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#1 of 13 Old 06-13-2012, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Has anyone ever moved in with another like minded family and lived to tell the tale?

It would be 4000sq ft 5 bedrooms 4 bathrooms 2 living rooms 1 dining room 1 breakfast nook

4 adults
5 kids
4 dogs
3 cats

Is it possible?

Sister wives with seperate husbands?


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#2 of 13 Old 06-13-2012, 08:12 PM
 
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It wouldn't be for me. 5 bedrooms leaves 3 bedrooms for 5 kids. That would be hard enough for 5 kids who are siblings, let alone non siblings. What do you do as they get older and all want their own space?

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#3 of 13 Old 06-13-2012, 08:22 PM
 
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I think it can work but there needs to be excellent communication with everything literally spelled out in advance. I guess I'm less concerned about the bedroom thing as I grew up sharing a room. Sure I would have liked my own but in most families that isn't happening anyway.


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#4 of 13 Old 06-13-2012, 08:29 PM
 
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How long term are you talkin'?  My first thought was that you need more than one kitchen.  

 

I think it's not likely to work, but if it did work it might be really wonderful.  So I might take the chance, especially if I felt strongly that there'd be no weirdness with the relationships and such.  Sometimes it seems like if you learn too much about your friends, there'll eventually be something disturbing.  So, I'd think a bit about what sorts of things might be lurking.


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#5 of 13 Old 06-13-2012, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think it can work but there needs to be excellent communication with everything literally spelled out in advance. I guess I'm less concerned about the bedroom thing as I grew up sharing a room. Sure I would have liked my own but in most families that isn't happening anyway.


Yes family meetings every 2 weeks
Before we move a consensual agreement regarding bills and expectations. Everything in detail down to a T.


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#6 of 13 Old 06-14-2012, 09:30 AM
 
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What is the purpose of moving in together?

 

This is not the same thing, but my BIL & SIL live with several adults.  They own the home and rent out rooms to a few people (a close friend, his aunt and then an occasional other person).  They love it.  My B& SIL have also rented out a room in their house.  They were doing it more for the money, though (college money for their kids).

 

There are just a lot of details I would want worked out in advance (there are an uneven number of bedrooms for example).  How about guests?  Do you eat together or seperately?  Basically, are you merging your households or sharing space?


 

 

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#7 of 13 Old 06-14-2012, 04:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What is the purpose of moving in together?

 

This is not the same thing, but my BIL & SIL live with several adults.  They own the home and rent out rooms to a few people (a close friend, his aunt and then an occasional other person).  They love it.  My B& SIL have also rented out a room in their house.  They were doing it more for the money, though (college money for their kids).

 

There are just a lot of details I would want worked out in advance (there are an uneven number of bedrooms for example).  How about guests?  Do you eat together or seperately?  Basically, are you merging your households or sharing space?


Merging households we will co parent eat all meals together etc....basically our families will be co existing in all accounts. Think sister wives but with separate husbands


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#8 of 13 Old 06-14-2012, 06:00 PM
 
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I think that is a situation that could work out very well.  There are a *lot* of things that would need to be worked out in advance, but if you have someone you would want to do that it could be amazing.

 

Good luck!


 

 

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#9 of 13 Old 06-15-2012, 06:53 AM
 
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Well we do it.  We have 7 adults and 2 children.  Two "families" that have kids (me, dp and ds) (S and S and baby A) and then another couple (M and B) and the brother of one of the S's (G).  We live in a 7 bedroom house.  We have a house account, everyone pays their cost share into the house account that is how we pay for stuff.  We moved in when ds was 1 he is going to be 5 in August.  Baby A just turned 1 in May.

 

Everyone in the house had a history of collective living before living together.  We mostly love it.  Sometimes its a pain, but usually the pros outweigh the cons.  The two brothers we live with S and G had a similar situation growing up they lived with another family so their were 4 adults and 7 kids all together.  They call the kids from the other family their "brothers and sister" and they refer to the mom from the other family as "our other mother." (not the dad from that family they are not really in contact with him).  The "other mother" comes down to stay with us and Baby A.  One of the "other brothers" comes on a regular basis.  So there is a situation with now grown ups who are still happy to have done it as kids.

