do you 'miss' your children? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 12:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i am a single mom who shares custody but am never apart from my dd for more than a day. we do 2 alternate nights with daddy and the rest with me. sometimes he has her for 3 nights. depending on if he has anything planned with her during the weekend. 

 

dd is 9. she has been with me everywhere since i either could not afford or find a good babysitter. when i say everywhere i mean that - even meditation groups as well as my school.

 

its not that i cant part with her.

 

i do and enjoy my time alone to catch up or just get a breather.

 

however there are moments, moments esp. when i am doing something that i know dd will enjoy and i miss her being there. and it becomes really hard for me to enjoy myself. 

 

can you relate? or am i the crazy one here. 

 

but there are moments when out of the blue i really miss my dd. 


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#2 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 04:09 AM
 
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I can relate, somewhat.  Dd is in school, so I get plenty of time away from her.  I don't really "miss" her during the day, as it's nice to have "me" time.  I crave and need that time alone.  However, as a family we've always enjoyed having dd with us - it makes the experiences richer because we get to see the reaction of a child and watch her grow as a person.  Sometimes these are activities that are more typically attended by adults, leaving kids and babysitter at home, but as dd enjoys these things as much, if not more, than adults, why leave her behind?   We also used to drag my mom along when she'd come with us, so we did a lot of things together as an extended family, too.  ;-)

 

So, if your dd enjoys listening to lectures at school or gets something out of your meditation session, too, then why not bring her along?  I think it's great.  From the time dd could engage and not disrupt, we have enjoyed having her along as we do things outside of the home.  It's not so much because I'd "miss" her in the sense that I can't do anything without her, but rather because we usually enjoy our outings and activities more when we have her with us.  She will probably be with us even more now that my mother has passed and we no longer have a built-in babysitter.

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#3 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 05:13 AM
 
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Absolutely, 100%.  My kid is so pleasant to have around, so observant of the world, so kind to me and to other people, so full of playful energy, so appreciative of my stupid jokes and so good at making jokes of his own. He's quiet in parallel play. He's just great. I would rather be with him than pretty much anyone else. 

 

Even when he's annoying, it's in ways that just confirm why I love him. 

 

Probably not a coincidence that he's also a few weeks away from turning 9. Maybe it's a good age? 

 

 

 

 

 


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#4 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 05:26 AM
 
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sometimes but generally I just use to the time to reboot and get ready for them to return so maybe things can be calmer around here.


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#5 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 05:49 AM
 
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I have one who is just turning 10 and in school full time, and yes I find I often think of her and miss her when she's gone.

 

I imagine I would probably miss the younger one too, but she isn't in school yet so we're never apart.

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#6 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 06:11 AM
 
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I miss them.  Though it is nice to get things done I wouldn't be able to do with them here.  So it's a break for me and they love school this year so it makes it better.

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#7 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 06:20 AM
 
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The lifestyle DH and I constructed means we are ALL ALWAYS TOGETHER. We both work from home and DD homeschools. We have social occasions but even those are together - our friends have kids so everyone is involved if we go to someone's house or they come to ours.

 

I like this but I also admit I love having the occasional quiet time without DD, especially since I'm introverted and like alone time to recharge (and DD is extroverted so those times do NOT happen naturally!).

 

But I have noticed that after 2 hours of true quiet time (it doesn't count if I'm working during that time - I mean 2 hours of real down time for me, reading or relaxing or getting things done that are harder to do when DD is around)... yeah, I miss her. 2 hours.


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#8 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 06:29 AM
 
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Yes, I do. And I remember when husband went back to work after a year of staying home while I worked. He said the hardest part of going back to work was missing the kids.

 

My mom will sometimes take the twins, little sister, or all three for an overnight or two. While I enjoy that time, I miss them. Husband wants to plan a week away, just the two of us. I know I'll like it, but I'm also reluctant, as I know how much I'll miss the kids.


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#9 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 07:18 AM
 
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Funny, but DD went away for two weeks last summer (one week with my parents and then a week with my neice).  DH and I thought we were going to have a blast with all that "free time."  Turns out, we sat around looking at each other and asking on a consistent basis:  "I wonder what DD is doing right now?"  She was all we talked about! 


