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#31 of 51 Old 07-20-2012, 05:20 PM
 
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I want to make sure this thread sticks to the issue at hand.  Please refrain from personal attacks and nasty comments.  If you wish to debate the information given, please do so in a respectful helpful way.  Don't debate the poster, debate the post.  Thanks.

 

Edited to add, if you want to discuss this, please PM me so that the thread doesn't go off on another tangent.  And seriously, I'm just addressing the thread in general, no one in particular.  smile.gif


 
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#32 of 51 Old 07-20-2012, 07:43 PM
 
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Sorry, deleted post because it was super argumentative and no good would appear to come from it anyway.  


"Lawyers, I suppose, were children once." Charles Lamb.
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#33 of 51 Old 08-04-2012, 11:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How can anyone be concerned about the legal rights of such an abusive man? Should he have unsupervised visitation so he can abuse the child, too? And repeatedly, until there is sufficient evidence to finally end the abuse (if there ever is before the child dies as a result of abuse). That kind of thing can and has happened.

 

 

Thank you for this! I expected a lot more helpful support when I decided to post about my situation. Honestly, it's so disheartening to see that several other women not only don't support, but believe the court system can provide me and my child with safety. I've been in the realm of the courtroom for a protective order from my ex and it was removed for the sole reason that my ex lives out of state, even though the judge emphasized finding favor with the truth of my case. I was stunned that after she said she found favor with my case that she removed it. My heart sank and my fear rose to an all time high. I've spoken with several attorneys who want to represent me, but strongly believe he will get parenting time and after my child turns two, the law allows the child to be taken out of state. I don't have a doubt in my mind that I would never see my child again...dead or alive. My ex threatened my life and physically abused me while I was pregnant and previous to my pregnancy. I can't risk my life or my child's life. Men who threaten their partner's life or a child's life often times follow through when they've been "crossed," from their point of view. And because they're so manipulative and crafty, it's incredibly difficult to document the abuse because sometimes the wounds are emotional punches and psychological manipulation. 
 
Thank you again for your support. It means more than you know. 
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#34 of 51 Old 08-04-2012, 11:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Because we live in a society in which the accused are not automatically assumed to be guilty. If this guy is as bad as the OP says he is, the court system will support her. But if you flip it around and only listened to his side without giving her a chance to respond, that would be a major violation of her rights. Being abusive does NOT deprive a parent of his/her rights until and unless they have an opportunity to contest the charges in open court. If you think about it, that really is the only civilized way to handle these volatile situations. That's why the longer the OP refuses to comply with court orders the worse it will be. I am genuinely afraid for this child in light of OP's decision to ignore the good advice given in this thread in favor of the crazy illegal advice suggested by one poster who clearly has no grasp of the American legal system.

True. And that is why rapists and murders walk to street with freedom that their victims no longer have. The court system cannot support something I have little evidence to prove. In many instances, when a man petitions for custody or rights, he is granted them only because the courts think he must be a good guy because most men flea or avoid paying child support. This is a statistic, I've done my research. I have no reason to make it up. In fact, I believe I read the information in an article I found on MDC several months ago regarding feminism, abusive, the legal system and the like. 

 

The difficulty I have with what you suggest is that my ex isn't civilized and because I believe his parents are paying for the decisions they want to be made...that also leaves me between a rock and a hard place. If I knew how to get out of it safely and in a civilized manner, I would most definitely be doing just that. I must ask you, have you been directly or indirectly affected by abuse? Have you been to a women's shelter? Do you know what they're like? Because in my experience, solace cannot be found in a shelter. And unless you have experienced the ramifications of abuse, then how can you speak so strongly about my situation? 

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#35 of 51 Old 08-04-2012, 11:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree with the others, go to a women's shelter.  I was involved with one many years ago and there are more there in your situation than you could believe.  I will pray for you and the little one...God be with you

Thank you for your prayers grandmom ruby! Yes, abuse is all too common and seldom reported. 

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#36 of 51 Old 08-05-2012, 12:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Is it just me, or has there been a spate of low-post-number people coming up with these completely BONKERS stories, trying to wrench everyone's heartstrings, and then taking absolutely NO advice when it's offered?

