores are done.  But I'd add breaking down the activity.  My oldest would need something like this for your playroom situation:

 

  • Pick up wrappers and put in trash
  • Check for cups and take to sink
  • Put small beads into box
  • Put toys into box
  • Help sweep up.

 

You might not be able to say unspecific things like "tidy" or "clean" if one of your kids has trouble breaking things down.  You might have to say "Wet a cloth, wring it out, wipe the table, and put the cloth back over the kitchen sink faucet".  You probably don't have to be as specific as I do (my DS has special needs) but you still might have to go more basic breaking things down.


Busy keeping up with three children and an awful lot of chickens!

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#23 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks farmerbeth that is helpful

 

Linda... once I get these things squared away I think all we'd all like to see what you having going.  I have to work on the little things first but I'm pretty sure many are further along than I am.  If you would be so kind.

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#24 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 08:32 PM
 
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Some kids really do not know how to clean - or are overwhelmed by the experience.  

 

Here is how I get my just turned 9 yr old to clean an area.

 

1.  anything that is garbage goes in the garbage

2.  anything that belongs in another spot goes there

3.  Quick clean - put stuff in their boxes, nothing on floor or other surfaces

4.  More intense clean - lego with lego, crayons with crayons, etc.

 

 

She really needs explicit instructions.

 

All my kids are theoretically willing to clean - they understand they make the mess and it is unfair to expect me to do it all.  Where they fall down is in actually doing it - bad habits (mess making and procrastination) take over, and lets face it, cleaning is not that fun.  

 

I am also actively trying to promote some better habits - such as hanging up your coat and putting your dishes at the sink.  It takes lots of nagging  reminders.  Ah well, better a nag than a house elf.  Once they have this down, we are going to move onto other areas (did you know full trash cans should be dealt with?  You are one up on my kids!orngbiggrin.gif )

 

edit:  well, I could have saved myself some typing if I read the whole thread first, lol..Yeah that to Farmer Beth.

 

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#25 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 08:45 PM
 
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My kids daily chore list

(my kids are 13 and 15, and this would have been too much for them when they were younger, it's just to give you some ideas)

 

  1. Enjoy pets (both)
    1. Take doggies outside
    2. Play with and talk to all pets
    3. Give all pets treats
    4. Scoop cat box

 

 

  1. Tidy Bedroom (both)
    1. Make the bed
    2. Put stray clothes in hamper or away
    3. Put reading material away
    4. Straighten dresser and bedside table tops
    5. Clear floor of any remaining items.

 

 

  1. Set hall table for next day (both)
    1. Key
    2. phone
    3. money/permission slips

 


DD#1

  1. Bathroom
    1. Neatly hang up towel
    2. Remove jammies and other items
    3. Tidy rug and shower curtain
    4. Windex mirror
  2. Kitchen
    1. Empty dishwasher
    2. Put any dirty dishes into dishwasher
    3. Throw away trash
    4. Sweep floor
    5. Wipe off Kreig, refill water
    6. Empty recycle bin

DD#2

  1. Bathroom
    1. Neatly hang up towel
    2. Clear floor of trash and other items
    3. Empty trash can
    4. Wipe down counter
  2. Kitchen
    1. Empty dish drainer
    2. Rinse recycling
    3. Wash any dishes by hand that are hand wash only
    4. Wipe off counters
    5. Take out trash, replace liner

 

This looks like more than it is because the kitchen is totally cleaned before we go to bed at night, so this is just picking up from breakfast and snacks. Some of the jobs don't need to be done every day, but they need attention more than once a week so they get CHECKED everyday. My kids spend 2-3 hours per day at home without me - this list is mostly about picking up after themselves so that I come home to house that looks pretty much like it did when I left (plus a few other jobs) and pets that have been looked after.

 

Part of why this is working is because we have a set time to check the list , 5:10, when I walk in the door from work. I don't care if they don't close their closet door every time they get in it for example,  but I do want them to understand that it is part of tidying the room.

 

I wasn't good about any of this stuff when they were younger, and I feel like I'm running out of time to instill what really is a basic life skill.

 

 

Edited to say that I don't know why the numbers are displaying correcting. I copied this from Word, and in my editing screen they display correctly, but once I submit it, they seem to become ones.

