Shoud I be calling CPS or am I over reacting??? WWYD - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have 3 young school aged children(2 girls, 1 boy).  I have gone through a highly contested divorce with their mother.  We agreed to joint custody at the mediation and both have the kids half the time.  The children now are with me half the time and with me or me and my family at all times other than school during my possession.  In a clean, organized home where they get to eat good meals at home majority of the time morning or evening.

 

On the other hand my ex is constantly taking them over to a friends and drinking to the point of driving them home drunk or passing out at a friends home.  The kids spend more of their mothers time with them over at her friends house rather than at her own home.  Constantly surrounded by people drinking on almost every occasion.  The children mention this to me quite regularly.  Last month she was arrested for a DUI and her friend nearly arrested for public intox.  Her drinking seems to be getting worse and worse.  After the DUI now she stays overnight with the kids there at her friends even more(even on school nights), and has told my children since the DUI sorry we can't go home I'm too drunk even though the children need to go home and be ready for school the next morning. Even last weekend asking me to keep 2 of the 3 kids because they had been with me for valentine dance and she had been drinking and couldn't come and get them and didn't want to drive home so I could drop them off.  By the way she had my youngest with her at that time. My ex's friend also has a 19 year old son that drinks and does drugs and my 3 children are left with him and a friend quite regularly too.  Alll of these situations scare me for the children.

 

My ex is also taking care of them poorly when they are with her.  They are hardly ever bathed(maybe once out of a week with her), one of them doesn't have a bed to sleep in, one showed up to my home with the same clothes on from 3 days ago and had not changed over that time nor bathed(not the 1st time this has happened), that same day the other showed up in clothes that didn't really cover her as they were size 6 and she is a 10-12.  They are also fed very poorly.  Most often they are driven by McD's for breakfast and eat in car on way to mom's work which is where they go to school(and not eating heathy items), and pizza or McD's for dinner on a regular basis.  I have been to the home and seen green water in the bath tub, pills laying out on the floor in between the bedrooms(she claimed were fiber pills), feces on the toilet seats that had obviously been there a while, etc...

 

I believe these things to be disruptive to the children and believe that living in 2 homes is bad enough, but to make them live between mine, hers, and her friends isn't healthy for the children at all.

 

What do I do?  Anything?

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#2 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 01:36 PM
 
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1) Call your lawyer.

 

2) Start documenting everything. Write everything down somewhere, with a date on each entry, and specific quotes where possible - what your children tell you, what your ex tells you, etc.

 

3) Yes on CPS - but I would start with the lawyer and go from there.

 

4) While I personally agree with you that McDonald's every day isn't good, I'd leave out references to that. The major points are:

 

- Far and away, the drinking and its impact on their lives (late for/unable to get to school, having to sleep in strange places, etc.)

- Pills on the floor etc. (I don't know what green water in the tub is but if it's drug related-- that too)

- Lack of bed for one child

 

The food part sucks but isn't going to be important to a judge. Parts of the cleanliness of the home will interest a judge, but only extreme things (I'm assuming the uncleaned feces would qualify though) - this would probably still be somewhat secondary.

 

Good luck.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#3 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Spent all money on lawyers already and don't have the funds at this point to go back and fight at least right now.  Bathtub green because algea starting to grow.  Also failed to mention there was another instance with pills, but at the time there were no other issues and attorneys felt it would not sway things.  She had left her bloodpressure meds out and our youngest got a hold of them and ended up in ER.    I know the house is always a mess, but if she had any inclination that CPS was coming it would get cleaned up for presentation purposes, then afterward back to usual.  Can I file somthing myself that might prevent her from taking them over to the friends home?  That would help a lot! 

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#4 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 01:58 PM
 
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Can you get the school involved?  Request they talk to the counselor to see if the counselor can find anything out.  Sometimes information that comes from the school is received better by CPS than information from an ex.  It's not easy to prove that she's unfit.  I have friends who should not be around their kids, but the courts never see it that way.

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#5 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 02:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by george123 View Post

Spent all money on lawyers already and don't have the funds at this point to go back and fight at least right now.  Bathtub green because algea starting to grow.  Also failed to mention there was another instance with pills, but at the time there were no other issues and attorneys felt it would not sway things.  She had left her bloodpressure meds out and our youngest got a hold of them and ended up in ER.    I know the house is always a mess, but if she had any inclination that CPS was coming it would get cleaned up for presentation purposes, then afterward back to usual.  Can I file somthing myself that might prevent her from taking them over to the friends home?  That would help a lot! 


That is major (the meds ending up in an ER visit). I can't help but think you had a very bad lawyer if you ended up with 50-50 joint custody. 

 

I am not a lawyer and I haven't had experience with CPS, but I just wanted to validate that you should be fighting for your kids and not letting it go. It's the drinking and mishandling of the drugs, plus the impact on getting to school and such that are the major problems that just really can't be let go.

 

All I am really comfortable with recommending for sure is the documentation. Can you get copies of records for the ER visit? Start today and write down everything you can remember, not general "she is often late getting them to school" but "last Thursday the kids didn't get to school until 10am." Though, frankly, feel free to write down separately any major items you remember but may not have specifics on, but that is lesser evidence. And keep adding to the documentation from now on. I think I would call CPS but perhaps there are other avenues you should exhaust first. Is a lawyer (NOT the one you used before) really out of the question? I would consider delivering pizzas or even going into debt for something like what you've described.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#6 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I won't be letting go, my kids are everything to me!!!  I have been keeping records about the children for several months now and recording with my phone some of the things they say that go on. i.e. mommy said she was too drunk to drive home she said she was sorry.  Also documenting all the time they are away from her home when she has them.  Read about doing that on the internet.  And yes, I would imagine I can get a copy of the ER visit from the hospital as it was just this past June. 

 

Going to be hard to work with school though as she is a teacher where my children attend school and is a good friends with counselor and principal, but I can get them to counselor at my church and I believe they won't charge me for the 1st couple of visits per arrangement with the church.

 

 

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#7 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 03:16 PM
 
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If you call CPS... she won't know until they show up.  If she's having a hard time with all of this a CPS visit could snap her back into reality.  Or you could confront her with what you have and tell her she needs to get her act together. 

 

1. It would be embarrassing for her to have CPS and the school she works at involved.

2. Honestly, she could be having a really hard time with all the changes and she's not handling it well.  She may need to see a counselor.  Something you could suggest. 

 

 

Was she such a terrible mother before the divorce?

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#8 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 03:20 PM
 
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Just curious:  How did you come finding MDC??

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#9 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 04:29 PM
 
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I was just thinking this.  And I was wondering if this is related to something else.  I don't know, I'm off today.  It did have me wondering though.
 

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Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post

Just curious:  How did you come finding MDC??



 

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#10 of 11 Old 02-14-2012, 04:36 PM
 
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I want to know if you have offered to pick the children up if she's drunk? Have you told the kids to call you to come get them if she gets drunk and they are uncomfortable?
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#11 of 11 Old 02-15-2012, 07:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Not sure what you mean MDC?  If you mean this site then it was another similar post that pulled up on google search.
 

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Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 View Post

Just curious:  How did you come finding MDC??



 

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