Why French Parents Are Superior... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 74 Old 02-08-2012, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 9,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

While Americans fret over modern parenthood, the French are raising happy, well-behaved children without all the anxiety.  Pamela Druckerman on the Gallic secrets for avoiding tantrums, teaching patience and saying 'non' with authority. 

 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204740904577196931457473816.html

 

 

Well, what do you think? 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
journeymom is offline  
#2 of 74 Old 02-08-2012, 01:40 PM
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

C'est vrai!

 

 

grahamsmom98 is offline  
#3 of 74 Old 02-08-2012, 01:48 PM
 
AllisonR's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 3,137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm a lot closer to France than America, but this is a very rosy, highly stereotyped view of French parents. 

 

Yes, european kids generally have to wait more (no instant gratification) so eating out may be easier. Plus, eating out for the kids may be a luxury in and of itself. When at home, we eat out 5 times a year, it just isn't done. So eating out will be entertaining for kids that rarely do this. 

 

Not interrupting, waiting your turn, sharing, very social attributes are stressed here, at home and school, way more so than educational subjects. Also looking at the long term picture, instead of the 5 second sound bite. But when I get together with other americans, we revert back to old bad habits - we get loud and interrupt each other, we hold multiple conversations at once, we want a quick bite rather than a leisurely meal.... So if parents are not very patient, how can they teach their kids to be patient? 

 

I think she is saying the French are raising more free-range-kids. And that perhaps they have more limits and consequences, that no means no, not try me.

I don't like that she advocates CIO. 

AllisonR is offline  
#4 of 74 Old 02-08-2012, 01:56 PM
 
nstewart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think some aspects of the article ring true and seem like a good idea: the idea of thinking of "discipline" as an education process, the idea of teaching delayed gratification, etc.  However, I also dislike advocating CIO.  From what I've heard (from a friend who's sister lives in France, so obviously not a good, broad representation of French society as a whole necessarily) is that CIO is the norm, and breastfeeding for 6 mos is considered "extended breastfeeding".  The specific story I was told recently was that her sister's friend had brought their baby daughter home from the hospital and she was put in the basement to sleep so that her parents couldn't hear her crying.  That made me want to cry.


N, wife to my goofball K partners.gif and mamma to my EC grad D (July 2010) and my new little love S (May 2013).  Exploring the uncharted territory of tandem nursing with my two boys.

nstewart is offline  
#5 of 74 Old 02-08-2012, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
journeymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Having a Gilly Water with McGonagall
Posts: 9,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

To be fair, she doesn't describe CIO, at least not my understanding of it.

Quote:
Their parents don't pick them up the second they start crying, allowing the babies to learn how to fall back asleep.

 

That's not the same as allowing a pre verbal baby to cry for a long time. How long is a long time? I don't know, but when I read the above I pictured a mom letting baby cry for a minute, maybe two, to see if sleep would naturally return.  Problem is, that NEVER worked with either of my babies.  Maybe I didn't wait long enough, but after 30 seconds of crying I couldn't see how the baby would be going back to sleep. 

 

Though I take your friend's sister's word for it, that French parents tend to CIO.

 

 

Anyway!

 

 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
journeymom is offline  
#6 of 74 Old 02-08-2012, 05:34 PM
 
AbbyGrant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 741
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think she'll be on every morning show and talk show and sell a gazillion copies of her book because she came up with a clever hook that creates controversy and at the same time preys on parents insecurities. 

AbbyGrant is offline  
#7 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 10:13 AM
 
grahamsmom98's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 2,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)

When we were in France, we did not see one child behaving badly in restaurants, parks or museums.  Not one.

 

Oh, wait, I should clarify that.  We never saw a single child behaving badly that was European.  The parents were speaking to (not yelling at) their children in French (we also heard German, Dutch and Danish).

