January 2013 Rockstar Mamas - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 221 Old 01-09-2013, 08:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to the Rockstar Mamas thread! Our wonderful group of mamas started following each other in the Charting to Avoid thread over in fertility. Eventually we created "The Whatever Ladies!", a safe place for those of us who were not trying to prevent pregnancy, though not actively trying to conceive either. Spread out over a year, we all got pregnant and had our current babes- several whom are over a year old now!

We made the decision to switch to Rockstar Mamas, after a conversation about how each and every one of us was a Rockstar in some way, for living and thriving through the parenting challenges thrown our way every day. Feel free to join us in our thread, but be warned, the conversation moves fast!

Not really rules but something to consider if you join:

1. Need to be chatty

2. Know that we are all vastly different from one another but we've become friends so we respect those differences. We are vaxers and nonvaxers; homeschoolers, unschoolers, public schoolers; run the gamut from vegan to paleo; some of us want more kids, some don't, and some aren't sure...but we all manage to really get along and come together on things we DO agree on.

3. Aren't afraid to ask each other the hard questions or point out the obvious when/if we want advice!

Member List:

lyeterae ~ Baby boy born February 2011
annie ~ Baby girl born April 7, 2011
Barefootscientist ~ Baby boy born May 30, 2011
AnnieA (due 7/18) ~ Baby girl born July 17, 2011
MarineWife (due 7/30) ~ Baby boy born July 25, 2011
Baby_Cakes (due 8/16) ~ Baby boy born August 16, 2011
MovingMomma (due 8/9) ~ Baby girl born August 18, 2011
akind1 (due 9/28) ~ Baby girl born October 11, 2011
mom2one (due 10/23) ~ Baby boy born October 21, 2011
jeninejessica (due 12/01) ~ Baby girl born November 29, 2011
Kindermama (due 1/6) ~ Baby boy born January 1, 2012
Euromama

akind1 going around again ~ Baby BOY!! due 3/6/2013 but betting on 3/11 or 3/19

December thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1369192/december-2012-rockstar-mamas

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#2 of 221 Old 01-09-2013, 08:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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All the babies that started with us are 1 year old now and one is getting very close to 2!

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#3 of 221 Old 01-09-2013, 09:50 AM
 
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It's hard to believe this is the year the babies turn 2! 

 

And yeah - that's why I pulled up pictures, because I FEEL huge. but I don't know that I actually look any bigger. I think maybe because it's more belly, and I'm carrying less weight (albeit not a whole lot of difference - 5lbs or so) less elsewhere?

 

10 days until my maternity portraits! I am really excited. She also did the babywearing ones, and I WILL get some nursing ones this time around (Norah had just weaned the last time she did a bunch of nursing session portraits)

 

Where is everyone today?


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#4 of 221 Old 01-09-2013, 11:27 AM
 
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I'm here. Still trying to recover from our middle of the night playdate two nights ago! Spent an hour on the phone this morning with my insurance company trying to sort out old bills. Drove me to tears. Literally. Took Ava to the children's museum and then went to grab a piece of pizza for lunch. We passed John Grisham and he and Ava waved at each other. It was very funny. Ava and I took a nap and when we woke up, she was being so funny. She said "Poop." and I said "Really? You pooped this morning. Where's the poop? I don't see any poop." She lifted up her shirtand looked down at her diaper and said "Poop?" It was so cute!

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#5 of 221 Old 01-09-2013, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot to say that I also agree that antibacterial soap is unnecessary and probably harmful. I hate that I can't buy plain hand soap at the grocery store anymore. Everything is antibacterial.

I'm here, too. I get my computer first thing in the morning and then not again until I kick the boys off it. I can check stuff like Facebook quickly on my phone or Kindle but I don't like to post much from those. I prefer the larger screen and keyboard of my laptop.

I've also been busy trying to plan Ethan's party and doing this refinance stuff.

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#6 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 05:26 AM
 
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I'm here!  i'm just on my phone and it's so hard to reply!!!

 

I think I'm FINALLY getting better.  I'm not going to overexert myself today tho, I think that's why I relapsed!!

