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Old 09-19-2012, 05:38 PM
 
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It's not so much the never met them thing as in he's worried you guys will be crazy psychos (we've both had online relationships prior to getting together, including meeting my scottish 'online-ex' in toronto when we were there several years ago. He's just... not very social with people he doesn't know, and would rather travel alone. Or I should say... he is one of those people who socializes very well. Always can carry on a conversation, find a good topic, make people laugh-- but to get him there to do it-- very hard. He's a bit of a hermit until forced. 


Oh well in that case, tell him not to worry! We all went and did our own thing whenever we wanted to. No pressure to hang out with us if someone didn't want to. Although I will say that Baby_Cakes's DH was a real trooper one night. He sat and talked to MW's mom's boyfriend for like 3 hrs or something. Could have been because E was the barkeep and poured him half a bottle of whiskey as one drink! thumb.gif Tom was very nice but I would not have been able to sit there that long and talk to anyone for 3 hrs! I think the best part of the trip was the early mornings and late nights when we could just relax and enjoy being in the same space with each other. No pressure to "conversate" like I feel if I meet people at like a bar or something and I'm only with them a finite number of hours. Then I would feel like we had to talk the entire time. Staying in the same place allowed the babies and kids to play unhindered and for the grownups to talk but also just enjoy each other's quiet, you know?


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Old 09-19-2012, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, Annie, exactly. No pressure to socialize. I teased Carrie's dh that we were make him and my dh be friends whether they liked it or not because I asked if he minded if my dh rode with him to get dinner one night. I think that was the only time they really spent together. My dh didn't really socialize with anyone. He mostly hang out in our condo when we were there. We all walked around Colonial Williamsburg as a group for a few hours one day but that was it. We still wandered our separate ways occasionally.

I was going to suggest the airport in Wilmington, too. Then it would only be about an hour to North Myrtle Beach, I think. I know it only takes us 2 hours to drive to Myrtle Beach from Jacksonville and Wilmington is about an hour from us. Anyway, I don't know how much traffic that airport gets, though. We don't really fly and don't know people who fly much. I can try to find out, though.

The closest "big" city to Emerald Isle/Atlantic Beach is probably Morehead City. Emerald Isle is only about 20-30 minutes from me, so if you can find Jacksonville, NC/Camp LeJeune, you can find Emerald Isle.

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Old 09-19-2012, 09:52 PM
 
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We had a semi good 2 minute talk about the potential trip tonight! I mentioned I wanted to sit down and talk about it, and he asked where, and then asked when, like if it would be the same weekend etc. That's better than I've ever gotten! The fact that he bothered to ask when, rather than just rolling his eyes! lol  Tentatively book us in! 

 

And, as I pointed out to him, I could go check out the old set of one tree hill! *giggles like a teenage girl*

 

He'd probably want to rent a car anyways, so that's not a big problem if the airport is a bit further away. 

 

 

So as of right now, in our very rudimentary planning, North Myrtle Beach is the area we're looking at? Can you swim in the ocean there? 


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Old 09-20-2012, 06:00 AM
 
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JJ: Absolutely, you can swim in the ocean! Now, if we go about the same time of year (mid September) the water is starting to cool, but still able to get in.

 

I don't know that Wilmington gets a ton of traffic. I did a quick comparison of winnipeg > wilmington vs winnipeg >charlotte.

Flying to wilmington is nearly twice as much (not that it matters if the tix are covered, but will ten be in lap or in seat?) and most flights have a minimum of 2 stops.

 

Flying to Charlotte, the tickets are far more reasonable - in the event you have to pay for tenley - and have usually just one stop. It does mean longer driving, and paying a bit more for the rental car (if you have to pay based on mileage). Something to think about. Charlotte is a nice, family friendly airport, from what friends here tell me.

 

It would be fantastic if we could nail down dates by the first part of 2013, so I can make sure to request to be off. Myrtle beach is definitely doable for us.

We did have a timeshare there, but gave it up as part of the bankruptcy we filed this year.

 

Norah nursed a ton last night. I must still be making milk if she wants only the boob and refuses the paci right? Anyone nurse through a pregnancy? Gabe was long weaned at this point. I am tempted to pump next time I go to work just to see :heehee:

 

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Old 09-20-2012, 07:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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JJ ~ I can't believe you don't know about Myrtle Beach! We used to get a kick out of the Canadians who would come down and swim in the ocean when we thought it was freezing. hehe You can absolutely swim there. I'd suggest either North Myrtle Beach or south of Myrtle Beach because I don't like to be right in the thick of all the touristy stuff. North Myrtle Beach is still very touristy but not quite as busy as Myrtle Beach (at least that's how it was 14 years ago when I went to college down there).

We stayed at our timeshare in North Myrtle Beach that my mom got. It was nice. It had two floors, kitchen and living room downstairs and 2 bedrooms upstairs. I don't know what other kinds of units are available but I can ask my mom to check if you want to go that route. It was across the main road that goes through NMB/MB, not on the beach side, so we'd have to drive a few blocks to get to the beach. The resort did have a small parking area across the street from the beach with a sort of cabana thingie where you could eat and take showers. I think they also ran a shuttle from the resort to the beach throughout the day so you didn't have to worry about finding parking. Or we can look into renting a beach house right on or across the street from the beach. Whichever you guys would prefer. I really like the idea of being right at the beach and all of us being in one house. We'd probably have to get at least 2 timeshares again and I don't think they connect like the condos in Williamsburg but they would probably cost a lot less.

