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Old 07-14-2012, 01:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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After becoming pregnant, I left my ex because he was verbally, physically, and sexually abusive. I tried to leave him countless times prior to becoming pregnant, but because he raped me early on in the relationship, I felt stuck...or more like enchained, really. Once I became pregnant, I felt like my child's safety waS of the utmost priority and I ended the relationship. I didn't hear from my ex for months, then his father began threatening myself and my family via email and phone messages when I was unresponsive to a couple of harassing e-mails he had sent me. The threats included saying they would take my baby from me, that I was an unfit mother, that the allegations I made against their son were false, and that I better have the protective order removed. When we were unresponsive, they eventually sent private investigators to my mother's home, where they believed I was living. My child was born and shortly thereafter was the scheduled hearing for the protective order I had been able to obtain ex parte. At the hearing, the judge found favor with me, but removed it because my ex lives out of the state I live in. During our relationship, he made comments to me like, "you deserve to die!" repeatedly. Because of comments like that, his abusive behavior, and my concern for my life and my child's life, I moved immediately after the hearing. 

 

I suspected that because of their threats, they would likely pursue establishing paternity and custody. I never reported the rape because I was so ashamed and had a really difficult time even accepting what had happened and until our relationship ended, I wasn't able to call it what it was. 

 

Fast forward to today and my child and I live a very quiet and simple life. We live a happy life, but I have learned that my ex and his family, have somehow managed to get a body attachment placed to my name. I only know this information because I have friends who work in the courthouse. I have not been served this information by way of mail or a sheriff. However, the court considers me served because the call for my appearance in court was placed in the newspaper. I never saw it. I don't read the paper, ever. Nevertheless, they consider me served. This means, if I'm pulled over while driving, I will be arrested and placed in jail for up to 30 days until a hearing date. I don't know what would happen to my child, but I suspect CPS or to my ex. If my child were with my ex, I'm certain I would never see my baby again. 

 

I have done my research and I know rapists are rarely convicted and if convicted, they still receive "parental rights" in many states. Because my ex's family is wealthy, I feel that the charges against my name have been obtained by way of paying people to make the decisions they want made. I know that's a strong statement to make, but every lawyer and officer of the law I've spoken with about my situation is stunned that they have been able to obtain things like a birth certificate (when I never had my child's birth recorded), and visitation rights when, again, there is no record of my chid's birth, and now a body attachment to my name. And lastly, I've learned by way of a friend who knows the magistrate who made the decision for a body attachment to be placed on my name that he has been paid to remove someone from their employment position in the past. I hope that's all clear. It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around at times. 

 

I don't have a typical job, so I cannot be found by way of my job through a private investigator or any other form of records. Even still, I am concerned for my life and what might happen to myself and my child if we are "found" so to speak. Another important detail is that after my ex's family had been unsuccessful in finding us, they went to facebook and posted that I and my child were missing! When in actuality, I'm doing everything I can do give my child a safe future. 

 

I am being hunted by wicked and power-hungry people and I'm wondering what suggestions any fellow mother's may have. 

Thanks for taking the time to read and response. I really appreciate it. 

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Old 07-14-2012, 02:03 AM
 
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I have no experience in this. But I will say I am sorry you have to go through this. Do you have proof of the abuse he did to you? Also the lies? Also they cant jsut make a birth certificate. Fraud is fraud no matter how much money they have. The more you run the more case they make against you. But if they arent finding you then maybe thats for the best too.  How do they know you even had the baby? Are they assuming or did they have contact with the child?  Such a tough situation.

 

The only thing I would do is that if it looks like they might be finding you have friends or people in other areas of the country make you profiles online. Like FB. Linked, twitter. To make it seem that you are in another location. Good luck.

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Old 07-14-2012, 07:10 AM
 
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Maybe go talk to a women's shelter?  They have professionals who know how to deal with these situations - legal counsel and how to protect yourself. 


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Old 07-14-2012, 07:47 AM
 
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I would go to a womens shelter immediately.

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Old 07-14-2012, 08:13 AM
 
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Gather your belongings and get to a Women's shelter right away.  

