Should I report this daycare? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-29-2012, 09:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A little over a year ago, my ds, then 2.5 started saying the daycare provider slapped his cheek or spanked him in the head.   When I asked about it, daycare provider said, she would tap the kids in the head sometimes as she walked down the hallway to let them know she was there and needed to get by.  I thought that was an odd thing to do, but after that conversation with her, DS stopped mentioning being hit. 

 

I thought, well DS is sensitive and tends to exagerate.  He seems happy there and is not saying anything anymore, so things must be fine.  Then about 3 months ago, a friend whose daughter is in the same daycare said she was hit in the head. She said this off and on for a week or two - always referencing the same incident.  She is 2.5 and repeats anything my son says, so I thought she may have overheard him mention it(although he hadn't mentioned it in a long while).  I started to pay more attention to anything odd my DS was saying.

 

DS still seemed happy to go there, until about a month ago. He is now 3.5.  He started fighting going every morning and clinging to me at drop off.  In the last month he has been sent home twice for "uncontrollable tantrums".  He started telling me wierd things like, I don't want to play outside without my shoes, daycare provider took my blanket away - nothing horrible there, but he clearly wasn't happy about these incidents and did not want to be there.

 

I knew he was next on the waitlist to get into our choice preschool, so I was holing on till then.  I finally got the word that a spot was open at preschool and told my current daycare provider  our end date.  Then DS started saying daycare provider said if I didn't stop crying she would throw my blanket in the trash and daycare provider will be happy when I'm not there anymore, and I got a time out in the playpen(not the normal time out spot). 

 

Then the last straw - I went to pick DS up and was told he had a hard day.  He got frustrated that he couldn't get socks on and threw a fit ending in putting the sock in his mouth and chewing on it.  That seemed like odd behavior to me.  On the way home, DS said "mom, daycare provider put a sock in my mouth."  I retold daycare providers story and said are you sure that you didn't chew on the sock because I think that's what happened.  He insisted no, and "I cried too much".  I dropped it.  that night he told me "mom you're not f**ing and you are not coming back"  I asked where he heard that.  He said "Daycare worker said you are not f**ing coming back" 

 

I pulled him the next day.  Told the daycare provider what he said without accusing her.  She denied it.  I don't know what happened if anything.  DS is happy to be out.  He is safe now and moving on to preschool.  Should I report this?  Could DS have made all this up?  What will happen if I do report it?  I want the other kids in the daycare to be safe, but if nothing happened, I don't want the daycare provider to lose her lively hood.

 

What would you do?


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Old 10-29-2012, 09:14 AM
 
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I'd report it. Let them investigate.
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:32 AM
 
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I would report it. I believe him. 


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Old 10-29-2012, 10:42 AM
 
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Trust your mama instinct. Which sounds like you believe your son. I'd report it. That way, if others have made complaints they will add yours to the story and have more to go on.


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Old 10-29-2012, 07:02 PM
 
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I'd report and write a review online.
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:13 PM
 
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Report it! & please believe your son. You're his advocate, and his protector... he needs to know you're behind him if something did happen! Which I believe it probably did! I don't believe children just makes things like that up. Some of the details may get lost in translation, but obviously something has been going on and for a while now. greensad.gif


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Old 10-29-2012, 11:24 PM
 
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Report it.  The stories in the news lately have shown us, over and over, what happens when people don't act on their suspicions.  If you report it and it turns out everything is fine, then there's no harm done except for a miffed childcare provider.  If you don't report it and abuse is happening, countless other children have potential for harm.

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Old 10-30-2012, 04:37 AM
 
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I worked in child care for many years as a teacher and administrator. Please please call and report this provider right away.


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Old 10-30-2012, 11:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone know what happens when the state investigates a claim?  I wonder if the other parents will be contacted?  I have contact info for some, and I'm wondering if I should tell them, or let the state do their thing.


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Old 10-30-2012, 04:02 PM
 
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I am a daycare provider, and I am always on the side of the provider.

 

But, even I think she's doing something bad.  

 

Before reporting it though, i'd tell that mom friend of yours first.  Ask her if you want to let her put her two weeks in first....just in case it pushes her over the edge.  

 

It's entirely possible that your son's stories are not completely true...but, the sock story makes me think it is.....why would she tell you he put a sock in his mouth if she wasn't trying to cover herself?  Why would stuffing a sock in his mouth even be an issue for the day?  Maybe it was an issue for about five minutes, but why would she tell you about that?

 

The "you aren't Fing coming back" also makes me think he's telling the truth.  

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Old 10-30-2012, 04:41 PM
 
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Report it. Your son is out of there and safe (thank goodness) but other little ones are not. You can't be too careful when it comes to children and their safety.
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Old 10-30-2012, 05:55 PM
 
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I'd report it, and yes, I would let the other parents know too (privately, and not in a way that could be construed as slandering or whatever). I don't have a kid in daycare but if I did I sure would want another parent to tell me if they were worried about how the kids were being treated!