Oh, and JJ, I wanted to say that my dh would be perfectly happy sitting in silence with yours watching just about any sporting event they could find. No need for small talk. lol.gif

Kat ~ I only nursed Ethan until I was about 2-3 months pg with Kellen. I weaned Ethan because it hurt so bad to nurse. He was almost 3 years old, though. I would have tried to keep going if he were less than 2, I think. It won't hurt to pump just to see what you get. But, pumping is not a good indicator of how much milk you are actually producing if you still have a baby at the breast even sometimes.

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Old 09-20-2012, 07:39 AM
 
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I know, I just want to see if I am producing anything. Don't care how much.

Love the idea of one house, did Carrie enjoy having a meat free kitchen though?

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Old 09-20-2012, 08:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would guess that you are producing something if Norah is nursing at night. Can you hand express anything?

IDK if Carrie got her meat free kitchen. I'm not sure if Annie cooked any meat in their unit or not.

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Old 09-20-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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I have never been good at hand expression - only when really engorged. That's my guess too, because she has always been too much of a piggie to just comfort nurse - she wants food! She will take a paci sometimes, but last night she wouldn't at all. We have gotten in the habit of feeding her something right before bed, and we didn't yesterday, so I think she was just hungry - and I am tired and out of patience today. She is a world champion pincher. I hate pinching. I'd rather deal with biting. Which I am grateful she doesn't do.

 

*yawn*

 

then again, at Myrtle Beach we tend to eat out alot (we love the all you can eat crab leg buffets) LOL


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Old 09-20-2012, 09:07 AM
 
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Have your mom check the floorplans in NMB when she gets a chance. I don't mind staying near but not on the beach. I kind of prefer it actually. I mostly cooked stuff with eggs and/or cheese but one night I did heat up a meatball for Ava. Nora was very curious about the eggs and watched me make scrambled eggs for Ava's breakfast the last morning.

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Old 09-20-2012, 03:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can only hand express a tiny bit from the breast Dylan is not nursing from while he is nursing, if that makes sense. I was just thinking that if you could do that, you'd at least know if you've got some milk in there. KWIM?

I'll ask my mom to check. When are we thinking of, summer or early fall like this year?

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Old 09-20-2012, 04:15 PM
 
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Working backwards!

 

 

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Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
 Nora was very curious about the eggs and watched me make scrambled eggs for Ava's breakfast the last morning.

 

She sure was!  She was intrigued.  She'd never seen an egg cracked before IRL!

 

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I have never been good at hand expression - only when really engorged. That's my guess too, because she has always been too much of a piggie to just comfort nurse - she wants food! She will take a paci sometimes, but last night she wouldn't at all. We have gotten in the habit of feeding her something right before bed, and we didn't yesterday, so I think she was just hungry - and I am tired and out of patience today. She is a world champion pincher. I hate pinching. I'd rather deal with biting. Which I am grateful she doesn't do.

 

*yawn*

 

then again, at Myrtle Beach we tend to eat out alot (we love the all you can eat crab leg buffets) LOL

 

Hugs and I hear you on the pinching!  Fnn is a pincer.  I have black and blues all over my stomach and arms from his little pincers!

 

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I know, I just want to see if I am producing anything. Don't care how much.
Love the idea of one house, did Carrie enjoy having a meat free kitchen though?

 

I didn't even notice what Lauri was cooking!  I suppose since she didn't really cook meat I did appreciate it b/c I didn't even notice anything.

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And, as I pointed out to him, I could go check out the old set of one tree hill! *giggles like a teenage girl*

 

 

OMG!  I want to go too!!  

 

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Oh well in that case, tell him not to worry! We all went and did our own thing whenever we wanted to. No pressure to hang out with us if someone didn't want to. Although I will say that Baby_Cakes's DH was a real trooper one night. He sat and talked to MW's mom's boyfriend for like 3 hrs or something. Could have been because E was the barkeep and poured him half a bottle of whiskey as one drink! thumb.gif Tom was very nice but I would not have been able to sit there that long and talk to anyone for 3 hrs! I think the best part of the trip was the early mornings and late nights when we could just relax and enjoy being in the same space with each other. No pressure to "conversate" like I feel if I meet people at like a bar or something and I'm only with them a finite number of hours. Then I would feel like we had to talk the entire time. Staying in the same place allowed the babies and kids to play unhindered and for the grownups to talk but also just enjoy each other's quiet, you know?

 

He liked Tom!  He said they had a really good talk!

Ethan was a good bartender!  Even if he can't say "last call!" LOL!!

 

Chris told me he is used to small talk and chatting it up with customers, being thrown into situations, etc so he didn't even feel uncomfortable in thr slightest, not even driving w/sean.  I was surprised b/c before this job he would have been.  He said they talked a bunch about what Sean does and he explained what he did.  Sean apparently knows what linux is!  LOL!

