In-laws trying to teach my kids their religion - How to stop this? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Thread Tools
#31 of 38 Old 08-27-2012, 06:50 AM
mumkimum's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio-land
Posts: 2,884
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It can also help to remind grandparents that there are many non-religious things that will be fun, interesting, and important to share with their grandchildren.  Somehow that can tend to end up forgotten when you have a struggle like this within your relationship with them.

mumkimum is offline  
#32 of 38 Old 08-27-2012, 08:21 AM
RStelle's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Vermont
Posts: 189
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 I don't have older kids, but growing up I had a grandmother that was a little like your MIL, and I pretty much knew from the beginning that when it came to religion she was just plain crazy. My parents are not at all religious, but they did talk a lot about religion with me, read me lots of books about different religions, and basically just tell me to be open minded and respect other people's beliefs. Until I was 8 or 9 I would go to church when we visited my grandparents, but then I just decided that even to be polite I couldn't go because I just didn't agree with what was being said. I just felt like I was sitting in a room full people being crazy, and I couldn't handle it anymore! In retrospect I was probably influenced more away form religion by going to church with my grandma, but I wasn't scared for life or anything. I do wish my parents had stepped in more and told my Grandma and other super-religious family members to back off, because I always felt uncomfortable and didn't know how to deal when they were reading me those creepy stories, or talking about god all the time or whatever. I didn't want to be rude so I would just sit through it, but I wish someone had told me I could have said "No, I don't believe this, and I don't want to talk about it anymore!", or had said it for me. 


Anyway...I ended up being pretty much the most atheist person you will ever meet, but I still plan on teaching my kids about other religions so they can end up believing what is right for them. My step dad is very religious in a non-crazy way, and is going to take them to synagogue, for example.  I will be clear on what I believe and that other people believe differently, and that is fine too.


But that being said it sounds like your MIL is going to just keep pushing and being CRAZY about it. I agree with others who said to only do supervised visits. It sounds like she is not going to listen to you, and it also sounds like she needs to be supervised for other reasons, too. You can also explain to your kids about how Grandma does/ says some funny things and just to ignore her, it sounds like at some point you will end up having to talk to them about other issues about her too, anyway. We only do supervised visits with my MIL, but she hasn't noticed yet, lol. I'm not sure how we'll deal with it if she starts to make it an issue. 

RStelle is offline  
#33 of 38 Old 08-27-2012, 02:08 PM
Tigerchild's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Seattle Eastside
Posts: 5,005
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't know how you define "older" kids--mine are 10, 9, and 9.  I used to belong to a very strict, fundamentalist branch of Christianity, but walked away in my 20s.  Many people in my family believe similar things to the church/group I walked away from--but perhaps they are the "lite" version.  Needless to say, for a very long time it was extremely triggering for me to even be around the lite/wannabe stuff.


I've re-evaluated all my relationships (and their relationships with my kids) individually.  There are some members of my family who I would shut down even praying in front of me.  Meanwhile, my most conservative aunt and uncle I do not mind at all that they go around praying at corners and doing their spiritual warfare stuff around our property.  It all depends on our relationship and how much I trust them.  My parents have "found religion" after I left the home, and try to push it--but I have none of it from them.  I don't allow them to take my kids to church when they visit, would not go to any church they went to, and I donate all religious books/items they send us immediately.  I would not do a blanket thing like that with my aunt/uncle, though they don't send those things because they respect boundaries and are not manipulative and controlling.


It sounds like your husband's parents are abusive and controlling, or have been in the past.  So it makes total sense that your spidey senses and your hackles are raised.  Sounds like you have a plan in place though.  I also hope that you never EVER accept any money from them under any circumstances.  They do know that your husband wants that (they'll practically be able to smell it) and they will make your life hell if you ever agree to take money from them.  It does suck to watch someone grieve and be in denial that they will NEVER EVER have the relationship with their parents that they should (if this was a fair or just world) be able to expect.  But I would stand your ground firm on that one.

Tigerchild is offline  
#34 of 38 Old 08-27-2012, 04:34 PM
zebra15's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 4,682
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

What I taught my son is in my house we have tolerance for everyone.  We may not agree with everyone, we may not believe what everyone else believes but we are tolerant of everyone. So if grandma choose to believe that whales eat people then puke them up next week, fine - grandma can believe that, you ds do not have to believe that, but we respect grandma's choice to believe that.


I don't teach religion, we are not religious, I don't care what orientation you are etc.  All I ask of my kiddo is that he is nice to people.


To the OP what might be helpful is to make your kids aware that grandma believes *this*, grandpa believes *that*, auntie thinks *this*, some people who live in this part of the world do *xyz* etc.


Until my kiddo was able to understand those few concepts I didn't leave him with my family either.

Mom to J and never-ending , 0/2014 items decluttered, 0/52 crafts crafts completed  crochetsmilie.gif homeschool.gif  reading.gif  modifiedartist.gif

Seeking zen in 2014.  Working on journaling and finding peace this year.  Spending my free time taking J to swimteam

zebra15 is online now  
#35 of 38 Old 01-21-2013, 11:26 PM
kandycane's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can across your thread and thinking why don't you allow your children believe what they choose to believe? I mean this with great respect...but you can't control what religion (if any) when they get older,no more than your parents could you:/. Your child eventually will here the stories so why not from inlaws? It sounds to me doubled standards. I don't have to except my parents beliefs but by God my child isn't going to have their own beliefs
kandycane is offline  
#36 of 38 Old 01-22-2013, 01:04 PM
pek64's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,502
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There is no double standard. When the children are adults, if the OP (or any of the rest of us) refuse to respect our children's wishes, and try to force our beliefs on our grandchildren, THAT would be a double standard. The children are not yet adults, and therefore it is the parents' jobs to guide their development. If the parents object to anything, it is their right, and maybe obligation, to shelter their children from it. That is not a double standard. That is parenting.
Storm Bride and JamieLynn like this.
pek64 is offline  
#37 of 38 Old 01-24-2013, 02:26 PM
Linda on the move's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: basking in the sunshine
Posts: 10,510
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 22 Post(s)
There is a really big difference between "hearing a story" and being told repeatedly that if you don't believe exactly the right thing and pray in exactly the right way, you will die and go to hell, a lake of fire that burnth forever, never ceasing. And that this is required because you are a sinner, and that nothing you do will ever, ever be good enough to please god.

I grew up with that, and it took years of therapy to get over it.
beautifulnm likes this.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

Linda on the move is online now  
#38 of 38 Old 02-11-2013, 06:47 PM
Lisa85's Avatar
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,027
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

She doesn't respect your boundaries and she threatened to call CPS. She threatened to take away your children!!  I just can't get passed this.  All for what?  Some hypothetical inheritance she may or may not give you depending on her mood at the time?


Cut her off and be done with it. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY threatens to take my babies from me while still be granted access to them.

Lisa85 is offline  

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off