My grandson is five years old and has been "my" baby since birth. His parents are not now and have never been in the picture. This is not my first time around as I raised 4 kids but I am stuck with this child.
My DGS is ALWAYS right. No matter what you tell him if he has decided he is right there is no way to change his mind. This leads to the belief that he is absolutly the boss. If he wants something and you say no he will argue, scream, yell, insist and say things like I don't love you, You are no longer my mommy you are mean etc but will not stop arguing.. Many a time I have said no and he comes right back with yes or completely ignores me and does what he wants until I physically restrain him from doing so. IE pick him up and escort him out of the room, remove the television in his room after he has turned it back on etc
Normally I would handle these infractions with time out or some other disipline (and do) but he does not equate the disipline with the "crime." and instead tells me I am mean and does NOT accept the punishment so that even a mild "I am busy I will get it in a minute" ends up being a serious fight ending with me taking deep breaths to keep from screaming and him being totally mounthy nasty and disrespectful. His behaviour is not centered on me either. He acts the same way with my hubby, his aunts and uncles, his little friends, people next door etc
Welcome to MDC! It sounds like you care so much about your DGS and are trying to respond in a gentle but effective way. You might want to check out MDC's Gentle Discipline forum as there are a lots of discussions there about the variety of challenges that those of us raising children face and what works when dealing with those challenges.
A few ideas that first came to my mind:
--Are there things that your DGS can be right about? For example, if my DD says "the right thing is to two different color socks", I respond with "that's certainly one way to do it!" That example sounds like a small thing, but I think it helps.
--When your DGS asks for something and you say no, what happens if you validate his feelings? "I hear that you really wanted X." or "I see that you're really upset. That seems hard." or "What are something that we can do when we're disappointed and frustrated? Do you want to draw a picture about it/throw a pillow/etc.?"
--Are the consequences related to the behavior that's a concern? I personally don't use timeouts because I find that they are unrelated to the issue (so my DD wouldn't make the connection) and they leave my DD alone when she's having a difficult time. I do use "time-ins" and also consequences specific to situations. For example, if my DD were to draw on the walls, then I would let know that crayons and markers need to be put away and used only with an adult.
--Are there areas where things are going well? I find building on any small thing that's going very effective.
Hope these ideas are helpful.
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