How do you feel about positive comments from a non-parent? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 07-09-2012, 03:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not sure this thread is in the right place, but I figured I'd give it a try over here. 

 

A little background information: My husband and I don't have any kids yet (hopefully in a few years). I'm really interested in learning more about attachment parenting including babywearing and respecting children as their own individual selves. 

 

A few months ago, I was in Target and saw a mother with her young son. Her tone with him was gentle  and she didn't seem to get cross with him when he was ducking under clothes racks and such. I watched them for a few minutes and really admired her positive attitude. I gathered up the courage and finally spoke to her and said I really admired the way that she was interacting with her son and a few other things. She seemed pleased with the compliment and also mentioned that she's not always that way! 

 

Also, recently, in one day, I saw two moms with their babes in ring slings. One of the mamas was breastfeeding in public. During both times, I approached the mother and said I really liked her ring sling and I thought it was awesome. I mentioned that I didn't have kids yet, but that babywearing is something that I'm interested in. In the case of the mother breastfeeding, I think I also mentioned that I saw her doing it and that I thought it was really neat that she was doing that. 

I've seen a few other mamas breastfeeding in public and try to smile at them. 

 

I hope I didn't embarrass any of the mothers that I spoke to or make them feel awkward! That's not my intention at all. But maybe it is since I mention that I don't have kids yet? Does that comment make me come off as weird?

 

What do you all think? Should I stop saying anything at all? How do you feel about getting positive comments in public?

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#2 of 12 Old 07-09-2012, 04:21 PM
 
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I wish I would run into more people like you! How very affirming!

 

I've always been so very pleased to get nice comments. I remember one time I had three small kids in line in a store where the check out lane snaked around and was lined with all kinds of items and breakable things. I spent 10 minutes redirecting, distracting, quieting and entertaining my rowdy kids. I was so worried that everyone around me was getting annoyed but when I got to the front of the line the lady behind me said 'Good job, Mama! You did an amazing job there' and it made my day.

 

So few people say nice things, IME.

 

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#3 of 12 Old 07-09-2012, 04:25 PM
 
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I agree! love.gif
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#4 of 12 Old 07-13-2012, 07:06 PM
 
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Your comments are fantastic because you are complimenting their actions as a parent, not inferring or judging from the actions of their children.  That would make me feel great  :)
 

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#5 of 12 Old 07-14-2012, 03:20 AM
 
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Yes...positive feedback is always wonderful! And it's really great to know that these mothers are inspiring you to learn more about AP.


Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#6 of 12 Old 07-14-2012, 07:19 AM
 
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I think your comments are nice, positive, and happy things to hear from someone else.  Keep it up if you enjoy it.

 

 

(If you feel a little awkward about explaining you don't have kids yet - which I don't think you'd even need to do in most cases - you could simply say 'I hope to be like that as a mom' about whatever you're observing just as an alternate way of saying that.)

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#7 of 12 Old 07-14-2012, 07:48 AM
 
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And you know what would be super amazing -- if people who didn't have kids started making encouraging remarks to parents who are stressed out because their children are totally out of control in a public place...if they actually looked at those parents and thought, "You know, I will probably be that parent sometimes."

 

Of course, that's kind of a tall order considering how critical I was, and how sure I was that I'd never be that parent. :)


Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#8 of 12 Old 07-14-2012, 09:11 AM
 
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I think it's especially great that you smile at women nursing in public. When I would nurse my kids I always appreciated a little smile of encouragement from women-- and men too (of course if they weren't being creepy!).


Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)

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#9 of 12 Old 07-28-2012, 10:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blackbird2 View Post

Your comments are fantastic because you are complimenting their actions as a parent, not inferring or judging from the actions of their children.  That would make me feel great  :)

You nailed it.

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#10 of 12 Old 07-28-2012, 10:30 AM
 
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I want to say in all caps "You are awesome" but I've decided that is immature. Instead I will use proper grammar. Those are really wonderful things to say. I get nice comments fairly frequently (I have a precociously verbal, friendly child) and I honestly kind of live for them. When I feel at the end of my rope and I'm about to snap and let my tone of voice get mean I will think about those kind ladies saying, "I really admire how you keep your tone of voice friendly even when you are scolding". The thought of someone wanting to take that back makes me cringe. So I take a deep breath and keep trying. Ok, screw proper grammar, I WANT TO BE TOLD I AM NICE TO MY KIDS. I want it. It's a deep ache inside me. I want people to see that I am nice to my kids. I work so hard at it. It's like my gold star. I went to public school. I have to be told I'm doing a good job or I don't believe it.

 

 

Please, for the love of shiny green apples, keep telling moms nice things. It's awesome.


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#11 of 12 Old 07-28-2012, 11:03 AM
 
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I, too, don't have kids yet and I try to at least smile, if I am not in a position to say something, especially when I see moms NIP! It's so awesome! Glad to hear that it's appreciated!


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#12 of 12 Old 08-04-2012, 09:47 PM
 
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Your was not embarrasing at all..! Moms will surely fell proud by the compliment you are giving. Just hope you have your own soon. Your future children will surely be lucky to have you!! Stay healthy, refrain being stress, sleep right and be happy !

 

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