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Old 10-30-2012, 08:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

I'd report it, and yes, I would let the other parents know too (privately, and not in a way that could be construed as slandering or whatever). I don't have a kid in daycare but if I did I sure would want another parent to tell me if they were worried about how the kids were being treated!

Yes...If you know the other parents, perhaps you can casually ask them "I'm just trying to piece together what my son said... do you know if______ is true?  Did you son/daughter every say anything about this?"  

 

The parents might go tell the provider you were asking, but if you aren't making it sound like gossip or a revenge attack, they might question the care their own kids are getting, or maybe they've been wondering the same things you have been.  Nobody can call it slander if you are just asking...it's not like you are talking about her on facebook.

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Old 10-30-2012, 08:35 PM
 
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Report it! I'm struggling with how to say this gently, but you *need* to believe your son and why you're questioning his credibility is a little hard for me to understand. Please know that it is very damaging to children to be in an abusive (yes, I said it! *abusive*) situation and not be believed.

As far as the other parents go, I would tell them. Wouldn't you want them to tell you?
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Old 10-31-2012, 01:08 AM
 
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report with detailed accounts. 

 

yeah i think the state investigates but does not give out the name of the parent who reported.

 

i cant see any harm in giving the parents a heads up since you already have ur son out. 


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Old 10-31-2012, 06:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Report it! I'm struggling with how to say this gently, but you *need* to believe your son and why you're questioning his credibility is a little hard for me to understand. Please know that it is very damaging to children to be in an abusive (yes, I said it! *abusive*) situation and not be believed.
As far as the other parents go, I would tell them. Wouldn't you want them to tell you?

 

 

He does not know that I'm questioning anything.  I told him that what she did was wrong and mean, I'm glad he told me, and he does not have to go back. 

 

It's not his creditbility I'm questioning.  He doesn't lie on purpose, but he's 3.5 and doesn't always get his story straight.  He will combine events from 4 different days and think they happened all at once - and then add in that a giraffe came by and flew him to Mars.  He makes stuff up all the time.  His imagination is incredible.  Just trying to get the opinion of others - do kids make stuff like this up. 


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Old 10-31-2012, 07:59 AM
 
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He does not know that I'm questioning anything.  I told him that what she did was wrong and mean, I'm glad he told me, and he does not have to go back. 

It's not his creditbility I'm questioning.  He doesn't lie on purpose, but he's 3.5 and doesn't always get his story straight.  He will combine events from 4 different days and think they happened all at once - and then add in that a giraffe came by and flew him to Mars.  He makes stuff up all the time.  His imagination is incredible.  Just trying to get the opinion of others - do kids make stuff like this up. 

I've worked in child welfare and I'm of the belief that it is very rare for kids to make stuff like this up. *Especially* with the level of detail you're describing combined with his behavior and the involvement of other children.
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Old 10-31-2012, 08:32 AM
 
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Report it, and tell all your friends who take their kids there. That is way, way too much stuff to be making up or not getting his story straight. I believe him. She's mistreating them. 


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Old 10-31-2012, 02:53 PM
 
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Report it! I'm struggling with how to say this gently, but you *need* to believe your son and why you're questioning his credibility is a little hard for me to understand. Please know that it is very damaging to children to be in an abusive (yes, I said it! *abusive*) situation and not be believed.

 

I think the fact that the OP removed her DS from that daycare is a pretty strong, concrete way of showing him that she believes him. It doesn't sound like she doesn't believe that something's wrong with the DCP, just acknowledging that kids that age often mix up the details. 

 

ETA: Just saw the OP's response. OP, I agree with nextcommercial -- the parts that make his stories sound the most convincing to me are the sock and the "She's not Fing coming back." I would report her and warn the other parents, for sure. 


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Old 10-31-2012, 05:51 PM
 
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I don't think it's likely that a 3.5 year old would make up those details and the phrases he used. It is possible he was exposed to some of it elsewhere, or that it didn't play out exactly the way he's saying, or he's combining several incidents, but I don't think he altogether made it up. There's enough substance and precision in what he's saying that I would continue to take him very seriously. My DS is also 3.5 and I would believe him -- at least believe the general gist of it and the feelings behind it -- if he were saying exactly what your kid said.

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Old 11-01-2012, 05:52 AM
 
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REPORT!!!

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Old 11-04-2012, 11:25 AM
 
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How horrible! Yes of course report her! It is in fact your responsibility now, knowing she is abusing children (IMO those are stories of abuse), to report her so that hopefully she can be prevented from continuing this abuse. I would also call the other parents. I would also work on helping your child heal from that, those are traumatic incidents and could have longer lasting damage than you may think.

Good luck and I am so so sorry this happened to your sweet child. It breaks my heart.

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Old 11-04-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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Report it. The Daycare Administrator is not only abusing your son but also traumatizing him.

I believe, Child Physchology is required in running a daycare so that  Daycare Administrator is not only physically but also emotionally and intellectually abusing your son in which with this ground he/she might not only be out of the school but also be inprisoned. I agree that you asked other parent's, and most probably they also has the same issue..


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