 

A - huge hugs and mad props to you on the counseling.  It must be SO frustrating to hear him be like, oh now I know how you feel when you've been TELLING him this whole time.  At the same time, it's going to be eye opening to him now that he knows how to listen to you.  Hopefully he will take the steps to respond to what he learns, and things can start improving.

And I agree with L that we know Sean.  He is a good father and a good man.  We know you are venting and all this stuff is perfectly safe here with us.  I feel comfortable posting what I post about DH as well b/c you all know him and me, and I know you won't judge him solely based on what I say.  

 

K - Oh my goodness, you def have a BOY belly this time!  Such a basketball compared to N!  Home stretch, woman!! Start crackin' on that to-do list! How much time are you taking off of work?

 

L - hugs on the teeth and sickness.  And I can't believe you met John Grisham.  I don't know if I would recognize him if I saw him, lol.

 

AFus - Chris's family cat had to be put down.  Everyone is a mess.  My MIL is beside herself.  She was 19 and was such a sweet kitty, but her body had been shutting down for awhile and they were doing all they could to keep her comfortable as it was.  Monday her organs just gave out and they had to make the choice to put her down or take her home and let her die there.  They made the right choice, i think.  It would have been too hard and unfair to let her suffer.  So.  I'm going to meet my MIL and BIL at whole foods for lunch to get her out of the house.  She's hearing cookie's meow and seeing all her things and it's just too hard for her.  She doesn't know we are meeting for that reason but that's good.  I don't want it to feel like a rescue mission.  Just want to distract her enough to make her smile. 

 

What else?

 

Oh.  The only time I use hand sanitizer or the like is right after Nora leaves preschool if she doesn't wash her hands right away.  I'm not big on it tho and I'd prefer just hand washing with simple soap (not antibacterial).  I don't buy antibac soap.  Chris does.  It's one of the things I think is important one way and he argues the other side of it.  He will fight with me on taking all my abx so I don't create resistant strains, but always buys anti bac soap.  eyesroll.gif  Handwashing is better IMO than any hand sanitizer for the reasons Kat brought up.   

 

Ok.  Off to tidy up before we go out to WF and hopefully grab another cup of coffee.

 

Oh - quickly.  My kids have both been having lots of bad dreams lately.  Waking up and crying, Nora running in to my bed.  Anything you guys can think of I can add or take from their diet/day to maybe help with this?  It's got to be something!  Idk why all of a sudden they both would be having bad dreams like nightly?  My dreams have been vivid lately too...hmm..


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#7 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 05:52 AM
 
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My boy belly with Gabe I think was hidden behind extra fluff - with him, I just felt fat. I didn't take many pics that pregnancy. And I was a good almost 20 lbs heavier with that one.

 

bad dreams: can melatonin help with that?

 

MW: forgot to add - of course this is a safe place to vent! I don't vent too much about my DH here, bc, sometimes he's bored and reads MDC LOL. (mostly he looks in the health and spirituality forums, but he likes to read what I write sometimes too) Since we plan on meeting you all some day this year, he likes to kind of get to know who you are too.

 

My mini vent - I really, really, wish when Norah woke up crying he wouldn't tell her to shut up. I don't say anything in the moment, because it would defeat trying to get her to go back to sleep, but I need to bring it up later, just trying to fnd a tactful way to do so. . . .

 

My friend had her baby! not nearly as long a labor as her first, thank goodness (you never know with inductions) - little bitty - 6lbs 1oz - a 39 weeker (and considering mama had the most severe hyperemesis I've ever known anybody to have, it's no surprise she's not a chunker) and another IRL friend will finally get to hold her NICU baby today! I'm thrilled with all of these squishes! I need to see if I have any spare girly yarn and can crochet a quick hat for the wee one . . . .

 

Annie - Ava is just too cute! glad she gets to meet some famous people ;)


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#8 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 05:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know about the dreams. My kids have scary dreams periodically but not usually consecutively. Ethan got nightmares from watching the Walking Dead but then wanted to watch it again. lol.gif Could they have inadvertently seen or heard something that scared them?

