Does the longing for "just one more" ever really go away?? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 08:52 AM
 
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Yeah, this is kind of what I'm thinking. It almost feels like my brain/logic center has been trying to tell me that moving on to the next phase of life would be the smartest thing to do...but my heart is like "no, no, come on...ONE more!!" and so my brain is like "okay, if you won't listen to the normal inner voice, maybe we'll scare you with a little 'vision from God' channel!" You know?

I NEVER blatantly disregard anything my inner voice tries to tell me...and everything in me is telling me not to disregard this message I've been given...everything, that is, except for my hearts burning desire to have another baby! But it's not like I have ONE kid and my husband is refusing me any more. It's not like I'm one of the women who tried and tried and could only manage two babies because of fertility issues...or like I have had terrible birth trauma or something else like that keeping me from trying again. It's just life stuff.  I feel like I don't have a right to feel so badly about it or make it such a big deal. I've had three pretty perfect pregnancies, three completely perfect HBs (though, DD2's 15 minute birth was kind of traumatic!) and now have three really, really healthy, glowing babies. I almost feel shame for feeling that I even deserve more than that.

hug2.gif I totally remember that feeling!  In my case, having one more would have increased my risk of having another bleed in my brain, and yet, I totally craved, against all logic, just one more! 


 
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#32 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hug2.gif I totally remember that feeling!  In my case, having one more would have increased my risk of having another bleed in my brain, and yet, I totally craved, against all logic, just one more! 

 

 

Geez lady!! That sounds so serious!! I'm so sorry you were faced with that level of intensity around deciding whether or not to try for more. That must be so difficult. hug2.gif

Thank you so much for posting...ALL OF YOU...it helps so much to type it out and have other people give feedback! New perspective helps one to achieve clarity, for sure, and in this case, it has helped me tremendously. Thank you thank you. I seriously feel so much better. Like it's normal, you know?


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#33 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 10:41 AM
 
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If I had a vision like that then I would try to accept it as what my subconscious was telling me was best.  That's a pretty powerful vision.

 

After DS2 (my 4th) was born, I was done.  I felt content, and didn't feel the pull to have any more babies.  I didn't feel like anyone was missing, I felt like our family was complete.

 

Then, last fall, I became pregnant unexpectedly (while using birth control) and had an early loss.  It totally rocked my world, and the peace I had felt was gone.  Then in January another pregnancy, followed by another loss in February.  I no longer felt like our family was complete, though I don't know if I was just reacting emotionally to the losses.  I just felt like somebody was missing.  I'm now pregnant again, expecting #5 in January.  I don't know if that feeling of completion will come back after this baby is born or not.  DH just thinks that I will go broody every 1.5-2 years no matter what.


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#34 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 12:32 PM
 
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you know i am curious what life has in store for you. that vision i would hardly call logic ya know. 

 

but you have both sides living in you. would life hand you a 4th? perhaps in some other way. i am curious what happens in the next couple of years or so.

 

coz after a vision like that and the aftereffects you'd expect your heart to comply. 

 

but it hasnt. that makes me curious. 

 

perhaps you have some baby adventure ahead of you at some time :) possibly in ways now unimaginable. 


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#35 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 12:33 PM
 
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For me it went away after my second was born. Of course, I always knew I only wanted 2 children. They're 10 and 8 years old now, so there isn't a chance I'd consider having another at this point. I'm working on a couple master's degrees and ready to get my career started!
 

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#36 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If I had a vision like that then I would try to accept it as what my subconscious was telling me was best.  That's a pretty powerful vision.

 

After DS2 (my 4th) was born, I was done.  I felt content, and didn't feel the pull to have any more babies.  I didn't feel like anyone was missing, I felt like our family was complete.

 

Then, last fall, I became pregnant unexpectedly (while using birth control) and had an early loss.  It totally rocked my world, and the peace I had felt was gone.  Then in January another pregnancy, followed by another loss in February.  I no longer felt like our family was complete, though I don't know if I was just reacting emotionally to the losses.  I just felt like somebody was missing.  I'm now pregnant again, expecting #5 in January.  I don't know if that feeling of completion will come back after this baby is born or not.  DH just thinks that I will go broody every 1.5-2 years no matter what.


@bolded: Hahah why do you think my screen name is what it is?? I'm a broody chick...stubborn as a broody hen, too! I just want BABIES!

 

See that's the thing...I DO feel that someone is missing. I list all my children and feel like someone is missing. I even find myself saying in my head "Oh my god, where is...." but all my kids are there, in the room with me...and though I feel like someone is lost, I can't say the name. I don't know the name yet. I think it is a boy...I SWEAR it feels so real...maybe it's not.