 

AFM  - I've achieved zombie status.  I need to get some consecutive sleep SOON.  Idk what to do.  It's going on 3 weeks now with maybe an hour stretch at a time.  I know it's normal and I'm not worried about much other than just .... my safety and health.  

And DH pisses me off b/c he isn't as tired and doesn't understand why I just fall asleep at night.  He acts like it's the end of the free world lately b/c we haven't been having sexy time.  I'm just too freaking tired.  It doesn't even cross my mind -- I literally fall asleep with one of the kids.  Or I come out and say good night and then go to bed w/o even thinking.  I wish though that even once he would just acknowledge how tired I am and give me a break or a pass.  Instead, he just acts like a huge baby.  Says he feels we don't spend time togehter.  Says our relationship isn't the same.  Loads all this GUILT onto me, that it's somehow MY responsibility to have enough energy to take care of these kids AND him.  

I don't get it.  And I'm too tired to really argue with him about it so I tell him to get over it.

Sigh.

 

I'm excited b/c I got my costume for halloween!  Replica training shirt that Katniss wears in the hunger games!  

http://www.spirithalloween.com/product/Ne-Hunger-Game-Shirt-Medium/

 

But I got it at Target for only $25!

 

Ok - I wanted to also bring this up b/c I want thoughts.  Sometimes I'm just to freaking tired and I want to snack.  Chris gets so mad when I bring home chips/cookies, etc.  He gets upset and tells me this is why I can't "lose weight" and this is why "we're chubby".  These comments...they are starting to upset me.  I feel like he's basically calling me fat.  Now, I don't feel like a supermodel, but I think i look ok, and when he says these things I just kind of want to be like WTF?  I'm exhausted and have 2 kids and I try to find as much time as I can to work out when i have the energy.  So shut up.  You know?  Sometimes I just freaking want some oreos or some chips.  And I feel like he is being rude.  thoughts??  WWYD or say?


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Old 09-20-2012, 04:58 PM
 
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Ok - I wanted to also bring this up b/c I want thoughts.  Sometimes I'm just to freaking tired and I want to snack.  Chris gets so mad when I bring home chips/cookies, etc.  He gets upset and tells me this is why I can't "lose weight" and this is why "we're chubby".  These comments...they are starting to upset me.  I feel like he's basically calling me fat.  Now, I don't feel like a supermodel, but I think i look ok, and when he says these things I just kind of want to be like WTF?  I'm exhausted and have 2 kids and I try to find as much time as I can to work out when i have the energy.  So shut up.  You know?  Sometimes I just freaking want some oreos or some chips.  And I feel like he is being rude.  thoughts??  WWYD or say?

Jesus, if you guys are "chubby" then my DH and I are freaking obese. Tell him to shove it. If he wants to eat better, he can cook dinner for you guys. And you are still nursing. Not an excuse but you do need more calories and fat. You gotta keep giving Finn the milks!


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Old 09-20-2012, 05:16 PM
 
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Chris told me he is used to small talk and chatting it up with customers, being thrown into situations, etc so he didn't even feel uncomfortable in thr slightest, not even driving w/sean.  I was surprised b/c before this job he would have been.  He said they talked a bunch about what Sean does and he explained what he did.  Sean apparently knows what linux is!  LOL!

 

AFM  - I've achieved zombie status.  I need to get some consecutive sleep SOON.  Idk what to do.  It's going on 3 weeks now with maybe an hour stretch at a time.  I know it's normal and I'm not worried about much other than just .... my safety and health.  

And DH pisses me off b/c he isn't as tired and doesn't understand why I just fall asleep at night.  He acts like it's the end of the free world lately b/c we haven't been having sexy time.  I'm just too freaking tired.  It doesn't even cross my mind -- I literally fall asleep with one of the kids.  Or I come out and say good night and then go to bed w/o even thinking.  I wish though that even once he would just acknowledge how tired I am and give me a break or a pass.  Instead, he just acts like a huge baby.  Says he feels we don't spend time togehter.  Says our relationship isn't the same.  Loads all this GUILT onto me, that it's somehow MY responsibility to have enough energy to take care of these kids AND him.  

I don't get it.  And I'm too tired to really argue with him about it so I tell him to get over it.

Sigh.

I think both Sean and Chris did a great job being thrown in the situation with us. There was one point that we were all chatting about cloth diapers and birthy stuff and they just sat and listened. Such good guys! I think Sean wandered over and watched football on Sunday when I was watching the game. I was cooking Ava's dinner at the same time so I wasn't too chatty. Plus I was invested in the outcome of the game! Hahaha!

 

Baby_Cakes, if it were me, I would take the next couple of weeks and do the following: on Nora's school days, take her to school and come directly back home. Sleep when Finn sleeps. Don't do anything extra or go for a run or anything like that. Rest. Sleep. Recharge. This will end eventually but you need to be safe and driving even the short distance to and from Nora's school so sleep deprived isn't safe.

