October 2012 Rockstar Mamas - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-08-2012, 08:45 PM
 
onetwoten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,935
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
 

Do any of you have sisters that you are close to? I'm trying to figure out if my sister's girls and Ava are drawn to us because we sound like each other or if they have some biological knowledge that we are related. It's the most interesting thing to me, especially after having spent time with MW and Baby_Cakes. Dylan and Finn didn't mind me but they didn't really tolerate me doing stuff for them and vice versa with Ava and the other moms. But my nieces have never had a problem with me taking care of them, they never have to "re-learn" me when they haven't seen me for months and Ava is the same way with my sister. She just goes to her, no problems. In fact, she was following her around the house begging my sister to pick her up. What do you guys think? Do they feel safe with us because we sound the same? Just something interesting I was thinking about on my drive back yesterday.

 

JJ, how's Miss Ten doing these days? Did you get the extra crib to sidecar?

Sorry, I've been reading along, and keeping a mental list of things I want to comment on, but haven't sat down at the computer for long enough to actually respond. 

 

I think there's probably a lot of truth to what you said. I think the looks and the sounds, but also I'm sure family members smell similar on a deeper level too. 

 

 

Tenley is doing good. She's having huge milestones lately with babbling a lot more, and has all of a sudden decided that she wants to walk. She's not walking -yet-, but she's cruising along furniture like crazy, and if she lets go of things, she's 'standing' for a little longer than she used to. She's really loving her books too. SO adorable to watch her crawl over, open up a book and just sit there quietly with it for awhile. 

 

She is however, eating hardly any solids, and not sleeping great. A better night or two with a few 2 hour stretches, and then back to the every hour or less wakeups. I'm been managing to get a bit of sleep in the mornings though, so I'm doing ok. She's teething again pretty badly, so I think that's contributing a lot to the sleep right now. You can see it in her face that she's wanting to sleep, but can't. 

 

I went out after that convo the other day and bought a few new shirts- 2 actual nursing shirts, and then two others that are just easier to nurse in or hide my belly. I'm in a much better mood when I'm not feeling fat :D lol 

 

Anywho... the house is relatively clean, and Tenley has been asleep for 1.5 hours already! She woke up about an hour in, and called out once but I went to her door, and she was quiet again, but I could hear her moving... and then she fell back asleep. I suspect she'll be up in the next half hour or so though, so I'm gonna get ready for bed, and play a game for a bit until she wakes up. That way I can do right to sleep after. 


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

onetwoten is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-08-2012, 08:47 PM
 
onetwoten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,935
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Oh, and we didn't grab a crib yet, but I've been using my nightstand as a bedrail. LOL It looks trashy, but it kind of does the job. I push it down at night, so that it's around hip level- so I can lean that direction without falling out of bed. In the morning, I push it back up to the wall, so it looks pretty. lol. I've been keeping my eye out for a cheap crib on the sale site that comes with all the hardware, but also working on convincing Ten to sleep straight while she's in the bed! lol


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

onetwoten is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 05:25 AM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So . . . Norah was inconsolable last night for DH (which hasn't ever happened) and so I offered the boob, and then of course we lost the paci in the bed last night so I had to boob her instead. And she was waking every couple hours. Oh well. Guess we aren't ready to wean yet, hehe. And I am really ok with that, surprisingly. JJ: I hope you find a sleep solution that works for all of you soon, I know going without really sucks. Sisters . . . despite my sister and I looking and sounding alike, my kids don't really like her. they tolerate her, but that's about it. Gabe prefers men in general as caretakers (except for me) - He adores his grandfathers and his great uncles - and Norah prefers women, generally, my mom and and DH's . . . I have always had good luck with babies liking me and accepting me as caregiver. I think thats because I'm comfortable around them. My mom says its the big boobs. very funny.

Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 12:04 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I shove the blanket b/w me and finn during the night and pin his top arm down so he can't pinch!  I wouldn't be able to stand nipple twiddling.  My nips are toooo sensitive!  I don't like anyone (including DH) touching them.  The thought gives me heebs!

 

He's been sleeping 6 hour stretches!  joy.gif  It's been amazing and I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts.  And catch up on all the sleep I've missed!

 

re: bounce house -- nooo, no place to store it.  Tiny house.  Need to move.  Don't need more junk either!  I checked it out -- it's only $150 to rent for the entire weekend.  I ran it by Chris and he said maybe.  So.  Hopefully.  It's raelly only going to be her, and possibly one other kid besides Finn.  I worry both kids I invited won't make it.  Both their moms are due with babies any day now (within the next 3 weeks) so it's like, will they come if they are still pg?  They won't if they have their babies!  You know?  Sigh.  Tough sitch.  So if no other kids come at least she'll have a bounce house to play in with Finn (and I'd get in!!  LOL!)

