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#121 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I love having E in bed with me. I really mourned the day that M left my bed. 
I just love the closeness, the convenience (nursing), I could go on and on.

My nursling will still be with me. It's my 9yo and 5yo that my dh wants in their own rooms. I, honestly, would prefer to have them with me. I don't think our lack of closeness has anything to do with where the boys sleep. I think it has everything to do with my dh not helping with bedtime and going to bed by himself to sleep whenever he feels like it. I won't be surprised if what happens is that I end up sleeping with the boys in another room. lol.gif

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#122 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 02:23 PM
 
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I feel like i'm missing a ton but if I don't jump in now I'll miss even more!!

 

House hunting - we're looking to move out of our current town, but close by.  We just need to be near train or bus so DH can get to manhattan within, like, 2 hours.  He says 1.5 hours tops (he goes in every other week, and sometimes more often for meetings).  And our current school district leaves a lot to be desired so we are also looking at towns with better schools.

 

 JJ - your wording breaks my heart!!!  I can't imagine not cuddling my kiddos to sleep.  But I also know how hard this road has been for you and what amazing progress you've made with Ten in SUCH  a loving and gentle way.  My hat is off to you for sticking to your guns and seeing results.

Ten is gorgeous, btw.  Her pics you post (even if they are months old) always make me so happy!  She's such a doll!

 

I know what team green is!  And I know I could never be on it!!


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#123 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 03:10 PM
 
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JJ: Hoorah for progress! That is so exciting. My kids both want cuddles before bed. I would like to get Gabe in a routine where I could leave while he's still awake. . . but it's not been a priority.

 

And hugs for this hard nursing stage. (everybody)

 

next surprise - MIL's family wants to throw me a shower! considering she dragged her feet and BARELY threw me a shower last time - called it a drop in and served virtually no food or drink - I was SHOCKED that it even came up. 3rd baby and second boy with closely spaced kids . . . I didn't expect one. But hey. Not going to say no either. I do need newborn stuff. I'd love more newborn cloth, but they have no clue about that sort of thing.

The actual leaving while she was awake wasn't so much a priority, as I was just frustrated with it taking so long for her to fall asleep, and wanted to see what would happen. Interesting anyways. She'll probably need me in the room again tonight, and that's just fine! 

 

That's nice! At least the thought's there, even if the followup ends up being a little less than stellar at the end!

 

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JJ: I miss my babies being in bed with me. But I also love the freedom to roll where I choose and be able to cuddle with DH.

 

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JJ - your wording breaks my heart!!!  I can't imagine not cuddling my kiddos to sleep.  But I also know how hard this road has been for you and what amazing progress you've made with Ten in SUCH  a loving and gentle way.  My hat is off to you for sticking to your guns and seeing results.

Ten is gorgeous, btw.  Her pics you post (even if they are months old) always make me so happy!  She's such a doll!

 

I know what team green is!  And I know I could never be on it!!

Same for team green! I'm just too OCD. I need to be able to plan the details that come with knowing the sex. Clothing, names etc. 

 

 

Also... BAHAHAHAHA!!  I realized my wording is totally misleading. She's certainly not sleeping in her crib alone all night yet! (Nor do I need her to!) I read a few books with her and then cuddle and nurse her in her rocker until she's allllmoooossstt asleep and chewing on my nipple, hurting me. Then I unlatch her, and this is where she reaches for her bed. And -eventually- goes to sleep. But then she comes in with us still once she has her first wakeup after we're in bed (or just about to go to bed). Usually this is like... 5 minutes after I climb into bed, so we're still awake. lol So I very rarely need to fall asleep without her in the bed. But nights like that other night where she slept 6.5 hours straight-- I had to fall asleep without her in the bed, and it's so weird!! She's normally in bed with us from around 1030 onwards.  I'm definitely not ready to give up both her to sleep cuddles AND her warm body in my bed. 

 

It's just weird because she literally won't cuddle me to fall asleep anymore, unless she's absolutely exhausted. She'll cuddle up nursing in my arms forever, but as soon as I unlatch her, she reaches for bed and doesn't want to cuddle. All I am is milk! lol

 

 

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It has been so nice to have him home though. He is so helpful around the house. He was able to fix things that needed to be fixed, he cooks, he has been cleaning, taking me out to lunch. Its also good to see him smile. He was so miserable there.

 

We're very fortunate that we saved up some money so we'll be ok for a little while. He would've never left if we didn't have money saved away. The day he left it had gotten from bad to worse at work. 

DH and I went through that-- he was unemployed from the point I was about 7 months pregnant until Tenley was 6 weeks old. It was SO stressful worrying about money, but at the same time, I can't imagine those first 6 weeks without having him home! It was so nice to have time together during the last bit of my pregnancy and the early days of infancy. We also had a bunch of savings too, so we were ok. It just sucks because he was off longer than he should have been, and then I went on mat leave, so we haven't had a chance to build any savings back up. oh well. Time is more important!


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#124 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's just weird because she literally won't cuddle me to fall asleep anymore, unless she's absolutely exhausted. She'll cuddle up nursing in my arms forever, but as soon as I unlatch her, she reaches for bed and doesn't want to cuddle. All I am is milk! lol

a lot of times dylan will unlatch himself and roll over away from me when he's ready to actually sleep. it's kind of nice and kind of sad because he doesn't want to cuddle with me. i do have ethan and kellen to cuddle with. although, kellen usually gets upset at some point that dylan is in between me and him and scoots over to dh. that makes me sad, too. i wish i had three sides.