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Old 07-14-2012, 02:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have no experience in this. But I will say I am sorry you have to go through this. Do you have proof of the abuse he did to you? Also the lies? Also they cant jsut make a birth certificate. Fraud is fraud no matter how much money they have. The more you run the more case they make against you. But if they arent finding you then maybe thats for the best too.  How do they know you even had the baby? Are they assuming or did they have contact with the child?  Such a tough situation.

 

The only thing I would do is that if it looks like they might be finding you have friends or people in other areas of the country make you profiles online. Like FB. Linked, twitter. To make it seem that you are in another location. Good luck.

Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately, other than friends who witnessed some of the events, I don't have much proof. I do have a letter he wrote me in an attempt to win me back in which he finally states that he did hit me. The letter is signed, but the question his attorney asked me repeatedly at the protective order hearing was, "were the police called?" and I honestly asnwered, "no." The police were never called because I felt ashamed about the situation, like I needed to fix him and when you're in a sexually abusive relationship coupled with physical and verbal abuse, it's ironically very difficult to call things what they are. At least, it was for me. Now that the relationship has been over for quite some time. I see everything for what it was. Regarding the lies, a friend of my family, who met with my ex on one occasion, is aware of how much of a liar he is because my ex was spouting off to my family friend that I am the abuser, the liar, and that he (my ex) is the victim in this situation. Our friend knows he was lying, but I have no way to prove he lied in court or that he lies in general. Men who are abusive believe they're telling the truth and believe they're the ones who are the victims. 

 

At the protective order hearing, my lawyer, provided to me through a local organization supposed to help women in situations like mine told his lawyer outside of the court room that there was a child, even though i had repeatedly and clearly expressed that i did not want anything from him and did not want them to know I had a child. I have learned my lawyer is really more of a fraud than a lawyer and never should be allowed to practice law, but there isn't really anything I can do about it now. So, at the hearing, his lawyer asked me the child's name and birth date. I was under oath, I had no choice but to share it, which is why I left town immediately after the hearing. I wanted them to assume there was no child. I never expected it to come up in the protective hearing because I didn't put anything about being pregnant in the file for the protective order and I had not been in touch with my ex about the pregnancy. 

 

I don't keep in touch with friends and family for the purpose of keeping them safe and myself and my baby safe. It's frustrating to feel like I'm still being victimized, but I don't want my child to experience what I did...or worse. 

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Old 07-14-2012, 11:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe go talk to a women's shelter?  They have professionals who know how to deal with these situations - legal counsel and how to protect yourself. 

After I ended the relationship and before my child was born I did seek help from a local organization that is supposed to help abused women obtain protective orders, education about how to avoid relationships with abusive men, and the like. This is the organization that appointed me with a fraud of an attorney. I feel burned by the system and I'm not willing to enter it again to risk losing my child. A large majority of men who pursue custody obtain it, regardless of the situation, men who pursue custody are looked upon as good men in the eyes of the court because most men would not care less about having custody. 

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Old 07-15-2012, 12:57 PM
 
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I don't know if this is a good suggestion or not, but if you want to know what's going on in court, could you get a P.O. Box? Here, you have to be served in person but if someone is being difficult for whatever reason (my ex just didn't want to deal with court) you can do alternative service. If you went to the registry and gave them your P.O. box (or have the lawyer you spoke to do it for you)  and your email address to put in the file, then the judge would know that they DO have a way of contacting you for legal purposes and hopefully lift the body attachment. 

 

Or, if you've been in your state long enough, could you file for something there and get it away from the judge you suspect is corrupt?


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Old 07-15-2012, 02:30 PM
 
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HB1,

 

I don't want to overwhelm you with info, but I'm familiar with your dilemma.  There are ways to deal with the courts, NOT easy, lots of research, huge shift in thinking...

 

Start with the Driver's License:  http://justiceprose.8m.com/carl/carl41.html 

 

Inform the government of your intentions to travel in you car with no registration and if they have any objection they must say so in writing, within 20 days. You can quote case law if you want etc. etc. Make sure that you want their response under penalty of perjury, and under Oath, with full libility. 

How you word your agree/contract with them is up to you. Make sure you send it registered mail. Probably to the State attorney general would be the best place.

I would use the word affidavit in the title of you presentment. When they don't answer with in the time frame, your presentment become law, contract makes the law, between you and the state. 