 

My DH has started getting super pissy about our 1x/week average for DTD. I'm like, WTF? He's usually asleep when I get home at 12:30 AM and I just want to come home, wash bottles, pump one more time and GO TO SLEEP! What is wrong with these guys?


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Old 09-20-2012, 05:18 PM
 
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I'll ask my mom to check. When are we thinking of, summer or early fall like this year?

If I had to choose, I'd prefer April/May but Sept is good too. The only thing is there is always the chance of hurricanes in Aug/Sept/Oct, you know? We used to do Myrtle Beach the first week of April and it was plenty warm. I don't really do the ocean but the kids would go in. I think late April/early May would be plenty hot.


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Old 09-20-2012, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sean told me about the conversation about Linux. Yes, we know it. We don't use it.

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Ok - I wanted to also bring this up b/c I want thoughts.  Sometimes I'm just to freaking tired and I want to snack.  Chris gets so mad when I bring home chips/cookies, etc.  He gets upset and tells me this is why I can't "lose weight" and this is why "we're chubby".  These comments...they are starting to upset me.  I feel like he's basically calling me fat.  Now, I don't feel like a supermodel, but I think i look ok, and when he says these things I just kind of want to be like WTF?  I'm exhausted and have 2 kids and I try to find as much time as I can to work out when i have the energy.  So shut up.  You know?  Sometimes I just freaking want some oreos or some chips.  And I feel like he is being rude.  thoughts??  WWYD or say?

What Annie said! You guys chubby? That's ridiculous.

That's a very insensitive way for your dh to behave. However, he may not mean it exactly the way you are taking it. He may not be meaning that you are unattractive. He may just be thinking about how you guys have always been health conscious and he doesn't understand why that would change. That does not make what he is saying acceptable and I would tell him so. I would also tell him that, if he's so concerned about it, he needs to take more care of you. He should make you healthy food and make sure you have the time and energy to exercise (if that's what you want to do).

DH is upset with me, I think, because I just told him that I don't feel comfortable going to the MC Ball. The last time we talked about it I told him that he needs to arrange suitable childcare if he wants me to go. That means a babysitter that we know who will stay in a hotel room in Wilmington. I am not comfortable leaving Dylan in a childcare room with a bunch of other babies and children and maybe a handful of adults that he has never seen before. I told dh all of that 2 weeks ago but he did nothing. He just announced he needed money to buy the tickets so we got into because I told him not to buy tickets for me.

Why should I be the one to arrange all of that if he's the one who wants me to go?

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Old 09-20-2012, 07:42 PM
 
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Sean told me about the conversation about Linux. Yes, we know it. We don't use it.
What Annie said! You guys chubby? That's ridiculous.
That's a very insensitive way for your dh to behave. However, he may not mean it exactly the way you are taking it. He may not be meaning that you are unattractive. He may just be thinking about how you guys have always been health conscious and he doesn't understand why that would change. That does not make what he is saying acceptable and I would tell him so. I would also tell him that, if he's so concerned about it, he needs to take more care of you. He should make you healthy food and make sure you have the time and energy to exercise (if that's what you want to do).
DH is upset with me, I think, because I just told him that I don't feel comfortable going to the MC Ball. The last time we talked about it I told him that he needs to arrange suitable childcare if he wants me to go. That means a babysitter that we know who will stay in a hotel room in Wilmington. I am not comfortable leaving Dylan in a childcare room with a bunch of other babies and children and maybe a handful of adults that he has never seen before. I told dh all of that 2 weeks ago but he did nothing. He just announced he needed money to buy the tickets so we got into because I told him not to buy tickets for me.
Why should I be the one to arrange all of that if he's the one who wants me to go?


Yeah, that stinks. I used to arrange childcare stuff all the time for stuff DH wanted to do and then I stopped. I didn't make a formal proclamation but I just put it on him. I'm at work in the evenings so if something comes up that he wants to go to, he would approach me about like he wanted me to solve the problem and I'd just say "Hmmm, I guess you should call my mom and see if she's available to watch Ava..." and leave it at that. If it was something he really wanted to attend, he'd figure it out. One time he had to take Ava with him because he hadn't planned ahead. He's her parent too and he can figure it out. Now with the MC ball, I'd probably arrange something but mostly because I would want to attend. Have you ever looked on care.com or something like that to find a sitter?


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Old 09-20-2012, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The thing is that we've discussed this a lot already. I've already mentioned that Ryan's girlfriend would probably babysit. Ryan has even suggested it to Sean. He still hasn't done anything. If I don't proclaim that he has to do it, he won't. So, that's what I did but he still didn't do it and is now mad at me about it. I'm so over all of that stuff being my responsibility, especially when I don't even want to go.

I have looked on Care.com. You can't get contact info unless you pay and I'm not willing to pay for that.

I am not looking anywhere again, though. If I want to go out or go to the doctor or anything, I have to arrange things myself. I don't tell Sean about it and then expect him to find childcare for me. Like you said, he's their parent also, he can do the same if he wants.

Oh, and an example of his lack of communication. He also announced that he has reserved rooms for us at the hotel as if I was supposed to know that. When I asked about the he said he told me. Um, no, he didn't. The last time we talked about that he said that the FRO was arranging to reserve a block of rooms somewhere. He didn't know where. That was a few weeks ago. He hasn't said anything else about it since.

