Do I need to be worried over Child Protective services ? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 28 Old 02-09-2012, 11:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had a horrific night, My daughter who is 2 years old, got out of the house while I was using the restroom, ( I have IBS ( Irritable bowel syndrome )) and was only outside no more than a minute or two, and my husband was at work, so it was only her and I, and it was dark and she has did this once or twice before but we we're in between a pay day so I couldn't get a double key deadbolt ( the one you can lock on both the out side and inside. ) till today when she got out while I was in the restroom fighting my stomach, and I think one of my neighbors called the cops, and I didn't think about it, because she did it once before and nothing happened, well I laid her down around 8 pm like she normally does I went into my room to have a smoke ( not anything illegal just a cigg)  and wait for my husband to get off work, and around 10ish, The police knocked on my door, and was asking me why she was out there, and how long, and they have had numerous calls saying it's happened before, she was fully dressed and everything, so they took my number and told me they had to report to CPS, and I would get a phone call or something like that, so, should I be seeing them tomorrow on my door step, or will I get a phone call, I have never in my life dealt with something like this and as a first time mother I am freaking out.  

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#2 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 05:14 AM
 
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I'm guessing you won't.  My dd2 walked down the sidewalk in front of the neighbor's house when she was two and a passing driver saw her, got out and called the police.  When I went to look for her, the police was taking this woman's statement.  The officer took my name and told me to be more careful but I never heard another thing about it.

 

I don't know your story 100%, but I wouldn't get too worked up.  You do have to face the fact that she did get out, just like I did.  It was your fault and you weren't watching her well enough.  I'm not saying she was in danger but a CPS visit might come along to make sure you are supervising your daughter well enough.  If you are, then don't take it personally.

 

Try not to worry.


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#3 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 05:36 AM
 
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If you can't afford the double-sided deadbolt right now, then you could try a slide lock or a chain lock up high. They're cheaper and easier to install, and it would show CPS if they were to come by that you're making an effort to address the situation. I guess a really determined two year old could get something to stand on, but at minimum it would slow her down. We got some stick on alarms that were pretty inexpensive to let us know if anyone goes out, and they have the added benefit of letting us know if anyone comes in.  

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#4 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 05:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We actually got paid at 11 pm that night so that is what we went and did, was bought a double sided key deadbolt that night it happened. So I am hoping I get a phone and can explain, but if she or he from cps shows up I'll show her we got the problem solved that night so I am hoping she or he will be pleased we got it taken care of.

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#5 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 05:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We got the double sided lock last night and put it in that night and she has been fine this morning, plus I've calmed down because I know I took care of the problem at hand and everything should be okay, and go well hopefully if I got a nice Cps man or women. 

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#6 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 06:14 AM
 
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If you are expecting a CPS visit, and it sound like you might get one….

 

Do you only have the one door?  If there is a back door or whatever, It needs a lock too.

 

Is there anything dangerous lying around - knitting needles,lighters,  hammers, cleaning supplies under cupboards, etc?  Look over your entire place for possible "safety" concerns.

 

is your fridge well stocked?

 

Is your house reasonably clean?  

 

I would answer their questions and be polite, but I would not volunteer information that can incriminate myself.  EX:  they might not know about the other times DD got out, I would not bring it up. I would not lie, but I would not bring it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#7 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 07:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MOMMAame View Post

We actually got paid at 11 pm that night so that is what we went and did, was bought a double sided key deadbolt that night it happened. So I am hoping I get a phone and can explain, but if she or he from cps shows up I'll show her we got the problem solved that night so I am hoping she or he will be pleased we got it taken care of.



Well it sounds like you took care of the problem so if they do come.  You can show them you've been pro-active.


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#8 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 07:15 AM
 
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I think it will help that you've been proactive about the lock. I agree with going through your entire house to make sure it's 'safe' (looks safe, even if you know your kid is fine with scissors out or something, put them away) and making sure your kitchen is stocked with food & the house is relatively clean. I do think they might ask, since this has happened several times before, why you didn't get a lock sooner, so I'd be prepared to explain that. Good luck.