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#10 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 07:31 AM
 
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Ha that's what we do.  As soon as they're grown we're going to follow them around in a Winnebago, they'll never get away!

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#11 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 09:52 AM
 
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I miss them when I'm away from them for an unusually long period of time (like overnight), or when I see or do something they would really enjoy. When they have sleepovers at Grandma's it looks really weird to see their empty beds at night, and that usually makes me miss them, but that feeling is tempered by the knowledge that they're having a fabulous time and building their relationship with a loving family member. So it's a sweet feeling, rather than an anxious, I-need-them-with-me-now sort of feeling. 

 

But during normal daily occurrences like school I don't miss them -- I'm happy to have time to do my thing, and happy that they're having a good time with their peers doing their thing.

 

And I'm definitely able to enjoy myself even during an overnight trip -- my moping won't make them come home any faster, so I might as well have a good time while they're gone! 


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#12 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 09:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CatsCradle View Post

Funny, but DD went away for two weeks last summer (one week with my parents and then a week with my neice).  DH and I thought we were going to have a blast with all that "free time."  Turns out, we sat around looking at each other and asking on a consistent basis:  "I wonder what DD is doing right now?"  She was all we talked about! 


Yep! Last year dd went away for the first time overnight from us at a school outing.  Dh and I decided to go out to eat since we had the evening to ourselves.  Oh, we went out - to a new Turkish restaurant in our city that we had never been to, and which we thoroughly enjoyed.  We kept talking about how much dd would like this and that... and by the time the night was over I was quite sad because I missed her being there to enjoy the evening with us.  She had a blast on the trip, though and has had more overnights away from us!  We're all getting used to it gradually, which is a good thing.

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#13 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 10:59 AM
 
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We are extreme homebodies in our home...we do everything together, sleep together, eat together, play together...we;re always together. About once, maybe twice, per year, we get to have lunch or dinner alone while my MIL sits with the kids. We always hold hands all the way to the restaurant, arrive, happily sit down....gaze into each other eyes for about a minute....and then start frowning. "I miss Bebe". "Yeah, me too". "I wonder what our boy is doing." "*sigh* probably banging on something". chuckle chuckle. "We should get back soon" "Yeah, we should" - waitress "So, what can I get you folks tonight" - hahaha.

 

By the time we are getting in the car we're miserable. These kids drive me CRAZY. Some days I would swear they are *actually* trying to kill me. But I can't stand being apart from them. They are the coolest, funniest, sweetest people I have had the amazing fortune of knowing. It's driving me crazy with anticipation, to be expecting a third....another personality, another amazing set of eyes to see the world through.

 

So yeah. I miss them. I miss them right now and they're only outside, playing on the back porch in the snow. Funny thing is, before they went out there, they were driving me so nuts that I was about to run screaming into the woods, never to be heard from again!! hahahahahahah!


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#14 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 11:37 AM
 
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It depends on the day, how we parted, and my emotional state. I don't share custody and when DD is at school I am at work with toddlers so I look forward to my alone time for the most part. There have been a few times when I get my alone time but really wish my DD was there though but that isn't the norm fie me since alone time only comes once a month (and sometimes nit even that often).
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#15 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 02:09 PM
 
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I take it back!  I didn't miss the little one!  She's being really mean today.  I thought maybe something had happened today at school... and it did.  Nobody did what she told them to do so she's mad at all her friends.  Geez, I'm glad I'm not in her class.

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#16 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 04:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

Ha that's what we do.  As soon as they're grown we're going to follow them around in a Winnebago, they'll never get away!



That's pretty much what we told dd.  She's about 17 y.o. We told her when we retire we'll buy an RV and come park outside her house. mischievous.gif


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#17 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 04:36 PM
 
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I find myself missing my DSS quite a bit lately. I'm a full time student but all of my classes this semester are online. So while he went to daycare last semester because I was on the road an hour and a half of the day and DH was working, I could "justify" that he needed to be there. Now though I am doing the online 13 hour course load and next week starts my last trimester of this pregnancy. So while I know he is enjoying daycare (he tells me all the fun things they do every afternoon), I sort of feel like I am not giving him all the attention he deserves. But I know once I get further along and class work starts piling up, I will be thankful that he goes to daycare five days a week. For now though, I count the hours till I can go get him and hear about his day, then tell him about mine.