 

Yes, I know I also have a comparatively low number of posts...pot, kettle, black...but if I asked for help, I also wouldn't be shooting down every logical chunk of support offered to me only to say, "Yes, Captain Wackadoodle! I will manufacture documentation and try to manipulate the system in much the same way I feel my ex-partner will manipulate the system! Life on the run, girls gone wild! But I'm not wacko, HE IS!" And I'm not discounting that you're a victim. Two wrongs don't make a right, though, no matter how well-meant.

 

The rest of this is probably harsh, but...Your child's safety shouldn't devolve into a game of who can screw whom the most.

 

If you really don't want to go to a women's shelter for a lawyer, fine. Don't. Find a women's advocacy group. Go to a local law school and ask if they can recommend a pro bono attorney or court liason. Go to a physician who specializes in health care for abused women and ask if they can recommend any lawyers. The doctor I see actually carries a list of recommendations solely because her practice specializes in healing for traumatized/victimized women. If you're of a faith or spiritual persuasion, go to a large or major facility for that faith and ask for legal recommendations. Virtually any socio-cultural group (race, ethnicity, religion, political persuasion, etc) you can think of will offer suggestions to its members regarding legal affairs, with the caveat that they assume no responsibility for outcomes.

 

Just because one shelter sucked doesn't mean they all will, nor is it an excuse for you to hurl yourself so far outside the system that if you're found out, you're virtually guaranteed to lose your child. You're IN the system, like it or not, because that body attachment, warrant, court order - IT EXISTS. You cannot avoid it forever; eventually you're going to need health care or have a change in employment or school status, residence, or utilities that will NECESSITATE some sort of official process, and you'll more likely than not be found. Do you really want it to look like you were scheming and plotting and planning ways to actively avoid your legal dealings?

 

Put on your big-girl undies and get AHEAD of this before it rains down ruination. (I am grumpy because I work with kids who come from families JUST LIKE THIS, and without fail, the kids have SO MANY issues...if mom and/or dad just dealt with life as it came up, Every. Single. Person. Involved. would be so much better off...)  Anyone wanna pour me a drink?  duh.gif

 

I think you deeply misunderstand what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm not looking to play a game with my ex. I know if he were involved that he would instigate games and threats and ultimately take my child. My ex has connections in other countries and once borders are crossed, the U.S. government is powerless. And yes, it's a shame that because I've had a few terrible experiences, I fear being involved with the legal system I expected would offer protection. I went to those places seeking help! It never even crossed my mind that I would become more entrenched in bad advice and people who didn't care. I believe there are good women and men out there who do good work in helping victims of abuse, but unfortunately, I have not had those experiences. I expected a very different outcome than the one I experienced and I feel like I've already lost a lot and I'm not willing to risk losing my child or my child losing me. 

 

I also don't appreciate that because you're grumpy, you're taking out frustration from your job on my situation, which you only have a glimpse of. I also do not appreciate that you're categorizing my "JUST LIKE THIS" situation. I do not just deal with life as it comes. And I find it incredibly difficult to believe that "every single person involved would be so much better off" if people put on their "big-girl" panties. I didn't want to run or be hunted or be abused or rapped or manipulated or be raising a child as a single woman...none of those things were what I wanted. What I do want is for my child to grow up in a healthy home surrounded by truth and love, which is what I strive for on a daily basis. 

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#37 of 51 Old 08-05-2012, 12:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone have any suggestions for how to increase the chances of getting a better lawyer next time?

I echo this question. Another commenter suggested the idea that communicating what I want with my lawyer would bring success and a good lawyer-client relationship. I was abundantly clear with the lawyer provided to me by the organization I initially went to that helps battered women. My lawyer lied to me, misrepresented herself, and ultimately told my ex I had the child. I had been nothing short of clear and repetitive that I did not want him to know and she agreed she wouldn't.

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#38 of 51 Old 08-05-2012, 07:02 AM
 
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I think the point was that you found a not-so-good lawyer the first time around, and that there ARE good lawyers out there who can and will help you. Just b/c the first shelter/attorney you found wasn't a good fit doesn't mean that finding help through a shelter and consulting an attorney is a bad idea. And just b/c you made a horrible choice of a mate the first time doesn't mean all men are going to treat you this way. You do know that, right?