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#37 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 02:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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you know i am curious what life has in store for you. that vision i would hardly call logic ya know. 

 

but you have both sides living in you. would life hand you a 4th? perhaps in some other way. i am curious what happens in the next couple of years or so.

 

coz after a vision like that and the aftereffects you'd expect your heart to comply. 

 

but it hasnt. that makes me curious. 

 

perhaps you have some baby adventure ahead of you at some time :) possibly in ways now unimaginable. 

 

 

I am also curious. Life is so great in the way it unfolds in front of us. We cannot fathom the reality we will be living in in the future..but then, it always comes and envelopes us and it's only in moments of real clarity that we can fully comprehend the awesomeness of the present moment, of what life has delivered us to that we could never have imagined was coming. If you had told me exactly 4.5 years ago that in this moment I would be sitting in my home, on my little homestead with three kids ages four and under...I would have fallen straight over onto the ground! I never could have imagined this life into being...it just becomes, one step at a time, what it is going to be. I know the future is coming...but that's all I know about it. It will come and it will bring things to me that I cannot see now. That's really exciting! When I focus on that feeling, it doesn't feel sad to me to consider not having another.


Me and DH ...lovin' DD dust.gif(6/08) and DS kid.gif(11/09) Plus NEW BABY!! DD baby.gif (UC-5/12) We heartbeat.gif Water Birth/Homebirth/No Vax or Circ/BF/BW/Country Livin'! chicken3.gif

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#38 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 02:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BroodyWoodsgal View Post

@bolded: Hahah why do you think my screen name is what it is?? I'm a broody chick...stubborn as a broody hen, too! I just want BABIES!

 

See that's the thing...I DO feel that someone is missing. I list all my children and feel like someone is missing. I even find myself saying in my head "Oh my god, where is...." but all my kids are there, in the room with me...and though I feel like someone is lost, I can't say the name. I don't know the name yet. I think it is a boy...I SWEAR it feels so real...maybe it's not.

LOL, that's why I changed to this screen name too!  It's not just my chickens, it's me.  winky.gif

 

OK, if you feel like someone is missing, then I would think there probably is.  We had only "planned" on having two, but here we are.  I felt that missing child feeling very strongly between my losses and getting pregnant with this one.  

 

Of course, I did mention to DH a couple weeks ago that the kids pair off so nicely with the even numbers so 6 might be good.  He just looked at me like bigeyes.gif and said "we're not even done with number FIVE yet!"  shy.gif


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#39 of 45 Old 08-01-2012, 04:46 PM
 
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I really don't know what to make of your "vision." My first reaction is to listen to it, that's your conscience/inner voice talking. But it could also be your decision-making mechanism testing you to see how upset you are by what you saw. Are you devastated that your voice told you not to have more kids? Do you feel comfortable with that? I think that, as unsettling as such a vivid vision can be, you have to let it sit with you for awhile to see what it really was about.

 

Of course, I've been hoping for something like that to happen to me, b/c I think I must be crazy for thinking about adding a third when our second just got here and there are days when I have a hard time being patient with just one. So, take grain(s) of salt as needed. ;-)
 

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#40 of 45 Old 08-02-2012, 11:14 PM
 
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You know, when my kids got to the age when they were able to wipe their own bottoms, buckle their own seat belts, fix their own snacks and wait for more than 5 minutes for me to finish, that longing went away. I'm reveling in having competent kids who can talk intelligently about things like politics and world events.


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#41 of 45 Old 08-03-2012, 07:02 AM
 
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There is something so miraculous about having a baby, that makes any rational person want to do it again and again, like some kind of powerful spiritual experience, or a connection with Gd (or your word for that experience). Its the high of drugs that turn people into addicts.  At the same time, having a baby, is a fundamentally irrational thing to do, no matter what the circumstances, if putting someone elses needs before your own is irrational. 

 

Having a baby is just plain amazing, and yet completely exhausting and all  consuming. Being part of the growth and development of a child,  is exciting, watching them grow and discovering who they are,  intoxicating.

 

 

But maybe all of that is just natures way of tricking us into reproducing. Men get the instant orgasm, women get the above (men get some of it too)

 

I have 3 now, and dont think i will plan for more. I longed for this third baby for over a year. I know that feeling of a sensing a lingering soul waiting to join my family-the heartbreak of accepting she may never come,  and then having her join us after all. 

 

But  some part of me will probably always want another baby. I guess thats why its nice to have grandchildren.

 

On the other hand, its also very nice to get around with older kids and  see the world through their eyes, without younger children in tow. Sooo much easier. 