 

The only badly behaved kids we saw were being yelled at in English (American, not British) and were not being kept under control.  We saw American children at the Louvre, Musee d'Orsay and other museums ignoring rules (because their parents weren't paying attention to them, other than to yell) and fussing at restaurants ("I don't like this junk, I wanna go to MacDonald's!!).     

 

This is a broad view of things, but I think European children ARE more polite.  When we saw how the French were around their children, we knew that that was how we were going to raise any children we had (we were on our honeymoon and then on an anniversary trip).  Except for the cio (which, remember, AMERICAN society advocates, as well, so don't go dumping on other cultures because of that thought), we have done that and are pleased with how it has worked.     

 

As AllisonR says, "Not interrupting, waiting your turn, sharing, very social attributes are stressed here, at home and school, way more so than educational subjects. Also looking at the long term picture, instead of the 5 second sound bite."

 

European parents are more about actual parenting, I think, than about trying to be their child's friend and not setting limits.

 

 

grahamsmom98 is offline  
#8 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 10:37 AM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

Oh great, one more thing to me I'm a shyt parent.

Qestia, purslaine and Apples12 like this.
Imakcerka is online now  
#9 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 10:47 AM
 
AnnaBees Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 125
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I didn't read it all, I started zoning out when she talked about making a 2-3 monther "wait" and how the French didn't snack. Er. Ok. The French can be superior parents, and I can be me :)

Qestia and purslaine like this.

mama to 1 gorgeous DD 11/05/10

When we know better, we do better.

AnnaBees Mama is offline  
#10 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 10:51 AM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

I've just read a few more articles concerning this.  Since most of us are attached parents... it's obvious that french mothers are detached.  And that's fine.  If it makes them superior, sure.  Have at at it.  As a kid you could take me anywhere.  Out in public I was perfect.  If I wasn't... doom awaited me at home.  Appearances were very important.  I'd love to look into a perfect french mothers home and I'd be waiting to see a hungry child not being a tad bit testy.  eyesroll.gif

BroodyWoodsgal likes this.
Imakcerka is online now  
#11 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 10:57 AM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Well, at least French parents don't circumcise! That alone gets a good mark from me.
philomom is offline  
#12 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 11:15 AM
 
Dandelionkid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Asking for respect from children and making them wait sometimes is detached parenting? That attitude gives attachment parenting a bad name.

 

I love this article for the great ideas it gave for teaching delayed gratification. This is such an important, undervalued skill. Our suppertime is chaotic because I am worried the kids are going to get too hungry before I can get supper on the table. I let them eat their candy right away. We open packages to eat in the store while shopping. I let the kids interrupt me all the time.

 

I'm not going to make my baby wait for comfort but my older kids could definetly use some delayed gratification skill-building.

 

The author specifically states that the French aren't perfect (of course!) so why not have an open mind, leave behind the defensiveness and realize there are benefits to some of their methods?

 

 

Dandelionkid is offline  
#13 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 11:27 AM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)

It sounds like she was comparing French parents who expect their kids to behave to American parents who don't.  That really isn't a fair comparision.  I think her findings would be much different if she made sure she was comparing parents with similar expectations.  I rarely see kids having tantrums, running away from parents, or being allowed to interrupt their parents where I live either because parents gently or not so gently teach them that these things aren't appropriate.  It sounds like the author was just a parent who didn't know how to gently reinforce her expectations until someone taught her the trick about tone and expecting your child to listen to you.  That really isn't a skill limited to European countries.

purslaine likes this.
One_Girl is offline  
#14 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I wasn't that impressed with that article, for several reasons.

 

1) She stereotypes too much. I'm sure that, culturally, there are differences between the way most Americans parent and the ways most French people parent. But, this kind of article is short, and inherently limited. She made it sound like every single French parent does things the exact same (superior) way, and every single American parent does things the exact same (inferior) way. It's nonsensical.