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#125 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 04:08 PM
 
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My nursling will still be with me. It's my 9yo and 5yo that my dh wants in their own rooms. I, honestly, would prefer to have them with me. I don't think our lack of closeness has anything to do with where the boys sleep. I think it has everything to do with my dh not helping with bedtime and going to bed by himself to sleep whenever he feels like it. I won't be surprised if what happens is that I end up sleeping with the boys in another room. lol.gif

My 10 y/o left our bed when the youngest was born. I was so scared of him rolling onto my 12 month old.

Then, I got used to him not sleeping in our bed. I tried having him sleep with us when DH was out of town, but I just couldn't anymore. We produce a lot of body heat (DS1 DS2 and I) and the three of us in bed together is like being in a hot oven. I just couldn't sleep anymore.

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DH and I went through that-- he was unemployed from the point I was about 7 months pregnant until Tenley was 6 weeks old. It was SO stressful worrying about money, but at the same time, I can't imagine those first 6 weeks without having him home! It was so nice to have time together during the last bit of my pregnancy and the early days of infancy. We also had a bunch of savings too, so we were ok. It just sucks because he was off longer than he should have been, and then I went on mat leave, so we haven't had a chance to build any savings back up. oh well. Time is more important!

We're looking at it like an unpaid vacation. I will miss him so much when he starts work again. I have to add though, he does work from home still and makes extra money by working on cars from our driveway. He can make a lot of money just in one day by working from home. He has build up customers over the years when he worked as a mechanic. He doesn't charge them an arm and a leg. I forgot to mention that. But, its so nice that he is cooking dinner right now. Its so hard for me to cook with a 12 month old attached to my body at all times. 


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#126 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 04:24 PM
 
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My MIL drives me bonkers sometimes. She bought turbotax for the computer, does her federal, files it.

No problem. Its pretty easy breezy if you follow instructions. Keyword: INSTURCTIONS.

She is bitching, moaning and groaning, so I ask her what's wrong. She yells "Its asking me to pay for filing state, its supposed to be FREE!" I asked to look on the cover of the disc. I told her its not free. She bitches some more and is convinced it is free, it has to be, because last year it was free to file if you buy the disc. So I showed her the cover of the disc and showed her that nowhere on the disc or cover does it say "FREE!" 

She then continues on her rampage about how it was free last year, so it must be free and she shouldn't have to pay to file state.

OMG WOMAN!!!!!!!! Will you READ, and LISTEN and SHUT UP!!!!


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#127 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There are ways to file state returns for free but they make it hard to figure out. I remember us going around in circles for a while last year because I knew it was supposed to be free but it kept trying to charge us when we went to file it. I finally found the special website that you had to use to get it for free. It was a pain in the butt.

My 3 boys and I were all very hot right after I had Dylan. We've cooled off quite a bit.

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#128 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 04:58 PM
 
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There are ways to file state returns for free but they make it hard to figure out. I remember us going around in circles for a while last year because I knew it was supposed to be free but it kept trying to charge us when we went to file it. I finally found the special website that you had to use to get it for free. It was a pain in the butt.

My 3 boys and I were all very hot right after I had Dylan. We've cooled off quite a bit.

Last year it stated on the disc that state was free though. This year it didn't. Hmmm. Now I feel like a bitch. But AF is about to turn its ugly head and I am impatient. lol


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#129 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've never bought a disc. We've always done it online. You can google free state returns and see what pops up. There's more than one site that does it.

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#130 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 07:53 PM
 
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Also... BAHAHAHAHA!!  I realized my wording is totally misleading. She's certainly not sleeping in her crib alone all night yet! (Nor do I need her to!) I read a few books with her and then cuddle and nurse her in her rocker until she's allllmoooossstt asleep and chewing on my nipple, hurting me. Then I unlatch her, and this is where she reaches for her bed. And -eventually- goes to sleep. But then she comes in with us still once she has her first wakeup after we're in bed (or just about to go to bed). Usually this is like... 5 minutes after I climb into bed, so we're still awake. lol So I very rarely need to fall asleep without her in the bed. But nights like that other night where she slept 6.5 hours straight-- I had to fall asleep without her in the bed, and it's so weird!! She's normally in bed with us from around 1030 onwards.  I'm definitely not ready to give up both her to sleep cuddles AND her warm body in my bed. 

 

It's just weird because she literally won't cuddle me to fall asleep anymore, unless she's absolutely exhausted. She'll cuddle up nursing in my arms forever, but as soon as I unlatch her, she reaches for bed and doesn't want to cuddle. All I am is milk! lol

 

Oh then ok.  I see what you mean.  And LOL at the 5 min thing -- I hear you on that!!  

 

Finn will also pop off and roll over.  Bittersweet.

 

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There are ways to file state returns for free but they make it hard to figure out. I remember us going around in circles for a while last year because I knew it was supposed to be free but it kept trying to charge us when we went to file it. I finally found the special website that you had to use to get it for free. It was a pain in the butt.

My 3 boys and I were all very hot right after I had Dylan. We've cooled off quite a bit.

 

Tax stuff makes my head spin.  DH takes care of all of that.