 

Kat - sweet that she nursed!  Aww!  Guess she isn't ready to let go just yet.  Enjoy it!  You never know when that last nursing will be!

 

JJ - Yay to Ten for newfound mobility and standing!  Fun times!!

 

AFUs -  Finn is up and walking/running around!  He's def turned into a toddler.  He used to be so easy to take along shopping, now he tries to stand and climb out of the cart.  Here we go!  LOL!  Right now sleep is ok so I'm not going to complain OR jinx it!  Just ate a huge lunch.  Ugh.  Full.  Not doing well with watching what I'm eating -- I think I'm going to just be happy and try here and there but not drive myself or anyone else crazy.  I get so grouchy when I'm hungry.  Not worth it.


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 01:00 PM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! bounce houses there are much more reasonable! And holy moly, good sleep! keep it up Finn!

Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dylan has been sleeping more, too. I think he only nurses 2-3 times a night now. It has been nice. Well, I just did the math and that's still nursing every 3-4 hours. Haha!

I've been wearing my nursing necklace again. It helps during the day but it's a pain at night. It gets spun around on my neck and then I have to fiddle with it, which ends up waking me more. Oh well.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 07:17 PM
 
AnnieA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Isn't it funny how the switch just happens? Like one night, they are a holy terror waking all through the night needing needing needing the milks and then the next night, eh, don't need the milks. So crazy to me!

 

DH is driving me crazy these days being overly cautious w/Ava. Lots of telling her to be careful, she can't do this or that or play with this or that because she'll get hurt. I don't feel like they are big deals and it usually things I let her do so I don't understand his push to correct her on them. Like the picture that I posted of her standing on the chair next to me while I pump. He doesn't want her to stand on the chair. Apparently she fell off one night with him. So he doesn't want her to do it at all. But when it's just me and her home, and she wants to stand on the chair and that gives me a few minutes to pump, I'm going to let her stand on the chair. shrug.gif
 


Annie wife v2.0 to DH and joyfully parenting DSS 18 jog.gif, DSD 15 knit.gif, DSD 14 banana.gif, DSS 12bikenew.gifand heart hero DD 2superhero.gif. angel1.gif 8/2010

AnnieA is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

DH is driving me crazy these days being overly cautious w/Ava. Lots of telling her to be careful, she can't do this or that or play with this or that because she'll get hurt. I don't feel like they are big deals and it usually things I let her do so I don't understand his push to correct her on them. Like the picture that I posted of her standing on the chair next to me while I pump. He doesn't want her to stand on the chair. Apparently she fell off one night with him. So he doesn't want her to do it at all. But when it's just me and her home, and she wants to stand on the chair and that gives me a few minutes to pump, I'm going to let her stand on the chair. shrug.gif

Carrie posted an article about that sort of thing on Facebook recently. Maybe she can dig it back up for you. I had to get on DH about that with our kids for a while. It's such a typical way that people think they show they care but it has the opposite effect. I stopped telling my kids to be careful or be nice or be good. I usually say, "Have fun!"

Of course, then there's Kellen who seems to get hurt every time he turns around. eyesroll.gif Then it's really hard to not tell him to be careful.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 07:45 PM
 
AnnieA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm trying really hard to not say "Be careful" to Ava but instead say "Please be mindful of what you are doing." It's kind of a mouthful but I want to communicate to her that I would like for her to pay attention to what she's doing, i.e. not fall back while sitting on the edge of a step or something like that but not cripple her by saying "be careful"...maybe it's the same thing? Hmmmm, need to think about that a bit.
 


Annie wife v2.0 to DH and joyfully parenting DSS 18 jog.gif, DSD 15 knit.gif, DSD 14 banana.gif, DSS 12bikenew.gifand heart hero DD 2superhero.gif. angel1.gif 8/2010

AnnieA is offline  
Old 10-09-2012, 09:07 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes!! It's so hard!! I think I say be careful more for myself than for the child. Idk. I've started just saying to Nora, "you think you can do it? Try! I trust you!" Or something like that. With Finn tho...I'm more like, "whoa buddy, how did you climb up there? Falling hurts! Let me show you how to get down!" Or, "let's make good choices!"
Choosing wording is hard. I just want to blurt out no!! Be careful!!

How do you guys handle one child purposely hitting or pushing over another? I need ideas.



Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk 2

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 05:03 AM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I do say be careful. Which usually prompts Gabe to say, "big ouches?" and I say, "yes, if you are not careful, you can get big ouches" - it's not to tell him not to do something, but not to be reckless, which the older and bolder he gets, the more he is. A little bit of caution is not a bad thing. Generally I love how fearless he is, but sometimes it goes a bit too far.