I'm freaking out a little bit about my back. You all know how it's been bothering me. There's this spot right in the middle that seizes up for no apparent reason other than that I moved. Last night I asked Sean to rub some muscle cream on it. While doing that he noticed a spot of discolored skin about 1-1.5" wide and 2-3" long right where my muscles seize. It's not a bruise. I haven't fallen or banged it. It's just slightly darker than the skin around it. I'm thinking maybe I should see a doctor but I don't have a regular PCM. I'd have to start as a new patient somewhere and that's a hassle and takes so long. Do you think an OB/GYN who is also authorized as a PCM could deal with it or should I just go straight to a specialist? I can go to a specialist without a referral but I don't know what kind.

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#9 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 09:45 AM
 
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I'd see somebody - what kind of doc specializes in muscle?


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#10 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 10:33 AM
 
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When my big kids have had issues with nightmares, it's been because they've seen something on TV that they were not able to process. Usually, I should say.

MW, I'd go to a walk-in urgent care type place. Ava's godmother is a family physician in one of tjose places and they see regular patients too, not just urgent situations. At least start with a GP and see what they recommend.

It's funny because we have a fair number of famous people that live here and John Grisham is usually hard to recognize. He must have had a meeting yesterday because he was relatively dressed up. He looked like the pic on the back of his books. I see Sissy Spacek at Whole Foods all the time and Dave Matthews lives here when he isn't touring. I usually see him in Barnes and Noble. He always looks a little sad if people aren't noticing it's him. smile.gif

Got the christmas tree taken down and out of the house. I'm thinking about doing some rearranging this weekend. I also need to get a big plastic bin to put some of Ava's toys away in the girls' room so we can rotate through stuff. There's too much out right now and I feel like she has too many choices so she plays with nothing, you know?

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#11 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 11:18 AM
 
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We have no famous faces here. It's a good thing, probably.

 

Need to take the Christmas tree down. It will be put away before the new baby is born, I promise!

 

Ah, too many choices! That happens a bit upstairs, because my mom loves to buy toys. But she usually picks ones they do really enjoy playing with - and ones that don't make noise or require batteries -  I am so sleepy today.


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#12 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 02:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I keep forgetting to post this. I'm pretty sure I Oed on cd28, same day as last cycle. It would be very interesting if my cycles suddenly became regular even if they are still a bit long.

My Ovulation Chart

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#13 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 06:46 PM
 
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I want to meet famous people!  No fair.  I even went to LA and stood outside the Chateau Marmont for like 15 min to just catch a glimpse, and NUTHIN'!  lol.gif

 

Too many toys - O I HEAR YOU!  LOL!  I put most of the toys away, honestly.  Yeah, they love them, but you know what?  They'll still love them in 3 or so months when I rotate them!  It's hard but do it when they are asleep and they usually forget about them.  Then they are so happy when they see them!  LOL.

 

It's QUIET!  

We had a great evening.  My BF came over with her kids and man, it was just so fun to have girl talk and let the kids play, and no stress and just wine, laughing, good times!  I so needed it!

Chris hasn't even left NYC yet so I'm enjoying some me time guilt free!  Love it.

 

MW - I too think you should go to urgent care.  It isn't like an ER, it's for normal issues like you're describing.  I go to urgent care for all my sinus infections and stuff, as well as for emergencies (like when I needed my stitches).  I hope it's nothing but some bruising.  confused.gif


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#14 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have time to wait for hours at an urgent care place. I might call tomorrow to see if I can get an appointment at the place I used to. I searched my insurance website for PCMs and didn't like anyone who was listed. No wonder I don't have one. There were several doctors but they all work at one of two different practices, neither of which I like.

Whew! We just did some refi stuff that has got me stressed out. We initially applied with Navy Fed, which is who we have our loan with currently. I then decided to call Quicken Loans just to see what kind of deal they could give us. Both loans are essentially the same. The monthly payments have a difference of only $4. The big difference was in whether or not we'd need cash at closing, maybe. The Navy Fed papers had closing costs of around $6700 but by federal law they cannot roll more than $5000 into the loan so it would appear as if we'd need $1700 in cash at closing. However, the person at Navy Fed didn't mention that to me.