Have it notarized and a return receipt on the registered mail

 

Do not allow an officer to ID you as ***** NAME, Assert You are a woman free to travel via your conveyance.  Ask what harm has been done to be detained?  Make your own plates, so they cannot claim you as a consenting state asset.  There is much more...Best to PM me! 

 

Then go on to distinguishing your previous consent to being property of the US Corporation (and subject to it's statues) from your human rights:  http://www.mind-trek.com/practicl/afdv-gen.htm

 

You were protecting yourself and child from harm....The corrupt court system is designed to shatter families and generate revenue.  Keep your tracks covered while you reestablish you rights.

 

Careful with correspondence, utility bills, registrations, medical care ect...

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Old 07-16-2012, 11:07 AM
 
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HB1,

 

I don't want to overwhelm you with info, but I'm familiar with your dilemma.  There are ways to deal with the courts, NOT easy, lots of research, huge shift in thinking...

 

Start with the Driver's License:  http://justiceprose.8m.com/carl/carl41.html

 

Inform the government of your intentions to travel in you car with no registration and if they have any objection they must say so in writing, within 20 days. You can quote case law if you want etc. etc. Make sure that you want their response under penalty of perjury, and under Oath, with full libility. 

How you word your agree/contract with them is up to you. Make sure you send it registered mail. Probably to the State attorney general would be the best place.

I would use the word affidavit in the title of you presentment. When they don't answer with in the time frame, your presentment become law, contract makes the law, between you and the state. 

Have it notarized and a return receipt on the registered mail

 

Do not allow an officer to ID you as ***** NAME, Assert You are a woman free to travel via your conveyance.  Ask what harm has been done to be detained?  Make your own plates, so they cannot claim you as a consenting state asset.  There is much more...Best to PM me! 

 

Then go on to distinguishing your previous consent to being property of the US Corporation (and subject to it's statues) from your human rights:  http://www.mind-trek.com/practicl/afdv-gen.htm

 

You were protecting yourself and child from harm....The corrupt court system is designed to shatter families and generate revenue.  Keep your tracks covered while you reestablish you rights.

 

Careful with correspondence, utility bills, registrations, medical care ect...

I'd be careful offering "legal" advice if you're not a lawyer, especially highly flawed advice like above. 

 

OP:  I think going to a womens' shelter is a good idea, but I also think that you need to find a lawyer, if you don't already have one.  In many circumstances, writs of body attachment are used when someone ignores or fails to respond to a subpoena.  Personally I wouldn't go around trying to avoid the court system, I would find a good lawyer (through legal aid or other organizations if you can't presently afford to retain a lawyer) who can both defend you against this family and help resolve your situation. 


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Old 07-16-2012, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know if this is a good suggestion or not, but if you want to know what's going on in court, could you get a P.O. Box? Here, you have to be served in person but if someone is being difficult for whatever reason (my ex just didn't want to deal with court) you can do alternative service. If you went to the registry and gave them your P.O. box (or have the lawyer you spoke to do it for you)  and your email address to put in the file, then the judge would know that they DO have a way of contacting you for legal purposes and hopefully lift the body attachment. 

 

Or, if you've been in your state long enough, could you file for something there and get it away from the judge you suspect is corrupt?

The problem with being contact in any way is becoming a part of the court system, which I want nothing to do with. They don't really protect children in most cases. In some, yes, children are kept from harm, but more commonly...children and women and placed in situations that cause uncorrectable and unforgettable damage. 

 

If I was in the system, yes, I could petition for a different judge, but because I don't want to be involved with the courts...no ... I can't. :-/ My ex really wants control of me and since he cannot have it by way of a relationship with me, he wants parental rights so he can take the baby I conceived while we were together. I don't doubt that he would have myself or my child killed. The fear of have of my child losing me or my child being taken from me it too much of a risk for me to enter the legal system. Unfortunately, when people have money they're able to accomplish what they want far more often than not. 

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Old 07-16-2012, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd be careful offering "legal" advice if you're not a lawyer, especially highly flawed advice like above. 