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Old 09-20-2012, 08:07 PM
 
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You guys do communicate differently. The jacuzzi tub conversation was classic. Do you think it's a guy thing or a marine thing? I could not for the life of me figure out why it mattered if Tom was in the bedroom watching TV either.
 


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Old 09-20-2012, 09:28 PM
 
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AFM  - I've achieved zombie status.  I need to get some consecutive sleep SOON.  Idk what to do.  It's going on 3 weeks now with maybe an hour stretch at a time.  I know it's normal and I'm not worried about much other than just .... my safety and health.  

 

And DH pisses me off b/c he isn't as tired and doesn't understand why I just fall asleep at night.  He acts like it's the end of the free world lately b/c we haven't been having sexy time.  I'm just too freaking tired.  It doesn't even cross my mind -- I literally fall asleep with one of the kids.  Or I come out and say good night and then go to bed w/o even thinking.  I wish though that even once he would just acknowledge how tired I am and give me a break or a pass.  Instead, he just acts like a huge baby.  Says he feels we don't spend time togehter.  Says our relationship isn't the same.  Loads all this GUILT onto me, that it's somehow MY responsibility to have enough energy to take care of these kids AND him.  

I don't get it.  And I'm too tired to really argue with him about it so I tell him to get over it.

Sigh.

 

----------------

 

Ok - I wanted to also bring this up b/c I want thoughts.  Sometimes I'm just to freaking tired and I want to snack.  Chris gets so mad when I bring home chips/cookies, etc.  He gets upset and tells me this is why I can't "lose weight" and this is why "we're chubby".  These comments...they are starting to upset me.  I feel like he's basically calling me fat.  Now, I don't feel like a supermodel, but I think i look ok, and when he says these things I just kind of want to be like WTF?  I'm exhausted and have 2 kids and I try to find as much time as I can to work out when i have the energy.  So shut up.  You know?  Sometimes I just freaking want some oreos or some chips.  And I feel like he is being rude.  thoughts??  WWYD or say?

^^^Yeah that. It's like... knowing that the sleep stage is normal, and nothing to be worried about, is one thing. But somehow managing to get yourself enough sleep through it-- not as easy! 

 

And yeah, we don't dtd NEARLY enough, but by the time I've determined that she's actually asleep "for the night" (the first part of the night she wakes up every 35 minutes or so now, and then settles into eveyr hour)... well by that time I just desperately want my few minutes of sleep I'm going to get! If I had to guess, I'd say right now I'm averaging 6 hours of sleep a night, broken up into segments, so I'm not sleeping longer than 45 minutes at a time. When we take the time to dtd, I get more like 4 hours. I miss that sleep! lol But, guys don't understand. 

 

Classic case-- I'm up with Ten every hour, all night long, and then I'm at her beck and call all day long as well, right? And then he gets home, and I spend the evening cleaning, doing dinner, and then putting her to bed. I don't "work" but I freaking work! lol Anyways, so again tonight, DH went to get her out of her crib, because I was beyond frustrated, so I put her down to take a break, and he didn't like that. So, he picked her up, but then was complaining, because she wouldn't settle, and he says something along the lines of "if you don't go to sleep now, daddy's not going to be able to go into work until like 10". Like yes, being up with her ONCE at 930pm-- before you're even fallen asleep for the night, gives you adequate reason to justify going into work 4 hours late (or calling in sick, which he did the other day!). 

 

It's frustrating. He can claim that he wakes up just as often as I do during the night, but really, not even close. He may stir when she cries, but he (and guys in general) don't have to 'get up' the same way we do. At the end of the night, he still got 8 hours of sleep, with only momentary interruptions. I think it comes from this misconception that at home = sits on your butt all day relaxing and rejuvenating and napping any time you like. 

 

 

Oh, and yes!! That is very rude of him! You are definitely not chubby, and from what I think we've all seen, you're pretty active, and eat pretty healthy! People are allowed small indulgences and treats every now and then!   Could he be feeling self conscious about his own body and health habits, and maybe taking it out on you?


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Old 09-21-2012, 05:56 AM
 
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Carrie: you aren't chubby! My goodness!

 

sex - we are in a good place only because I emphasize that sexy time is contingent on my getting enough sleep. Or at least a reasonable amount. So DH has stepped up helping with kids to bed, and earlier when possible.

 

Sleep: I don't often get more than 6 total hours . . . I am usually in bed around midnight and up around 6, no later than 7, and woken up at least twice for feedings or the need to pee. I can't sleep while she nurses unless completely wiped out, so it's between 5-30 minutes I am awake for those. I suck at napping, so exist on coffee. Norah is at least finally giving me some longer stretches, which I really need.

 

Hugs to all those sleep deprived. I have to hope it will get better eventually. Gabe still wakes once a night most nights a week, but DH goes and lays with him.

 

I like the idea of May - summer vacation wouldn't have started for most families, and it should be plenty warm.

