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#31 of 58 Old 12-29-2012, 06:36 PM
 
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It's confusing sometimes because sending Christmas cards is a mind bender.  "The Davis/Garrfeildwebber family".???  <---seriously..I'm asking.. how do I address the cards?  

 

For both my cards and cards I send to other families with multiple names, I address it either as "The Smith Jones Family" (or Smith-Jones) or Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones and Family.  If there were more than 2 names, I would probably do it the same way, The Smith-Jones-Davis Family. 


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#32 of 58 Old 12-29-2012, 06:52 PM
 
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It's easy to change your name in the states as an adult. I've had a friend go to court and do it twice.

I was told it's getting more difficult, except for minors. How long ago did your friend do that?
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#33 of 58 Old 12-29-2012, 06:58 PM
 
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I was told it's getting more difficult, except for minors. How long ago did your friend do that?

I changed my name 4 years ago - $50 and a quickie court appearance. It's super simple.


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#34 of 58 Old 12-29-2012, 07:39 PM
 
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I changed my name 4 years ago - $50 and a quickie court appearance. It's super simple.

Thanks for the info! I'll have to ask my friend what she means by "more difficult".
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#35 of 58 Old 12-29-2012, 11:57 PM
 
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Heads up for those whose children might be dropping one name from a hyphenated name!!
I was told that it's easier to change the child's name before either 18 or 21, not sure which. This is in the US. So, look into the laws. I have to, because I know my son wants to drop his father's name.

 

I'm not sure how this works for men (I sure hope it's the same!), but when a woman gets married, she can choose a new last name.  It doesn't have to actually be the new husband's last name, she can choose any name she wants.  I didn't want my husband's name, but I didn't like my family name either (it was an ugly terrible name and I didn't feel any great unity with my family anyway), so I just dropped my last name and wrote my middle name in for my new last.  It was free (well, except it probably cost us something to get the marriage certificate, but nothing extra).  


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#36 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 01:15 AM
 
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The court paperwork was no biggie, but changing the name on a social security card can be a pain.  Depends on how "local" your local social security office is.


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#37 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 05:51 AM
 
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the kids have just my last name we are happy with that


Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#38 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 05:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rubidoux View Post

 

I'm not sure how this works for men (I sure hope it's the same!), but when a woman gets married, she can choose a new last name.  It doesn't have to actually be the new husband's last name, she can choose any name she wants.  I didn't want my husband's name, but I didn't like my family name either (it was an ugly terrible name and I didn't feel any great unity with my family anyway), so I just dropped my last name and wrote my middle name in for my new last.  It was free (well, except it probably cost us something to get the marriage certificate, but nothing extra).  


pretty sure this applies to first names as well. 


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#39 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 05:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by VisionaryMom View Post

I changed my name 4 years ago - $50 and a quickie court appearance. It's super simple.

it costs nearly $200 but yeah it was super easy


Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#40 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 07:58 AM
 
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I grew up having a hyphenated name and hated it. I now just use one of them. Like someone else said, my name never fit on forms, and I was always having to explain my name to people. I used to get teased about being married and people at school would call me by my last names as sort of a joke nick-name, which sucked, because I really like my much more unique first name and the nick-name for it. 

 

For my son, we agreed that he should have my husbands last name because it's much more rare and he has few male cousins to pass it along. My name(s) is(are) quite common and I have lots of siblings and cousins on both sides to carry it(them) on. It would be like having Jones-Brown, or something... I have even met people who are not related to me, but have the same hyphenated name!

 

I don't really like the whole system of patriliniage, but I see how passing on my fathers or my maternal grandfathers name will change that. Instead, I have chosen my sons middle name to be after the first name of someone I care about, which means a lot more to me anyway. If I have a daughter someday, I will pass on a female family first name that has been passed on for at least 5 generations of women on my mothers side.

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#41 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 09:04 AM
 
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Changing our son's name was either $40 or $50.


 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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#42 of 58 Old 12-30-2012, 09:19 PM
 
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My ds has my dh's last name and my dd has mine. It's a bit odd, but both our last names are two syllables and they don't really sound good hyphenated. I kind of wish we had given ds my last name as a second middle name and dh's last name to dd as a second middle name, but oh well, they will be ok either way. I had a coworker who was born and raised in Sweden who said that there the husband and wife have three choices: both take the husband's name, both take the wife's name, or they start over with a different name altogether -- not sure if they just make it up or choose one from the country they live in.


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#43 of 58 Old 01-02-2013, 07:37 PM
 
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I'm not usually a fan of long names and especially two last names placed on a child. They have to go through school and learn how to write all that from a young age. But my stepsister and her partner just had a baby and they gave their child both their last names and it's a really pretty name. :) 


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#44 of 58 Old 01-04-2013, 06:45 PM
 
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I also grew up with a hyphenated name and hated it.

