When will you discuss sex with your kids? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: When will you discuss sex with your kids?
When I feel they're ready 8 11.76%
When they ask 35 51.47%
Right before puberty 1 1.47%
When they're teenagers 0 0%
As soon as they can understand 24 35.29%
Voters: 68. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm asking because both my girls know the ALL of it already.  The moment they started asking questions was the moment I took the opportunity to explain everything.  In the beginning I don't really feel they understood much.  DD1 was 4 when our neighbor was pregnant and that of course got the ball rolling.  Now that she's getting older she asks more direct questions and we talk about it.  DD2 listens and asks questions as well.  They don't giggle they don't seem embarrassed.  They seem to think at this point it's just life. 

 

Tonight we talked about menstrual cycles.  DD1 is very interested in it and wanted me to remind her why it happens.  So 30 minutes later DD1 asks " Do you have to wear tampons, or can you wear a diaper.  I think a diaper would be and excellent choice"  DD2 asked if there was something wrong with the sperm or the egg?  I didn't know what she meant at first but then she reminded me that we lost 3 babies this year.  So was it the sperm or the eggs that were bad?  Of course at this point we're not sure what happened but she has been listening and really understands quite a bit. 

 

I do tell them that it's not okay to discuss these things with their friends, their parents may not feel it's appropriate for them to know yet.  They're pretty good about it so far.  However I was lucky to have a friend that told me everything I needed to know when I was a teenager since my mother was not about to say one word about it.  She did give me a book but even that left me more confused.

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#2 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 07:55 PM
 
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You didn't have the option I would have chosen.  I think that children should have a basic understanding of sex before entering "regular" schooling (not preschool or daycare but elementary school or the equivalent).  Why?  Because I think chances are good that they will hear references to sex within the first couple years of doing so and I don't want my kids to be misinformed.  DD entered school in 2nd grade and I overheard her discussing "sex" with a kid in carpool (had obviously been brought up at school).  I was reassured when DS (then 4) gave a very basic, simple explanation.  None of the kids seemed grossed out or shocked and I changed the subject onto something else.

 

I don't remember when DD learned about periods (definately before 5), but with DS I would say he was two--- he was still following me into the bathroom all the time! 

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#3 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 08:08 PM
 
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My older one learned about it when she was 4 and a neighbor got pregnant and she got curious and started asking questions. She was very inquisitive. She asked a lot of questions and knew everything pretty quickly.

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#4 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 08:08 PM
 
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It's a gradual thing for us. With DD, we started discussing sex in a very simple manner when she was around 4, and then got more in depth as she asked based on what she was ready to grasp. At almost 7, she knows the basics, but isn't really interested in much more than what happens once sperm enters a woman's body.

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#5 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 08:39 PM
 
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I voted "for when they ask" because my guys are always asking questions. They are still toddlers, but do not let me go to the bathroom on my own, and the oldest always ask, "whats that for?" (my tampon, well before I got pregnant again) and for now he gets the toddler appropriate answer ("for my period.") but I can imagine how these things will progress. 

 

And plus, I have many childbirth books out in my bookcase that they have already seen, so I am sure I will get some questions pretty early. 


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#6 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 09:05 PM
 
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#7 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 09:21 PM
 
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I'll tell him when he asks.

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#8 of 48 Old 01-17-2012, 09:37 PM
 
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Lots of little kids cooperate with being sexually abused because some adult is exploiting their innocence, so I want my kids to know the general mechanics of sex ASAP. I'll probably tell them as soon as they get past that age where they make up stories willy-nilly, just so they don't go inadvertently accusing people of abusing them.

 

Other than that, I'll tell them when they ask (or it comes up) or when it's relevant to them (e.g. approaching puberty), whichever comes first.

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#9 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 12:26 AM
 
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I have always thought when they ask, but my now 8 yr old has not asked yet and I'm starting to get antsy.  He's not going to, I'm pretty sure. So I'm not sure when or what to tell him.  I am wishing that I had talked to him about it when he was four, but at four, when he also was not asking, it didn't seem so appropriate.  But at that age it seems less loaded somehow, like its just this weird foreign thing they may do in some other lifetime, not as personal to them.  