 

2) The stuff about going to the fridge just annoyed me. There's nothing inherently wrong with children getting themselves food from the fridge! My kids have to ask before they eat anything from the fridge (we have a few things in the house that are "eat them if you want them"...mostly fruit), but that's mostly because of...inventory control, I guess. I don't want them having cheese, when I have just enough for the quesadillas I was going to make, yk? But, I don't think it's a problem, just on principle, if a chlid goes to the fridge and grabs a yogurt or a carrot or whatever.

 

3) I felt the same way about the mealtimes thing. I'm actually too accommodating, imo - comes from having been a "picky eater" myself and having to eat way too many meals that I didn't want to eat. My mom wasn't super pushy about it, but she still made a lot of meals I didn't like (my parents ate a lot of "meat and potatoes" meals, and I hated mashed potatoes, and also can't stand most meat fat - like it makes me feel nauseated), so I didn't get to anything I really enjoyed at dinner much. For some people, that doesn't seem to be a big deal - dh will eat things he doesn't much like, and it doesn't bother him. For me, it was really rough. So, I have trouble navigating this one with my kids. But, even taking that into consideration, I really can't see how "they only eat three meals a day, with one afternoon snack" translates into "they're better parents". It just doesn't compute for me.

 

4) The author drives me nuts! I know a couple parents like her (one AP, one not) in that they have this belief that they "can't" do this or that with their kids. It seems to have been a major epiphany for her that she actually has some control over the situation, and has some authority. That just boggles me. Yeah - there are times when I'm too tired to parent properly. DS2 has been frustrating, exhausting, and immensely humbling. But, the only times I couldn't parent were when I couldn't parent (ie. first few days post-op after the c-sections, etc.). I'm glad she figured out that children running all over their parents isn't the natural order of things, but...wow...

 

5) My biggest issue is the "superior" thing. From what she describes, the general parenting approach in France has some real benefits. But, that doesn't mean it's "superior". It means it's different. Take what works for you and leave it at that.

 

Oh - and there was no talk whatsoever about what kind of adults this produces. I think attempting any kind of parenting comparison, based on the behaviour of the children, is nuts. I've met well behaved kids who were being emotionally and/or physically abused into good behaviour. I've met liltle "hellions" who grew up to be really quite lovely young men and women (thinking about a lot of ds1's friends and classmates, many of whom I've known since kindergarten, or even before, and who are now in college, university, the work force, etc.). I don't think "that child sits quietly in a restaurant" and "that child listens immediately when mom says something" tell us all that much.


Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#15 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 12:39 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Oh - I also have to say that I have my doubts about the "building" of the ability to delay gratification. DS1 was gifted at it. I've honestly never met a child who was as innately able to wait as he was (not just mama pride, either - I had several people comment on it when he was little). DD1 is kind of average. DS2 has no ability to delay gratification. None. If he asks for a glass of water, and I'm juggling three things at the stove, or have my hands in the sink, and say "yes - just a second", he'll have a meltdown. "Wait" and "no" seem to process in his brain in exactly the same way. And, dh is the same way. Sure - he was "taught" to delay gratification. So, he knows how to wait, but he still sucks at it, still becomes unbearable in some ways, and just has no patience. His dad is the same way.

 

I've heard about the big marshmallow experiment in delayed gratification before. I even think it's got a lot of validity...but I've never seen anything in it that proves that the kids who wanted immediate gratification could have been taught not to, or that such teaching would have had a significant impact on their futures. It just seemed to be taken for granted that it's a skill that can be taught. If I have a long wait at a restaurant, I just wait - it's not a big deal to me, and never was. If dh has a long wait at a restaurant, he'll "just wait"...and fidget, and complain about the service every two minutes, and announce that we're never coming here again, and...so on. Sure - he can wait, but the personality traits that made him the immediate gratification type as a child are still there, and they do still affect the way he interacts with the world. And, he's not really any more patient than he used to be - he's just learned how to hide it.

 

Yes - kids need to learn to wait, and need to understand that things take time. But, I don't think they can genuinely learn the "skill" of delayed gratification from that.