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#9 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your advice, They haven't came by as of today, so I don't know if they just didn't think it was bad enough have a investigate the home or what, but I ain't putting my guard down yet, and the house always stay's clean and sanitary, and sharp item's are always out of reach, and we just got a bunch of the cover's for the door nob's for her room and other door's, we do have 2 entries into the house and out, so we have a slide lock up high on the back door, and the double key lock on the front, and all electrical socket's have cover's and everything, One thing, that I wan't y'alls opinion on to is, when the cops, came they asked to see my daughter who was asleep in her room, and we had a bungy cord holding her door nob to the frame because she likes to try to get out of taking a nap, and he ( the cop ) wrote that down on his note pad, but like we told him, we had to make do with what we had as we we're between pay day's, and that got taken care of that night also when we  got paid, and it's not like we keep her in there, it's just so that she know's she has to take a nap and not get out when she doesn't feel like taking a nap or she know's I am in the bathroom and sneak's out of her room. He also made a rude comment, that kinda struck a cord, when he was checking on her and had his flash light looking for abuse I guess, he made a comment about her bed looks small, and It's a normal toddler bed, and I thought that was kinda inappropriate, because there isn't anything small about that bed, it can handle my weight and I am still trying to lose weight and am a plus size woman, are they suppose to make comment's like that I kind of offended me, like he was trying to accuse of us sticking her in a small bed, I mean my niece sleeps in her dresser drawer that she takes out of her dresser put's her pillow in and she has a really expensive toddler bed, so I don't under stand, if you guy's could give me some input on that situation, that would be very nice, thank you all for y'alls kind words and advice.  I am new to this so I don't know what DD mean's or stuff like that, but I assume it's daughter or something, Thank you all again.

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#10 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 12:24 PM
 
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One thing you ought to know about allowing authorities into your home.  Unless they have a search warrant, or a court order, you do not have to let them in.  If they think someone is in immediate life threatening situation, they will come in permission or no.  But you are not obligated to let them in.

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#11 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 01:06 PM
 
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I would not worry about the small bed size - if it is a normal size toddler bed it is a normal size toddler bed.

 

The bungee cord would concern me.  I do not know how CPS will react to the idea a child may be locked in her room - it might be negative.  I would remove it and cross my fingers it wasn't brought up.    If questioned about it say, yeah, we occasionally and briefly use it when it is her nap time as she tries to escape her room.  We always remove it the moment she is asleep.  Hopefully someone else has smart ideas on how else you can respond to the bungee issue.  

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#12 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 01:36 PM
 
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It sounds like maybe he was trying to scare you a little bit.  Maybe he's a guy who knows nothing about kids and it just making random "worriesome" comments.  Don't worry.


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#13 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We had the whole bungee cord thing cleared up that night we bought door nob covers. I still haven't heard anything so I'm thinking probably Monday if they do try and come visit or phone or something. I mean my brother in law is in the military and his child has the same problem with their son getting out and their commander suggested it and told us it might be a good idea till we can by the covers for the door nob. I mean I don't have problem with them visiting I don't have anything to hide at all. So I guess until she tries to accuse me of anything I'm just gonna stay calm and collected. I mean if she tries to accuse me of anything I will go in serious debt to get a lawyer or attorney. I just hate to think that someone would try to take my flesh and blood away it's not right unless they are severely beat on or any signs of being beat on or starving and grungy, my daughter is spoiled not to the point she runs over us but she has nice things nice clothes and toys, healthy upto date on shots and immunizations flushots and everything she 3 ft 3 inches tall, 37 pounds and is super smart and reading words I wrote on a dry erase board I have tons of references who will tell the God honest truth, I'm a really great mom, and She doesnt act up when out anywhere except when maybe she isnt feeling good and i have to take her to walmart to get food and essentials and i always hurry and rush home so if she wants to lay down she can. My husband lets me stay at home with her to work on reading and talking and counting stuff like that. I mean like the other cop said it happens all the time and he said even his kid got out once and they got a lock, so that's what we did that night when we got paid.
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#14 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 03:18 PM
 
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I would take a deep breath.  They may just check in by phone.  When my ds was 10, he was playing with matches and pretty successfully burned the house down.  CPS got to them at school (without my knowledge) asked them each a bunch of questions about whether they felt like they were in danger.  The other 2 said no, not sure what he said, and case closed.  And that was waaaay worse.