 

That, and I hate to say this, because I don't really like the idea of older siblings having to watch out for younger ones (as in be an example - that puts a lot of undue pressure), but Norah DOES try to do things that Gabe does. And she is just not quite ready for some of it. And so, while she is awake and active, I kind of try to keep the daredevil stuff down to a minimum.

 

Pushing and hitting: me too, because I feel my options suck. You saw on FB about how Gabe loves to push Norah down? and she loves him doing it (most of the time) . . . I can't find a good reason to stop it while she's laughing and giggling, but I do try to make Gabe aware once it's gone too far - "Norah's crying now, not laughing. let's take a break from this game and give her hugs and kisses instead" Which works for a little bit. Our bigger issue is lately Gabe doesn't want to share me, (literally, he says, "Gabe no share mommy") and pushes or kicks at Norah to get away. What my gut reaction is to do is to push him away and cuddle Norah, who was just pushed and wants mommy time too, but I feel this is wrong in that all it does is cement a preference in Gabe's head, where there really isn't one. And make him more jealous of the mommy time he does have. So I usually pass Norah off to DH, and sit and talk with Gabe, but this also doesn't feel quite right.

 

If I were a toy they were fighting over, i would just take it away for a bit, but that's not really an option.

 

Carrie, is it just general pushing and hitting, or more specific stuff?

 

Annie: She stands on the chair all the time, right? and she fell once. Falls happen. Even to grown people. I can go up and down stairs a hundred times, but one time I will trip. doesn't mean I stop using the stairs. Ava seems like the kind of independent little person that no matter what, she's going to do it - climb, jump, whatever. You just try to find safe ways to do those things. (like maybe only climb the chair if mom or dad is sitting right next to you?)


Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 08:01 AM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We have sharing issues as well.  Not like, oh he wants it you need to give it to him.  I don't believe in that.  But if he's got something she wants she just takes it from him and he pitches a huge fit.  I usually insist she gives it back, and that makes her throw a fit.  So then I've got two fit throwers and my blood pressure is rising and I have a hard time acting calm.

 

The hitting/shoving is out of meanness and anger.  He'll come over to watch her do something and she just shoves him.  Or like, last night, he came over and tried to play cars with her, and she took her car and smashed his hand with it, causing him to cry.  DH thought the best course was to take her car away.  But then she was crying so hard for her car that I couldn't get her to even acknowledge that she hurt Finn.  I'd rather focus on "look, he's hurt, how can we make him feel better?" than take away something she had every right to play with. 

I explained this to DH afterwards and he was like, "Yeah but doing it your way doesn't work either." and I just had to say, "of course not, but the more consistent we are, the more she will learn empathy.  She's young still.  Taking her toy only teaches her to take toys away."

 

She's always hitting, shoving, pinching, going up to him and smacking.  Idk what to do about it other than what I just said.  I try to not make a huge deal over it, but I do console Finn and have her see how her actions hurt him.  I try to get her to come up with a way to make him feel better (she usually says sorry and gives a kiss).  

 

Thoughts?  Ideas?  Ways to stay sane?


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 08:20 AM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ugh. We have a good deal of all of that. It sucks. I need to be more consistent. I usually pick Gabe up, sit him on the couch (where of course he's crying and upset) and cuddle and make sure Norah is ok - then try to resettle her playing with something, Go over to him, talk about it briefly, try to calm him down and then go back to work (one of the banes of working from home. I feel I could be more preventative if I wasn't mostly focused on work)

 

I don't really tell him he has to sit on the couch, but he never tries to get off, he generally sits there and mopes until he's ready to play again. I think that's really, for him, the best way to go - is to just let him cool down (and honestly, I need to cool down too - the sibling on sibling aggression is the thing that makes my blood boil the fastest). This is only for those times he's being agressive during play. Doesn't work with the not wanting to share mommy stuff.

 

Generally, he is really good with sharing - he's possessive for a minute, but usually within a couple minutes, he'll go over and offer the toy to whoever wanted it.

 

I really think consistency is key, and I have not been good at it. Can I blame it on pregnancy hormones?? but that doesn't help Gabe. I keep telling myself, sooner or later Norah will start defending herself, and then that will be funny. I think.


Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[quote name="akind1" url="/community/t/1364692/october-2012-rockstar-mamas/100#post_17136352"You saw on FB about how Gabe loves to push Norah down? and she loves him doing it (most of the time) . . . I can't find a good reason to stop it while she's laughing and giggling, but I do try to make Gabe aware once it's gone too far - "Norah's crying now, not laughing. let's take a break from this game and give her hugs and kisses instead"[/quote]

I think that's a pretty good way of handling it. If they are having fun, I don't see a reason to stop it. Once anyone is not having fun anymore, time to stop. The way you are doing it will help Gabe be able to notice that on his own, eventually.

