Speak to the parents, or let it go? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 04-19-2004, 06:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
Evan&Anna's_Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: So. CA
Posts: 4,388
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We live in a typical So. CA suburban neighborhood. The neighbors have children who are 6 and 8, slightly older than my 1 and 4 YO. There are also two other boys, about 6 and 10, who hang out with their kids many afternoons. Anyway, these 4 kids have taken to calling my 4 YO names. Now, he is hanging over the fence (separates the two backyards) when they do this, and we're working on just having him not do that. But, when he sticks his head over and yells for their attention, they are mean. Stuff like "your new nickname is jackass".

As I said, I've told my son not to bother the big kids. That big kids frequently don't want to play with little kids. That hanging over the fence is a bad idea and that if he would stop, they couldn't call him names. So, I think this will stop of its own accord eventually.

But I'm wondering if I have an obligation to say something to the parents? I think they would be shocked to hear this sort of thing from their kids. They are always so nice to my son and invite him over the play. My observation is that the visiting kids start it, and the neighbors kids are following along to be "cool" with the older kids.

What would you do?
Evan&Anna's_Mom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 7 Old 04-19-2004, 06:57 PM
 
mamaofthree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,281
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That's a hard one. Have you said something to the kids? Like if ds is bugging you please let me know and DON'T call him a jackass? We had a neighbor kid who would always look thru our fence and when my kids went over to talk to him he would "shoot" them with his toy gun and call them names. I spoke with him FIRST and when that didn't stop it I spoke with his grandmather (who was the one watching him in the afternoons)
I see nothing wrong in them wanting privacy, but rude name calling IMO is out of the question. If speaking to the kids doesn't work I would talk to the parents, and just say that if your child is bothering them, then to ask NICELY for him to stop, but cussing? NO way. I can't imagine the other kids parents would be Ok with their kids calling people jackasses.

H

mama to 6 amazing children joy.gif married to my main man for 21 years love.gif and finally home FULL time dishes.gifhang.gifknit.gif

mamaofthree is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 04-19-2004, 07:12 PM
 
Parker'smommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 3,201
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by mamaofthree
Like if ds is bugging you please let me know and DON'T call him a jackass? .
If speaking to the kids doesn't work I would talk to the parents, and just say that if your child is bothering them, then to ask NICELY for him to stop, but cussing? NO way. I can't imagine the other kids parents would be Ok with their kids calling people jackasses.

H
I agree with this. SOmetimes just bringing it to their attention that you are aware that they are acting inappropriately is enough to get it to stop. If it doesnt, then I would talk to the parents in a very non-confrontational way especially since you are neighbors and it sucks to be at odds with neighbors. I would explain that you are aware that your ds might be bugging them and tell them you are working on it but you would appreciate it if their ds didnt call him names, and especially not with swearing. Good luck!

Heather , momma to ' Parker- 10, Carlee- 7 and our baby Genevieve Faith - 8-27-10

Parker'smommy is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 04-19-2004, 08:34 PM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 12,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would ask those children to stop calling your son names and if that didn't work then I'd probably talk to the parents.
My dd is 7 and she has no problem playing with younger kids, her main playmate is ofcourse her almost 3yr old brother. So maybe that makes a difference.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 04-21-2004, 03:04 PM
 
jeca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Dark side of the Moon
Posts: 8,544
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with teh above. Let them know that you know will probably put a stop to it. If not then talk to the parents.
jeca is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 04-21-2004, 07:37 PM
 
LunaMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: orbiting the earth
Posts: 2,380
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Talk to the kids first, preferably in front of your son, so he sees that you find this treatment of him unacceptable. I'd keep it short and simple: "Please do not speak that way to my son. It is unkind."

If it continues, yes, talk to the parents.
LunaMom is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 04-21-2004, 09:52 PM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,039
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would say something to the other child first then talk to your neighbor.

But approach it this way "Oh, I was surprised at what JR said to my son. He must of learned that from school. Oh the things kids learn."

My son’s poor behavior has slipped by me and it helps when someone says something nice.

Also, I would make the not hanging over the fence more of a command. I have a sneaky suspicion that these children are nothing but trouble. They MIGHT end up being the type of kids that lead yours into trouble, and defiantly not the type you want him to mimic.
Marsupialmom is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off