 

We have friends/neighbors who are 4 adults and 4 kids household as well the oldest kid is 17 and all the kids were born in the house (literally) so they have been together as families for almost 20 years now!

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#10 of 13 Old 06-15-2012, 07:19 AM
 
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I don't see why not.  One thing that might be helpful is to be clear as to why you and the others desire this arrangement.  what are you gaining/accomplishing?  even go so far as to have a mission statement perhaps???  that way when there is a conflict/difficulty you (collective) can properly assess the problem in light of a solution.  Also will be helpful when there comes the time to decide it may be better to move on.

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#11 of 13 Old 06-15-2012, 09:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well we do it.  We have 7 adults and 2 children.  Two "families" that have kids (me, dp and ds) (S and S and baby A) and then another couple (M and B) and the brother of one of the S's (G).  We live in a 7 bedroom house.  We have a house account, everyone pays their cost share into the house account that is how we pay for stuff.  We moved in when ds was 1 he is going to be 5 in August.  Baby A just turned 1 in May.

 

Everyone in the house had a history of collective living before living together.  We mostly love it.  Sometimes its a pain, but usually the pros outweigh the cons.  The two brothers we live with S and G had a similar situation growing up they lived with another family so their were 4 adults and 7 kids all together.  They call the kids from the other family their "brothers and sister" and they refer to the mom from the other family as "our other mother." (not the dad from that family they are not really in contact with him).  The "other mother" comes down to stay with us and Baby A.  One of the "other brothers" comes on a regular basis.  So there is a situation with now grown ups who are still happy to have done it as kids.

 

We have friends/neighbors who are 4 adults and 4 kids household as well the oldest kid is 17 and all the kids were born in the house (literally) so they have been together as families for almost 20 years now!


We are trying to think of the easiest way to handle the money 3 of us have jobs and one stays home all of our jobs make a different amount of money. Can I ask how y'all figure out who owes what?


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#12 of 13 Old 06-15-2012, 10:18 AM
 
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I think it is a great idea but you need to  make boundaries very very clear from the outset.

 

Our situation was not exactly the same - we bought a house with another couple and split it into two suites.  We had a joint account where we each paid a certain amount every month to cover house upkeep etc.  We didn't share any food or anything though - unless one family invited over the other.

 

We were both pet owners and it went really well when we needed dog sitting.  Yard work was shared.  We mostly got on well and it went very well.  Having a clear understanding about who paid for what was really helpful.

 

The downside?  Having just bought the other party out, I'd say be very clear and have a legal agreement that covers all possibilities if anything goes wrong.  In our case, the other couple split, then about a year afterwards the remaining party lost his job and it turned out he needd to go into rehab.  There was a lot of back and forth over buying him out/how to deal and I was very, very glad we had a legal agreement in place. 

 

We are still friends now, thankfully.

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#13 of 13 Old 06-15-2012, 10:25 AM
 
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We are trying to think of the easiest way to handle the money 3 of us have jobs and one stays home all of our jobs make a different amount of money. Can I ask how y'all figure out who owes what?
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We create a budget for the year, included are utilites, housing costs, csa, food money, internet, house other etc.  We budget to have a surplus in our account to cover unforeseen events.  We also have a large line item for "house other" which includes things like furniture and we recently installed a projector and screen as our "tv" and paid for it out of that pool of money.  We also budget for maintenance expenses. We divide the costs equally by adult members.  Now I have been in school for the past couple of years so dp mostly pays both of our shares.  

 

We know another house that has the adults pay on a sliding scaled based on income (basically after creating their budget they have the person who earns the most pay the most and down the person who earns the least paying the least).

 

Someone else we know has one adult who does more of the at home stuff (is home when kids get home from school, picks kids up who are sick, does *some* of the after school activity chaffeuring etc) that person pays less than the other adults (to compensate, essential it is their *job* to be home when the kids get home and therefore are compensated by paying a reduced rate).

 

Some of the collective living situations we know of (we live in a collective house which is part of a larger land trust, all of those houses are collective houses as well, although only 2 others have children in them at this time), have assigned chores, some don't, some divide costs based on room size, some divide based on people in the house regardless of age (we only do adult members etc).

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