I try to handle sibling aggression by, first, heading it off at the pass. That means being constantly vigilant of what the boys are doing. I'm not perfect at it.Once it happens, I separate them and tell them both that I won't let them hurt each other. Ethan usually gets really mad and screams that I don't care about him because, from his POV, Kellen did something to him and he was just reacting. I talk to Ethan about moving away from Kellen and/or getting me but not retaliating. Once he retaliates, I have to focus on getting him to stop hurting Kellen rather than focusing on Kellen's annoying behavior. Ethan hasn't quite gotten that concept yet so it's a lot of fun (Not!).

I don't make my kids share toys. If one wants something that the other has, I tell them to ask for it and then wait until the other person is done. I think this helps them share more because they don't feel like they have to hoard it or whatever if they can use it as long as they want. If it seems like it will be a while before the first person is done with it, I will try to find something else for the other to use in the meantime. It doesn't always make the person waiting happy but I think it makes the most sense. I don't think it's reasonable at all to make one child give up whatever they are playing with before they are done just because someone else wants it (unless, of course, it is the other person's thing to begin with).

Ok, Dylan is having a fit again so I have to stop. Maybe I can post more later.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 10:03 AM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ethan seems so peaceful and fair.  Does he ever grab something from Kellen?  Or does Kellen grab from Dylan?  Our issues with sharing are of the "grabbing out of hands" "I want that" sort, even if it's Finn's toy AND he had it first.  


I recently had to put all the ride on toys out in the garage b/c Finn was never "allowed" to even touch them.  She would ride on one, and hide the other so he couldn't have it.  Then when she was on it, she would plow into him or run over his fingers or toes when I wasn't looking (and sometimes when I was!!).

 

I mean, they get along really well probably 90% of the time!  Don't get me wrong!  But I tihnk that's why it's so hard for me to get why she acts like this the other 10% of the time.  Just be nice!  Play fair!  LOL!

 

Oh I also would never expect either one to give something up just b/c the other wants it.  I don't view that as sharing at all.  

 

ETA - Just got off the phone - bounce castle is reserved!  she's gonna go nuts!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 10:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, yeah, they all grab from each other sometimes. I feel like I spend at least half of all my days breaking up fights between Ethan and Kellen. Ethan can get pretty hurtful toward Kellen. They both yell at and push Dylan away when he gets in their way or tries to take something they are using. They don't purposely try to hurt him, though.

Ethan does purposely hurt Kellen when he gets pushed too far. I'm trying to work with Ethan on moving away from Kellen when he's annoying him. It's hard, though, because it's not fair for Ethan to have to leave all the time. That's when I tell Ethan to tell me so I can move Kellen away. When they are both just bickering with each other I have them sit on opposite sides of the room.

I would suspect that Nora is having a hard time understanding that everything isn't hers. It was all hers for a long time. She didn't have anyone else that had his own stuff or that she needed to get along and share with. Do you have things designated as hers only and Finn's only? I think that helps. We get two (or three now) of a lot of things. Ethan had a DSi. As soon as Kellen started showing interest in it, I worked things out so that I could get one for him, too. They each have their own Nerf guns and video games. They tend to be more willing to share when they know they don't have to, that they have their own things that they can get back whenever they want.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 11:03 AM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I agree, kids shouldn't be made to share. (except for people. Gabe somehow needs to learn that he has to share me)

 

We have things that are specifically one kids or the others . . . but I think both are too young yet to really understand those boundaries. Need to work on that as Gabe gets older.

 

I really need to work on Gabe being carried. he absolutely doesn't want DH to do it, and frankly, he's getting too heavy, and I'm getting too far along, to do it. Wearing him is ok, but it's still a stress on my body that it really doesn't need. Any helpful hints on that one?


Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 11:18 AM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

I would suspect that Nora is having a hard time understanding that everything isn't hers. It was all hers for a long time. She didn't have anyone else that had his own stuff or that she needed to get along and share with. Do you have things designated as hers only and Finn's only? I think that helps. We get two (or three now) of a lot of things. Ethan had a DSi. As soon as Kellen started showing interest in it, I worked things out so that I could get one for him, too. They each have their own Nerf guns and video games. They tend to be more willing to share when they know they don't have to, that they have their own things that they can get back whenever they want.

