Super picky 6 year old: give in or keep forcing the issue? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 10-17-2012, 05:42 PM
 
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Quote removed by moderator because content is against the user agreement - thank you to the member who flagged these posts.

The way things work around here is advice is offered, much like the food in your lengthy dissertation. Then, no further remarks, especially of such a personal nature, are given.
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#32 of 45 Old 10-17-2012, 06:01 PM
 
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Gwen Daniel, two of your posts on this thread have been removed because they contained questionable content, attacking, name calling and profanity. Please check your PM box. 


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#33 of 45 Old 10-17-2012, 07:49 PM
 
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http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid-Eat/dp/0915950839/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_z

 and www.susanlroberts.com i just went to an awesome workshop on mealtime success with her. she has some great ideas.
 


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#34 of 45 Old 10-17-2012, 07:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by katelove View Post

I wouldn't force it but I would keep offering new things as well. So for dinner I might cook three veggies including one that he will eat and put a very small serve of the two disliked ones on his plate as well as a larger serve of the one he did like. I wouldn't make him eat the other two but I would encourage him to taste or even just smell them. I'd also allow him to see me enjoying them.
As much as possible I'd honour the desire to not have things mixed together. So, if I were making a curry with vegetables in it then I would leave out a few pieces and steam them. A bit more work but not creating a whole separate meal.

 

This is pretty much what I do for my also incredibly picky 4 year old DD. In this manner I have been able to slowly add new foods to her list of "edibles". I also use a plate with dividers for her. It helps her see that everything is separate. She recently started eating baby spinach leaves (it's what we use for lettuce) if she can dip them in salad dressing that is in a separate compartment of the plate.

 

When she was a toddler, I often made her separate meals. Now I feel she is old enough to start eating the meal that I have with great effort prepared or go without. However, like katelove wrote, when serving one item she has not tried or has rejected in the past, I usually offer two that I know she will eat.

 

I have also found myself picking chicken out of a stir fry and serving it to her separate from the other ingredients, or serving her pasta before I toss it with sauce - a little extra work, but certainly easier than making an entire different meal.

 

When all else fails, I keep little containers of frozen macaroni and cheese in the freezer :)


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#35 of 45 Old 10-18-2012, 06:50 PM
 
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Gwen Daniel: That's almost exactly how my mom handled my picky eating - and I stayed picky until my mid-to-late 30s. We've handled dd1 quite differently, and she's already expanding her horizons - voluntarily - at age nine. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.


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#36 of 45 Old 10-18-2012, 07:05 PM
 
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It's not a quick and easy solution, but this is something that has helped us inadvertently... Gardening. I started growing vegetables at our local community garden last year, and took DS (then 3) with me to give DH some quiet time at home. DS loves to be outside, loves to dig in the dirt, and amazingly was very interested in the plants once they started growing. He'd ask what each one was, and if there was anything to be harvested, he'd get a taste. He didn't like the lettuce or greens much, but he ate tomatoes off the vine all summer and last winter was eating broccoli shoots right off the plants. He NEVER liked broccoli before! He likes carrots, but started eating them much more frequently once we started growing them. So maybe trying growing a plant or two in pots if you don't have time/space to garden, just so he can learn where the veggies come from and maybe he'll enjoy tasting different ones that way.
 

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#37 of 45 Old 10-19-2012, 11:03 AM
 
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Gwen Daniel: That's almost exactly how my mom handled my picky eating - and I stayed picky until my mid-to-late 30s. We've handled dd1 quite differently, and she's already expanding her horizons - voluntarily - at age nine. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.

 

I think it's OK to do what works, and not to judge each other if someone finds that a different solution works better for them. By works, I mean, results in a child who eats enough nutritious food to grow and be healthy, and grows into an adult who can feed himself or herself competently. It's clear that parents and kids have had success with more than one approach. (A dinner guest who liked my cooking! Win.)  My experience has been like yours, Storm Bride, but I had a dinner guest who expressed gratitude that her mom took the other approach. We really have to stay loose and relaxed and trust ourselves and our own perceptions. 


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#38 of 45 Old 10-19-2012, 02:54 PM
 
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By addressing the pickiness as a behavior issue rather than, perhaps a nutrition, allergy, or sensory issue, you end up missing things, but I do think that a lot of times, kids in the past were forced to overcome or ignore their sensory issues, allergie, or nutritional deficits to survive. The "kids won't starve" is an oldie, and while it's true that most younger kids, when given only highly nutritious foods, will probably meet most of their nutritional needs, there is a difference between survival and thriving. Some kids really do have problems, either with food sensitivities or sensory issues (and those two seem to feed each other), and if you ignore them and give them only a few foods (or they eat only a few foods) they may wind up malnourished. Also, once they are old enough to go to the store themselves, they will start to eat junk food to fill up, or trade their lunches at school, etc. I think if you address their issues (without making a big deal of it, just do a food diary and see if there is a pattern), you can help them to find good nutritious foods that they will eat. Some kids prefer veggies raw, for example, because cooked veggies have an odd texture that they have trouble with (especially if they have a tongue tie or oral skills deficits). Making sure they are getting plenty of good fats can be hard if they only like plain food.

I have a lot more to say about this, but I have kids to feed. :)

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#39 of 45 Old 10-19-2012, 04:54 PM
 
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I think it is a very good thing when kids who are ABLE to overcome their infantile sensory issues are encouraged and supported in doing so. I don't think that children in previous centuries who were given plenty of food merely survived - I think that they thrived, in some ways more so than my TV-watching, videogame-playing 21st century brood. 