 

I have talked to him about women having their periods, and related that to pregnancy, but not really sex.  I'm pretty sure he's forgotten it though.  And since I got pregnant when he was almost five, after I got AF back I kinda made a point to not have him in the bathroom when it'll be obvious.  So I doubt he'd remember.  


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#10 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 06:31 AM
 
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I voted as soon as they can understand, which to me means as soon as they can converse well and ask questions.

I feel it should be an ongoing, matter-of-fact conversation, at an age-appropriate level, just like everything else DS is interested in. He is almost 3yo so we haven't gotten into the nitty-gritty yet. We've talked about periods, about sperm+egg forming a baby, stuff like that, but I don't know that he connects it all yet or understands it on more than a superficial level. We answer any questions he has (sex-related or not) pretty much the same way -- with accurate terminology & as much factual information as he seems to desire, but some of it is playful, too, at this point -- so he has fun pretending to crack out of imaginary eggs, and I'm not going to spoil his fun by correcting him. smile.gif I don't believe in sitting down at a certain age and having "the talk" -- I think this kind of knowledge should be integrated into his life just like information about how clouds form or what different animals eat.

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#11 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 07:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Eh, I've known people that feel age appropriate means when they're teens on their way out of the house to adulthood.  It's like having a nose and not know what it's for.  Being factual is important when they're young and sharing the information without blinking an eye helps them understand that it's all natural, not shush shush and nothing to be ashamed about.

 

True story, I had no idea what the word masterbation meant,  I was babysitting and the kid I was watching was about 12 and he asked me what it meant.  I think I was 17 at the time.  So we looked it up in a dictionary.  Still were unsure.  His mom was an open person so when she got home... we both asked.  She sat us down and talked about it.  After that if I had any questions I would call her.  I still call her for a lot of stuff.  I couldn't ask my mom that question, she'd make me DRINK holy water! 

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#12 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 07:54 AM
 
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Some kids never ask. My son, at 16 still hasn't. But I made sure both of them knew correct body terminology and the sex basics by the time they were 5 or 6. Lack of info and misinformation is a tool for predators.
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#13 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 08:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

Eh, I've known people that feel age appropriate means when they're teens on their way out of the house to adulthood.  It's like having a nose and not know what it's for.  Being factual is important when they're young and sharing the information without blinking an eye helps them understand that it's all natural, not shush shush and nothing to be ashamed about.

 

True story, I had no idea what the word masterbation meant,  I was babysitting and the kid I was watching was about 12 and he asked me what it meant.  I think I was 17 at the time.  So we looked it up in a dictionary.  Still were unsure.  His mom was an open person so when she got home... we both asked.  She sat us down and talked about it.  After that if I had any questions I would call her.  I still call her for a lot of stuff.  I couldn't ask my mom that question, she'd make me DRINK holy water! 



You know, you don't have to be so dismissive of other people.  You could assume the poster above you has the common sense to know her children and answer their questions.

 

As for us, my daughter has learned names for body parts as she's learned the name for all her other parts.  She never asked a lot of questions but when she was three we had two older adopted cousins and one cousin born in the family pretty close together.  Obviously she got curious as to how sometimes you get older kids and sometimes you grow babies.  We talked about it in an AGE APPROPRIATE way.  Amazingly, I was able to be factual while she was young and share the information without blinking an eye, shushing her, or making her ashamed.  Imagine.

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#14 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I wasn't.  And I wasn't refering to anyone on this forum.  I'm speaking of people who don't even try to tell their children anything until they're close to adulthood.   The person above me has a 3 yr old.  Nope not getting the connection you're refering to.  Imagine that?  Really I think you made an assumption out of nothing. 

 

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You know, you don't have to be so dismissive of other people.  You could assume the poster above you has the common sense to know her children and answer their questions.

 

As for us, my daughter has learned names for body parts as she's learned the name for all her other parts.  She never asked a lot of questions but when she was three we had two older adopted cousins and one cousin born in the family pretty close together.  Obviously she got curious as to how sometimes you get older kids and sometimes you grow babies.  We talked about it in an AGE APPROPRIATE way.  Amazingly, I was able to be factual while she was young and share the information without blinking an eye, shushing her, or making her ashamed.  Imagine.