 

Speaking of sleep, tonight Nora allowed me to sit at the foot of her bed.  I keep falling asleep with her every night, and it really messes me up for the night.  So I told her I would lay for 10 min then sit for 10.  I was ready for her to be upset (I didn't really look at the time, I was watching her to make sure she was drowsy) but she didn't.  She just whispered, "I love you mama," when I sat up.  Love that girl!  We are in SUCH  good place right now.  Both kids and I are.  And DH and I are ok right now.  I feel such balance and peace (which is crazy b/c we are so stressed about moving!)

 

did I tell you guys she learned to tie her shoes!?  All by herself.  This wasn't even on my radar. Never thought twice about it before.  About a week ago I bought/ordered new running shoes and she asked if I could buy her tie shoes.  I said sure and she picked them out.  They came and she was SO EXCITED.  LIke jumping up and down as the UPS man came to the porch.  He even said she made his day being so excited!

 

She plopped down and I barely had to show her once.  She just did it.  And now she does  it w/o even thinking!  She just plops down and ties her own shoes!!  It's incredible.  Absolutely incredible.


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#131 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 08:42 PM
 
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did I tell you guys she learned to tie her shoes!?  All by herself.  This wasn't even on my radar. Never thought twice about it before.  About a week ago I bought/ordered new running shoes and she asked if I could buy her tie shoes.  I said sure and she picked them out.  They came and she was SO EXCITED.  LIke jumping up and down as the UPS man came to the porch.  He even said she made his day being so excited!

 

She plopped down and I barely had to show her once.  She just did it.  And now she does  it w/o even thinking!  She just plops down and ties her own shoes!!  It's incredible.  Absolutely incredible.

Wow! Go Nora!

 

I have a photo session scheduled for Ava on Thursday. We're going to do a valentine/heart theme. And then she has her first toddler tumbling class on Friday. I'm so excited to see if she likes it. She loves to do flips and flop around on the bed.


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#132 of 221 Old 01-21-2013, 10:59 PM
 
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Oh then ok.  I see what you mean.  And LOL at the 5 min thing -- I hear you on that!!  

 

Finn will also pop off and roll over.  Bittersweet.

 

 

Tax stuff makes my head spin.  DH takes care of all of that.

 

Speaking of sleep, tonight Nora allowed me to sit at the foot of her bed.  I keep falling asleep with her every night, and it really messes me up for the night.  So I told her I would lay for 10 min then sit for 10.  I was ready for her to be upset (I didn't really look at the time, I was watching her to make sure she was drowsy) but she didn't.  She just whispered, "I love you mama," when I sat up.  Love that girl!  We are in SUCH  good place right now.  Both kids and I are.  And DH and I are ok right now.  I feel such balance and peace (which is crazy b/c we are so stressed about moving!)

 

did I tell you guys she learned to tie her shoes!?  All by herself.  This wasn't even on my radar. Never thought twice about it before.  About a week ago I bought/ordered new running shoes and she asked if I could buy her tie shoes.  I said sure and she picked them out.  They came and she was SO EXCITED.  LIke jumping up and down as the UPS man came to the porch.  He even said she made his day being so excited!

 

She plopped down and I barely had to show her once.  She just did it.  And now she does  it w/o even thinking!  She just plops down and ties her own shoes!!  It's incredible.  Absolutely incredible.

Wow!! GO NORA!! That is amazing!!!


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#133 of 221 Old 01-22-2013, 04:54 AM
 
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Wow - read back and didn't realize all I missed!

 

We haven't had a well baby visit since around the 2 month mark. But even the questions at those are a bit silly - how often and for how long does he/she nurse (um. . .whenver, for as long as it takes?) I am never even good at knowing how many diapers we go through per day. DH took Gabe for one and was floored by the "bottle or breast" question . . . he's like "both?" because Gabe got pumped milk in a bottle when I was at work, and some other times too. Much as I'd love all parents to be informed and educated about all things baby and kid related, what's normal, etc, alot of them are just clueless - So for those parents, I think WBV and questions aren't a bad thing. As for EI . . .it depends on the kid. I think, for SOME kids, EI is really necessary and important. Many parents do not have the time or skill set to help the kids on their own, and some kids have true developmental delays, and giving them a leg up is really a wonderful thing. BUT - most kids will generally catch up on their own. And since most will end up in the school system, giving the tools and skills to manage in that environment is a good thing. I know crunchy parents who wanted to home/unschool but then were faced with a child that both needed more than they could give, and who they found actually seemed to thrive in an environment away from home. so I'm a little meh on EI. If Gabe were evaluated, he'd probably be labeled as having speech delays. But his language and enunciation is growing by leaps and bounds, just maybe not as quickly as a kid in daycare or something.

 

JJ: It's just nice knowing you are in a good place with her sleep - I know it's been a struggle. and yay for photoshoots! I can't wait to see more of my maternity session.

 

Carrie: that's what I want to do with Gabe, but I need a clock in his room! I *think* he'd be ok with it. and hooray for shoe tying! I'm glad all of you are in such a peaceful place.

 

Lost kids . . . Gabe wanders, but hasn't ever really gone out of earshot - yet. Norah . . . I am giving her more opportunity to walk, but I have to restrict that for when I am out with DH or a friend or something. I can't keep up with her by myself (not pregnant, with Gabe too) though we've made a game of Gabe "catching" Norah that's been helpful. Mostly she's just thrilled to explore, but she touches and destroys things far more readily than Gabe did. Need to teach the find a mom trick though.