 

They each have their own things, and then things they can play with together (like matchbox cars.  that seems to be the biggest stressor lately).  They each want the same car.  So.  We got 2 maters, 2 mqueens, etc, but still.  She'll take his or both and declare them hers.  
The ride ons we had 2, but she always hoarded them.  Idk why.  Sometimes they would play nice together and chase each other around.  I guess in time I'll bring them back in and see how they do.

I know time will solve all this but I'm just trying to keep my sanity until we get there.

 

I don't think there's really much that either one has that the other doesn't, except Nora has her baby.  OH - she changed her baby's name.  It's now Jewelry.  lol.gif

 

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I really need to work on Gabe being carried. he absolutely doesn't want DH to do it, and frankly, he's getting too heavy, and I'm getting too far along, to do it. Wearing him is ok, but it's still a stress on my body that it really doesn't need. Any helpful hints on that one?

 

Does the 'like a big boy' stuff work on him?  You could keep just repeating that.  And when you're out or watching TV point out how all the big boys walk on their own (or ride in the cart).  When they notice other kids doing it sometimes it helps.  

But!  Also, time.  Nora still insisted on being carried at lot at 2.  I think they still need it, quite frankly.  They tire so easily and can't keep up, and I think they are still really dependent little things!  Not that that helps you at all right now!  LOL!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Crap! I hit something on my new computer and erased my entire post!

Anyway, sharing mommy: Can you hold both of them at the same time? Engage Gabe is something else while you are holding Norah?

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

I guess in time I'll bring them back in and see how they do.

Did you take the ride-ons away from Finn because Nora wouldn't share? That's not really fair to Finn. I would continue to tell Nora in very simple terms that she has hers and Finn has his and you won't let her take Finn's away or hurt him with any of them. Stop her every time and tell her that. Give her hers again and give Finn his or put her somewhere that she can ride it without Finn around or vice versa.

Maybe she can't tell the difference between the two cars if they are the same? Could you mark them somehow so she can tell which one is hers? DH did that with the boys Captain America shields so we didn't have to worry about them fussing over which one was who's.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 12:09 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post


Did you take the ride-ons away from Finn because Nora wouldn't share? That's not really fair to Finn. I would continue to tell Nora in very simple terms that she has hers and Finn has his and you won't let her take Finn's away or hurt him with any of them. Stop her every time and tell her that. Give her hers again and give Finn his or put her somewhere that she can ride it without Finn around or vice versa.
Maybe she can't tell the difference between the two cars if they are the same? Could you mark them somehow so she can tell which one is hers? DH did that with the boys Captain America shields so we didn't have to worry about them fussing over which one was who's.

 

It's not fair to him that she grabs them away, and hits him with them either.  He wasn't able to enjoy them at all.  I was really, really unable to keep my cool most days b/c of those toys.  So, I removed them from the house.  She gets to ride them away from him outside.  He can too.  At different times.  Not together!

 

Oh, they are the same but they are slightly different.  They are chunkier plastic "baby" versions for Finn and metal ones for her.  

She's just hoardy.  I don't want to call it selfish b/c she really isn't.  She just tends to get possessive.  Even if she isn't currently playing with it, it's like if she ever did, she had it first.  You know?  Sigh.  Kids.

 

She'll also play smack in the middle of the room and tell me I need to keep Finn away.  No, I do not.  This is central living space.  You can play in your room or in the kitchen with the gate shut -- but no, she'll pitch a fit that she needs to be right in the middle of the room.  If he walks by or touches anything she yells "NO FINNLEY!! GRRR!"

 

I need to get Finn a halloween costume.  Did you guys all make final costume decisions?


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My kids do all of those things. The older boys tell me a lot that I need to get MY baby! lol.gif I say, "No, I don't. If he's bothering you, you can go somewhere else." Sometimes they get angry and yell or scream. That's what kids do.

They also do the, "I was using that last week so you can't have it." I'm exaggerating but they do set things down and then get upset sometimes if someone else comes along and picks it up. I usually say that the person who claimed it first gets it. So, if Kellen was playing with it and put it down and came back 30 minutes later and said he was still using it, he gets it back. I put things down all the time or walk away from them, like my computer, when I'm not done with them. Then if one of the boys wants to use it, I tell them I wasn't done. Then I decide if I want to finish something up before I let them use it or tell them they can use it and I'll finish what I'm doing later. I think that since they know they will get it asap, they don't get too upset about it most times. They are older, though. Dylan obviously doesn't understand when I ask him to wait 2 minutes for me to finish a sentence before picking him up. lol.gif

Ethan has become more and more possessive recently. I'm not sure what that's about. Maybe it's just an age thing. He really wants his own, private room.