Quicken gave us essentially the same loan with the same interest rate except the monthly payment is $4 more. But, we won't need any cash at closing. They got our house appraised at just under $199 whereas Navy Fed had it at only $169. We had to pay $500 to go ahead with getting official approval for the Quicken loan. We don't need to pay anything for final approval of the Navy Fed loan but $500 is worked into the closing costs for appraisal and flood determination that is not in the Quicken loan closing costs.

Now I'm not sure if we can ethically send in all the signed papers for Navy Fed. I asked and although it took going around in circles a bit and finally saying, "Look, you are not giving me a straight answer!", was told that we aren't required to accept either loan until we actually sign the closing papers. And, we have 3 business after closing to change our minds without penalty. Our plan is that I will call Navy Fed tomorrow and ask about cash at closing. If they say we won't actually need any, Sean will fax them the papers and then we'll see what the final papers from each say. Otherwise, we'll go with Quicken because we don't have any cash to bring to closing.

So, I feel like my head is spinning. dizzy.gif I don't know which way is up and which loan is better. I do know that I don't like Navy Fed. I feel like they misled me with the original loan by talking me out of getting a VA loan and then refusing to let us refinance until the federal government came up with the HARP program and basically forced them to offer it to people like us.

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#15 of 221 Old 01-10-2013, 08:04 PM
 
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I don't have time to wait for hours at an urgent care place. I might call tomorrow to see if I can get an appointment at the place I used to. I searched my insurance website for PCMs and didn't like anyone who was listed. No wonder I don't have one. There were several doctors but they all work at one of two different practices, neither of which I like.

Whew! We just did some refi stuff that has got me stressed out. We initially applied with Navy Fed, which is who we have our loan with currently. I then decided to call Quicken Loans just to see what kind of deal they could give us. Both loans are essentially the same. The monthly payments have a difference of only $4. The big difference was in whether or not we'd need cash at closing, maybe. The Navy Fed papers had closing costs of around $6700 but by federal law they cannot roll more than $5000 into the loan so it would appear as if we'd need $1700 in cash at closing. However, the person at Navy Fed didn't mention that to me.

Quicken gave us essentially the same loan with the same interest rate except the monthly payment is $4 more. But, we won't need any cash at closing. They got our house appraised at just under $199 whereas Navy Fed had it at only $169. We had to pay $500 to go ahead with getting official approval for the Quicken loan. We don't need to pay anything for final approval of the Navy Fed loan but $500 is worked into the closing costs for appraisal and flood determination that is not in the Quicken loan closing costs.

Now I'm not sure if we can ethically send in all the signed papers for Navy Fed. I asked and although it took going around in circles a bit and finally saying, "Look, you are not giving me a straight answer!", was told that we aren't required to accept either loan until we actually sign the closing papers. And, we have 3 business after closing to change our minds without penalty. Our plan is that I will call Navy Fed tomorrow and ask about cash at closing. If they say we won't actually need any, Sean will fax them the papers and then we'll see what the final papers from each say. Otherwise, we'll go with Quicken because we don't have any cash to bring to closing.

So, I feel like my head is spinning. dizzy.gif I don't know which way is up and which loan is better. I do know that I don't like Navy Fed. I feel like they misled me with the original loan by talking me out of getting a VA loan and then refusing to let us refinance until the federal government came up with the HARP program and basically forced them to offer it to people like us.


If I need to go see Ava's godmother, I get up early and make sure I'm there about 10-15 mins before the office opens so I'm one of the first ones in.

 

All that money talk gives me a headache! Sheepish.gif

 

Baby_Cakes, I'm glad you got some time with your BF. Sitting, drinking wine and listening to the kids play is an EXCELLENT way to spend the evening!


