Originally Posted by
Linda on the move
One of the many problems with the article is comparing the way a child acts away from parents with how a child acts at home. Any experienced parent can you that is comparing apples to oranges. My kids go to a school that takes overnight fields trips and has an outdoor skills programs, and according to the staff, my children are amazingly helpful, hardworking, take initiative, and never whine. I don't see any of that at home. They act like I'm asking for a kidney when I request they pick their towel up off the floor.
This is sooooo true. I've had raves about ds1 constantly since he was in kindergarten. Parent volunteers from Cub Camp have gone out of their way to tell me how great it was to have him in their cabin, because he's so helpful and kind and all the rest. He got a rave review as a counselor at Outdoor School (including showing initiative, stepping up to help out, etc.). He's been going above and beyond since he started school - helping out with younger kids, pitching in for classroom chores, etc. Around here? "Hey, ds1 - don't forget to take out the recycling." "Whyyyyy?". "Umm...because that's been your chore for five years." "Okaaaayyy - just a second." Repeat. Repeat again. Let's go another round. As far as I can tell, people don't even have to ask him to help in any other location.
His future roommates and/or wife, if any, are going to hate me.
And some (not all) of the kids didn't know how to put sheets on their beds. I don't know how normal that is. I'm really curious now how many teens can't really make a bed, or do a load of laundry. But my kid came home shocked at her peers, and surprised that these kids all had solid PGAs.
DS1 probably can't make a bed properly, because it's just not something I do. I haven't actually made a bed in at least 20 years. I gave him the basics a long time ago, but I don't follow up on it. He's been doing his own laundry since he was 12, though - and I probably would have started him on it sooner, except that our living situation made it more hassle than it was worth. I've certainly known quite a few teens who haven't done their own laundry, and don't know how to wash dishes, though. (This one is one where I've blown it with ds1. He can, and does, load, run, and unload a dishwasher, but he never does hand dishes.
For moms of younger kids, my advice would be to read The Continuum Concept and use it as inspiration. Find ways to include your children in the real work that you do. But don't let it drive you crazy, because there is only so much you can do to implement these ideas in our culture.
I think the cultural aspect is important, and so is the time thing. I know it's my choice to have quite a lot going on, but we do have it, and it makes it hard to let the kids take the time to complete some chore that I can do in 10 minutes, but will take them an hour or more. (This was a huge issue with ds1. I was swamped when he was a kid, and simply didn't have the time to let him do things himself.)