 

MW: ugh. childcare. why that's always up to the wife, IDK. I nearly had to cancel my eye appt again bc DH forgot or something and had an client scheduled, but I found a friend to do it. I hate that. I love the MC Ball and think if you can find a way, you should go. But that's up to you.

 

Was not there for the jacuzzi convo. I would say its a combo of Marine and male though. most marines I know don't have the best communication skills. Need to be given direct orders. Even then it's iffy.


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Old 09-21-2012, 07:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, so April/May in NMB/MB area. I'll ask my mom what she could get. In the meantime, we can all be looking at beach houses for rent to compare.

lol.gif Annie. Yes, that was a classic conversation. A perfect example of how dh doesn't ever seem to understand what I'm saying. That's a my dh thing, though, not a Marine thing. That's why I have asked him ad nauseum to verify with me that he understands what I've said before he goes off and does anything. He still doesn't do that and is dumbfounded when I'm not happy with what he's done. Well, um, you assumed something that was wrong, as usual, and did the wrong thing. It all could have been avoided if you just asked. eyesroll.gif After 13 years I've decided it's just stupidity at this point. If not stupidity at not understanding, then at least stupidity at not doing things differently.

I have been to enough MC Balls. They are boring and the food sucks. I really don't have any desire to go to another one. My dh knows this. He has known this for a very long time. I only go to support him. I have never gone when I've had babies less than 2 years old so my not wanting to go this time shouldn't be a shocker for that reason, either. Plus, like I said before, I told him that he needed to find suitable childcare. Again, not like I blindsided him with that. I told him quite a while ago.

JJ ~ Why is your dh not doing more with Tenley at night if she's waking that often and it's not something as simple as just nursing her for a few minutes? Honestly, the only reason I was not completely zombified for the first year is because we co-sleep. The only time I had to actually get up at night was when I had to pee or to change a diaper. I know we've been around about the co-sleeping thing, and I apologize if I'm being dense, but I don't understand why you don't do that. If it's because your dh doesn't want to, I'd tell him to kiss your ass at this point. But, then, it's probably pretty obvious by now that I put my sleep and my kids before my dh getting his rocks off. That's what he's got hands for if he's that desperate. lol.gif

Carrie ~ I hope I didn't sound like I was minimizing your feelings. I think what your dh said was awful. I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn't really that stupid and insensitive. winky.gif

DH and I did actually go through something similar after I had Ethan. I don't know if I ever told you all the story of when Ethan was around 6-9 months old and we were out shopping and eating lunch. I made an offhand comment that I guess I would just keep the extra pg weight because it wasn't coming off. When we went back to shopping, dh wandered off somewhere for a while. Then when we got back home he started unloading a set of dumbbells from the car. I was like, "What are those for?" He said they were for me to work out so I wouldn't stay fat. jaw2.gif He has since gotten over that.

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Old 09-21-2012, 07:56 AM
 
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Oh no I don't think anyone was insensitive!  I appreciate the feedback.  Sometimes I wonder if I expect too much unconditional love/friendship from him.  I mean, how much do I give back vs what I expect?  If we are only dtd 1 or 2 times a month, we never really have couple time, etc, should I really expect him to cook me healthy meals, make sure I rest, be nice to me, watch the kids once in awhile, leave me alone, tell me I'm pretty even when I don't feel pretty, etc?  I mean, where is the balance?
OTOH, I'm always telling him verbally and thru hugs and kisses in passing that I love him, we do spend time having good conversations after the kids go to bed sometimes.  We still love the same things.  We are both interested in fitness/eating healthy.  I fully support and encourage him in his career.  I don't think I'm ignoring him.  I feel like he doesn't see any of that as "love" the way that I would see those things as expressions of love.  It's like he needs sex to feel like he matters to me?  Sometimes I feel like maybe I just really need to get over myself and just do it so it's not an issue.  But I can't do that more than 1x a week.  No.  Just no.  Maybe 2.  Maybe.

 

 

He slept with Finn last night.  LOL.  I have to laugh.  He lasted 2 hours before he brought him to me to nurse.  Then Nora woke up so I had to resettle her.  Then FINALLY at around 330 I crashed on the couch and refused to move until my alarm went off at 715.  I don't feel like I got any rest but whatever, I'll take it!!

 

I do think that Chris is just really unhappy that he has put on weight and he thinks it needs to be both of us as equally dedicated to eating clean in order for it to work.  I get that.  I would be mad if I were trying hard to lose weight and he was eating crap.  But not b/c I would feel that I would need to eat it too.  And as it is I try not to order pizza or chinese when he is home b/c I know he hates eating heavy like that.  I like the convenience, but he really gets upset at how bad for you the food is.

 

We, as a family, gave up artificial sweeteners and diet soda.  It was going great.  Then about a week ago he started buying diet for himself.  It's a dividing line now b/w us, and it's confusing to me.  I talked to him about it, and said I was ok with it as long as he only mixed it with whiskey b/c then Nora cannot reasonably ask for a sip of soda if it has whiskey in it.  But I told him NO GUM in the house.  None.  I won't have it around where she can ask or find a piece herself.  My foot is solidly down about the kids not getting that into their bodies.