DoubleDouble likes this.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#26 of 37 Old 01-13-2012, 08:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mtbmomma View Post

This may sound harsh, but my rule is generally, if you can't take care of your things, then you aren't old enough to have them.


I think this is an extremely limited view. My kids will leave bath towels on the floor of their room even though we have pets and the towels will get covered with hair. That's not taking care of them, but I can't just take all the towels away from them. Likewise, they'll kick off their shoes in the middle of room (where others can trip over them), but I can't just take all their shoes away. (though I have felt tempted!)

 

Although I think this has some valid applications, I think overusing it teaches kids to pick up by putting things where mom won't immediately see them -- under the bed, in the closet, whatever, because for many kids, the real lesson is that if it is out, it isn't being taken care of. I don't think it actually teaches kids how to pick up after themselves.

 

 

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#27 of 37 Old 01-14-2012, 12:35 AM
 
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yes, for the last paragraph ... have found clothes and toys, thrown away behind open doors ..

 

+ thanks to all who posted

(+ thanks Linda for your list, my kids are 12, 10 and 4)

 

it makes me realise that a little variabiltiy is "ok"// "normal" for different families & children

(... when reading about full trashcans am mentionned by Kathymuggle .... yes, I had to detail, much more than I ever thought was needed, 1 - go to the cupboard, 2 - look in that box on that shelf to find the bin liners, 3 - come back in the kitchen, 4 - remove the lid from trash can, 5 - take out full bin liner etc .....)

 

so, all is not yet perfect but at least I am now approaching the issue in a much better frame of mind

 

it's like cooking from a recipe ... i can have all the cookbook in the world,

I much prefer learn from someone, from someone IRL doing it in front of me or talking the stages in front of me

 

here, I can get a glimpse on what other moms are trying to do, what worked for them, what was a challenge .... thanks !

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#28 of 37 Old 01-14-2012, 04:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Awesome starting point ladies.  I started last night by having them take their laundry to the laundry room as soon as they took off their clothes.  We put away shoes and picked up anything that was in the wrong place.  Jackets on couch stuff like that. 

 

They were good about it.  I'm not only pushing a tidier environment but a safer one.  Our old beagle generally stays in corner of the front room during the day but when he gets lost in the house he has an easier time finding his way back to his spot when there is nothing in his way.  Shoes can send him off to another direction and we've watched him try and try to figure out his way around a chair.  When I explained to the DD's that helping out around the house not only makes it a safer environment for grandpa beagle, it makes it so much more enjoyable.  Getting up this morning and not stepping on shoes and toys while I got ready for work as well as not picking up as I went made it for a nice morning.  All I had to do was shower and get dressed.  Oh and cuddle grandpa beagle.  He likes to be acknowledged before I leave the house.

 

I did notice something I think I may not have been paying attention to since all the other stuff was so in my face.  I haven't filled a water bowl or food bowl in a very long time.  The girls always seem to take care of it.  I watched DD2 walk by the food bowl look into it and then grab a scoop from the bin and refill it. They don't fill the cats food bowl since we actually feed the fatty on schedule otherwise he has no self control.  So that's a good thing for me to remember.  They're good about helping in that aspect.  Also I DD1 does take down the trash cans and brings them back up.  But I've never asked her to do that.  She'll also take out the recycling.  It's their own stuff they don't like to do.   

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#29 of 37 Old 01-14-2012, 12:30 PM
 
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[quote name="NellieKatz" url=Example: "Mom, can we go to the park?" "Yup. Right after you clean your room."

This technique really, really helped. Because I don't like standing over him, forcing him to do this or that, nagging & all that. Once he learned that there were "extras" I was not going to do as long as his attitude was "let someone else in the family do all the work," he really started to shape up.

yeahthat.gif For real. Around here, chores are non-negotiable. You either help out, or you get no extras. Period.

Me afro.jpg reading.gif Wife and Mom to modifiedartist.gif cat.gifdog2.gif.
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#30 of 37 Old 01-14-2012, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey linda... rub mommies feet should be on the list... I like that one.  Hmmm... oh and brush mommies hair.  I'll add them on slowly.  Yeah I'm that bored today I made a list that lists the lists I need to make.  I even made a list of things to add to my lists...  sheesh... this room is so quiet and boring.

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