 

OP:  I think going to a womens' shelter is a good idea, but I also think that you need to find a lawyer, if you don't already have one.  In many circumstances, writs of body attachment are used when someone ignores or fails to respond to a subpoena.  Personally I wouldn't go around trying to avoid the court system, I would find a good lawyer (through legal aid or other organizations if you can't presently afford to retain a lawyer) who can both defend you against this family and help resolve your situation. 

I've been to a local organization that was supposed to help me. The lawyer that had by way of grant money was hardly qualified to be a lawyer and she is part of the reason why I'm in this mess. I had not told my ex that I had the baby and because I had a homebirth, there was no record of my child's birth. I had always planned to have a homebirth. I made it abundantly clear to my appointed attorney that I was self-sufficient, didn't want him to know I had a child, was not on medicaid, didn't want anything from he or his family. Even if I did, his parents are the one's with money, he was barely able to hold a part-time job and never had enough to pay his bills. All of that aside, he is a bad guy in every sense of the word. 

Anyway. 

In my experience, a lawyer wants to keep people and children within the legal system. Once the courts are part of your life, they don't leave and I don't trust complete corrupt strangers to make decisions about what is best for my child or myself. They weren't there when I was being raped, manipulated, sexually abused, physically threatened, controlled, pushed around into walls, and hit while I was carrying a baby. They don't know how belligerant my ex was when things didn't go just that way he thought they should. The courts don't understand abuse because it's distant and far from relational. 

 

Like I said before, the lawyers and law officers whom I have spoken with are in shock that a body attachment was placed. I spoke with family law attorneys and another attorney who has been practicing for many years. The officers I spoke with were also not new to the force, so clearly my situation is incredibly unusual. I was not subpoenaed and like also said, the only way the courts consider me served is because something was published in the paper requesting my appearance at a hearing. I only know this by way of friends who work within the courthouse, not because I saw the paper. Until recently, I didn't even know such a thing was possible. 

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Old 07-16-2012, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been to a local organization that was supposed to help me. The lawyer that had by way of grant money was hardly qualified to be a lawyer and she is part of the reason why I'm in this mess. I had not told my ex that I had the baby and because I had a homebirth, there was no record of my child's birth. I had always planned to have a homebirth. I made it abundantly clear to my appointed attorney that I was self-sufficient, didn't want him to know I had a child, was not on medicaid, didn't want anything from he or his family. Even if I did, his parents are the one's with money, he was barely able to hold a part-time job and never had enough to pay his bills. All of that aside, he is a bad guy in every sense of the word. 

Anyway. 

In my experience, a lawyer wants to keep people and children within the legal system. Once the courts are part of your life, they don't leave and I don't trust complete corrupt strangers to make decisions about what is best for my child or myself. They weren't there when I was being raped, manipulated, sexually abused, physically threatened, controlled, pushed around into walls, and hit while I was carrying a baby. They don't know how belligerant my ex was when things didn't go just that way he thought they should. The courts don't understand abuse because it's distant and far from relational. 

 

Like I said before, the lawyers and law officers whom I have spoken with are in shock that a body attachment was placed. I spoke with family law attorneys and another attorney who has been practicing for many years. The officers I spoke with were also not new to the force, so clearly my situation is incredibly unusual. I was not subpoenaed and like also said, the only way the courts consider me served is because something was published in the paper requesting my appearance at a hearing. I only know this by way of friends who work within the courthouse, not because I saw the paper. Until recently, I didn't even know such a thing was possible. 

I forgot to mention that the lawyer I had been appointed through the local organization that is supposed to help battered and abused women is the very person who told me ex's attorney that I did have a baby. As I understand it, she really should not have done so. But, there's nothing I could do about it....she had shared the information. 

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Old 07-16-2012, 11:06 PM
 
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HB1,

 

I don't want to overwhelm you with info, but I'm familiar with your dilemma.  There are ways to deal with the courts, NOT easy, lots of research, huge shift in thinking...

 

Start with the Driver's License:  http://justiceprose.8m.com/carl/carl41.html

 

Inform the government of your intentions to travel in you car with no registration and if they have any objection they must say so in writing, within 20 days. You can quote case law if you want etc. etc. Make sure that you want their response under penalty of perjury, and under Oath, with full libility. 

How you word your agree/contract with them is up to you. Make sure you send it registered mail. Probably to the State attorney general would be the best place.