 

As of tomorrow - 6 weeks to go. I need to focus on house cleaning and other readiness. We want to make a Charlotte trip next month. Really it would be ideal to do in March, after my bonus, But I think that's a bad idea. (though there is a wonderful natural - meaning water birth, unmedicated, etc- birth friendly hospital in Pineville, outside of Charlotte, should I go into labor on the trip . . .)


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#134 of 221 Old 01-22-2013, 06:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Carrie ~ I saw that on FB but I don't think you mentioned that she just sat down and did it herself. That's very cool! joy.gif

I agree that there are some children who probably would benefit greatly from EI just as there are some women who really need to go to a hospital to have their babies with an obstetrician (those who truly need surgery). But just like with the one-size fits all maternity care in this country, one size WBVs can cause more problems than it fixes. I have been doing this parenting thing for 21 years now so I have a long span of years to have experienced myself how things have changed. Developmental delays and EI and IEPs and all that sort of thing have exploded. It's become big business. And parents are jumping on the bandwagon looking for anything and everything that might be "wrong" with their children. Every little quirk or oddity is a disorder that needs treatment. It's ridiculously out of hand. I think a lot of that starts with medical practices that pass out these questionnaires to everyone who walks in the door. There used to be a time when a doctor would see children a few times and say to the parents, "Hey, there might be an issue here. I think further assessment would be helpful." The doctors would notice this sort of thing individually without questionnaires being passed out to everyone to catch every possible little difference. It is narrowing and narrowing what is normal to a tiny, tiny hole so that everyone is a square peg who can't fit in.

Then schools feed it even more with their standardized tests and one way of teaching and expecting all children to learn and perform. Anyone who does not do well that one way is a problem, has a problem, needs fixing. It's the system that needs fixing, not the children.

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#135 of 221 Old 01-22-2013, 07:09 AM
 
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I don't disagree with any of that in the least. One friend whose son has been diagnosed as autistic (I nearly put that in quotation marks, bc she doesn't really agree with the diagnosis) - said when she questioned it, the doctor was like, but he'd miss out on all thes great services!  (a therapist comes to the house 3 times a week and goes with him to 2x a week preschool - all paid for by the state) - and I think it's one of those things that some people see as wonderful - look at all this free stuff!!! - and other people see as intrusive, unnecessary, and a hassle. People hate giving up things that might benefit their kids. I don't see generally, where EI is harmful. I don't know that does much good, but it doesn't seem to hurt anything.

 

Now IEPs, etc, OMG. those things are a major PITA. For everybody. I hate the school system as it exists today - especially where we are. There are parts of the country where it's not as bad, but getting into those school systems is crazy.

 

Gabe is so funny - he only accepts honey nut cheerios as "cereal with milk" - any other cereal just will not suffice.


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#136 of 221 Old 01-22-2013, 07:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think EI can be harmful if it makes the child feel like they are somehow lacking or messed up or in need of fixing. You may not see that result or reaction at first in a young child because they don't fully understand what is going on. They see what they are doing maybe as just fun, kind of in the same way that kindergarten is (or at least used to be) fun and games and storytime and naps with no work so school was fun in kindergarten. But then the child goes to first grade and slowly realizes that they have to do all this work and there's really not much time for fun anymore. In the same way, a very young child might think that having someone come to their house to "play" with just them is fun and makes the child feel special. Then they get old enough to understand that the person was there because someone decided the child had dyslexia or autism or speech problems and it becomes an entirely different feeling. It's not really about what is best for the child when someone says something like, "But he'll miss out on all these free services," (which aren't really free, by the way, because you and I and the parents are paying for them with their taxes).

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#137 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 03:39 AM
 
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I've got this one mama on my DDC group freaking out all the mamas b/c most of our babies only have a handful of words.  She's already got her 18 mo old in EI b/c of all the free services, and she's "not taking any chances" etc etc.  Omg.  I just keep reassuring all the first time (and second time and 3rd time) moms that a handful of words is well within normal and EI isn't NECESSARY.  It's just so redic.  She's saying normal for right now is 50-100 words!  WTH?  No, no no.  No it isn't.  I'm sorry, but no.  Stop worrying your friends.  B/c in our DDC at this point we all know each other well, and we know her older children have some special needs, but why does she need to pidgeon hole the youngest now just b/c of the others??

 

/end rant.

 

OMG worst night ever in a long time.  Need coffee.  BBL.


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#138 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 04:01 AM
 
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I hate freak out moms. IDK what's normal at this age, but Norah has hmm, between 15-20 words - possibly more. I've not had my coffee yet, so I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting. some she uses regularly, others we've heard clear as day at least once or twice, but not everyday. Gabe wasn't this verbal or verbose. She seems very close to putting 2 words together - which he didn't do much of until he was nearly 2.

 

I love the mamas in Norah's DDC. they are laid back and all variations of crunchy and so non-judgey. awesome. And 3 of us are about to have babies again (one is due in 2 1/2 weeks, one in 4 weeks, and me in 6)

 

Carrie: rough night here too - N was sooo restless! crazy. The moon was really bright last night and you could see Jupiter. IDK if that's any bearing at all. Enjoy your coffee.

 

Baby T is crazy active this morning, and I've not had coffee yet. I have a hard time trying to pin down his position. Probably bc he's not pinned down. LOL.

 

Gabe is getting overwhelmed with emotions sometimes - usually sadness - and I have no clue how to help him, as he can't verbalize WHY he's sad. I can get him to say what will make him feel better, and gauge by that whether it's just toddler drama or real sadness (mama hug kiss make all better - real tears. M&Ms make all better = toddler drama) but I feel so helpless and just want it to stop (it's loud, I don't understand it, and don't we all prefer happy kids?)

