Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Putting boobs in babies' mouths!
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<typing as fast I can so computer does shtu down before I'm finished!>
There are AP parents, people who think they are AP, or call themselves that, but don't understand what that means, and those who are striving for an ideal. I feel I am in the latter category.
I'm not technically AP because I do spank, yell, and let my toddlers fuss/cry themselves to sleep sometimes. Ideally I would like not to do any of these things. I would like to be a gentle disciplinarian, but it hasn't happened yet. With my first I followed all "the rules" and thought that would make discipline easy, cuz that's what the books siad. It woas a rude awakening to find that wahsnt' true! I've said theis and seen it posted before that AP is easy with babies, but onece they hit about 2.5 or 3 it all goes out the window. it's liek, what do I do now?
Also, I am a single mom, so some things I'm just not capable of. ANd to say that I am selfish, not attached, bad mom, or whatever because I let my toddlers fuss/cry to sleep is short sighted. THey learn to sleep without me not because I value my sleep over their needs, but because I know what my limits are and what will make me snap and that is when I am a bad mommny!
I am trying ot just lead with my head and heart and trust myself to parent my children the best way for us. Torturing myself with doubts, second guessing myself, worrying about traumatizing them wiht every little thing, was making me wishy washy, not confident. I think that was messing with dd's head more than anything. So, yes sometimes I am at my wit's end and I yell or spank, so I am not an attachment parent. But, we are attached and all I can do is keep trying to get better. It's not like it is an exclusive club or something. I do wish though that the books and some parents did not make it sound so easy and such an if then situation, because it is not easy and it is not an if/then kind of hting.
I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and not cio (with little babies), then decided to co-sleep and finally not to spank. Problem was, I was not parented that way, so it did not come naturally and I had no huge thing against my parents' way of doing things to kick off from, so it was much easier to slip back into non gentle stuff when the going got rought. I need more support, more role models and more ideas that actually wokr for my high need spirited gifted kiddo.
Single mom by choice to Sophia, age 18, and Eleanor, age 12, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!