am i spoiling my 18 month old dd? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 01-04-2013, 09:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd is very strong-willed, loud, and recently very whiny. She fights (hits, bites) when she doesn't want to do something (e.g. wear clothes). When she's in a good mood, she's really cute and playful. When she's in a bad mood, well, she wears us all out. I think all of us want to shout at her when she's whiny.

 

She's still nursing, and we co-sleep. She is very fussy in the mornings, often wanting to nurse for an hour or more, and will not let me leave her side. The moment I stand up to go to the bathroom or get something, she starts wailing. So I always just return to nurse her and calm her down (unless I need the bathroom very urgently or something). There were times when I let her cry it out, but she doesn't stop crying, and letting her get all worked up means more work calming her down later...

 

DD nurses a lot for comfort, and does so especially when we are at gatherings or crowded areas. Where we live, rarely anyone breastfeeds past 6 months, so naturally they think it's strange, and even worse that I let her nurse when she asks (er, demands). 

 

Along with her behavior, she doesn't eat much solid food. She's growing quite well, actually putting on weight faster than in earlier months, but still plainly on the thinner side (9.3kg at 18.5 months). She's very active though, and while I'm generally not worried about it, everyone is on my case about her food intake. We know other babies and toddlers who eat a lot, and is heavier than her at 12 months of age. I bring this up because again my family thinks I indulge her and not doing enough to make her eat more. I don't bother force-feeding her because she spits out what she doesn't like. When she wants something on my plate, she will open her mouth and make motions that I should put food in her mouth. It's not very much, though.

 

Recently we met with a cousin who gave birth to her first baby last week. She doesn't hide her feelings about how she thinks my dd is spoiled.

 

My husband doesn't mind and we agree to let her be as free as possible. In our home, she draws on walls, makes tons of messes, wears (or go naked) whatever she likes. But obviously she can't behave this way in others' homes...

 

 

I never really thought I spoil dd, just letting her have her own way as long as she's not hurting herself. Although I admit I let her do whatever (as long as not dangerous) because it's easier for me to handle her.  Am I setting myself up for trouble? What should I do? 

 

Sorry for the long rambling post... 


single mama to dd (June 2011)
#2 due December 2014!
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#2 of 2 Old 01-04-2013, 10:11 PM
 
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Quote:
The moment I stand up to go to the bathroom or get something, she starts wailing. So I always just return to nurse her and calm her down (unless I need the bathroom very urgently or something).

 

What I would do with an 18-month old who started wailing when I got out of bed is talk to her about what I'm doing, "Mama's got to brush her teeth now *brushes teeth,* Ok, now I'm going to get dressed..." I wouldn't rush back right away, but that's my preference. 

Quote:
 In our home, she draws on walls, makes tons of messes, wears (or go naked) whatever she likes. But obviously she can't behave this way in others' homes...

 

Does she behave differently in others' homes? For many children that age, they would have a hard time having one set of rules at home and another when visiting. 

 

Quote:

 Am I setting myself up for trouble?

 

You might be setting yourself up not to get invited places, because while what she's doing is normal for 18 months, what's generally socially accepted is to work on teaching children not to do those things (whine, write on walls, etc). Is that ok with you?


Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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