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#16 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 05:01 AM
 
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MW: Ryan bought a house? (sorry -saw a status you commented on, and wasn't sure??)  Refi stuff is stressful. My parents have refi'd almost every year - it helps give them cash, actually, to improve the house, and save on the mortgage. I think it's with New Day Financial. They have even come to the house on Saturday to do closing. No cash at closing is awesome.

 

Carrie - hooray for good times!

 

Norah had some awful liquid poos last night. poor baby. everytime she turned over I coudl HEAR her the liquid in her tummy sloshing. she seems in better spirits this morning.


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#17 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 05:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If I need to go see Ava's godmother, I get up early and make sure I'm there about 10-15 mins before the office opens so I'm one of the first ones in.

Haha! That is NOT going to happen here. It's not just me sitting and waiting. It's me sitting and waiting with 3 little kids and trying to get through an exam with 3 little kids. It just isn't going to happen. greensad.gif

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#18 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 07:51 AM
 
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Ok, here I am again.

There has been so much going on that I have no idea where to start.

 

Mainly its my 10 y/o DS is going through the pre-teen stage. He is doing amazing at school but at home has been mouthing off and just very, challenging? 

 

Anyways.

 

We rotate toys too. Sometimes I do go through all the toys and throw away the broken ones.


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#19 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 09:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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i hate to say it, EM, but that's typical at that age. one way to look at it is that he has to keep his emotions stuffed and in check all day at school and needs a release once he's in a safe place, home. course, that doesn't make it feel any better, but in a way it's a compliment to you that he feels safe enough to behave that way.

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#20 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 09:45 AM
 
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i hate to say it, EM, but that's typical at that age. one way to look at it is that he has to keep his emotions stuffed and in check all day at school and needs a release once he's in a safe place, home. course, that doesn't make it feel any better, but in a way it's a compliment to you that he feels safe enough to behave that way.

That is a great way of looking at this! Thank you MW!! :)


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#21 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 11:12 AM
 
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I find marriage hard, but marriage with children even harder. 

 

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My DH needs more tools.  he is very quick to time out, or say enough, stop or i'll leave (the room).  He doesnt attempt to read all the parenting stuff i do, and relies on my ideas/opinions.  he disagrees with  some but is willing to try.  I yell more than he does -- but i'm working on it.


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#22 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 11:48 AM
 
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I don't expect DH and I to parent identically. I like us to be consistent with some things (like rules) - but often what works for me, might not work for him as far a discipline technique, and vice versa. I could yell untill I'm blue in the face some days and it won't get through to my kids. (Norah especially). My dad, or MIL, or FIL? barely a firm tone of voice, and she breaks down in tears. Why, I don't know.

 

I think the important thing is you have the same starting point and ending point - Start - no violence towards siblings perhaps - and the end result - Everyone has used gentle hands towards eachother today. (being that's the goal). What happens when something breaks down in the middle - if I choose to separate the kids and get them working on different activities, and DH decides to do sort of a "time in" with Gabe  . . . It doesn't matter. Now, we have gone down the road of corporal/physical punishment and found it just doesn't work for us. Some families will tell you different - but in our house, it just increases the violence. Everybody then thinks it's ok to hit. On one hand, I'm sorry I or DH ever hit our son, but on the other, having done it, and found it doesn't work, it's far more effective when explaining to grandparents, etc, WHY we don't hit. It's not just another of the weird hippie things we do, there is good reason.

 

In the moment, I try to let DH parent however he's going to - it's more damaging to the entire situation I think to undermine him. After though, I do try to talk about how it could have been handled better. DH does the same for me, when my temper gets out of sorts, letting me know that I could have handled myself better.

 

We are none of us perfect, I've still got very young children and a lot to learn as they get older and challenge us in all kinds of crazy ways. While I disagree with a lot of the nanny shows, one of the big takeaways from it is that she doesn't change the kids, she changes how the parents react to the kids - That makes all the difference.  (remind me of this later, please, when both of mine start hitting each other over the head with sticks)

 

 . . .Man I am tired. this pregnancy is wearing me out. Baby is active as mexican jumping bean, and everything else is fine -  but I'm so glad I'm doing this now, while I'm still on the younger side!