I would use the word affidavit in the title of you presentment. When they don't answer with in the time frame, your presentment become law, contract makes the law, between you and the state. 

Have it notarized and a return receipt on the registered mail

 

Do not allow an officer to ID you as ***** NAME, Assert You are a woman free to travel via your conveyance.  Ask what harm has been done to be detained?  Make your own plates, so they cannot claim you as a consenting state asset.  There is much more...Best to PM me! 

 

Then go on to distinguishing your previous consent to being property of the US Corporation (and subject to it's statues) from your human rights:  http://www.mind-trek.com/practicl/afdv-gen.htm

 

You were protecting yourself and child from harm....The corrupt court system is designed to shatter families and generate revenue.  Keep your tracks covered while you reestablish you rights.

 

Careful with correspondence, utility bills, registrations, medical care ect...

This makes no sense and it is utterly wrong. Please don't listen to this.

 

As far as your other issues:

 

1. Your ex has parental rights because he is the biological father. If he was a rapist and the child was conceived via rape, he is still the biological father and STILL HAS PARENTAL RIGHTS. It is possible to terminate his parental rights through the judicial system, but your opinion about whether he should have parental rights is meaningless.  While you interfere with his rights without permission of the court, it will make the court think that he is the good guy and you are in the wrong for stealing his child.  I am not saying this is right, but it is the truth.

 

2. You seem very angry with the lawyer who disclosed that you had a child.  Again, the father has legal rights regardless of your instructions to hide the child's birth. The lawyer has an ethical duty to be honest and cannot lie for you. A lawyer can do their best to represent their client zealously, but ethically they CANNOT LIE.  What you wanted your lawyer to do was lie for you. Please don't assume that the entire system is out to get you because a lawyer had to be honest. 

 

3. The reason that you have a take into custody order is that the only way the judicial system works is if people obey it.  You have not obeyed the system and they upped the ante.  This will not go away and it will hang over your head forever unless you get it resolved. You are right to be concerned that if you get taken into custody that the father may well end up with your child while you are not available.  This is NOT the way to handle the situation.  You need to listen to the court system because if you don't you run the very real risk that your child will be ordered out of your custody.  Please don't take that risk, that is not in anyone's interest. 

 

4.  You say you relocated to another state.  If you have been in that state for at least 6 months and can prove residence for yourself and your child during that time, AND your ex filed for custody/visitation AFTER you had been in that state for 6 months, you can have the entire action either dismissed outright or at least transferred to your state.  If your ex filed for custody BEFORE the six months was up, then his state is the state that retains jurisdiction and all of the orders in that state are VALID.  

 

5. What you need to do is two things.  First, you need to file your own custody action in your own state.  Second, you need to get in touch with the court that issued the take into custody order immediately.  Call the clerk and explain the situation.  Tell them that you are fearful for your life and that you never received actual notice of any court proceedings.  Tell them that you have your own custody case pending and ask whether it would be possible for you to reopen the case in your ex's state and participate via phone.  The clerks will be helpful as long as you are clear and respectful with them.  

 

Best of luck to you, this is a terrible situation and I hope that you can navigate your way out.  Just remember that you cannot escape the judicial system and that as long as you run, your ex has the upper hand.  Also, I'm sorry to tell you that because your ex has parental rights, he will also likely be granted some type of visitation. If I were you, I would ask that it be supervised by a professional visitation supervision agency.  I know you don't want him in your life at all, but sadly, it just doesn't work that way at all.  


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Old 07-16-2012, 11:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HB1,

 

I don't want to overwhelm you with info, but I'm familiar with your dilemma.  There are ways to deal with the courts, NOT easy, lots of research, huge shift in thinking...

 

Start with the Driver's License:  http://justiceprose.8m.com/carl/carl41.html

 

Inform the government of your intentions to travel in you car with no registration and if they have any objection they must say so in writing, within 20 days. You can quote case law if you want etc. etc. Make sure that you want their response under penalty of perjury, and under Oath, with full libility. 

How you word your agree/contract with them is up to you. Make sure you send it registered mail. Probably to the State attorney general would be the best place.

I would use the word affidavit in the title of you presentment. When they don't answer with in the time frame, your presentment become law, contract makes the law, between you and the state. 