 

OTOH I was proud of him last night - he hit his friend in the face (being 3 year old boys, I'm fairly sure that it wasn't completely unprovoked, but as the other kid has the verbal skills to tattle . . .)  - I gave Gabe a choice - he could go sit with daddy and not play, or say sorry to his friend. No hesitation - he went to his friend and said sorry. I don't force apologies, but I do want to encourage them when appropriate and expected. Now, Gabe hasn't ever said I'm sorry to Norah for hurting her . . .he'd rather sit on the couch and have a time-in. Figures.


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#139 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 04:37 AM
 
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I hate freak out moms. IDK what's normal at this age, but Norah has hmm, between 15-20 words - possibly more. I've not had my coffee yet, so I'm sure there are some I'm forgetting. some she uses regularly, others we've heard clear as day at least once or twice, but not everyday. Gabe wasn't this verbal or verbose. She seems very close to putting 2 words together - which he didn't do much of until he was nearly 2.

 

I love the mamas in Norah's DDC. they are laid back and all variations of crunchy and so non-judgey. awesome. And 3 of us are about to have babies again (one is due in 2 1/2 weeks, one in 4 weeks, and me in 6)

 

Carrie: rough night here too - N was sooo restless! crazy. The moon was really bright last night and you could see Jupiter. IDK if that's any bearing at all. Enjoy your coffee.

 

Baby T is crazy active this morning, and I've not had coffee yet. I have a hard time trying to pin down his position. Probably bc he's not pinned down. LOL.

 

Gabe is getting overwhelmed with emotions sometimes - usually sadness - and I have no clue how to help him, as he can't verbalize WHY he's sad. I can get him to say what will make him feel better, and gauge by that whether it's just toddler drama or real sadness (mama hug kiss make all better - real tears. M&Ms make all better = toddler drama) but I feel so helpless and just want it to stop (it's loud, I don't understand it, and don't we all prefer happy kids?)

 

OTOH I was proud of him last night - he hit his friend in the face (being 3 year old boys, I'm fairly sure that it wasn't completely unprovoked, but as the other kid has the verbal skills to tattle . . .)  - I gave Gabe a choice - he could go sit with daddy and not play, or say sorry to his friend. No hesitation - he went to his friend and said sorry. I don't force apologies, but I do want to encourage them when appropriate and expected. Now, Gabe hasn't ever said I'm sorry to Norah for hurting her . . .he'd rather sit on the couch and have a time-in. Figures.

 

 

Oh Gabe!  LOL!  Glad he said sorry.  IMO that's not a forced apology by any means.  I think that's pretty awesome he went and apologized!  Especially b/c yeah, who knows what happened first.

 

Are you belly mapping w/spinning babies?  That always helped me.  Can be frustrating but I remember it helping!

 

 

Ok I'll blame Jupiter.  Sounds good to me.  Nora wanted to sleep with us but somehow once I climbed in bed she grew 8 more knees and 12 more elbows so after an hour of being kicked and yes, elbowed in the face, I carried her to her room.  She slept fine.  Finn tho.  OMG.  His eyeteeth are bugging him (or Jupiter) so he just wakes up a lot and man.  Up for the day SCREAMING at 445 am.  I got so angry.  I really did.  But I calmed down quickly and rocked and tried.  No dice, he may have dozed for a min here or there.  Now it's 730 and he's walking around like a drunk man!  LOL!  Yeah buddy, I bet you're tired!  Ha!

 

My DDC has a secret FB group and we've had some drama lately but the core ladies are pretty freaking awesome.  I really enjoy having them.  Some of them and I even text and talk privately.  Love my girls!! 

 

Ok.  Gotta do my hair, pack Nora's lunch, get these kids dressed, and get to school.  Another cold day today!  BRRR!


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#140 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 05:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Carrie ~ Have you tried searching for and posting some info on what's normal and how there's such a wide range that's almost always good. Progression is more important that what they actually know. Like I say with one of my issues with schooling or teaching rather than learning, I want my kids to know how to find the answers they need, to learn, rather than just being able to spit out memorized answered to specific questions.

Not to be contrary (by maybe I am winky.gif) when the only two choices someone has is to apologize or be punished and they apologize, that's a forced apology.

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#141 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 06:28 AM
 
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Meh - when I was Gabe's age I just shut down or screamed. I wouldn't apologize for anything. LOL. And sitting with daddy isn't really meant to be a punishment - I don't consider it such. A consequence, but not a punishment - he'd probably just end up playing with DH's cell phone. He tells DH and I sorry all the time for stuff (that doesn't require apology - no harm done. He sees us trip and says "sorry mommy" even though he didn't cause it) right now, what I'm trying to get across is when it's appropriate and expected to apologize. We rarely have issues like this - where he's causing another kid hurt (other than Norah) - so it's a learning/teaching opportunity.

 

Now, when our friends (whose kid was hurt) was told to stand still, arms by sides and tell each us "good night MISTER or MISS so-and-so" or he'd be spanked - that's forced. and just wrong.

 

MW: I think you like being contrary ;)

 

and hooray for counseling! and clean hair!