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#39 of 51 Old 08-05-2012, 07:25 AM
 
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Wow OP. I have no advice but you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry you're getting spanked so hard on this forum for wanting to protect your child. Clearly people are lacking in their understanding of the dynamics of abuse. As a social worker, I agree that the system and the courts especially have a habit of not protecting children. I would be absolutely terrified in your shoes. Wishing you peace and strength.
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#40 of 51 Old 08-08-2012, 07:22 AM
 
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Wow OP. I have no advice but you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry you're getting spanked so hard on this forum for wanting to protect your child. Clearly people are lacking in their understanding of the dynamics of abuse. As a social worker, I agree that the system and the courts especially have a habit of not protecting children. I would be absolutely terrified in your shoes. Wishing you peace and strength.

 

Yes, but the last time I remember a woman who feared for her children's safety took legal advice from a bunch of women on MDC who told her to go run and hide and go extralegal and write special letters about asserting her special rights --- she wound up losing her children permanently to the abuser, because she did something grossly illegal that multiple people with actual knowledge of actual law had said not to do.

 

Those of us who saw that go down -- and who are familiar with the roots and history of some of the "constitutional law tactics" recommended above, are loath to see it happen again. 

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#41 of 51 Old 08-08-2012, 03:01 PM
 
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Yes, but the last time I remember a woman who feared for her children's safety took legal advice from a bunch of women on MDC who told her to go run and hide and go extralegal and write special letters about asserting her special rights --- she wound up losing her children permanently to the abuser, because she did something grossly illegal that multiple people with actual knowledge of actual law had said not to do.

Those of us who saw that go down -- and who are familiar with the roots and history of some of the "constitutional law tactics" recommended above, are loath to see it happen again. 

Well I wasn't around to see that and regardless, I am NOT suggesting she do anything illegal or that any advice given by actuals lawyers is anything but good advice. However, being accused of making up the story and it being out of a lifetime movie is just mean. Also, I think there are nicer ways to suggest things to OP without minimizing her experiences. Some people seem to not believe that this guy is abusive or something, or that there's another side to the story and this guy deserves a relationship with his kid. Also telling someone to put on their big girl undies?!?! And then 100 people give that post a thumbs up? I find that really unsupportive. Catscradle had some legitimate good advice. Said nicely. Several other posts were just plain mean. All OP wants to do is protect her kid. Maybe everyone doesn't agree with how she's contemplating handling it, but, i don't know why people have to be so nasty about saying so.
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#42 of 51 Old 08-09-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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eyesroll.gif

The difficulty I have with what you suggest is that my ex isn't civilized and because I believe his parents are paying for the decisions they want to be made...that also leaves me between a rock and a hard place. If I knew how to get out of it safely and in a civilized manner, I would most definitely be doing just that. I must ask you, have you been directly or indirectly affected by abuse? Have you been to a women's shelter? Do you know what they're like? Because in my experience, solace cannot be found in a shelter. And unless you have experienced the ramifications of abuse, then how can you speak so strongly about my situation? 

Actually yes. My mother was in an abusive relationship for 20 years before she died suddenly without explanations last year. That man abused me and my brothers. That man is trying to steal everything my mother left to us and destroy what is left of my family. I know abuse.


Because of my past, I got a degree in social work. I worked at a DV shelter for a year. I counseled battered women. I safety planned with them. I supported them in the legal system when they sought legal assistance. It was heaetbreaking so I decided to go to law school. I graduated, passed the bar, and represented CPS for the last 5 years.


I know my shit and I am not talking out my ass. I have seen women try to take things into their own hands, flee my state, and have the child forcibly removed from her and placed back in my state with the abuser. It's real and its tragic. It is also avoidable. The longer you evade the authorities the more likely it is that your chikd will be removed from your care. Then you will have to prive not only that your ex is dangerous but that you are not. And every illegal action you take weakens your case. So do what you want but the only option you have is to place your trust in the legal system an cooperate. It may not be the best option, but there is no alternative.


Good luck.
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#43 of 51 Old 08-10-2012, 01:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually yes. My mother was in an abusive relationship for 20 years before she died suddenly without explanations last year. That man abused me and my brothers. That man is trying to steal everything my mother left to us and destroy what is left of my family. I know abuse.
Because of my past, I got a degree in social work. I worked at a DV shelter for a year. I counseled battered women. I safety planned with them. I supported them in the legal system when they sought legal assistance. It was heaetbreaking so I decided to go to law school. I graduated, passed the bar, and represented CPS for the last 5 years.
I know my shit and I am not talking out my ass. I have seen women try to take things into their own hands, flee my state, and have the child forcibly removed from her and placed back in my state with the abuser. It's real and its tragic. It is also avoidable. The longer you evade the authorities the more likely it is that your chikd will be removed from your care. Then you will have to prive not only that your ex is dangerous but that you are not. And every illegal action you take weakens your case. So do what you want but the only option you have is to place your trust in the legal system an cooperate. It may not be the best option, but there is no alternative.
Good luck.