 

I don't want to torture autistic children, or children who get hives every time they eat broccoli. But those kids make up a tiny minority of the under-18 age bracket. The rest of juvenile humanity can darn well sit down, eat their meal, and say "thank you" to the person who served it. This is an excellent social rule for adult humanity as well. 

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#40 of 45 Old 10-20-2012, 07:37 AM
 
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My family didn't, and *still* doesn't understand or accept how much torture I endured because they wanted (and want) to believe I have no food issues. Vomiting limited how much torture, but contrary to what they believed, I didn't force myself to vomit, so until the problems became severe enougj to cause vomiting, I suffered with feeling ill after meals. What has been proposed concerning putting food in front of a child, demanding the child eat it, and *thank* the uncaring person who put it there infuriates me.
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#41 of 45 Old 10-20-2012, 04:18 PM
 
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See, and I think the OP is sensitive enough to her child to balance his need to control what he eats in the present and his need to learn good manners and competent self-care. I don't think she's going to force her kid to eat things that make him vomit and I don't think she's going to raise an ungrateful, ill-mannered person. 

 

There are a lot of things to keep in mind when we address this issue. Do you want to have a big conflict with your kids about food? My answer: not even in the short term, your answer may be different.  Do you feel put-upon if you have to cook different things for every member of the family? My answer is no, but many parents really hate doing this. Are you worried about allergies? Me: no, you, maybe yes.

 

Do you value raising your children to seem French, and are you willing to cook your way through Julia Child in order to make that happen? I don't want a French kid, no matter how much fun it would be to cook like that...I know that's not the point of the book, but I'm getting a little tired of trying to make my kid into a Parisian or an Amazonian hunter-gatherer. I want to raise him in my culture, thanks. For heaven's sake, I actually WANT him to be picky and not to eat foods he doesn't like. Seriously. It was not good for me that I ate whatever people asked me to eat when I was a child. He needs to learn to assert himself politely at the table without hurting the cook's feelings. That's also a skill. 

 

I think you have to look at yourself, and look at your kids, and decide which feels like the right way to you. I've seen both directions done badly and done well. It's really no fun to have a gathering with parents who expect children to eat everything if their kids don't want to do that. Yes, that can sometimes work but sometimes, it's just a lot of parent-kid bickering. Ick. 


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#42 of 45 Old 10-20-2012, 04:56 PM
 
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What has been proposed concerning putting food in front of a child, demanding the child eat it, and *thank* the uncaring person who put it there infuriates me.

 

That would be really infuriating, if anybody had said that. But not even the poster who got all het up and had some of her posts deleted said that. In fact, she suggested that no notice whatsoever be paid to what a child does or does not eat when the family dines together. 

 

I require my children to try all foods that they are served, and to refrain from any negative comments to the chef. (Particularly when the chef is not me.) I'm sorry if you were forced to eat large portions of food you didn't like in childhood - but I'm not doing that. 

 

BTW, if I were uncaring, I'd just let my my kids eat whatever they wanted, because that would be very easy here in the land of cheap junk food. Cultivating a healthy palate is much harder. Anybody who is doing that for their children cares a whole heck of a lot about them. 

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#43 of 45 Old 10-20-2012, 07:18 PM
 
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What has been proposed concerning putting food in front of a child, demanding the child eat it, and *thank* the uncaring person who put it there infuriates me.


That would be really infuriating, if anybody had said that. But not even the poster who got all het up and had some of her posts deleted said that. In fact, she suggested that no notice whatsoever be paid to what a child does or does not eat when the family dines together. 


I require my children to try all foods that they are served, and to refrain from any negative comments to the chef. (Particularly when the chef is not me.) I'm sorry if you were forced to eat large portions of food you didn't like in childhood - but I'm not doing that. 


BTW, if I were uncaring, I'd just let my my kids eat whatever they wanted, because that would be very easy here in the land of cheap junk food. Cultivating a healthy palate is much harder. Anybody who is doing that for their children cares a whole heck of a lot about them. 

Check your posts.

The poster who had her posts removed was abusive in her remarks.

I'd rather cultivate compassion by example than a palate. I believe everyone, when having equal opportunity to truely healthy foods (and I believe many are misguided in their beliefs of what is healthy) will choose a balanced diet over the course of a couple of weeks.
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#44 of 45 Old 10-21-2012, 11:23 AM
 
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I didn't see any of the stuff that was deleted - I'm sure it was quite nasty and personal in order to draw moderator attention. But if she said that she berated her children at the table or forced them to eat particular things, then those bits contradicted her initial post significantly and were gone before I revisited this thread.

 

"Compassion" vs. "a palate" is a false dichotomy. It's our job as parents to cultivate BOTH. But I think that we do not actually disagree about this, because "I believe everyone, when having equal opportunity to truely healthy foods (and I believe many are misguided in their beliefs of what is healthy) will choose a balanced diet over the course of a couple of weeks" is pretty much exactly how I would describe my approach to child nutrition. My children are allowed to decline foods they don't want to eat. They just aren't allowed to be discourteous about it or to make their eating choices a focus of attention at the table, and they are not allowed to demand an alternate meal. 

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#45 of 45 Old 10-21-2012, 03:42 PM
 
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There are some who clearly haven't understood what I was saying. I shall hope the OP understood. I believe the OP to be a caring mother, and I am certain *her* child is not vomiting, or even near vomiting. I am also certain she is compassionate. Therefore, I'm not going to say any more here.
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