Boy girl sleepovers - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 03-13-2012, 07:11 PM - Thread Starter
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One of my 9yo dd's best friends is a boy.  He's very sweet, I like their relationship & they've been friends (and planning on getting married) since the age of 4.   They've had several sleepovers before, but now that they're getting a bit older I'm not sure if I should be shutting it down or what I should be doing. For now, I've told her that there is to be no kissing or snuggling, or we won't be able to have him over any more.  Goodnight hugs are fine.  I don't think either of them 'get' being a bf/gf in anything but the most naive sense, and for the most part they just want to play pokemon together.  WWYD?

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#2 of 7 Old 03-13-2012, 07:23 PM
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I had boy/girl sleep overs with my best friend right up until we were 17 or so.

After age 10 or so we would play together and then when it came time to sleep one of us would sleep on the pull out couch while the other slept in the bedroom. We still felt that that was weird because we were friends and didn't really see each other in "that way". But the Mum's were more comfortable with that.

By about age 12, we were happy for the little bit of privacy during the night and first thing in the morning.

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#3 of 7 Old 03-13-2012, 08:19 PM
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I think this is one of those situations that works until any one party is uncomfortable with it, and then it's time for a change. From the way things sound, everything is still innocent. Plus the fact that they've known each other so long probably means you know the boy's family well, so you know what kind of influences he's getting there.

I think the direction to go in is just to start making rules that are already old hat by the time some of the naivete starts to disappear: doors open, no snuggling/kissing/ excessive physical shows of affection, separate bathroom time except maybe for teeth brushing, separate beds.

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#4 of 7 Old 03-14-2012, 11:42 AM
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My 7yo dd's best friend is a 9yo boy (and like yours all they want to do is play pokemon, lol).


They still have sleepovers.  I'm fine with it until one of them is not fine with it.


They have known each other since dd was 2 and the best friend was 4.  Their relationship is a lot like that of siblings.  Our families are best friends and more like family.  I'd be very surprised if they ever developed "romantic" feelings for each other.

Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#5 of 7 Old 03-15-2012, 07:28 AM
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My seven year old and five year old dds have sleep overs with a seven year old boy.  I think the kids will indicate when or if there relationship changes.  You do not have to do anything proactive.  We do see some horseplay around kissing and hugging at times, but it is not related to sleepovers -- more during the day.  It's honestly not a big feature of their relationships.  And I'm really involved at bedtime until all the kids are well on the way to sleep, so I can't imagine anything happening at night.  


My best friend when I was little was a boy -- up until we hit puberty (12?).  Then my friend wasn't interested playing anymore :(.  We already went to separate schools, but it was a loss.  I guess it was just too ackward for him.  And personally -- I didn't have any romantic feelings for him ~ more like a sibling.

Kids. I got two of 'em.
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#6 of 7 Old 03-15-2012, 08:37 AM
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My sister and I used to do sleep overs with our neighbors (one boy, one girl) when I was in fourth and fifth grade. I remember them being a lot of fun. I definately reached a point where I decided to stop on my own (some time near twelve?). I don't remember the exact reason, but I did develop a crush on the boy (that went nowhere) So maybe that is why? Any way I still have good memories of the time and I think our sisters continued the sleep overs until we moved...


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#7 of 7 Old 03-16-2012, 12:36 AM - Thread Starter
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Well, they definately claim to have feelings for each other, but neither of them is sophisticated to be much beyond the 'marriage is what happens when you love someone, and kiss them" level.  They have their house planned out, kids decided on etc. They nearly called it quits over which grandma they were going to move next to, but that got sorted in grade 2.  It's all very cute, mostly, and I like their relationship.  Dd asked me a few months ago if it would be alright with me if they went on a date before they got married, not now of course but maybe when they were teenagers lol.  She's started to develop tho, which is making me re-evaluate.  I think you guys are right, tho, if the boy's parents are good with it & they follow the no kissing/snuggling rules, it's all good.   Thx!

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