 

Carrie - I've not tried mapping this baby yet - his movements aren't consistent - it really helps to know where the big and little movents are felt (feet and hands) - and honestly, with this guy, I feel them all over. My belly is always changing shape - the only consistent thing I've noticed is he likes to lean to the left like Norah did. He goes from having his back out and to the left, to spinning somehow posterior (it's hard to tell which way he's facing when I can't feel a spine) - it's frustrating. He's got all kinds of time to move into an optimal position, I'm not worried about that, its just that all the moving is becoming not so pleasant :) Reassuring though.

 

How was your coffee?


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#142 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 06:58 AM
 
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well there's forced and then there's...suggested?  expected?  socially acceptable?  

You really don't ever ask for an I'm sorry?  I just feel like it's so ...hard!  I mean, if I bump into someone, I'm expected to say sorry.  If I hurt DH or either of the kids by accident, I say sorry.  If I purposely hurt someone (tho I can't imagine why I would) I would def say sorry. This is what we do as people.  Enlighten me as to what part of it I'm missing!!  Do we just model it and hope they absorb that behavior?  

 

Ugh i'm up in arms this morning.  Emotionally it's just not been a great day.  My good friend just texted me she let her 2 yo CIO last night.  WHY do people message me practically looking for SUPPORT????  I had to grit my teeth and tell her in as nice a way that I could that I don't feel like anything I say could be supportive, and that I could help her troubleshoot her DDs wakings but I could not hear about her leaving her alone to cry at night.  She just potty trained, she has a brand new baby brother, she's talking a ton, and she is probably lonely and scared in her new big girl bed.  She said she didn't know what else to do.  I replied, "She's a baby.  You deal."

I'm tough about this.  I'm passionate against this.  Idk why now 2 friends come to me telling me about it!  If you're going to do it,  do it and keep it out of my brain!!! You know?  Sigh.  anyway I know we can't go on too much about it on mdc so I'll stop there but man.  Not a great morning!!  I need a cookie or something.

 

MW i did post one link on a super mainstream page about what's expected by 18 mo.  It's just redic to think a toddler this age SHOULD have that many words, and that if they do it means nothing is ever going to be wrong.  I mean some of our babies are talking a ton (and like I said my gf's son had a TON more words than Finn) but that doesn't mean much of anything, really.  It's just neat and part of them growing and learning.  

 

Kat - coffee was good!  


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#143 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 07:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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MW: I think you like being contrary wink1.gif

Not really, but I do like to give a different perspective. I know the time-in with Daddy wasn't meant as a punishment but look at it from a child's POV. Either apologize or don't play with your friend. If he's done playing and that was part of the reason why he hit his friend, then sitting with Daddy might be a relief. If he's not dong playing, though, and hit for some other reason, not being allowed to play anymore could be perceived by him as a punishment. He wanted to keep playing with his friend so he apologized. If he weren't given either of those two choices, what would he have done? Apologized or just kept playing?

No, I don't ever expect or ask for an apology from my kids. I apologize to them and to others in front of them for my behavior and theirs. That way they learn when it's appropriate to apologize and they also learn what a sincere apology is. Have you ever gotten an insincere apology from someone? Couldn't you feel that they didn't really mean it? Did hearing it make you feel any better? Usually, an insincere apology is done/used so the person apologizing can get something s/he wants. It has nothing to do with truly feeling bad about what happened to the other person. I'd rather not get an apology at all.

I, personally, can't stand it when someone apologizes to me for something that has nothing to do with them. That shows that they have learned to say the obligatory apology without really understanding the meaning (adults, not children because they are still learning). My dad does that a lot. I just tell him that he doesn't have anything to be sorry for because it's not his fault.

My mother, on the other hand, never apologizes for anything she does. She apologizes for the way I feel about or react to something she's done. That's even more ridiculous. You're sorry that I am hurt by what you did? Really?! Why not rethink what you did if I am hurt by it. My mom says things like, "I'm sorry you don't like that I did this in your house but this is the way I do things and I'm not going to do them differently just because I'm in someone else's home." Ok, maybe not exactly verbatim but that's the gist. It doesn't make sense to her where I put my dishes so she puts them away somewhere else, doesn't tell me where they so that I can't find them when I need them, and then tells me too bad, so sorry you don't like it. irked.gif

So, in that case, I would talk about how the other child was hurt. Ask him is he was ok, if he needed anything, maybe give him a hug depending on the relationship, and tell him that I was sorry that my child hurt him. I would ask my child if he was feeling overwhelmed, getting tired, wanted to stop playing. If he wanted to continue to play, I would tell him that I would not let him hurt other people and if he did it again, we would stop playing/leave, whatever might be needed. Sometimes kids do need to be removed from a situation and it may still seem like a punishment to them but we can say and do things so that we aren't giving them the message that they are being removed because they are bad. We can use those situations for helping them learn when they have had enough and need to take a break.

I do have a hard time with expecting an apology from Sean when he says something hurtful. I don't know if that's ok or not. On the one hand, I understand that I am ultimately responsible for how I feel. I don't have to let what he says get to me when I know it's not true and he's only saying it because he's angry. OTOH, it would be nice for him to tell me he didn't really mean it. KWIM?

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#144 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 07:35 AM
 
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My 10 year old did not talk very much until he was almost 3 years old. E is almost 13 months old and has a few words. 

I am not worried about it. Kids will do everything at their own pace, not when we think they should talk.

 

I hate it that people thought my oldest son was autistic based only on his speech delay. It drove me nuts.

We would take him to the Ped. for an eari nfection and they  wanted to sent me to a OT to work on his speech.