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Old 09-21-2012, 08:06 AM
 
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I know we've been around about the co-sleeping thing, and I apologize if I'm being dense, but I don't understand why you don't do that. If it's because your dh doesn't want to, I'd tell him to kiss your ass at this point. But, then, it's probably pretty obvious by now that I put my sleep and my kids before my dh getting his rocks off. That's what he's got hands for if he's that desperate. lol.gif\
 

Carrie ~ I hope I didn't sound like I was minimizing your feelings. I think what your dh said was awful. I was just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he isn't really that stupid and insensitive. winky.gif
DH and I did actually go through something similar after I had Ethan. I don't know if I ever told you all the story of when Ethan was around 6-9 months old and we were out shopping and eating lunch. I made an offhand comment that I guess I would just keep the extra pg weight because it wasn't coming off. When we went back to shopping, dh wandered off somewhere for a while. Then when we got back home he started unloading a set of dumbbells from the car. I was like, "What are those for?" He said they were for me to work out so I wouldn't stay fat. jaw2.gif He has since gotten over that.

 

 

OMG about the weights!!  

 

I think JJ doesn't bedshare b/c she doesn't get any more sleep b/c it isn't comfortable for her to lay in the same position?  Wasn't it hurting your back/neck/legs, JJ?


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Old 09-21-2012, 08:34 AM
 
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I think it was something to that effect.

 

and yes, glad he got over the weights part.

 

I've been to MC balls that had great food and ones that had sucky food. But I didn't get to go often (I think I've been to a handful) so it's always a bit of a novelty for me. My parents always enjoyed it, regardless of food. (except for one that was for like everyone on base and that was ridic)

 

Soda: my weird, completely nonsense rule is that I do caffeine or calories, but not both. So I do diet coke/pepsi and regular rootbeer. DS is allowed sips of the rootbeer, and mom bought a natural orange pineapple soda that he can have with dinner. no caffeine, sweetened with real sugar (they have a soda stream for making various sodas at home). Rootbeer is mainly allowed when there just aren't other options, and we generally have a point of sharing things, except for choking hazards, with the kids. It's forced us all to be a bit healthier in our habits. DH does buy regular pepsi on occasion, but no one else drinks it. Gabe doesn't even ask. I think after I am done with this pregnancy, and maybe the first 6 months or so of nursing, we will hit family health hardcore. (during pregnancy and early nursing I need all the calories and fat I can get, and hopefully I will have some more energy for excersise by then) I hate having to put it off, but it's unrealistic to try to do before then.

 

Carrie, have you or DH ever read the love languages book? And I totally agree that if one person's love language is being fulfilled (sex, touch, gifts, words, etc) they tend to be alot more reciprocol. At least that works here. Right now, my love language is sleep.

 

And MW: the time/location works for me.


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Old 09-21-2012, 08:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've read some interesting conversations about the idea of unconditional love in my unschooling group. Some people just don't think it's possible. That doesn't meant that they don't try to treat people as well as they can. They think it's virtually impossible for a person to have absolutely no judgments or opinions about another person. I certainly have deal breakers with my dh or anyone else for that matter. The only people that I think I could continue to love no matter what they did are my kids. But, that doesn't mean that I could absolutely accept anything they did, either, like if one of them purposefully seriously harmed or killed the other.

Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages? DH and I learned a lot about how the other gives and receives love. Sex is a big one for dh. Not so much for me. He even said something to me once along the lines of sex being a big expression of our love in and of itself. I just don't feel it that way. I have to feel loved in other ways before I'm interested in sex. I've also noticed that now that I'm done having babies, I have very little interest in sex at all. I kind of feel like I could go the rest of my life without it and be fine, like there's really not much point if I'm trying to get pg. I mean, it feels good for a few moments but big whoop. I've got better things to do. lol.gif

Ok, so, just throwing this out there for you to consider. If you are going to put strict rules on what he can eat in his own home, isn't it only fair that he can do the same to you? I get your position and I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm saying that maybe your snacky things are to him what his diet sodas and gum are to you.

I cannot not eat sweets if they are in the house. If I want to avoid them, they cannot be here. I have no will power when it comes to that. My dh can not touch them at all. I actually jokingly told him the other day that I had figured out how to diet and lose weight. Rather than eating a bunch of healthy food that I don't enjoy and cutting out the sweets, I'd cut out the healthy food and eat only sweets. That would cut back on my total calories so I'd still lose weight, right? winky.gif I might not feel so good after a while but I'd fit into my skinny jeans. lol.gif

Quote:
I think JJ doesn't bedshare b/c she doesn't get any more sleep b/c it isn't comfortable for her to lay in the same position? Wasn't it hurting your back/neck/legs, JJ?

I guess my thing with this is that if you aren't getting any sleep either way, why not at least lay down in bed with baby so you can get some rest and aren't always UP. KWIM? At least, that's what works for me. If I'm absolutely knocked out, zombified exhausted, I will lay down on the couch or in the bed and let the baby crawl all over me, alternately letting him nurse when he wants and crawl/flop/squirm. At least then I can rest my eyes and brain a little. If I'm really exhausted at night and D is just not ready for bed, I take him to bed and let him play around in the room while I lie in the bed. Anything to get at least a few minutes of rest.

