Is spanking a regional thing? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 40 Old 06-08-2012, 05:01 PM
 
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Children should have a right to their bodies, and the right to say "No!"

Currently in the U.S.:

When an adult does it to another adult, its sexual battery:
http://hamptonroads.com/2011/12/va-beach-restaurateur-pleads-guilty-sexual-battery:

When children do it to adults, its a "deviant sexual prank":
http://www.theday.com/article/20101207/NWS04/101209750

When an adult does it to a person under the age of 18, its "good discipline".

Research/recommended reading:

Spanking Can Make Children More Aggressive Later
http://tulane.edu/news/releases/pr_03122010.cfm

Spanking Kids Increases Risk of Sexual Problems
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2008/feb/lw28spanking.cfm

Use of Spanking for 3-Year-Old Children and Associated Intimate Partner Aggression or Violence
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/126/3/415

Spanking Children Can Lower IQ
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2009/sept/lw25straus.cfm
 
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
http://www.nospank.net/pt2010.pdf

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf

"Spanking" can be intentional or unintentional sexual abuse
http://www.nospank.net/101.htm
  
 

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#32 of 40 Old 06-08-2012, 05:06 PM
 
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I mainly see spanking at the laundromat, in grocery stores, and places where people have to stand in line. It seems to me that children are being asked to do something boring and when they want to wander, get curious, or start acting inappropriately due to boredom I see them get popped.

It was my main motovation for buying a washing machine and dryer. I hate the laundromat. I dont think Ive ever sat two hours there without witnessing a kid getting hit, told they were going to get hit, or having some other physical thing happen (like smacking a kid on top of his head with a shoe, flicking a kid in the nose, and forcing a child to touch his nose into a corner).

I do think it is semi regional, maybe not based on parts of the country- but within the state. I lived in the city for years and rarely saw it. Now that I live in a rural area, it seems to be a lot more acceptable.

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#33 of 40 Old 06-08-2012, 07:41 PM
 
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i grew up in OR and never heard or seen kids getting spanked. i was spanked but my stepfather grew up in Alabama.  i was shocked when i moved to MO and saw a parent drag their child off to the bathroom to be spanked all the while the child begged the parent to stop. i def think it's more common in the  deep south (i lived in alabama for 2 years), esp in strong babtist communities
 


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#34 of 40 Old 06-22-2012, 04:50 AM
 
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I live in a largely Baptist area and have to say that I see kids threatened with spanking frequently.  It is promoted by churches, and parents who talk things out with their children are at risk for being judged too permissive.

 

The worst was at my daughter's dance class, waiting for class to end.  A two-year-old threw a hot wheels car--not at anybody or anything--and the mother said, "If you do that again we're going to go out to the car and use the paddle!" and the little boy's eyes grew wide with fear.  I'm telling you, he knew exactly what awaited him.

 

I am very vocal about being anti-spanking on my facebook page, because that way I can bring up the subject to local people I know without singling anyone out.  I know of one family that has stopped spanking because of the information I've shared.

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#35 of 40 Old 06-26-2012, 09:56 AM
 
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I've parented small children in WA state and now I'm SC, and I see a huge regional difference. 

 

I'm not somebody who gets too fussed about corporal punishment either way, but I think (obviously, or I would not be an MDC member) that any child can be successfully raised without using spanking or the threat of spanking. So it's very frustrating to me that I much, much, much prefer the public behavior of SC children to the public behavior of WA children. There are a squillion confounding factors here - income, family size, family culture etc. - but it still bothers me. It makes me feel that my argument against spanking is weakened. 

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#36 of 40 Old 06-26-2012, 10:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

I've parented small children in WA state and now I'm SC, and I see a huge regional difference. 

I'm not somebody who gets too fussed about corporal punishment either way, but I think (obviously, or I would not be an MDC member) that any child can be successfully raised without using spanking or the threat of spanking. So it's very frustrating to me that I much, much, much prefer the public behavior of SC children to the public behavior of WA children. There are a squillion confounding factors here - income, family size, family culture etc. - but it still bothers me. It makes me feel that my argument against spanking is weakened. 