Not sure what you mean about making the final decision on costumes. You mean, if one of my children picks something that I think is inappropriate? I did tell Ethan that he couldn't get one of the really gory costumes that he wanted. I think those are too much for a bunch of little kids. He decided he wants to be a Marine and had originally picked out a costume at the store but I told him I'd get him a real set of camis from the Exchange. I really need to go do that before they end up sold out of his size. Kellen had first said he wanted to be Wolverine again but now he says he wants to be a zombie. I'll make him a zombie costume if he wants that. We'll see.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 01:08 PM
 
akind1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 3,217
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sharing mommy: he used to do that, let me hold them both at once. Now he pushes her out of the way, and says "Daddy hold Norah" or "Norah down floor!" He will use his words if I remind him to, but it's not very fair to Norah that she doesn't get cuddle time with mama when she wants it, just because she's easier to pass of and doesn't make as big a fuss. This has really only started recently, since she's not been nursing as much, or at all.

 

Well, my kids really don't care what they are,so I get to pick. Norah is going to be a piggy and Gabe is going to be a farmer. Tada!


Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

akind1 is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 01:35 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

My kids do all of those things. The older boys tell me a lot that I need to get MY baby! lol.gif I say, "No, I don't. If he's bothering you, you can go somewhere else." Sometimes they get angry and yell or scream. That's what kids do.
They also do the, "I was using that last week so you can't have it." I'm exaggerating but they do set things down and then get upset sometimes if someone else comes along and picks it up. I usually say that the person who claimed it first gets it. So, if Kellen was playing with it and put it down and came back 30 minutes later and said he was still using it, he gets it back. I put things down all the time or walk away from them, like my computer, when I'm not done with them. Then if one of the boys wants to use it, I tell them I wasn't done. Then I decide if I want to finish something up before I let them use it or tell them they can use it and I'll finish what I'm doing later. I think that since they know they will get it asap, they don't get too upset about it most times. They are older, though. Dylan obviously doesn't understand when I ask him to wait 2 minutes for me to finish a sentence before picking him up. lol.gif
Ethan has become more and more possessive recently. I'm not sure what that's about. Maybe it's just an age thing. He really wants his own, private room.
Not sure what you mean about making the final decision on costumes. You mean, if one of my children picks something that I think is inappropriate? I did tell Ethan that he couldn't get one of the really gory costumes that he wanted. I think those are too much for a bunch of little kids. He decided he wants to be a Marine and had originally picked out a costume at the store but I told him I'd get him a real set of camis from the Exchange. I really need to go do that before they end up sold out of his size. Kellen had first said he wanted to be Wolverine again but now he says he wants to be a zombie. I'll make him a zombie costume if he wants that. We'll see.

 

NAK

 

At least it's normal then.  Haha!

 

 HA - No i mean did everyone make up their minds yet?  Nora keeps changing her mind and i cant decide what finn should be.  I sort of have no real desire to do h'ween this year and cant get excited!!!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh, i read that wrong. i thought it said, do you make the final decision. obviously, then, no. lol.gif dylan will be whatever we have that fits, a lion or a devil. i'm partial to the devil.

Kat ~ I think that unless Norah really protests, take advantage of being able to cuddle with Gabe more. If she's really protesting, only wants you, crying inconsolably, then hold them both. If Gabe protests, tell him that you are not going to ignore Norah when she needs you just like you won't ignore him when he needs you. He can choose whether or not to stay with you but you will continue to hold Norah, too. That may not make him happy but I think it's fair and reasonable. There's not much else you can do.

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 06:29 PM
 
AnnieA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was going to do the garden gnome for Ava but I looked at the costume and if she won't wear the hat, it's kind of hard to figure out what she is. So I think I'm going to do the bumblebee tutu. I need to take her in Target tomorrow and try it on.

 

Sharing/hoarding...that stuff is hard. I think it helps to dig a little deeper. Is it possible that Nora does that stuff to get your attention/get a reaction from you? I ask that because I noticed a couple of times when we were together that she would start to do something she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing and she would look up to see if you or Chris were watching her. She would catch my eye and I would kind of just raise my eyebrow at her or say something like "Nora, is that a good choice?" and she would smile and say "Nooooo!". Also, I think she's old enough to try to some positive behavior modification. When the boys that I nannied were around that age, they started hitting and being so mean to each other. So their parents and I implemented a system that involved a small reward at the end of each day. I got a bunch of little things like matchbox cars, etc and wrapped them individually. We put them in a basket and put them up on a shelf so the kids could see but not reach. We gave them the parameters such as make it through the day w/out hitting brother, listening nicely, etc and then when they got up from their nap (that was the timeframe we gave them), they could pick out a present to open. It only took about a week and a half to modify the behavior.