Have it notarized and a return receipt on the registered mail

 

Do not allow an officer to ID you as ***** NAME, Assert You are a woman free to travel via your conveyance.  Ask what harm has been done to be detained?  Make your own plates, so they cannot claim you as a consenting state asset.  There is much more...Best to PM me! 

 

Then go on to distinguishing your previous consent to being property of the US Corporation (and subject to it's statues) from your human rights:  http://www.mind-trek.com/practicl/afdv-gen.htm

 

You were protecting yourself and child from harm....The corrupt court system is designed to shatter families and generate revenue.  Keep your tracks covered while you reestablish you rights.

 

Careful with correspondence, utility bills, registrations, medical care ect...

I'm really interested in what you have to share. Thanks for the links. I'll have to check them out, too.

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Old 07-17-2012, 05:59 AM
 
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How can anyone be concerned about the legal rights of such an abusive man? Should he have unsupervised visitation so he can abuse the child, too? And repeatedly, until there is sufficient evidence to finally end the abuse (if there ever is before the child dies as a result of abuse). That kind of thing can and has happened.
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Old 07-17-2012, 12:41 PM
 
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How can anyone be concerned about the legal rights of such an abusive man? Should he have unsupervised visitation so he can abuse the child, too? And repeatedly, until there is sufficient evidence to finally end the abuse (if there ever is before the child dies as a result of abuse). That kind of thing can and has happened.

Because we live in a society in which the accused are not automatically assumed to be guilty. If this guy is as bad as the OP says he is, the court system will support her. But if you flip it around and only listened to his side without giving her a chance to respond, that would be a major violation of her rights. Being abusive does NOT deprive a parent of his/her rights until and unless they have an opportunity to contest the charges in open court. If you think about it, that really is the only civilized way to handle these volatile situations. That's why the longer the OP refuses to comply with court orders the worse it will be. I am genuinely afraid for this child in light of OP's decision to ignore the good advice given in this thread in favor of the crazy illegal advice suggested by one poster who clearly has no grasp of the American legal system.

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Old 07-17-2012, 05:34 PM
 
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I'm really interested in what you have to share. Thanks for the links. I'll have to check them out, too.

 

I wash my hands of this.  You can choose illegal methods of avoiding the law, then you can accept the consequences.  I'm tired of offering my opinion only to get shot down by people who know "better" even though I'm thoroughly aware of the law and the ramifications.  Sorry, OP, but you're potentially buying into a concept that will put you at greater risk than what others have offered here.  You're free to choose what you want to do, but there's a cost/benefit analysis to everything that we choose.  My personal opinion and that of many of my colleagues (who, I guarantee, are not out to get anyone or undermine their rights), is that legal remedies are there for a reason and there is help and protection under the law.  


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Old 07-17-2012, 10:00 PM
 
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I'm really interested in what you have to share. Thanks for the links. I'll have to check them out, too.

 

You're ignoring some really good advice from women who know what they're talking about. I know you got burned by the court system, but there are better lawyers out there. The more you try to avoid the court system, the deeper you're digging yourself. You're at real risk for losing your daughter forever because the court is going to see you, not the father, as the problem.

 

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How can anyone be concerned about the legal rights of such an abusive man? Should he have unsupervised visitation so he can abuse the child, too? And repeatedly, until there is sufficient evidence to finally end the abuse (if there ever is before the child dies as a result of abuse). That kind of thing can and has happened.

 

Has the abuse against him been proved? If not, then he deserves a day in court, no matter how awful we think he is. I know personally, of a father who was falsely accused by his wife. It took him several years to document that she had a drug/alcohol problem and was the one who was abusing the kids. He still didn't get full custody. We only know one side of the story. Both sides deserve to be heard. To do otherwise is vigilantism.


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Old 07-18-2012, 01:23 AM
 
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My concern is for the safety and well-being of the child. Assuming the man is as abusive as has been stated, and assuming that abuse has not been documented (for whatever reason), how can the child be protected from abuse?
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Old 07-18-2012, 01:14 PM
 
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If she takes the advice to flee, manufacture documents and live outside the system, she risks having all custody taken away from her and full custody given to her abusive ex. If what she says about the body order is true, then if she's ever pulled over, she's going to lose her child, even temporarily.