Well, yeah, kids who are spanked if they act up in public are going to be afraid of getting a spanking if they act up in public and therefore are more likely to behave in public. I guess if that is someone's ultimate ruler to judge how good a parent they are, then it would explain why they spank their kids. But if you're playing the odds to get kids who grow into confident, outspoken, well-adjusted, happy adults (which is what my ruler to measure parenting ability is), your best bet in my strong opinion is to not use physical punishment, even if it means a bit of misbehavior sometimes in public. And there are other ways to deal with misbehavior, but the other ways sometimes take a bit of sacrifice and work (like leaving places if the kids can't handle them), and not everyone wants to do that. And of course you can't do that every single time anywhere your kids misbehave (like a doctor's office waiting for an appointment, or an airport waiting for a flight, or on an airplane), and if you don't have the ability to scare your kids into behaving, it might be harder to get the behavior under control.

In short, I'd rather have occasional misbehavior in public than spank my kids.
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#37 of 40 Old 06-27-2012, 06:12 AM
 
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I second everything that mamazee just said -- and I think that one key thing to consider is what she said about "playing the odds to get kids who grow into confident, outspoken, well-adjusted, happy adults."

 

I think that practically all parents would agree that they want confident, well-adjusted, and happy children (both now and when they are grown) -- but not everyone thinks that being outspoken is a good thing. I think my own mom would prefer not to have such an outspoken daughter. Some people really prefer the personality that submits, conforms, and doesn't question authority.

 

Such a personality is easy to cart around in public and inoffensive to most other people, while children raised with respect tend to learn, early on, that they are people in their own rights. They tend to not see why they need to "fit" anyone else's expectations.

 

And, yes, in my own experience, I've sometimes felt like my family's public example is giving AP a bad rap -- yet, in many ways, our public image isn't all that different from the way that we really are. Also, as some other parents have pointed out on this board, dealing with small children in some public situations can be a lot more stressful, to both parent and child, than being at home. So our public image has often been a lot more chaotic than our private behavior.


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#38 of 40 Old 06-27-2012, 11:28 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post
 So it's very frustrating to me that I much, much, much prefer the public behavior of SC children to the public behavior of WA children. There are a squillion confounding factors here - income, family size, family culture etc. - but it still bothers me. It makes me feel that my argument against spanking is weakened. 

 

 

yeah -- I've never lived in WA, but I have moved around a lot and I have lived in the south. I think that part of it is a clearer sense of manners. I think that overall, southerners have a clearer sense of what good manners look like and believe that instilling them in their children is part of their job. Spanking or no spanking, children who are explicitly taught social graces are sometimes just nicer to be around.

 

I personally think that it is morally wrong to physically strike another human being, so even if one could prove some benefit from doing so, I would still the behavior was wrong.

 

My family of origin is Southern Baptist and children are spanked as a matter of course. I was spanked often as a child, I witnessed my sister being spanked (and still remember her screams) and my nieces and nephew were all spanked when they were younger. And sometimes their behavior was more controlled than my own children's when they were small.

 

Now all the kids are teens, and overall, I have happier, better adjusted offspring than my sister does. I'm closer to my kids. I think that judging a parenting a style based on how a tired 4 year old acts in public is taking score too earlier in the game.

 

I think that discipline is very important, and sadly I sometimes see families for whom "no spanking" ends up meaning "no discipline."  It is our job to teach our children how to behave, and it is a messy process. But I think that not only is doing so in a gentle way the morally right way to do so, I also think that in the long run, it yields better results. We have to figure out how to get the kid to understand and internalize what appropriate behavior is, not just practice control when they feel fear. It's giving them real tools for when we aren't around and won't even know what they do.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#39 of 40 Old 06-27-2012, 08:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post

 

I think that judging a parenting a style based on how a tired 4 year old acts in public is taking score too earlier in the game.

 

 

Well said. I love it.


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#40 of 40 Old 06-29-2012, 11:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post

Some people really prefer the personality that submits, conforms, and doesn't question authority.

 

Such a personality is easy to cart around in public and inoffensive to most other people, while children raised with respect tend to learn, early on, that they are people in their own rights. They tend to not see why they need to "fit" anyone else's expectations.

 

 

Exactly.  What I see as my children negotiating with me, others may see as "backtalk."  What I may see as my children trying to find a place in the conversation, others may see as "interrupting the grownups when they're trying to talk."

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