 

Ava went from 12:30 AM until 8:30 AM w/out milk last night. She didn't wake up. I'm kind of shocked. And she didn't finish the bottle that DH had given her before 12:30 AM. I poured out about 4 oz this morning from the old bottle plus the milk I had left on the counter for her middle of the night bottle. It kind of makes me sad! But she's eating a lot more solids and she seems ok w/her choice. I'm definitely offering plenty of milk, she just doesn't want it. At nap, she's hardly finishing her 3-4 oz bottle. Which may be a good thing because DH made an interesting choice last night. We DTD and usually he asks me or something and he didn't and he didn't withdraw. bigeyes.gif I was CD 8 so it's probably fine but a little to close for my comfort, you know? I don't want to lose my milk before Ava is done. But if I get pg, I can't do much about it. Ah well, just need to not think about it.


Annie wife v2.0 to DH and joyfully parenting DSS 18 jog.gif, DSD 15 knit.gif, DSD 14 banana.gif, DSS 12bikenew.gifand heart hero DD 2superhero.gif. angel1.gif 8/2010

AnnieA is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
MarineWife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: on the edge
Posts: 11,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, I would try to think a little more about why Nora would do the things she does. Maybe sometimes just sit back and watch what happens and really pay close attention to whatever leads up to certain behaviors (stopping her short of hurting anyone, of course).

Back to the idea that this way or that way isn't working. It really helps to get clear on what everyone means by that. What would it look like if whatever it was did work? Do you want a child who will instantly obey? Do you want a child that expresses empathy? What are the principles behind what you are trying to do?

For example, I want my children to feel and express empathy for others so I try to express empathy towards others. I want my children to be generous so I am as generous with them and others as I can be.

Which brings me to something that has been really bothering me. Yesterday at Ethan's baseball game the nasty former team mom was watching another child. That child was crying and she got in his face, put her finger up and asked, "Why are you crying?" in a not so nice way. He said he wanted his mom. She said she would take him to his mom as soon as the game was over, but again, not so nicely. I wanted to go sit next to the boy and comfort him but I didn't. I wish I had but I don't know what I would have done. I don't know the child and I don't know either parents. Would you all have done/said something to the child in such a situation? If so, what? I hate that I feel like I can't do anything for a child in distress who is being supervised because it's not my business. KWIM?

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

MarineWife is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 07:51 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

I was going to do the garden gnome for Ava but I looked at the costume and if she won't wear the hat, it's kind of hard to figure out what she is. So I think I'm going to do the bumblebee tutu. I need to take her in Target tomorrow and try it on.

 

Sharing/hoarding...that stuff is hard. I think it helps to dig a little deeper. Is it possible that Nora does that stuff to get your attention/get a reaction from you? I ask that because I noticed a couple of times when we were together that she would start to do something she knew she wasn't supposed to be doing and she would look up to see if you or Chris were watching her. She would catch my eye and I would kind of just raise my eyebrow at her or say something like "Nora, is that a good choice?" and she would smile and say "Nooooo!". Also, I think she's old enough to try to some positive behavior modification. When the boys that I nannied were around that age, they started hitting and being so mean to each other. So their parents and I implemented a system that involved a small reward at the end of each day. I got a bunch of little things like matchbox cars, etc and wrapped them individually. We put them in a basket and put them up on a shelf so the kids could see but not reach. We gave them the parameters such as make it through the day w/out hitting brother, listening nicely, etc and then when they got up from their nap (that was the timeframe we gave them), they could pick out a present to open. It only took about a week and a half to modify the behavior.

 

Ava went from 12:30 AM until 8:30 AM w/out milk last night. She didn't wake up. I'm kind of shocked. And she didn't finish the bottle that DH had given her before 12:30 AM. I poured out about 4 oz this morning from the old bottle plus the milk I had left on the counter for her middle of the night bottle. It kind of makes me sad! But she's eating a lot more solids and she seems ok w/her choice. I'm definitely offering plenty of milk, she just doesn't want it. At nap, she's hardly finishing her 3-4 oz bottle. Which may be a good thing because DH made an interesting choice last night. We DTD and usually he asks me or something and he didn't and he didn't withdraw. bigeyes.gif I was CD 8 so it's probably fine but a little to close for my comfort, you know? I don't want to lose my milk before Ava is done. But if I get pg, I can't do much about it. Ah well, just need to not think about it.

 

I'm going to try that.  We used to have a "chart" that was mostly for behavior.  Keep your hands to yourself, use inside voice, etc.  She liked earning stickers for it, and then would get a prize.  Then one day she tore it down and wrote all over it so I got rid of it.  That was the end of that.