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#18 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 05:57 PM
 
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My kids are 5 and 2, and I've never been away from them for more than 7 hours, so.....nope, I've never missed them. I long for the day when I can be apart from them long enough to miss them.

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#19 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 06:13 PM
 
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I can relate. I almost always miss DD. I just love.gif being with her. Whenever I'm not with her, I'm almost always thinking, "Oh DD would love that", etc.

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#20 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 06:45 PM
 
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Actually I thought if I showed up with food and she was a starving student on a limited budget that would be my in.  I'll bring all sorts of necessities to her place and if she tries to kick us out we'll take it all with us.  She'll never get rid of us... EVER!  I'm pretty sure I only have to worry about the oldest leaving us.  The little one will stay forever!  And if she's anything like her dad and she is... we can expect that she'll stay home at least til she's 27... thumb.gif
 

Quote:
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That's pretty much what we told dd.  She's about 17 y.o. We told her when we retire we'll buy an RV and come park outside her house. mischievous.gif



 

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#21 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 07:29 PM
 
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I have been away from my son maybe 10 hours altogether since he was born 20 months ago. We are close in that we sleep together, bathe together and whatever else you can do together. When I am away I am always thinking of him but I do enjoy my time with my husband but as long as we are not away for longer than 2 or 3 hours. The other day I was running an errand and for some reason my DH was at home with him. About 30 minutes into me leaving I started to cry a little because I missed him so much. I am so excited to be having another to dance, run, surf, learn well you know what I mean. My bambino is non verbal still so it will be doubly exciting when he starts speaking as I can see from other women's posts.

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#22 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 08:49 PM
 
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I start missing my boys right when I leave them, and I rarely leave them. I can barely go to the gym for an hour because I wonder what I will miss. 

 

And if I drive over train tracks, then I am DYING to see them. I say "Choo Choo!" in my head and I almost lose it. shake.gif


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#23 of 24 Old 01-17-2012, 10:25 PM
 
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YES.  Last school year was torture, DS started kindergarten, 5 days a week FULL TIME real school.  I think a big part of my PPD was not going anywhere much with the others because I felt guilty leaving him out.  He'd be sad when he heard the little ones talking.  :(

This year, DS is 1st grade and DD is half-day preschool, afternoons and I miss her like crazy too.  But I'm so happy sometimes to put her on that bus that separates her and the 3 yr old.  They do NOT get along.

 

Then there's Mr. 3 and little baby.  The longest Baby and I have ever been apart is 5 hours.  The other kids went through the time this fall where Baby was in the hospital and  I stayed with him.  An entire month, then a 2 week break, then another 2 weeks.  I had to block how much I missed them.  :(


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#24 of 24 Old 01-18-2012, 11:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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gosh i can relate to all of you sooo much.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by *bejeweled* View Post

I can relate. I almost always miss DD. I just love.gif being with her. Whenever I'm not with her, I'm almost always thinking, "Oh DD would love that", etc.


THIS!!!love.gif so totally me.

 

i have to share her. not a lot.  i mean i wouldnt have it any different. her dad tries to be the best dad he can be and my dd loves him to death including all his faults. which IS my saving grace.

 

because there are moments when i am happy to have the me time. oh yes. i long for that.

 

but there are moments i miss her deeply. esp. if i am doing something dd would have liked. in fact there are some things i just cant go without dd. i mean she goes without me.

 

but for both of us it is such a hard place to be at times.

 

ugh that feeling of guilt. even dd has admitted to me that she had a great time, but she felt guilty for not spending time with me. i tell her its ok. i really dont mind. but she still feels guilty. that is exactly the way i am.

 

esp. because after school we "afterschool" together. whatever her interests are in at that moment, either the atom bomb, chemistry, knitting or cooking we have something to do together. i love that.

 

i tell you i am discovering all these hidden places in my heart. how could i love this person more. but as dd grows up and we have the conversations we do - i am just amazed by the way she thinks and feels.
 

 


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