 

I am a spiritual person, and see all of this as a kind of long drawn out prayer, and direct conversation with Gd.  A pregnant woman is very close to Gd int he creation of a new human being. On  the other hand, i cant help thinking sometimes that we are tricked by nature into this crazy world of reproduction and child rearing. There are a whole lot of hormones at play in the pregnancy/birth/young baby/child world, and its understandable that there is a reflex to do it again when the time comes.

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#42 of 45 Old 08-03-2012, 10:32 AM
 
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To tell you the truth, I'm not sure I was cut out to have kids in the first place. I love and adore my children, but sometimes I just don't think I should have procreated lol.

 

I want another GIRL, but that is a risky game, eh? I have one DS who will be 9 tomorrow, and he is a sweet boy but has ADHD and it has been extremely trying for me. Truth be told, I don't feel like I'm the best parent to him and therefore have no business having any more. I have a DD who is 22 months and I work full time and am worn thin. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my third (suprise!), which is another boy.

 

I love the middle part of pregnancy, with the excitement and sweet baby kicks and whatnot but I don't think I can take morning sickness one more time. I just can't. I also have had difficult birth experiences thus far and really just don't want to go there again. I love nursing and love babies and toddlers and I have SO much fun with my baby girl (hence wanting another girl. I'm just better at tea parties and princesses/fairies than sword fighting, legos, and wresting...I know, I know gender stereotypes but it's just been my experience so far), but when they get older, it gets harder for me.

 

I've come to some realizations about myself, as a parent and as a person. I realize that I am just not very energetic. I'm responsible and duty-driven, but I'm not great at playing with my kids and  being creative as a parent (my creativity is limited to practical problem solving - so exciting I know - and I LOVE to write, poetry mostly). I have a difficult time after they get through the preschool years, or at least that is how it's been with my DS. It's going to take every ounce of me to raise the children that I have, I don't think I will live through raising another. Oh and we can't afford another one, no way.

 

After my DD was born, I felt like I wanted another "someday" but my DH was D O N E. Now we have this little surprise blessing and although I feel that there may be times where I have that wistful longing, I am so glad I never have to have morning sickness or worry about my pregnancy weight gain (constant battle for me, I always gain a TON and just completely lose my will to fight it) again. I'm excited to move on to that next phase. In a few years my kids will be older, I'll have my body back to myself and hopefully I can salvage it lol. I'll be able to sleep at night and have a social life and heck maybe even a normal sex life again. I *think* I'm going to be done for real, and at peace with it.


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#43 of 45 Old 08-03-2012, 01:34 PM
 
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Well I'm pretty sure I'll ways wish for one more because DH is pretty set on being done with the 2 we have. I certainly don't want to have another child with someone who doesn't want another one. He feels like he can't give anymore of himself to another child, and he works a lot, so he wants to be able to spend as much time with the children we do have. We have sat down and weighed the pros and cons of having another, and we decided it would be best for the relationship and for our family to be done. If I was married to someone who wanted 3 or 4 kids though, I'd probably be on board with it. I think there's pros and cons to having multiple kids, but I feel like in order to preserve the sanctity of our marriage and our family the size it is now, we should probably be done. Pregnancy sort of sucked for me the first time, but the second time was much better, and my second child was much easier and is still easy. So that probably doesn't help me feel done :) We've also had our ups and downs in our marriage, and I think adding another child to the mix would just be adding fuel to the fire. I don't know. If it happens I'm sure I'll be excited, but I know I'll be nervous and freaked out too, and I think DH would be the same way. I love holding a squishy newborn though, and labor and birth was much more bearable the second time around, so I would be okay with going through that again:) Oh and I also had natural no drug births at a birth center with a midwives. No "wishing I could do things differently," in that respect.


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#44 of 45 Old 08-03-2012, 02:13 PM
 
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I keep wondering when I will feel done too. We have 5 children. 15 yrs, 12 yrs, 9 yrs, 5 yrs and 15.5 months. We are planning to have another and I already wonder if I am going going to want a 7th LOL! My kids asked when would I stop having babies and my husband replied if your mother could have babies forever then that is what she would do.
 


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#45 of 45 Old 08-03-2012, 02:34 PM
 
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I feel done. After my second I still had that "one more" feeling. Then my dd was born and I felt complete. She was the perfect baby of the family, sweet and cuddly and spoiled lol. Then I got pregnant with a surprise 4th and was NOT happy. Cried most of my pregnancy at night. I wanted to go to school and start working after she went to school. I will still do it, but now it all moved forward yet again. I had my kids young and have been a SAHM for over 9 years now. I'm ready to do something for myself now. I love my ds2 of course (he's almost 3 weeks). But I know I am done

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