 

What I disliked most about it was that it made me feel like we weren't really a family.  I know that sounds dramatic, or weird, but as a kid growing up, I would hear people refer to families as the "Smith family", or the "Brown family".  I felt that since we didn't all share the same name, we weren't really a team if that makes any sense.

 

My last name was super long too and just all around ridiculous.  When I met my husband, one of the things that attracted me to him was his 4 letter, simple to say and spell last name lol.  I couldn't wait to ditch my hyphenated name when we got married!  My husband and I often give each other high fives and say "go team ****!!!"  Cheesy, I know, but it feels really good to me :)

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#45 of 58 Old 01-05-2013, 10:34 PM
 
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That's a strange reason to adopt.
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DH and I negotiated before having kids. I wanted to pass my last name on and so did he. We agreed to give boys his last name and girls mine. We will be adopting to even out the genders.
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#46 of 58 Old 01-06-2013, 12:04 AM
 
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I'm not sure how this works for men (I sure hope it's the same!), but when a woman gets married, she can choose a new last name.  It doesn't have to actually be the new husband's last name, she can choose any name she wants.  I didn't want my husband's name, but I didn't like my family name either (it was an ugly terrible name and I didn't feel any great unity with my family anyway), so I just dropped my last name and wrote my middle name in for my new last.  It was free (well, except it probably cost us something to get the marriage certificate, but nothing extra).  

DH and I both changed our names to a hyphenated one when we got married. No big deal, didn't cost anything. It's not a hassle very often, but we do live in a big city with many more unusual names than ours. Even hyphenated, it's 3 syllables and 11 letters, which doesn't seem terribly unwieldy to me. I do tell people its hyphenated before I start spelling. Computer systems that don't take hyphens take it as all one name without an issue, and it fits on most forms and such. My brother and sister in law liked the solution enough that they did it too, which I think is cool. Theirs is 3 syllables and 11 letters too! 

 

I do like, however, that all our last names match with DH, the kids, and I. We can still be "the Such-NSuches." When the kids get married... it's their problem! No really, we won't be offended whatever they choose to do, so they can work it out for themselves. My hyphenated-maiden-name friend got married and they all chose an entirely new married name for their whole family. They went to a five letter, entirely new last name. 


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#47 of 58 Old 01-22-2013, 08:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to everyone for your input.  Update: I went ahead and legally changed my sons last name to include mine.  So now he has 2 last names, mine and his dad's.  I feel much better now that my child and I share a name.  And i think down the road, when he's old enough to understand, he will appreciate it.

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#48 of 58 Old 01-23-2013, 07:34 AM
 
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Thanks to everyone for your input.  Update: I went ahead and legally changed my sons last name to include mine.  So now he has 2 last names, mine and his dad's.  I feel much better now that my child and I share a name.  And i think down the road, when he's old enough to understand, he will appreciate it.

 

Good update and nice to know you've reached a satisfactory outcome. 

 

Yesterday, after she answered the phone, DD commented on one very nice advantage we have since I didn't change my name. When someone calls, asking for MRS. Myhusband'slastname, the kids know right away that it's a stranger, likely a telemarketer. She said it's been a tipoff for her since she was very young. (Someone called trying to sell us a wholesale grocery share). 

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#49 of 58 Old 01-23-2013, 10:10 AM
 
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When I got married to my DH, I kept my last name.  I have no plans on changing it.  When our DD was born, we chose not to hyphenate and gave her my last name only. 

 

My in laws were furious and even my own parents were uncomfortable with the idea.  When people notice that DD has my last name and not DH's, I get a lot of raised eyebrows.  No one ever says anything in front of DH, but people occasionally pull me aside to ask why.  Out of the few who've asked, I've had mostly positive reactions.  Although some people are weirded out by the whole thing.  What's important is that DH and I are comfortable and happy with the decision. 

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#50 of 58 Old 01-23-2013, 10:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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When I got married to my DH, I kept my last name.  I have no plans on changing it.  When our DD was born, we chose not to hyphenate and gave her my last name only. 

 

My in laws were furious and even my own parents were uncomfortable with the idea.  When people notice that DD has my last name and not DH's, I get a lot of raised eyebrows.  No one ever says anything in front of DH, but people occasionally pull me aside to ask why.  Out of the few who've asked, I've had mostly positive reactions.  Although some people are weirded out by the whole thing.  What's important is that DH and I are comfortable and happy with the decision. 

Your hubby sounds very cool.  Not many guys would be comfortable with that.  Mine would not have gone for my name only.