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#15 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 03:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. Maybe I am just overreacting   Thank y'all for all y'alls opinions and experiences.  

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I would take a deep breath.  They may just check in by phone.  When my ds was 10, he was playing with matches and pretty successfully burned the house down.  CPS got to them at school (without my knowledge) asked them each a bunch of questions about whether they felt like they were in danger.  The other 2 said no, not sure what he said, and case closed.  And that was waaaay worse.



Seriously burned the house down???  That is amazing!  If it's not too raw for you, I'd be so curious to know more about it.  That's just one of those things that could theoretically happen, but never heard of it actually happening to someone.  

 

OP,  It doesn't sound like you have much to worry about.  I think it is something that happens to a lot of people.  Hopefully, they won't even show up.


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#17 of 28 Old 02-10-2012, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does CPS do Saturday or Sunday visits ? Or should I expect them monday if they decide to come visit?  

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#18 of 28 Old 02-11-2012, 05:50 AM
 
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I think it would be highly unlikely that a social worker would go out to address a non-emergency issue on the weekend.  Resources are stretched very thin these days.  I wouldn't be surprised if they never followed up or if it took them awhile to do so.  And if they do, based on what you've said here, you will be fine. They aren't going to take your child over this.  Worst case scenario if you get a real tough caseworker is you might have you take a parenting class or they might have you fix some nitpicky things around your house and will come back to re-inspect.  But I think even that is unlikely.  I can tell you're stressed about this, and I would be too in your shoes.  But form an outside perspective, I think you can relax..at least for the weekend.  winky.gif

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#19 of 28 Old 02-12-2012, 06:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MOMMAame View Post

We actually got paid at 11 pm that night so that is what we went and did, was bought a double sided key deadbolt that night it happened. So I am hoping I get a phone and can explain, but if she or he from cps shows up I'll show her we got the problem solved that night so I am hoping she or he will be pleased we got it taken care of.



Um, you might want to check your local fire code.  Those types of locks are often against code in residential dwellings.  For a good reason - adults and especially children cannot open one if there's no key in the event of a fire.

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#20 of 28 Old 02-12-2012, 07:33 AM
 
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Um, you might want to check your local fire code.  Those types of locks are often against code in residential dwellings. For a good reason - adults and especially children cannot open one if there's no key in the event of a fire.


This might be more of an issue for new construction and possibly rentals.  Personally, this is not something would worry about because I think the benefits outweigh the risks.  The child has gotten out more than once which poses more of a risk than the potential of a fire in which no one could find the key and the door was the only way out. 

 

As far as safety, a simple solution would be to 1) keep a key on a hook nearby which is what we did when we had double-sided deadbolt due to a sidelight and/or 2) keep a key in the lock most of the time and just remove it when needed always putting in an easily accessible (to adults) place.  I wouldn't be expecting my two year old to get out of the house by themselves in case of a fire.  