 

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#15 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:15 AM
 
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By age appropriate I mean using common sense. I don't think my almost 3yo needs to know sex positions or how many days occur between ovulation. That's just way too much info for a toddler, he wouldn't even be able to process it. It's no different than not teaching him multiplication tables when he's still working on counting & basic addition. We start with the basics and expand on it as his comprehension improves, as he asks more questions or shows more interest, etc.

I never asked questions and no one ever sat me down & talked to me about any of this stuff so I have full awareness of what it's like not to be taught things I should have known. Most of what I learned about sex, I learned from being sexually abused.

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#16 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:16 AM
 
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#17 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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BINGO!  ME too.  Age appropriate in my opinion is what is necessary for your child to understand things about their body.  Sex > reproduction > baby  that's answered when asked.  And I do not skirt topics that might bring up something more to be discussed.  And you're right, discussing things in such a way that you're giving pointers to a 5 yr old is not what I mean by sharing information with your kids. 

 

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By age appropriate I mean using common sense. I don't think my almost 3yo needs to know sex positions or how many days occur between ovulation. That's just way too much info for a toddler, he wouldn't even be able to process it. It's no different than not teaching him multiplication tables when he's still working on counting & basic addition. We start with the basics and expand on it as his comprehension improves, as he asks more questions or shows more interest, etc.
I never asked questions and no one ever sat me down & talked to me about any of this stuff so I have full awareness of what it's like not to be taught things I should have known. Most of what I learned about sex, I learned from being sexually abused.



 

 

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#18 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:42 AM
 
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My mother told me the basics at a young age (e.g., I knew what went where). In fact I don't remember not knowing the basic facts, which I think is good. I remember many kids saying incorrect things about "where babies come from" in elementary school, but I never corrected them. I did, however, realize they were wrong. Unfortunately my mother and I never had a follow-up talk, so I had to learn the more specific and scientific aspects at school. It didn't really all click until I was in college. 

 

I think, like many things, what you tell a child about sex should be dependent on their individual maturity level. I was obviously ready to handle the information my mother told me at a young age, others may not be. A friend's daughter asked her about sex in 4th grade. After a lengthy conversation about sperm, eggs, and ovulation, her daughter sat silently on her bed with wide eyes. Later my friend found her daughter clutching her baby blanket with an anxiety-filled look on her face. It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that she realized her parents had actually done the things that the two of them had discussed... cut to a melt down.

 

Even though my friend's daughter asked, she obviously wasn't ready for all the information her mother gave her. I think I'll bring the basics up before DS asks, but I'll be careful about going into too much detail before I think he's ready.

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#19 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 10:01 AM
 
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My older son is 12, and has understood the basics of sex since he was young, and I always answered his questions in terms he could understand based on his age.  He understands that men have sperm, women have eggs, sex is how they meet.  He understand masturbation, and now that he's deep in the throes of puberty, we've discussed appropriate ways to ensure "sanitary" conditions for that (as in, please don't let me find your stuff hidden in the laundry basket.  Just do a load of laundry.).  

 

Also, it was very important for us to discuss birth control long before he has a need for it.  He understands what a condom is and basically how it works.  I've explained the pill to him.  We've talked about basic STD education.  I was pregnant with DS#2 when DS#1 was 10, so we had lots of talks about pregnancy and childbirth.  I'm pregnant again, so he's getting a refresher!  I've also spent a lot of time discussing appropriate ways to treat women, and because I know he'll see porn someday, we've talked about what that is and why it is not realistic.  

 

Our conversations have never been awkward, and I'm glad that we have that kind of relationship.  My parents were also very open with us about sex, so I think this helped make it not such a big deal for me.  :-)


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#20 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 10:12 AM
 
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I intend to explain things as he asks and when i believe he can understand it. He will always know what he is capable of understanding. I dont think sex or body parts are anything to be ashamed of or held on a pedastool so i hope to teach from the very start that my son be comfortable with himself and knowledgable.


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#21 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 10:43 AM
 
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Not insulting you, rubidoux, but this scenario is one reason I think it needs to be introduced young.
 

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Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

I have always thought when they ask, but my now 8 yr old has not asked yet and I'm starting to get antsy.  He's not going to, I'm pretty sure. So I'm not sure when or what to tell him.  I am wishing that I had talked to him about it when he was four, but at four, when he also was not asking, it didn't seem so appropriate.  But at that age it seems less loaded somehow, like its just this weird foreign thing they may do in some other lifetime, not as personal to them.  