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#51 of 58 Old 01-23-2013, 11:38 AM
 
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This is something I've been thinking about as well, although I'm thinking about changing the name from a hyphenated to just one. When I got pregnant with my oldest son, my partner and I weren't married, so we hyphenated (mylast-hislast). Now, 5 years and another child later, we have decided to get married after all. I'm going to change my name to his, so it only makes sense that the kids have the same name as their parents. My last name can be a tricky one to have anyway, so that makes that decision even easier. The thing I'm considering though, is to allow my sons to make the decision to change their last name when they're older, and wait until then to legally change it. In the meantime, I want to just use their dad's last name as the name they go by, and only use their hyphenated name for official things.

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#52 of 58 Old 01-23-2013, 06:33 PM
 
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When I got married my husband and I discussed all the different ways to approach the last name issue and in the end we settled on us both keeping our own last names. It saved us the hassle of changing a ton of documents and worked really well for us.

When we started discussing having children, we again discussed all the options and settled on combining our names. We've since had two kids, whose last names are the middle syllable of my last name and the last syllable of my husband's last name. It sounds good, has a piece from each of us, and avoids the hyphen.

Even though we have different last names, we consider our kids' last name our family name, and people do address cards to us that way. It's of course a little confusing for folks because it's unorthodox, and my children aren't old enough to have opinions about it yet, but we're happy with the decision so far.  

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#53 of 58 Old 01-24-2013, 08:41 AM
 
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We decided on my husband's last name simply because his last name is more unique, and went better with our son's first and middle names. Kivig is way better than Palmer and goes better with Eno Valentin ;-). That's how wet choose our son's last name.
Now, if my husband hadn't had such a great last name,I would have wanted us to pick a whole new last name for the family. I've never been one to automatically take my husband's last name. Never understood the idea that women still take their last name in these modern times. We no longer need to do that seeing we're no longer property.
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#54 of 58 Old 01-24-2013, 11:10 AM
 
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I want to make sure there is a post in this thread that is a strong advocate for babies having momma's last name...in case that is something you are considering.  I have a tough time understanding why we maintain the naming tradition (changing the woman's last name to match the man's last name & giving the children the father's last name).

 

My daughter has my last name.

My friend's children have her last name.

A local lawyer gave his children his wife's last name because he believes women do more of the rearing so he believes that she should be honored for her contribution.

The list goes on and on.

 

Good luck!  Naming my daughter was one of the hardest things I did!

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#55 of 58 Old 01-24-2013, 11:56 AM
 
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[quote name="Meagan Palmer" url="/community/t/1370349/using-both-parents-last-names/30# Never understood the idea that women still take their last name in these modern times. We no longer need to do that seeing we're no longer property.[/quote]

Is it that hard to understand? I certainly don't consider myself my DH's "property". And I do consider myself modern. My DH, my children and I all share a name because we're all in this together and it feels right for us.

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#56 of 58 Old 01-24-2013, 09:45 PM
 
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But isn't the reason the changing of the woman's name was originally done because she was her husband's property? I can see that some might be offended by that. I just didn't like my husband's last name, and was slightly uncomfortable with his family, so I kept my name.
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#57 of 58 Old 01-25-2013, 10:04 AM
 
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yep.  dh's last name ends in Dorf lol yeah wasnt taking that
 


Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#58 of 58 Old 01-29-2013, 10:02 PM
 
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We discussed this way before we married. I tried to talk DH into taking my name or into letting our kids have my name (particularly as I have only 1 male cousin with the name and no brothers, and he has 2 brothers, so his name is more likely to get passed on). He was totally unmovable on the issue--said he would have considered it but didn't like my last name. And this is a man who teaches feminist theory classes. irked.gif He liked the idea of combining our names or choosing an entirely new one, but I didn't like either of those ideas. My mom didn't take my dad's name and I didn't like not having the same last name as my mom, so I wanted to have the same last name as my kids. So we went with the cultural default where I took his name and the kids get his name (with the added twist that he take my last name as a middle name... which we never got nailed down legally but he's used socially and I think he forgets that isn't really his legal middle name). All this time later I sort of wish I had gone for the combined/reinvented name after all, but I don't feel like changing it again, and while I sort of wish I'd kept solidarity with the non-name-changers it's not worth it to me at this point to change back to my maiden name. 

 

We did not give our daughter my maiden name as a middle name, because my mom did that and I hated it and gladly ditched it when I married DH. We also did not hyphenate because that would be 16 letters and both of us have names that nobody can ever seem to spell or pronounce correctly. I think hyphenation is better for Becker-Weavers and Smith-Watsons and such. 

 

My sister has the same middle name and (obviously) same family background and kept her name. I don't think she's going to have kids, though, so they might not face that naming issue.

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