He was only 2 years old for crying out loud. I never took him to the OT and he talks just fine today. ;-)

 

 

 

 

About apologies. I try to show my children that there are times it would be appropriate to say you're sorry, but I never make them.

I can't make someone say they're sorry.  I cannot stand it when people tell me they're sorry, when its obvious they are not. Its lying to me. I don't teach my kids to lie. If they are not sorry, they are not sorry.


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#145 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 07:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe "like" isn't the right word. I feel that it's important for me to express my differing view point. Not because I want to start an argument or anything like that but because I think it's important to let other people see that there are differing opinions. If no one ever expressed any contrary ideas to routine circumcision, it would continue without question. If no one expressed their disagreement with the notion that women should breastfeed in private or in public bathrooms or the like, that's where we would all be banished. Same with high Cesarean rates and spanking and corporal punishment in schools and on and on and on.

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#146 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 07:57 AM
 
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I've got this one mama on my DDC group freaking out all the mamas b/c most of our babies only have a handful of words.  She's already got her 18 mo old in EI b/c of all the free services, and she's "not taking any chances" etc etc.  Omg.  I just keep reassuring all the first time (and second time and 3rd time) moms that a handful of words is well within normal and EI isn't NECESSARY.  It's just so redic.  She's saying normal for right now is 50-100 words!  WTH?  No, no no.  No it isn't.  I'm sorry, but no.  Stop worrying your friends.  B/c in our DDC at this point we all know each other well, and we know her older children have some special needs, but why does she need to pidgeon hole the youngest now just b/c of the others??

Ugh. Yeah, that's not the good kind of EI. That's just flipping out over nothing. I think EI should be more for kids who genuinely do have deficits- ie I babysat a little boy who at 4, still didn't use any consonents at the beginning of words. for instance "I want to go to the park", came out "i an o eh ou a arrrrkkkk"   His mother ignored it. At 9, he still is barely intelligible. Or, also babysat for a little girl who was a preemie, and at 18 months was **** obviously showing that she could not/would not weight bear on her legs. Not just wouldn't walk, but if you tried to stand her up on your lap even, she acted like a 2 month old.  She saw a therapist to help her out. These cases, I think warrant it. But not having a dozen words by 18 months? Blah. Just give them time. Like MW said, as long as there's progression, and -some- new skills being mixed in, it's all variations of normal. 

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Meh - when I was Gabe's age I just shut down or screamed. I wouldn't apologize for anything. LOL. And sitting with daddy isn't really meant to be a punishment - I don't consider it such. A consequence, but not a punishment - he'd probably just end up playing with DH's cell phone. He tells DH and I sorry all the time for stuff (that doesn't require apology - no harm done. He sees us trip and says "sorry mommy" even though he didn't cause it) right now, what I'm trying to get across is when it's appropriate and expected to apologize. We rarely have issues like this - where he's causing another kid hurt (other than Norah) - so it's a learning/teaching opportunity.

 

Now, when our friends (whose kid was hurt) was told to stand still, arms by sides and tell each us "good night MISTER or MISS so-and-so" or he'd be spanked - that's forced. and just wrong.

:( That does suck.  I'm on the fence with the apology thing. We've started making 'please' a priority with Tenley, mostly because she doesn't have the other words, but does know please, so otherwise she just grunts and squeals, which drives us nuts. So we're trying to encourage her to say Please and point to the thing instead. And we model thank you, and sorry, but I don't expect those to come for a while. But I mean Gabe isn't 18 months anymore, so I can get why there's a desire for him to learn appropriate situations when I'm sorry would be warranted. I think given that it was a physical violence issue, I don't think it's totally out there to request that he say sorry (acknowledge that what he did was wrong), or take some time to sit and cool down for a while with daddy. You're giving him the opportunity, and you could look at it like this-- if he doesn't want to say sorry, that's similar to saying that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he did- the hitting. So as a parent in a public setting, I think it's reasonable then to expect a natural consquence of that situation is for him to be removed. If he doesn't think the hitting is wrong, then there's a chance he's going to do it again. So you remove him from the setting (going to sit with daddy), so he isn't tempted to hit again. 

 

Maybe I'm talking myself in circles. We didn't sleep well last night either. lol. 

 

Tenley's playing with her Little People house right now. I <3 when she does this. But she won't let me play with her. As soon as I go over, she looks at me funny and finds something else to do. So I just sit here and secretly watch her. lol. She's ringing the doorbell, and putting them in the bath and on the potty. She's also brought the goat home with them. lol. 

 

 

Soooo... trying to convince DH to do a beach vacation this winter/spring. Probably March or April. Our passports both expire in September, AND Tenley is free under two, so until Nov. So it makes sense to go this year, when we can travel free with her (and not have to renew our passports right away, which will be about $150 extra I think.  We could really use a vacation. Really. Also, I just got my vacation paid out from qork, and it's about $1000. Plus we've got $900 in RBC points to use. Seat Sale AIs should run us about $800-900 a person, so the points already pay for one person. I'd have to work an extra 8-9 shifts at work, and then that would pay for the vacation totally. That's not that bad. This week alone, they've wanted me to work two other shifts I've turned down. Anyways... the catch, is I said we can't go until I get back in shape. I want to strut my stuff on the beach, and then the vacation will be my reward. I can totally do it, if I put in the effort. It's freezing out here, but I can do some videos at home, and I think I'm going to start taking Tenley to the pool more often- it's only $6 I think to get in, and there's a track I can use with the stroller too, so we can either swim then run or run then swim. On a track like that, I could probably alternate walking and jogging for an hour. That's a lot of calories burned, especially adding swimming into it. 