 

I have talked to him about women having their periods, and related that to pregnancy, but not really sex.  I'm pretty sure he's forgotten it though.  And since I got pregnant when he was almost five, after I got AF back I kinda made a point to not have him in the bathroom when it'll be obvious.  So I doubt he'd remember.  



DD had learned the very, very basics at two when I was pg with DS.  We didn't talk about it a lot after I was no longer pregnant.  So, two years later I went through "It's So Amazing" with her.  DS, meanwhile, was getting ongoing information.  At 4 he was able to give a very basic explanation of sex.  BUT, this conversation is one we had when he was 7ish.

 

DS: I just don't understand sex.

Me: Basic explanation

DS: I still don't get it.

Me: Basic explanation again.

DS: I just don't get it.

Me: Grrr.

DD: Do you mean how it's gross?

DS: Yeah.

DD: Apparently it will make more sense when you're older.

Me: roflmao

 

It can be hard to know exactly what a child is asking!  There is no way that DS would have willingly brought up sex (in a questioning format) when he was "older" and I really want him to have the information.  Now, at 10, it is much harder to get him information because he just doesn't want to talk about it.

 


 

 

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#22 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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this is one of the things that happened in our family. dd asked. i answered. she started asking around 2 i think. or maybe even early. well she never left me alone in the bathroom. so obviously the questions began early. also coz she saw my Csection scar and asked her way. it was an ongoing question and by teh time she was 4 1/2 she knew all. by the time she was about 6 she got the nuances of sexy, that adults want to have sex and that there is an emotional component to it.

 

however i think if she hadnt asked i would have sat her down and told her all before she went to K. or while in K.

 

i believe she is the 'informer' on the playground. she has the boys go ewww (when they try and make fun of it, which has included a gender bias too - so brought up GLBT stuff too. sadly moms who have not said anything to their kids I see esp. those kids really buy into the GLBT gossip) and adamantly refuse weird stories because she explains it as a science class. with her i have noticed she's heard a few tales in first and second, but really heard them in 3rd and 4th grade.

 

i definitely do think timing is important. to say it to them before they get to the ewww phase. isnt that a psychological phase? around about 9/10 when everything around sex is eww.


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#23 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynH View Post

 

My mother told me the basics at a young age (e.g., I knew what went where). In fact I don't remember not knowing the basic facts, which I think is good. I remember many kids saying incorrect things about "where babies come from" in elementary school, but I never corrected them. I did, however, realize they were wrong. Unfortunately my mother and I never had a follow-up talk, so I had to learn the more specific and scientific aspects at school. It didn't really all click until I was in college. 

 

I think, like many things, what you tell a child about sex should be dependent on their individual maturity level. I was obviously ready to handle the information my mother told me at a young age, others may not be. A friend's daughter asked her about sex in 4th grade. After a lengthy conversation about sperm, eggs, and ovulation, her daughter sat silently on her bed with wide eyes. Later my friend found her daughter clutching her baby blanket with an anxiety-filled look on her face. It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that she realized her parents had actually done the things that the two of them had discussed... cut to a melt down.

 

Even though my friend's daughter asked, she obviously wasn't ready for all the information her mother gave her. I think I'll bring the basics up before DS asks, but I'll be careful about going into too much detail before I think he's ready.


It's absolutely amazing to me that this 4th grade girl had NO IDEA!  How could that be???  

 

I am so confused about how to talk to my 8 year old about it because I was SO different than him or any of his friends when I was that age.  At four, my 9 year old neighbor told me everything  --  with diagrams and all, and I'm not talking just missionary position or PIV sex, either.  I thought it sounded great and immediately decided I wanted to be a prostitute when I grew up.  Why not get paid for it?!!!  In our neighborhood playing doctor was all the rage for at least the next couple of years after that and I remember also getting in trouble in school for similar games.  I had huge crushes on boys and was fairly boy crazy from very young, somewhere around 4, 5, 6.  So, I just don't get this world where kids apparently just plain don't know.  I was so worldly in a lot of ways when I was that age compared to the kids I know (and raise) now, that I just don't understand where they are.  So, I don't know when it's appropriate to push it on them.  I suppose this would be easier if I had just sat him down and described PIV sex to him at age 3 (which btw, is where ds2 is now, maybe I should be?).  But he has NEVER seemed the slightest bit curious or interested.  So, it would have felt so odd to push it on him, I think.  Of course, as I said earlier, it only gets odder.  So maybe that would have been the way to go.  Sigh...