 

 

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#21 of 28 Old 02-12-2012, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for the advice and help. Yes we have a key hook next to the door with 2 keys that are identical. I think my nerves are really kicking in. I can't stop clean and safety checking everything so that if I do get a picky visit there should be nothing she finds wrong. Now our basement has a entry way but we have a second slide lock on that one. My problem is; is the basement is full of boxes and junk we haven't took to good will yet and car parts and tools because my husband is a mechanic and is currently fixing a car. But there is a gate at the top of the stairs and if she's smart enough to get through that we have a cover for the door knob that is child proofed. If the CPS people do look around will that be a problem ? Should I try to clean the basement too ? Ive never dealt with CPS before and never thought I would EVER deal with them and to be blunt it's freaking the hell out of me. And I feel embarrassed and feel like a crappy mom I know everyone has been so nice and supportive of me being proactive its just it's my child and I want to prove them that yes I am glad they take things seriously enough to visit but I want them to see it was yes my fault but I took care of the problem. And hopefully NEVER see them again. It really scares the shit out of me that these people have the authority to take someone's child away. Sorry y'all I just can't believe this happened and as a mom and a protective mom I'm going into panic attach mode because I'm cleaning everything organizing everything multiple times lol as crazy as it sounds. Well I have an early morning and hopefully no visits but If I do I'm going to calm down and be prepared to hear and understand what they have to say. So I'm going to calm my heart rate down and try key word try to get a good nights rest.  Thank you all again y'all have been a huge help and I apperechiate everything from the bottom of my heart a bigg thank you from me to y'all have a good night and God bless. 

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#22 of 28 Old 02-13-2012, 06:05 AM
 
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No- I really don't think you need to worry about boxes in the basement- your child is not allowed down there and you have it protected so she won't go down there- I would focus on the parts of the house she is in.

I truly feel you will be ok. I can't imagine what you are going thru- it sucks.


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#23 of 28 Old 02-13-2012, 06:31 AM
 
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Don't worry about the basement.  I know I would probably be freaking out too if CPS was called on me because that is something I would never ever expect to have to deal with.   But trust me when I say they are not looking to remove children from their parents, especially for minor issues that have been addressed or for cluttered basements.  I know several people in social services, and from what I've heard, the bar is pretty low when it comes to keeping your children.  I hope you were able to relax and get a good nights sleep.  

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#24 of 28 Old 02-13-2012, 06:35 AM
 
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I agree with Mom 31 and AbbyGrant. 

 

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#25 of 28 Old 02-13-2012, 10:20 AM
 
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I know all sates are areas are different.

 

But, one of my daycare girls had many, many dangerous run ins with hospitals and other dangers before CPS stepped in.   She got out of her house and ran across a very, very busy city street in her underwear on Easter morning.  The police got quite a few calls for that one.  She got out of her house a few times and was brought back by the police without either parent even noticing she was missing.  And, finally, she got into her Grandfathers prescription medicines and spent almost a week in the hospital before CPS went to the house. 

 

CPS was very nice and helpful to them.  They were told to find a bigger apartment with more rooms.  They sent two women to help the mom organize all the girl's clothes, and the ladies spent two full days there helping the parents get themselves together.  They helped them install locks on all the exterior doors and childproof the pantry.  

 

There was never any talk of taking the kids away from them.    They were just there to help the overwhelmed parents get some things organized so they could manage better.

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#26 of 28 Old 02-13-2012, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank y'all so much. I didn't get a visit today so who knows maybe they have more important issues to deal with than mine. Or it's not sever enought to come have a visit I have no idea but I am thankful I found this website because y'all have been such a support system and have calmed me down a lot and I thank y'all so much !  I think I would have lost my mind if I didn't have everyone to talk to and get advice. Because my family isn't one to talk about stuff like this because they would frown highly down on you. So I felt kinda alone except for y husband who I know was trying to make me feel better by telling me everything will be okay. 

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#27 of 28 Old 02-14-2012, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We got a visit today which I'm glad because it was at lease on my husbands day off but she was really nice and kind and she said everything looked perfect 

and that she would like to stop by again to see my daughter awake and social because she had to wake her up from her nap too look at her room. But it went extremely well she looked at the basement and didn't say anything since we have taken a lot of precaution for her not to be able to go down stairs to the basement. I am so relieved 😄 so wasn't expecting a cps visit for valentines but at least it went great. Happy Valentines everyone 🌹💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💜🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹💘

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#28 of 28 Old 02-14-2012, 02:10 PM
 
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so glad to hear!!!

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