I realize tone is sometimes difficult to convey via these messages, but I wasn't trying to question you in a negative manner, as if to say you have to right to share your opinions. I was asking because some of my friends, and possibly women on this board, have very strong opinions about how I should handle things when they haven't experienced abuse themselves. Of course, they are just that, opinions, but ultimately the choices are mine to make. 

 

And while you do know abuse, even still, would you agree that while every abusive situation is painful that they're still all unique in some manner? And sexual abuse is also quite a different kind of personal invasion and pain than emotional or physical abuse and I experienced all three. I am by no means downplaying what you experienced, nor would I ever think that because I know abuse that it means I know your  pain because it's always different. I simply think (or rather, thought) that women and men who have experienced abuse often times seem to take a different and I would even say more kind approach to someone who is dealing with a situation like mine. 

 

It took a lot for me to post what I did and really that wasn't even the half of it. I was hoping to find encouragement, constructive help, and safe alternatives. I understand you're educated and experienced and know the consequences a mother in my shoes can face if she is found, but if you feared losing your life or your child being sexually abused, physically abused, or killed... which risk would you take? Hiding forever or putting yourself and child in danger? I choose hiding. I was just hoping there might be some suggestions or ideas that would prevent that but also keep my ex far away and remove the body attachment. So either no one knows of that solution or it just doesn't exist. 

 

I respect the course you took to work in such a difficult field, really I do. You said it's a heartbreaking job and it most definitely is for various reasons, but some of those reasons have to do with holes and flaws in a system that doesn't really protect women and children all the time. And because of that, I'm doing what I think is right. I don't mean to imply to screw you attitude either. I feel I've been very respectful in my replies, which I'm sad to say cannot me said for all of those who have replied. 

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#44 of 51 Old 08-10-2012, 05:33 AM
 
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You know how, sometimes, when we see our kids about to run across the street, and a car is coming, and we yell? Some moms even lose control and spank, because they are just so scared. For a minute, they saw their child run over in their minds, and they lose control, because they are so scared.

 

I think that's what happened in this thread. OP, I don't think anyone was being disrespectful. I just think this is such a terrible situation, that it is making emotions run high everywhere. You are being extra sensitive for good reason. You feel in fear of your very life and your child's life. It's a horrible, tragic thing. On the other side of it, some commenters here have experience with these cases, and it's like they're watching you about to run across the street. They've seen women like you lose their child, permanently. They desperately don't want that to happen to you, and I think that fully explains some gruffness in the style of some posts here.

 

I've read the whole thread and I can't possibly imagine anyone is trying deliberately to be cruel to a poor, abused, single mom. I think that the urgency of the case has simply prompted some people to use strong language that a less dire situation would not have warranted.

 

Your situation is very scary, OP. It is true that if you find lawyers and take this to court, your abusive ex could end up with some parental time. He also could not, but it is a risk. Running carries its own set of risks, but its very biggest risk is that they could take your child away, permanently, and give your child to your ex. That would be the worst thing ever.

 

I understand how you feel trapped. You feel like there's nothing you can do to keep him totally away from you, to keep you totally safe. This breaks my heart. Please weigh your risks carefully.

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#45 of 51 Old 08-12-2012, 02:16 AM
 
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There are those who live to torture.  A court order is quite amusing to them.  Have you checked the deep web yet HB?  

 

If you're unfamiliar, read many different security protocol sources first, be confident before seeking resources there.  

 

Here's the basics:  http://thebotnet.com/guides-and-tutorials/49828-how-to-access-the-hidden-wiki/

 

Watch your step and brace for more than you ever wanted to be aware of.

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#46 of 51 Old 08-12-2012, 10:23 AM
 
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For confidentiality reasons, this post may be a bit vague, but I wanted to respond.