 

Oh, and to make matters worse, dh says that his mother sat him down, without him asking, and told him everything and it was so horrible and humiliating to him that he wants to make sure we don't do that to DS.  shake.gif

 

I'm sure this will work itself out one way or the other, but I've been thinking about it lately and feel like it's hanging over my head.  

 

Just to clarify  --  he has asked about some things.  I mentioned earlier that we talked about women having a period.  He knows the anatomically correct terms for his body parts and those of a girl.  He knows how babies are born, just not how they get in there.

 


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It's absolutely amazing to me that this 4th grade girl had NO IDEA!  How could that be???  

 

I am so confused about how to talk to my 8 year old about it because I was SO different than him or any of his friends when I was that age.  At four, my 9 year old neighbor told me everything  --  with diagrams and all, and I'm not talking just missionary position or PIV sex, either.  I thought it sounded great and immediately decided I wanted to be a prostitute when I grew up.  Why not get paid for it?!!!  In our neighborhood playing doctor was all the rage for at least the next couple of years after that and I remember also getting in trouble in school for similar games.  I had huge crushes on boys and was fairly boy crazy from very young, somewhere around 4, 5, 6.  So, I just don't get this world where kids apparently just plain don't know.  I was so worldly in a lot of ways when I was that age compared to the kids I know (and raise) now, that I just don't understand where they are.  So, I don't know when it's appropriate to push it on them.  I suppose this would be easier if I had just sat him down and described PIV sex to him at age 3 (which btw, is where ds2 is now, maybe I should be?).  But he has NEVER seemed the slightest bit curious or interested.  So, it would have felt so odd to push it on him, I think.  Of course, as I said earlier, it only gets odder.  So maybe that would have been the way to go.  Sigh...

 

Oh, and to make matters worse, dh says that his mother sat him down, without him asking, and told him everything and it was so horrible and humiliating to him that he wants to make sure we don't do that to DS.  shake.gif

 

I'm sure this will work itself out one way or the other, but I've been thinking about it lately and feel like it's hanging over my head.  

 

Just to clarify  --  he has asked about some things.  I mentioned earlier that we talked about women having a period.  He knows the anatomically correct terms for his body parts and those of a girl.  He knows how babies are born, just not how they get in there.

 


I had NO IDEA what sex was until ... jr. high? ... I heard the word, read the definition, but I couldn't "get it." I even accidentally ran across a porn channel at my friends when I was 7ish, but the word and the actual act of it didn't cross because no one explained what sex was, or what it was for, so I didn't put two and two together! My mom didn't tell me a thing. It would have been nice, because I was sooo naive all through high school, it was embarrassing. 

 

I did have a handful of "talks" with our teachers, when they would send the boys into one room and keep the girls, explain the basics, but I know I sure didn't pay much attention when we were so excited to be missing our regular lesson, so those didn't help much. 

 

That's great your ds knows anatomically correct terms, though. I graduated high school without knowing I had a vulva shrug.gif

 


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#25 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 09:47 PM
 
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I had NO IDEA what sex was until ... jr. high? ... I heard the word, read the definition, but I couldn't "get it." I even accidentally ran across a porn channel at my friends when I was 7ish, but the word and the actual act of it didn't cross because no one explained what sex was, or what it was for, so I didn't put two and two together! My mom didn't tell me a thing. It would have been nice, because I was sooo naive all through high school, it was embarrassing. 

 

I did have a handful of "talks" with our teachers, when they would send the boys into one room and keep the girls, explain the basics, but I know I sure didn't pay much attention when we were so excited to be missing our regular lesson, so those didn't help much. 

 

That's great your ds knows anatomically correct terms, though. I graduated high school without knowing I had a vulva shrug.gif

 


Pretty much same deal here. I was so beyond clueless. I feel extremely lucky I didn't get pregnant or get an STD. My mom explained ovulation when I was like 10 but it was an extremely brief explanation. After that, anytime I asked a question she would say I was too young. So I stopped asking. I've learned as an adult that she was/is very uncomfortable with her own sexuality so there was no hope we were going to get any info.

