Moving our boys to a shared room (step-bros) starting next week. They will have bunk beds. They are 9.5 and 5.5. What should be do about bedtime in a shared bedroom?
The 5.5 year old usually goes to bed by 745pm and 8pm at the latest. He is up about 7:10am to get dressed, eat, etc and be ready for me to take him to school at 8:30am.
The 9.5 year old usually has a 8pm bedtime but he is allowed to read for 15-20 minutes or so. He also is the one that stalls and gets back up "have to go to the bathroom" "have to get kleenex" "forgot to say goodnight" (after Dad officially going in a saying night, etc). He is tired in the morning and has to get up by 7am at the latest and leaves with his dad at 7:30am. He often has trouble moving around, slow-going.
*Should we get a little booklight for him? Same bedtime? Staggered? I think for awhile they might be chatty to eachother from bunk to bunk but should settle with a bit of time.
*Should we go over set rules for the room for them? Ie/ once in bed-staying in bed (no stalling etc because of waking the younger one up?). What would be an appropriate deterrant or consequence for this?
My boys are 3yo and 6yo and currently go to bed at the same time. In your case I would probably do staggered bedtimes. 5yo to bed at 7.30pm and 9yo to bed at 8pm. Get a little book light thing for the older one. No talking and stay in bed after lights out.
The only consequence in our house if one is being noisy and one is being quiet and trying to go to sleep is that the quiet one will get to go to sleep in my bed and the other one can go to sleep by themselves. Don't know if that would work in other households though.
We have a newly 5 yo and a 7.5 yo. While they share a room, they fall asleep about 45 minutes apart, so I put the younger one to bed in my bed and carry him to his own when I go to sleep. This allows dh to hang with ds1 while he does his homework, and me to read to ds2 and do snuggles, then switch to reading/ snuggles with the other one. In the morning, ds2 is able to sleep through ds1 getting ready for school. They have asked to go to bed in the same room, but the few times we've tried this experiment, it has resulted in tired grumpy children. Some day ds2 will get too big to carry, but by that time I think their sleeping needs will be closer together. Your kids' ages are fairly far apart, but it might work because the older one will actually be quiet and let the younger one fall asleep.
Mom to ds1 (ASD) born 2004 and ds2 born 2007
My girls are 20 months and nearly-6yo. They have bunks (very recently - we transitioned DD2 to the bottom bunk over the Christmas break).
We have a joint bedtime most of the week, DD2 gets up at 5am-ish and comes in with us to nurse, DD1 tends to wake between 6am and 7.30am. I get her up if she's not up by 7.30am - we leave to walk to school (me and both girls) at 8.45am.
Sometimes if DD1 is off school the next day i put DD2 down to bed at about 7pm and let DD1 stay up until 9pm, but usually they both go to bed between 7 and 8pm (immediately after dinner we do bath, teeth, stories, bedtime).
I have no advice really, just perspective (my kids are way younger so i am yet to learn all you currently know!). I think aiming sleep at need and not age is probably for the best - if you feel they need about the same amount of sleep then put them to bed at the same time. i allow both of mine to look at story books after i've left and USUALLY they have a talking-book playing on low on the stereo anyway (sometimes DD1 who is now reading likes to read along with the CD if she can keep up), and i go back in and check on them after 15-20mins.
So i guess if it were me i'd probably put them to bed at the same time BUT get your eldest a little reading light and allow him time to read if he wants it. My eldest has a star-lamp on the wall and a leaf-shaped bed awning, both from ikea, to cosy up her top bunk and make it nice for having a little "me-time" on.
My eldest can be a staller too. I make sure she has a drink of water (don't know if you agree, some wet the bed if given water overnight i know) and has been for a wee, said goodnight for everyone and has her required toys in bed with her BEFORE she climbs the ladder to her bunk. ME being organised and pre-empting the stalls helps. A good hug (more than a quick squeeze) helps her too - she sometimes gets up because she's missing a bit of affection but doesn't know how to express it.
Once she's in bed she's in bed. If she gets up she is reminded "it's bedtime, you need to go to sleep now" and returned firmly to bed in loving (not angry) silence. Because DD2 is so young if DD1 wakes her she cries and that, i find, is consequence enough. And in fact the other night DD2, who has the same cold i am battling, was awake, SCREAMING and sobbing and coughing and DD1 slept right through it in her top bunk! They quickly get used to the small noises their room mate might make and sleep through them.
Best of luck! :D