Howcan I help DD - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 01-16-2012, 08:05 AM - Thread Starter
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I nearly cried this morning when DD told me that she is sooo sad because the other kids in kindergarten told her that she is too loud and that the teachers tell her to be quieter and that the kids don`t wanna play with her anymore since she is too loud.


she is very, very loud, shouting instead of talking most of the times


her hearing seems to be alright, we have appointments for checking for something like auditive processing disorder. whatever that is.


she is very active and very spirited.


i am worried that she'll be shunned or become really unhappy.


how can i teach her to be quieter without making her feel like she is "too much" - something i always felt and that ended in a severe eating disorder and other psychological problems. i really don't want her to go there!



Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
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#2 of 8 Old 01-16-2012, 08:14 AM
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She could have a sensory issue, auditory issue, who knows. I'd personally start with the pediatrician. I hope others have some good suggestons, and good luck to you and your dd!

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#3 of 8 Old 01-18-2012, 07:55 AM
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DS has difficulties with volume control too. We have been working with him on this for a while. We use "The Incredible 5 Point Scale" for this. DS helped me set up his scale. Each level describes a volume level and gives examples of the appropriate setting. His voice scale is set up like this:

5 - Screaming: Emergencies Only
4 - Loud Voice: Playground, Recess
3 - Normal Voice: Home, Store
2 - Whisper: Library, Church
1 - No Talking: Quiet Time, Someone Else Is Talking

When DS gets too loud, we remind him, "Use your Number 3 voice." Or we say, "What voice are you using? What voice should you be using?" Gradually DS is learning to pay attention to his volume and regulate it. We're still working on it, but he is getting better.

We have lots of copies of the voice scale. There are big copies on the walls at home. DH and I carry wallet sized copies. The teachers have copies at school and aftercare (daycare) has a copy in his classroom there. This way we are all consistent in using the same system.

The 5 point scale system was originally developed for kids with ASD, ADHD, Anxiety, and other issues. But some parents of typical kids find it helpful too.

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#4 of 8 Old 01-18-2012, 10:05 AM
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after she told you, did she say she knows (understands) that she is loud? did she, not you suggest things might change-is she trying to change is already?


how long as this been going on at school?


is this the first you knew about this at school?


did you contact the teacher to talk this over? I take it the teacher has not brought this to your attention-correct?





how can i teach her to be quieter without making her feel like she is "too much"



since you know she tends to be loud, have you been reminding her about it prior to this talk?

have you taken any step to curtail this? using "inside" voices, letting her know you do hear her, etc

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#5 of 8 Old 01-18-2012, 04:51 PM
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Here is the Sensory Processing Disorder Checklist. I would look it over carefully and if your daughter scores rather high in any of those area I would strongly urge you to contact a OT asap. If you do go the OT route make sure to ask them about Therapeutic Listening, I'll include a article about that too.

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#6 of 8 Old 01-19-2012, 04:26 AM - Thread Starter
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hey everybody


i am sooo thankful for all the advise, i am just a bit overwhelmed with my life at the moment to write a lot, but thank you!


i am carefully reading all the suggestions!


i`ll come back later!

Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
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#7 of 8 Old 01-19-2012, 05:48 AM
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I simply used "inside voice" vs "outside voice". But I can see how the scale refines that idea in a good way.


I wonder if that would work with my coworker who only seems to have an outdoor voice... hmmm...

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#8 of 8 Old 01-19-2012, 03:12 PM
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Man, *I* want to cry just hearing you describe this situation! Ugh, how terrible a feeling it is, to know that our kids are being misunderstood by others.


I think you have had some excellent advice from PPs and it sounds like you're on the right track to finding out if there is something more to the situation...or if she's just a loud kid. In any case, maybe I'm being sensitive, but I feel like maybe the teacher could be more helpful in the "relations with other kids in the class" department? Yeah...that seems unfair to the teacher now that I type it out....but it was my first feeling, I'm not going to lie!


Poor kid! I hope you get this figured out with her soon. <3

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