 

So needless to say we won't be doing it that way. DS is a very inquisitive 4.5 year old and with the pregnancy questions have come up. We got the "It's Not the Stork" book which he loves. We haven't talked about the mechanics of sex yet and I'm kind of hoping we can wait just a bit longer but ultimately when he asks (which I have no doubt he will shortly), we'll explain the very basics. Honestly I'm mostly afraid what he will later repeat in public.

 


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#26 of 48 Old 01-18-2012, 11:35 PM
 
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When I voted I thought it meant the actual act, not everything associated with it like body parts, etc. DS knows what his body parts are called, but that's about it. I don't really feel a need to bring up anything more at this age, although we probably will talk about babies and pregnancy soon since DH and I are thinking about TTC sometime this year. If he starts asking then, we will tell him. My mom sat me down when I was about 12 and gave me "the talk." I can still remember thinking, "why would anyone want to do that?!" LOL


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#27 of 48 Old 01-19-2012, 12:08 AM
 
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I think the real question the OP is asking: What if the child doesn't ask?

 

Our ds is 10. The ONLY reason he knows the basic facts of conception is that his sister was obsessed with the topic for about a year. We've got the books, It's So Amazing, It's Not the Stork and It's Perfectly Normal. Dd (age 7) has read them cover to cover several times. Ds has paged through the earliest one (I can never remember which one it is). He did ask "just HOW does the sperm and the egg get together" and I told him.

 

But now he's coming up on puberty. He knows nothing about puberty. He knows nothing more about sex than the basic facts and the body parts. (I think he did know about menstruation at one point in time, but that's only because I never went to the bathroom by myself! I'm pretty sure he wouldn't remember.)

 

Here's the deal: He will not talk about any of this stuff. He's never raised any questions at all. right now, the fastest way for me to coerce him into doing anything is to threaten to read "It's Perfectly Normal" with him. I'm not going to do it, but really, the boy isn't going to be a little boy much longer. What do you do? (I'm going to try to sic dh on him....)


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#28 of 48 Old 01-19-2012, 06:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Some kids just will not ask.  Possibly they're not interested and when they do become interested maybe they don't think their parents are really in the know?   I've known so many people that knew so much more than me at every age.  It was embarrassing not to know things.  Especially when I started dating.  There were terms I just didn't get nor did I understand them.  I knew what intercourse was.  Kind of.  All the other stuff "oral" I was told by other people were not considered sex.  I was riddled with guilt because the only thing mom ever told me was "don't do it!  If you do everyone will know right away and they'll think you're a whore"  Uh... don't do what exactly?  

 

This is why I want to make sure my kids know EVERYTHING they need to know.  Obviously they ask questions which helps me walk them through it all.   If they didn't ask questions I think I would feel weird sitting them down for the "TALK".  So far it's been easy, I'm very thankful for that.  I do like how DH squirms when they ask him stuff.  He gives me this help me look and I can't help but enjoy his discomfort.  I know that's bad.  He will talk to them about it though.  He does tell them that mommy knows more about the girls stuff and she can give you much better answers.

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#29 of 48 Old 01-19-2012, 06:47 AM
 
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I was riddled with guilt because the only thing mom ever told me was "don't do it!  If you do everyone will know right away and they'll think you're a whore"  Uh... don't do what exactly?

Ohhh I can so relate to this... my parents always told me 'don't do it'... for religious/moral reasons -- which I actually happen to agree with, except because I didn't know anything, I didn't know what 'it' was and did a lot of things that in hindsight, I wish I didn't do. Nothing terrible, but I would have made some very different choices if I had all the information I needed -- and for me that actually would have been less sexual activity, not more. But I don't know how I was so naive about some things. Even kissing -- my first boyfriend (when I was 18!!) really wanted me to kiss him, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I had no idea that a 16yo guy would want to be kissed on the mouth! I also thought it was perfectly normal for boyfriends to talk about or try to physically hurt or kill me. eyesroll.gif Apparently I was very messed up in many ways... but just a little basic information might have helped some... I would have liked to be prepared for things that came up so I didn't have to feel put on the spot and vulnerable.

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#30 of 48 Old 01-19-2012, 07:35 AM
 
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I think the real question the OP is asking: What if the child doesn't ask?



If so, it was a pretty disingenuous way of doing so.  

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