 

Right now, she lives in another state and the ex has not exercised any parental rights. With a decent lawyer, and the evidence from the previous restraining order, she's got a good chance of getting full custody and another restraining order, and getting the body order (whatever the heck that means) removed. Right now she's living in fear because of something someone at the courthouse told her.


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Old 07-18-2012, 04:30 PM
 
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How can she get a good lawyer, if she can't pay for one herself? What questions can she ask to determine the lawyer's ethics and intentions?
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Old 07-18-2012, 04:39 PM
 
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Contrary to mass conditioning, there is absolutely nothing illegal about asserting your Constitutional Rights, a MINIMAL amount of research

details the process of those that have successfully taken full responsibility for their lives in that regard.  

 

Unfortunately, those compelled to do so have suffered immensely before seeking answers to their plight and wish to share experiences gained through pain.  

 

Perhaps one day, when a fellow woman is in fear for her and a child's safety, she will no longer be referred to those that would cripple her financially, emotionally, and spiritually....Shelters are often run like prisons where your holistic parenting practices are not tolerated and failure to comply with every expectation leads to further constraint, intervention and eviction.   

 

Those of you who have not had your soul shredded by a man, who feels empowered by subjugating you in every possible way, may respect

those of us who have.  Consider seeking to understand before you form a lynch mob hmmm?

 

Solutions that do not further bind us to men who mean us harm, regardless of the accepted degree of such, would be considerably more helpful than blind accusations indicating criminal activity and cowardice.

 

I hope others in similar circumstances find better support here....I knew better. 

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Old 07-18-2012, 05:32 PM
 
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Is it just me, or has there been a spate of low-post-number people coming up with these completely BONKERS stories, trying to wrench everyone's heartstrings, and then taking absolutely NO advice when it's offered?

 

Yes, I know I also have a comparatively low number of posts...pot, kettle, black...but if I asked for help, I also wouldn't be shooting down every logical chunk of support offered to me only to say, "Yes, Captain Wackadoodle! I will manufacture documentation and try to manipulate the system in much the same way I feel my ex-partner will manipulate the system! Life on the run, girls gone wild! But I'm not wacko, HE IS!" And I'm not discounting that you're a victim. Two wrongs don't make a right, though, no matter how well-meant.

 

The rest of this is probably harsh, but...Your child's safety shouldn't devolve into a game of who can screw whom the most.

 

If you really don't want to go to a women's shelter for a lawyer, fine. Don't. Find a women's advocacy group. Go to a local law school and ask if they can recommend a pro bono attorney or court liason. Go to a physician who specializes in health care for abused women and ask if they can recommend any lawyers. The doctor I see actually carries a list of recommendations solely because her practice specializes in healing for traumatized/victimized women. If you're of a faith or spiritual persuasion, go to a large or major facility for that faith and ask for legal recommendations. Virtually any socio-cultural group (race, ethnicity, religion, political persuasion, etc) you can think of will offer suggestions to its members regarding legal affairs, with the caveat that they assume no responsibility for outcomes.

 

Just because one shelter sucked doesn't mean they all will, nor is it an excuse for you to hurl yourself so far outside the system that if you're found out, you're virtually guaranteed to lose your child. You're IN the system, like it or not, because that body attachment, warrant, court order - IT EXISTS. You cannot avoid it forever; eventually you're going to need health care or have a change in employment or school status, residence, or utilities that will NECESSITATE some sort of official process, and you'll more likely than not be found. Do you really want it to look like you were scheming and plotting and planning ways to actively avoid your legal dealings?

 

Put on your big-girl undies and get AHEAD of this before it rains down ruination. (I am grumpy because I work with kids who come from families JUST LIKE THIS, and without fail, the kids have SO MANY issues...if mom and/or dad just dealt with life as it came up, Every. Single. Person. Involved. would be so much better off...)  Anyone wanna pour me a drink?  duh.gif


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Old 07-18-2012, 08:37 PM
 
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 Anyone wanna pour me a drink?  duh.gif

I'll pour you a drink, Squid, and to everyone else on this thread with a grip (so many, but you know who you are).