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#147 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 08:14 AM
 
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 Anyways... the catch, is I said we can't go until I get back in shape. I want to strut my stuff on the beach, and then the vacation will be my reward. I can totally do it, if I put in the effort. It's freezing out here, but I can do some videos at home, and I think I'm going to start taking Tenley to the pool more often- it's only $6 I think to get in, and there's a track I can use with the stroller too, so we can either swim then run or run then swim. On a track like that, I could probably alternate walking and jogging for an hour. That's a lot of calories burned, especially adding swimming into it. 

 

YOU CAN DO IT!!!  How is the C25K going?  I meant to ask you the other day and I totally forgot.  Can you do DVDs?  I just ordered a new jillian michaels one.  i'll lyk how it is!

 

ETA - I'm frustrated b/c my weight really isn't budging.  I lost that 1.8 but I snuck in an early weigh in this morning and I"m right back where I was.  So frustrating! I'm running all the time and eating all my points, not going over.  I stopped drinking wine (only on weekends, and not excessive, always counting).  I'm so annoyed.  So.  Hoping adding in the dvd will help.  I feel less bloated and my jeans fit way better so it's got to be doing something, just not seeing the # on the scale.


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#148 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 08:23 AM
 
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JJ- There are also a ton of work out stuff on Youtube. :-) You can do it!!!! 


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#149 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 10:26 AM
 
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Polite words: "Please" we actively encourage - do you want X - say "please" or if he's being contrary, give whomever a kiss or hug or high five (the things he gets are treats, it's not like he's saying please for things that are just expected like meals). thank you and you're welcome we've modeled  - but not at all really encouraged him to say, and he's picked those up and uses them, mostly appropriately, all the time. Sometimes we go  round in circles - him saying "thank you mommy" me going "you're welcome, Gabe" back and forth for a few minutes. - I was kind of surprised when he started that.

 

Sorry is harder - because I don't believe in having kids say they're sorry when they are clearly not. Gabe I could tell was at the least embarrased - and seemed a bit contrite -, and I don't think entirely understanding of what was going on. We talked about it more on the way home. I think generally, in most play group situations, there is an expectation of apology or removal - and I think we handled it kindly (I know some parents are very stern or yell when dealing with it - I think because they are embarrased themselves that the kids' behavior reflected badly on them) I don't tend to think that way, especially in this case when clearly the other kid wasn't really hurt - I think he was more surprised than anything else.

 

And at 3, I think he can start to grasp the give and take of an apology. Now, Norah is 15 months and if she were to hurt someone else, I'd apologize on her behalf - she's got no clue yet about what she's doing - and also remove her from the situation a bit. She does grasp gentle and will change to gentle touch when reminded.

 

JJ or Carrie can't tell who asked: hooray for vacation! Do you have cable or satelite? I ask bc if you have On Demand sort of options, you can find work out stuff there.

 

I'm enjoying this last bit of kind of freedom before buckling down and being healthy and excersising more. That's silly, I know. But right now, I feel I have an excuse to eat how I like, and I will continue to do that for about 6 months PP. I need to amp up my activity level though. I want to make it a habit, and not a temporary change, which is why I'm dallying. It's one reason I'm glad to go ahead and get all the babies/breastfeeding and stuff done with, so I can focus on achieving optimal health without thinking about backsliding during a pregnancy and new baby stage.

 

Carrie: if you've hit a plateau - you need to change it up a bit if you can. do you do any weight stuff? or just cardio? mix up your diet some -

 

EM - always good to hear from you! ack on autism. Everyone wants to join on that bandwagon. (why I really have no idea) -


Katrina - Mama to Gabriel  sleepytime.gif 11/20/2009 and Norah vbac.gif 10/11/2011- married to Wayne - geek.gif novaxnocirc.gifbfinfant.giffamilybed1.gifcd.gif&nbspand now new baby Theodore born 3/11/13 vbac.gif

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#150 of 221 Old 01-23-2013, 11:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

 

I'm enjoying this last bit of kind of freedom before buckling down and being healthy and excersising more. That's silly, I know. But right now, I feel I have an excuse to eat how I like, and I will continue to do that for about 6 months PP. I need to amp up my activity level though. I want to make it a habit, and not a temporary change, which is why I'm dallying. It's one reason I'm glad to go ahead and get all the babies/breastfeeding and stuff done with, so I can focus on achieving optimal health without thinking about backsliding during a pregnancy and new baby stage.

 

Carrie: if you've hit a plateau - you need to change it up a bit if you can. do you do any weight stuff? or just cardio? mix up your diet some -

 

EM - always good to hear from you! ack on autism. Everyone wants to join on that bandwagon. (why I really have no idea) -

 

Enjoy it!  Eat for me!  I'll have margaritas for you if you have ice cream and stuff for me!  LOL!  

I'm the same way.  Now that I'm 99% sure we are done with kids, no excuses, you know?  I could get in awesome shape and just maintain it, w/no preg to get in the way of that.  And sooner than I know it (sniff sniff) finn will wean and my body will be my own, and then I can hopefully get really serious.  

 

Idk if it's a plateau or if I'm just really doing something wrong.  Or if this is just where I'm going to be until I'm done bf'ing.  Hard to be in this limbo stage!!  But going to try adding in some more resistance training and hopefully working out with jillian will help!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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