 

Many years ago, I was in a similar position to the OP. Add that my ex was a trained mercenary, and had serious PTSD, leftover from Viet Nam. He also had (has) friends who are government level computer hackers. Like the OP, there was no police or other official record of the abuse or threats on our lives. Ex was totally homicidal at the time we left, and I know he holds a grudge.

 

My 2 kids were preschoolers when I finally got the nerve to leave. I was able to get to a state where I had no history or connections. I avoided choosing any area where I had family, friends, or had ever mentioned being attracted to. I had called ahead, and and arranged a stay in a women's shelter. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life! It was a supportive environment, and my story was believed. I got good, pro bono, legal advice. I changed my name, and those of my kids, in a sealed record. We also were able to change our Social Security numbers, unlinked to the old records, using a federal program to support domestic violence victims. I told my story to a judge who chose not to require any notification to the ex. For several years, I used a free, state-run, mail forwarding service for DV victims. I avoided all contact with anyone from my prior life. I occasionally contacted my closest family members (from other people's phones, when I was visiting other states) to let them know I was OK.

 

It has not been easy, starting over from scratch. I was on welfare and also racked up huge student loans while I started a new career. I did not try to bring my college degrees with me, or professional certification, because I could not be certain the link would not be traced. I couldn't believe that I had to get a GED! I now have a bachelors degree, in an entirely unrelated field, and a job that I love. My children were allowed to grow up without fear of their father. Over the years, I have lived in several states, intentionally leaving as little trail as possible. I now feel confident enough to re-establish contact with my family, and my Mom and sisters and I are very close. The ex has contacted some family members over the years, but got no info about me. He seems to have given up, as there has been no contact for nearly 10 years. I basically dropped all contact with old friends, and don't feel free to look them up on Facebook or whatever. I still take care not to mention identifying details online, and I have  But all in all, my life is pretty darn good.

 

My message to the OP: It can be done, and it is worth it. I don't have any specific advice on how to start a new life. I mainly wanted to say that I was able to work mostly within the system, using programs that helped me set up an entirely new identity. I am living without fear, and my kids have grown up pretty normal. orngbiggrin.gif
 


Rhu - mother,grandmother,daughter,sister,friend-foster,adoptive,and biological;not necessarily in that order. Some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way (Jimmy Buffet)

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#47 of 51 Old 08-12-2012, 11:16 AM
 
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My message to the OP: It can be done, and it is worth it. I don't have any specific advice on how to start a new life. I mainly wanted to say that I was able to work mostly within the system, using programs that helped me set up an entirely new identity. I am living without fear, and my kids have grown up pretty normal. orngbiggrin.gif

 

 

The most important part of this message is that it IS possible to protect yourself while still operating within the system.  I know you are certain that the system won't protect you, but I can say that isn't accurate. You have to access it before it can protect you though.  While you run, the system will work against you.  

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#48 of 51 Old 08-13-2012, 02:49 PM
 
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I know my shit and I am not talking out my ass. I have seen women try to take things into their own hands, flee my state, and have the child forcibly removed from her and placed back in my state with the abuser. It's real and its tragic. It is also avoidable. The longer you evade the authorities the more likely it is that your child will be removed from your care. Then you will have to prive not only that your ex is dangerous but that you are not. And every illegal action you take weakens your case. So do what you want but the only option you have is to place your trust in the legal system an cooperate. It may not be the best option, but there is no alternative.
Good luck.

 

This, OP, is what I'm worried about. I would hate to see your fear of the system mean that your child is going to grow up with this man.

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#49 of 51 Old 08-16-2012, 02:53 PM
 
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This, OP, is what I'm worried about. I would hate to see your fear of the system mean that your child is going to grow up with this man.

 



Thank you. Whether or not anyone liked my tone, THIS is my point. Though admittedly sarcasm didn't translate well in print. I personally found this whole thing to be a bit of a perfect storm thread, and I wasn't the only one. A topic sure to create strong feelings on both sides, with an evil ex, a desperate mama, abuse, pursuit, threats, endless money, legal failings...if this is the life you're going through, I feel for you, because that's completely miserable and nobody should have to live like that.

 

I'm not attacking you - I don't know you - but I DO think that your plan of "going dark" is a really bad idea. Not you. Just the plan.