 

You know, MotheringBliss (yes, talking to you), when people start throwing around "constitutional" stuff, I have to shake my head in disbelief at the total lack of misunderstanding that people have who throw around "constitutional rights" theories, etc, especially when those theories are based on concepts outside the tri-parte government that "we the people" have established (including hundreds of years of precedent where rights have been evaluated and established).  It exhibits a total and complete misunderstanding of the law and the law of the land (which includes the Constitution).  I'm not mass conditioned, MotheringBliss (and your accusations of such make me LOL), I've had time in my life to consider all sides and I know and firmly believe in a society which defends victims and prosecutes criminals.  My guess is that you're less concerned about the truly disenfranchised in our society, and more concerned about making sure the "Man" doesn't tell you what to do.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I've seen this rhetoric elsewhere (the whole constitutional rights contingent).  In most of these circumstances, these people care more about their own rights than the rights of others.  Sorry, but the Constitution doesn't work that way.  It's not a one-way street.

 

I don't say this a lot on MDC (because usually it's irrelevant), but I'm a lawyer and have been for a long time.  I'm well versed in the law and I know what it means to defy and ignore the law.  A lot of us go into law because we believe in justice and the just application of the law.  You want to call that mass conditioning...be my guest.  My ethical duty to my clients is to get the best result for them given their circumstances, even if they think they can get around the law or avoid it (which is wrong and produces a worse result).  I would never give advice to someone when it goes against my ethical duties and my oath to uphold certain legal principles.  I don't need some schlock legal theorist who is not subject to a duty of care or duty of professionalism to tell me I'm mass conditioned.  

 

My rant over, I again say that there are solutions to OP's problem.  The solutions involve other things than the stuff that "others" here have proposed.  There are people that care in the world, even "men", goddamitt.  If OP needs help, she will find help, because there's plenty of it.  If she wants to avoid the law and run under the radar, then perhaps she will be running for the rest of her life. Not something that I would choose.  Why?  Because there are good people out there...there are people who want to help and believe in justice.  If you want to take the road the everyone is against you, fine.  I happen to know better.  Perhaps I'm "mass conditioned."  Who knows?  Good lord, can't even believe I'm having this conversation at MDC.  

 

Sorry, edited to say that I'm very fairly mean here, but I get so frustrated when really bad (and illegal) advice is given to others and people buy into the concept.  This stuff really matters to me.  I feel so frustrated.  I'm signing off here.


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Old 07-19-2012, 02:44 AM
 
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Does anyone have any suggestions for how to increase the chances of getting a better lawyer next time?
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Old 07-19-2012, 03:55 AM
 
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I agree with the others, go to a women's shelter.  I was involved with one many years ago and there are more there in your situation than you could believe.  I will pray for you and the little one...God be with you

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Old 07-19-2012, 05:20 PM
 
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Pek: All she has to do is communicate. State her expectations, her ability to pay or not pay, differentiate between what she WANTS versus what she NEEDS, and be willing to walk away from several bad-fit lawyers until she finds the one/ones who is/are right for her. Just like MDC says "fire" a midwife or OB or doctor who doesn't want to work WITH you...she can do the same.

Not all lawyers charge up-front fees, or any fees at all. She has very little to lose by saying, "Here is the honest-to-truth situation in my life, and I need A, B, and C in order to keep custody and be safe. However, I want X, Y, and Z, but they aren't absolutely 100% necessary. What can we do together?" The lawyer isn't going to call up her ex afterwards and give him a home address and telephone number. Sheesh.

I feel like we're all up in arms over the plot of some sh!tty Lifetime made-for-TV movie. Gah.  puke.gif
 


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Old 07-20-2012, 04:57 PM
 
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I am glad some constructive advise (more than simply 'go to a shelter') was finally given! It is a shame it was not stated with a bit more reserve.

As someone who was raised being verbally, psychologically, and emotionally abused, I can tell you that I am only learning now that I have the right to stand up for myself in family situations. I imagine for some, all situations may be difficult, or those involving authority figures. To someone just beginning the process, the instinct to avoid confrontations would be great. The tone of the posts suggesting working within the system would make working within the system less appealing. Even the last advise was offensive with the vomiting animation.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:55 PM
 
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My first choice would be to get a better lawyer.

My second choice would be to expatriate.
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