I certainly wouldn't be staying up cooking and cleaning and doing dishes at any time that baby was sleeping. I'm probably sounding kind of harsh now but if I were that exhausted, I would let everything else go except sleep/rest whenever I could. I would expect my dh to do all the cooking and cleaning if he weren't really helping with the baby. Stop trying to do everything in the home yourself. You have your day job of taking care of the kids while your dh has his day job wherever he goes. When you are both home, the home and family is a job for both of you. You should not be doing all or even most of it. If your dh gets pissy about that, he needs to grow up. I'm sorry but I think too many women take on too much because the men whine about it. Too effing bad, men! OK, getting off my soapbox.gif

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Old 09-21-2012, 09:04 AM
 
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If I read it, should he read it?  I got a sample on my kindle and liked what I read.  It was really interesting.  

 

Hmm, maybe unconditional is the wrong term.  Unreciprocal I think I mean.  But maybe right now is just the season where he needs to give a little more than receive??

 

No, you're right.  If I place health/well being restrictions I suppose he can too.  I think what bugs me is he seems to be doing his restricting based off appearances (i.e. not finding me attractive) whereas I feel my restrictions are more for the good of the family/health.

 

I also didn't like it when he was doing fasts.  He was thin, but was only drinking smoothies and eating steamed broccoli or green beans for WEEKS.  It bothered me and I worried for his health.  I didn't say he couldn't do it though.  I just told him I felt uneasy.

 

LOL and i'm  with you!  Can I skip all the healthy stuff and salad and only eat chips and fries?  As long as I only eat the same amount of calories, it should work, right?  winky.gif

 

I think my love language is sleep, too.  Or food.  

 

I'm totally going to nap today.  Dishes/wash be damned!


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Old 09-21-2012, 09:38 AM
 
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I agree about unconditional love. I don't think I'd ever not love my kids, but I certainly don't love everything they do.

 

And yes, I think there are seasons in a relationship where one person is giving more than the other, and that's ok, so long as it's not the whole marriage (unless both partners are ok with that, but I think the one giving would feel resentful after a while) My sister and her husband are like that - I feel like her husband gives too much. But I'm not in that marriage, and glad not to be!

 

And yes, Carrie, if he'll read it (or listen, I'm sure its an audiobook) that would be good. so everyone is on the same page, so to speak

 

I felt that way when DH was doing Atkins. I just don't feel it's healthy to put your body into a state of ketosis. I agreed eating less carbs was reasonable, and would cook a low carb dinner, but made no efforts otherwise.


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Old 09-21-2012, 09:58 AM
 
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The Love Languages book would prob be very helpful. My primary is acts of service and secondary is gifts. DH's primary is words of affirmation and secondary is physical touch. We have to work really hard because there's no overlap. He'll tell me all day long how much he appreciates me and the things I do for our family and I'm all, yeah that's nice now pick up the scrub brush and clean the toilet! And I work my butt off and all DH wants is for me to tell him that he's a good daddy. :/

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Old 09-21-2012, 10:03 AM
 
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I'm kind of on that kind of diet Baby_Cakes and MW! I go all day without eating and then shove food in my face the whole time I'm at work. When we were in Williamsburg, I didn't make a point to eat much on Saturday. So then I had to eat a ton on Sunday to make up for it. My DH does crazy diets. I just ignore it most of the time. Kids aren't allowed artificial sweetners or caffeine because it sends them over the edge.

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Old 09-21-2012, 10:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Carrie ~ I get what you are saying about the food restrictions. That's why I said maybe he's not meaning that you are unattractive. Thin may mean healthy to him. KWIM? And, if he's put on weight, he probably needed to. I can't imagine him thinner. I don't think that would be attractive. I don't like really skinny, though. I like a man with muscles.

I also agree that each partner will give and receive more at different times in the relationship. I don't think it's ever 50/50. As long as it ebbs and flows, it's ok. If it says one always giving 80% and the other only doing 20% for years without change, then there is an issue, imo.

I think it's important for both people to read the book. You can't read it and tell the other one about it. I think it's more about learning what your partner's love language is so that you can recognize and appreciate when s/he expresses it and you can make an effort to give love in their language at least some times. I don't even remember what our love languages are anymore. I think dh's was gifts and acts of service and mine was quality time or talking (I don't even remember what any of them are now) and touch (but not sexual). For me at this point, it's more about just recognizing when dh does something loving that I may not automatically interpret that way. I can send you my copy if I can find it.

I don't like my kids to have artificial sweeteners ever or caffeine after 5 pm. That doesn't mean they don't ever get either of those. I think people think I'm crazy when I suggest they get gum with sugar (although maybe it's HFCS) instead of sugar-free. The caffeine thing is because I'm so sensitive to it that I can't sleep if I have any later in the day. Not everyone is like that, though, so I've been slowly letting that one go. If dh can drink a cup of coffee right before bed and fall asleep within seconds of laying down, that kind of blows my reasoning for the kids not having caffeine after 5 pm out of the water.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

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