 

The guy you were with is completely looloo-bonkers-whacko, right? Right. We agree. The solution isn't going to be to work some sort of skirt-the-law magic...if his money ever catches up with you - and odds are good it will because people with the means to pursue things, do - any half decent lawyer is going to start calling YOU the problem for trying to work outside what the majority of people consider to be "the usual methods." Those usual methods are imperfect, but they're what we have as a solution for a majority of people. If and when you walk too far outside of those bounds and get called out on it, you will likely lose your case to your ex. Not because he's a better parenting choice, but because he can lean back, put his feet up, and say, "Well, at least I got a lawyer - she was too busy running around the country/continent trying to hide my offspring."

 

And ESPECIALLY because this involves your child, do you really want to take the risk? Ten crappy lawyers who waste your time but don't change custody arrangements are still WAY better than the alternative of one well-intentioned person who gives you bad advice you follow and wastes your child's life.

 

I also posted a long list, thought not exhaustive, of community resources to look to for possible legal referrals. Use a burner phone if you're worried about being located. You may be pointed to firms/individuals who have experience with whatever it is you're trying to achieve. And don't pay anyone until you're sure you like them. And make sure you can dump them if they misrepresent themselves.

 

And with that, I'm checking out of this thread. I tried, I clarified. If anyone thinks I'm still being catty, please feel free to address me privately. I don't want to give the wrong idea or perception.


Everything's perfect...
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#50 of 51 Old 08-18-2012, 06:19 PM
 
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I want to comment because it sucks when your threads have thousands of views and only a few contentious comments. I'm struggling with what to say. I am extremely anti-authoritarian. I am the all grown up version of your daughter... only my mother never protected me. My mother put me in vulnerable, dangerous positions over and over and refuses to accept any responsibility for it.

 

I don't know what you should do. I'll be honest and say it scares the shit of me to think of you trying to hide outside the system now. Times aren't like they were. It's a lot harder to get lost than it has been at any point in history. And the probable outcome if you are found is so bad. Oh it's scary. There are government programs to help fleeing domestic violence survivors.

 

I'm scared for you. I'm not judging or thinking anything negative. The system didn't do much to help me until after the fact. The state of California took one look at my father's confession and decided they were ok with paying for my therapy for the rest of my life. I don't have a lot of faith in the system. (I don't let them pay for my therapy anymore either. I'm a rich person. I can afford it.)

 

I have lived with a lot of fear in my life. Serious terror and harm. I don't know what you are feeling but I have a good imagination. I've been thinking about you for a while. I'm sorry your life is this hard. I'm so terribly sorry.


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#51 of 51 Old 08-26-2012, 07:03 PM
 
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OP... I was in a similar situation as yours a year and a half ago, only he never threatened to kill me.  Almost everything else was like your situation.  I don't have any good advice, except, apparently it CAN be done, but even so, whatever you choose to do is a risk.  If you stay out of the system, which is getting harder and harder to do these days and will only get harder as technology increases, you will keep your child safe... until you get caught.  Then, you will lose your child almost definitely.  If you fight him in court (your best bet is a Women's Shelter with a free lawyer or Legal Aid), he will likely get SOME parenting time- my son's father gets Supervised Visitation, but because of the distance, it's not often.  Please get a lawyer.  I'm sure everyone here means well, but the law is a very tricky thing with some crazy loopholes and there's no room for mistakes.  I have some questions...

 

How old is your child?  (Daughter, right?)  The longer she's been with you, the less likely the judge would take her from you, especially with her having NO relationship with her father.

 

Has Paternity been proven yet?  If you haven't signed anything stating that you know he's the father, he can't legally get visitation without being legally declared the father, which would require a DNA test.  It wouldn't stop visitation, but it would stall it.

 

Someone said this- "You say you relocated to another state.  If you have been in that state for at least 6 months and can prove residence for yourself and your child during that time, AND your ex filed for custody/visitation AFTER you had been in that state for 6 months, you can have the entire action either dismissed outright or at least transferred to your state.  If your ex filed for custody BEFORE the six months was up, then his state is the state that retains jurisdiction and all of the orders in that state are VALID."  Which state- yours or his- should it legally be held in court in?

 

I was in a similar situation.  I got more of the "I'll take him and leave the country with him and you'll never see him again" and none of that "I'll kill you" bit, but I feel for you- I know what you're going from, I know the terror of the "what if".  You'll be in my prayers tonight.


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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