 

I also think Finn just needs tougher skin.  He needs to be able to be more like Norah and laugh it off or fight back to a degree.  I only step in if he's actually getting hurt or really upset.

 

Aside -- Kat -- I told my Nora that your Norah spells her name with an H and now on all her papers at home and school she keeps writing N-O-R-A-H and laughing.  I think it's so silly!
 

bigeyes.gif to Ava going that long! HOLY CRAP!  Good work miss A!

 

and ...

 

yikes2.gif OMG CD 8!?  When do you usually O?  Did you have fertile CM!?  I'm going to stalk you now!!!  Are you temping??  Woo hoo!
 

I think you'll be ok and not run out of milk even if you are pg.  Usually it isn't til the 2nd tri that things get hairy, right?  I think if you push thru and Ava keeps up with solids it will be a natural transition.  

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

Yeah, I would try to think a little more about why Nora would do the things she does. Maybe sometimes just sit back and watch what happens and really pay close attention to whatever leads up to certain behaviors (stopping her short of hurting anyone, of course).
Back to the idea that this way or that way isn't working. It really helps to get clear on what everyone means by that. What would it look like if whatever it was did work? Do you want a child who will instantly obey? Do you want a child that expresses empathy? What are the principles behind what you are trying to do?
For example, I want my children to feel and express empathy for others so I try to express empathy towards others. I want my children to be generous so I am as generous with them and others as I can be.
Which brings me to something that has been really bothering me. Yesterday at Ethan's baseball game the nasty former team mom was watching another child. That child was crying and she got in his face, put her finger up and asked, "Why are you crying?" in a not so nice way. He said he wanted his mom. She said she would take him to his mom as soon as the game was over, but again, not so nicely. I wanted to go sit next to the boy and comfort him but I didn't. I wish I had but I don't know what I would have done. I don't know the child and I don't know either parents. Would you all have done/said something to the child in such a situation? If so, what? I hate that I feel like I can't do anything for a child in distress who is being supervised because it's not my business. KWIM?

 

Tonight I did just that.  I really tried to stay on top of Finn so he didn't 'bother' her.  I think a big thing is she needs to decompress.  I'm the same way so I cannot blame her.  She needs quiet time to play alone w/o someone watching/bugging her (her word, bugging).  I also think she feels like the alpha child b/c she's older, so if she wants to play in the kitchen with the gate open, she should be able to.  It shouldn't even be an issue.  She's bossy.  Again, like me.  

 

Working to me honestly would be her expressing these feelings in a way that I could understand, and that didn't infringe on Finn's right to not be hurt physically.  She's totally in the right to have time to do her thing, to want what she wants, to do what she wants to do.  To have the things she wants.  But she isn't right in hitting or hurting her brother.  I don't want her to just do what I say, but I want her to understand that what I'm saying is fair, and I want her to want to follow what I model.  Which is fairness, generosity, fun, love.  

 

What would I do in that situation?  Hmm.  If I were feeling ballsy I might go down and ask if she would like me to watch him for a min.  If she said no then that would be that.  I would play into whatever she said just so I could get a minute with the child to comfort him.  But ... Idk.  It really depends.  If the adult seemed really nasty or confrontational I might not intervene at all.  Sad.  It is sad that we can't just help out each other, you know??


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 08:04 PM
 
AnnieA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I didn't have fertile CM so I'm probably fine. I usually O around CD 13-15. I'm not temping, just charting CM. But yeah, I was just like uhhhh.....

 

Can you set up some of Nora's toys in her room so she can go in there and play alone?

 

MW, that lady is so toxic. If the program isn't going to get rid of her, I'd have to really think about continuing to go. Does it upset the boys when she acts like that?


Annie wife v2.0 to DH and joyfully parenting DSS 18 jog.gif, DSD 15 knit.gif, DSD 14 banana.gif, DSS 12bikenew.gifand heart hero DD 2superhero.gif. angel1.gif 8/2010

AnnieA is offline  
Old 10-10-2012, 08:16 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post

I didn't have fertile CM so I'm probably fine. I usually O around CD 13-15. I'm not temping, just charting CM. But yeah, I was just like uhhhh.....

 

Can you set up some of Nora's toys in her room so she can go in there and play alone?

 

Sigh ok ok!  winky.gif

 

I do!  I will try again.  It will be so easy if she did that!

 

I'm pinning like mad.  Nora's party will be so fun!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
 

Tags
Taking Charge Of Your Fertility The Definitive Guide To Natural Birth Control Pregnancy Achievement , Taking Charge Of Your Fertility 10th Anniversary Edition The Definitive Guide To Natural Birth Contr , Parenting
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off