XanaduMama likes this.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#16 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 12:48 PM
 
Youngfrankenstein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,273
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well I am a perfect parent and have gleaned the best from all cultures to have perfect children.

 

Hold your applause and, thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ROTFLMAO.giflol.gifSheepish.gifduck.gif


Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
Youngfrankenstein is offline  
#17 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 12:48 PM
 
Youngfrankenstein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,273
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'll be here all week!


Mama to 4. winner.jpghomebirth.jpg
Youngfrankenstein is offline  
#18 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 01:11 PM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

clap.gif

 

HA!  Nice YF!  Being the better parent is important. 

Imakcerka is online now  
#19 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 01:15 PM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

Did you read all the articles or just this one?  I don't think french mothers are terrible.  They were described in some of the articles as more detached...  And no that doesn't make them "Detached" parents.  It just means they don't coddle.  If it works for them great.  I'm wondering though, how do they get their toddlers not to tantrum?  Maybe I should get the book. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post

Asking for respect from children and making them wait sometimes is detached parenting? That attitude gives attachment parenting a bad name.

 

I love this article for the great ideas it gave for teaching delayed gratification. This is such an important, undervalued skill. Our suppertime is chaotic because I am worried the kids are going to get too hungry before I can get supper on the table. I let them eat their candy right away. We open packages to eat in the store while shopping. I let the kids interrupt me all the time.

 

I'm not going to make my baby wait for comfort but my older kids could definetly use some delayed gratification skill-building.

 

The author specifically states that the French aren't perfect (of course!) so why not have an open mind, leave behind the defensiveness and realize there are benefits to some of their methods?

 

 



 

Imakcerka is online now  
#20 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 01:27 PM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/9011303/French-mothers-dont-have-it-all-their-own-way.html

 

 

 

Meh, what ever works.  What's next?  First the Chinese now French?  I bet the Finnish are next!

Imakcerka is online now  
#21 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 02:09 PM
 
nstewart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/9011303/French-mothers-dont-have-it-all-their-own-way.html

 

 

 

Meh, what ever works.  What's next?  First the Chinese now French?  I bet the Finnish are next!

 

Maybe it'll go more "Wild Kingdom" - "Gorilla Mothering - What you can learn" - after all, their kids always eat their veggies and never talk back! 

 

 

Youngfrankenstein likes this.

N, wife to my goofball K partners.gif and mamma to my EC grad D (July 2010) and my new little love S (May 2013).  Exploring the uncharted territory of tandem nursing with my two boys.

nstewart is offline  
#22 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 02:16 PM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)


Oh... I want one that doesn't talk back.  Or roll her eyes.  Damn my stupid mexican american upbringing!  Though I do have fond memories of chanklas (sandals) flying through the air at me when I got mouthy!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by nstewart View Post

 

Maybe it'll go more "Wild Kingdom" - "Gorilla Mothering - What you can learn" - after all, their kids always eat their veggies and never talk back! 

 

 



 

Imakcerka is online now  
#23 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 02:19 PM
 
AbbyGrant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 741
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

First the Chinese now French?  



No, first it was the Yequana.  winky.gif  

 

 

Storm Bride likes this.
AbbyGrant is offline  
#24 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 02:24 PM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)


You just made me google that!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyGrant View Post

 



No, first it was the Yequana.  winky.gif  

 

 



 

Imakcerka is online now  
#25 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 02:32 PM
 
nstewart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,721
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post


You just made me google that!
 



 


Me too!
 

 


N, wife to my goofball K partners.gif and mamma to my EC grad D (July 2010) and my new little love S (May 2013).  Exploring the uncharted territory of tandem nursing with my two boys.

nstewart is offline  
#26 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 02:56 PM
 
sosurreal09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 3,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sounds like the 50s to me maybe? Don't coddle the baby, let them cry a bit, children seen and not heard?


