Getting guardingship of younger brothers. PLEASE HELP - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 01-22-2012, 09:46 PM - Thread Starter
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Well i have a odd situation. My parents divorced in 2009. My mother received custody of my 3 brothers the twins are 16 and the other boy is now 18. ( i was already gone to college in Oklahoma they live in California). Around August my mom would start to leave home about once a week rather if it was to go party, go to the casino, or go to her boyfriends but now its much worse. She will me gone anywhere from 5-10 days. My brother call me asking me to send them money for food because there was NONE at the house. They have called me about 8 times. Onetime my younger brother found drugs in her car that belonged to her boyfriend. Another time her boyfriend has threatened to go beat my brother up.they have missed so Dr appointments and school meetings. They don't have a car so they walk everywhere they have to go. So many more stories I could tell. She receives governmental aid such as food stamps and welfare. But my brother do not see it. She buys her boyfriend and his son food with her stamps. And her welfare she spends on either gambling or boyfriend. Since she has been gone my oldest brother who is 18 has taken full responsibility for the others he does their laundry, cooks for them, makes sure they go to school, get there homework done and everything else. Since I'm a senior in college in another state i really cant do much. And my brothers wont let me take off school to go help them. So do you think there can be way for my oldest brother to receive custody of the other boys. Or the governmental aid so it can be spent properly. Please any advice would help.

Thank you.

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#2 of 7 Old 01-23-2012, 05:49 AM
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I really don't know, but I think you should contact DHS in the area where they live and get the ball rolling. Explain the situation to the caseworker and they will at least point you in the right direction. Start documenting--or have your brothers start documenting *everything* that happens. Having a record could make or break a case like this. A record for a few weeks or less could be enough for your brother to get emergency temporary custody, which can actually last for a few years, and at least get the food they need and give him some power over the situation.


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#3 of 7 Old 01-23-2012, 05:57 AM
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I second citymagnolia's great advice, and just wanted to add that I'm so sorry you and your brothers are in this position right now. It sounds like with two older siblings as concerned and involved as you and your brother seem to be, the twins are going to be okay. It just sounds like it's going to be a tough road for a bit, but I hope it's as smooth as possible. Best of luck to you all!

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#4 of 7 Old 01-23-2012, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
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I think the worse part of the whole problem is she sees nothing wrong with what she is doing. She thinks its ok and that because they have a house to sleep in she a great mom. But she doesnt relieze what she is doing to them emtionally. They have told me so many time how they hate her. And they call her aweful names. But in her mind she doing nothing wrong. There is something wrong with her. 

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#5 of 7 Old 01-29-2012, 12:53 PM
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#6 of 7 Old 01-29-2012, 04:06 PM
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I'm so sorry for your trouble.


Tell your 16-year-old brothers to talk to their guidance counselor at school and explain that there's no food in the house. If they can get "into the system" before they turn 18, they will have ongoing benefits from the state that they really need - Medicaid until age 21 and college tuition assistance are standard in my state, and I live in a poor and backward state. Your 18-year-old brother is not likely to get custody - but foster care is better than what's going on now, and even the threat of losing kids i.e. benefits may lead to behavioral changes in your mother that will help a lot over the next couple of years. 


As their older sister, what YOU need to do is finish college, get a job in the same state where your brothers will have insurance and tuition assistance, and figure out a way to provide housing and a stable home for three young men who are going to need a few years to transition. That's a tall order for a young woman - but if you are committed, you can do it. 

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#7 of 7 Old 02-06-2012, 03:52 PM
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I agree with the above posts - there are probably ways for them to get assistance, and the ball needs to get rolling to explore them.

Even though you're in school elsewhere, is it possible for you to do some internet research for them, call the human services agency in their state, describe the situation, and ask who you can talk to to explore their options?  Then talk with all 3 of your brothers, and if possible visit them and help them explore the options.  If you can't visit, see if you can find someone helpful to talk to in their area and give them the contact info so they can talk to them themselves.


That's such a hard and tricky situation, but at the end of the day your 18 yr old shouldn't have to be the parent, and the 16 yr olds (and the 18 yr old) deserve to have their needs met.  You can help them explore how best they can do this, if mom is just not there or willing to see the problem.


Really wish you the best of luck!  You're lucky and your brothers are lucky that you're all taking matters into your own hands... so many families just perish at this point because they don't think there's anything else they can do.  Let us know what happens!

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