 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

sosurreal09 is offline  
#27 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 03:42 PM
 
Dandelionkid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,674
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm surprised at the negativity towards this article. Maybe the stupid title draws on our mothering insecurities? I'm not going to run out and buy the book but there is definitely some wisdom to what she says.

 

The absence of delayed gratification means that kids are being instantly gratified and too much of this, for adults or kids, is detrimental to character growth. I don't need to create situations where my kids need to wait- life provides enough practice- I just don't want to get in the way of natural opportunities to learn patience, sharing,perserverance etc. Delayed gratification is not the goal but a means to the end.

 

 

 

 

Dandelionkid is offline  
#28 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 04:09 PM
 
Imakcerka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)


Why are you so annoyed that we're sick of being told every body else does it better?  All the articles I looked up said that French mothers are better.  Not "here are some great and helpful parenting tips".  Get me?   Screw it I know I'm not perfect and I know I need help in lots of areas. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post

I'm surprised at the negativity towards this article. Maybe the stupid title draws on our mothering insecurities? I'm not going to run out and buy the book but there is definitely some wisdom to what she says.

 

The absence of delayed gratification means that kids are being instantly gratified and too much of this, for adults or kids, is detrimental to character growth. I don't need to create situations where my kids need to wait- life provides enough practice- I just don't want to get in the way of natural opportunities to learn patience, sharing,perserverance etc. Delayed gratification is not the goal but a means to the end.

 

 

 

 



 

Imakcerka is online now  
#29 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 04:20 PM
 
AbbyGrant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 741
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post

I'm surprised at the negativity towards this article. Maybe the stupid title draws on our mothering insecurities? I'm not going to run out and buy the book but there is definitely some wisdom to what she says.

 

The absence of delayed gratification means that kids are being instantly gratified and too much of this, for adults or kids, is detrimental to character growth. I don't need to create situations where my kids need to wait- life provides enough practice- I just don't want to get in the way of natural opportunities to learn patience, sharing,perserverance etc. Delayed gratification is not the goal but a means to the end.


I think it could be argued there's wisdom to the notion that it's worth teaching children to be patient, but I don't think there's much wisdom in what she says. It's really hard to take someone seriously who would use such a "stupid title" and make such sweeping generalizations.  Without the French/American comparison she wouldn't have gotten as much coverage or have the potential to sell as many books.   It just seems like a money grab to me.    

AbbyGrant is offline  
#30 of 74 Old 02-09-2012, 04:50 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post

I'm surprised at the negativity towards this article. Maybe the stupid title draws on our mothering insecurities? I'm not going to run out and buy the book but there is definitely some wisdom to what she says.

 

What wisdom I saw in what she said was stuff that's been perfectly obvious to most parents I know for as long as I've been a parent, if not longer. The title didn't trigger any mothering insecurities on my part. (I absolutely have them, but the title didn't set them off, and most of the content didn't, either.) I just thought the article was stupid. She was presenting really, really basic ideas as some new, amazing revelation about parenting. Once I read it, I found myself wondering what the heck she'd been doing all along, honestly.

 

The absence of delayed gratification means that kids are being instantly gratified and too much of this, for adults or kids, is detrimental to character growth. I don't need to create situations where my kids need to wait- life provides enough practice- I just don't want to get in the way of natural opportunities to learn patience, sharing,perserverance etc. Delayed gratification is not the goal but a means to the end.

 

I know what delayed gratification means. But, ever since the study about the marshmallows (the one in the article - I'd remembered it as cookies, but it's the same one I heard about way back when), learning to delay gratification has been treated as a goal. I've heard people stressing about not being good parents, because they haven't been able to teach their kids to delay gratification...and some kids just have an immense amount of trouble learning to do it. In any case, that was one minor part of why I didn't like the article. I just think it was a piece of poorly written garbage.


ETA: And, the "French mothers are superior to American mothers" thing has no reason to bother me, anyway. I'm neither.

 

purslaine likes this.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
Reply

Tags
Parenting

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off