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#23 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I came with a kid when I married my dh so he deferred all of the disciplining to me unless I specifically asked for his help. Usually, when I asked for help it was because I felt like I was going to lose it and needed dh to take the boy out for a while. I was more mainstream, following the reward/punishment system that is supported by so many so-called experts. DH was fine with that, although neither one of us hit the boy.

Fast forward and I have moved way beyond that but dh is still stuck in the mainstream. He's very much a person that just goes along with whatever is normal or common or whatever. He is not too hard and fast on anything with disciplining the kids. He says he doesn't see anything wrong with spanking, for example, although he wouldn't do it himself. He still defers to me, although I think he feels at a loss much of the time. He knows I don't want the kids punished or manipulated or coerced but he doesn't know what else to do. A lot of times he ends up doing nothing. I have tried to give him ideas of what he can do. I have tried to show him by example. He just doesn't seem to get it. He knows what he knows and, if he can't do that, he won't do anything. eyesroll.gif

We don't butt heads too much on that, though, because him not doing anything at least means he's not doing anything that will get me upset. winky.gif We have a kind of different situation, too, I think. Because my dh is gone so much he has to defer a lot to me. I'm the only one here to do things with the kids most of the time. He's kind of like a visitor.

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#24 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 12:39 PM
 
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Dang it. I was editing this post for typos and then it was all erased. *slaps head*


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#25 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 12:52 PM
 
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.


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#26 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 05:00 PM
 
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I'm here, reading along. I don't know =what= has been filling our days, but it feels like it's been such a busy week!  The funeral for DH's grandfather was today, so I feel like maybe things will get a little bit back to normal. I work two, maybe three, days next week. And morning shifts too. That'll be crazy. 

 

I got super sick after we got home today. It came on within an hour, and I feel like i have the nastiest flu ever. Blah. Just waiting for it to pass. 


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#27 of 221 Old 01-11-2013, 05:43 PM
 
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I'm here, reading along. I don't know =what= has been filling our days, but it feels like it's been such a busy week!  The funeral for DH's grandfather was today, so I feel like maybe things will get a little bit back to normal. I work two, maybe three, days next week. And morning shifts too. That'll be crazy. 

 

I got super sick after we got home today. It came on within an hour, and I feel like i have the nastiest flu ever. Blah. Just waiting for it to pass. 

Feel better soon!! Flu seems to be going like wildfire. :(


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#28 of 221 Old 01-12-2013, 03:44 AM
 
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On no, FBS JJ!  I think my cold (on round 3) is FINALLY ending.  I'm hoping hoping HOPING!!

This was a really long week.  Everyone is saying it.  Glad we get the weekend now!  JJ how is work going overall?  Are you all adapting ok?

 

EM - Be gentle with yourself.  I could see myself jumping up all mama bear if my child was being threatened, even by his daddy.  I HAVE to stop undermining DH.  While he isn't violent, he's manipulative, and it triggers me about my childhood.  This book I'm reading, How to Stop Yelling by Laura Markham is hitting so many nails on heads.  I'm overwhelmed with sadness and triggers from my childhood, and I see them a little more clearly now. An example.  Nora will ask DH to play with her.  His response, "I will, if you let me put you to bed tonight."  or "Sure.  If you tell me you love me."  OMG it makes my skin literally CRAWL.  Sometimes he is even more nasty.  If she is throwing a fit or upset, he will just say, "Stop NOW or I'll leave you in here.  Do you want to be alone?"

Last night I was making dinner, and they were playing together.  They love to do physical rough-house type play.  He was holding her and pretending to drop her, and she was laughing hysterically, saying, "do it again!"  So he did it a bunch of times, then he needed a rest.  She was like, "One more time!" and he said, "Ok, I'll do it again IF you let me put you to bed tonight."  She frowned.  I stepped in and said, "Daddy, that doesn't make much sense.  Don't put an ultimatum on playing with your daughter," and he got mad.  He was like, "I really don't even want to hear it from you."  

So a moment or so later, I apologized and said I was wrong to step in.  But I did explain that it was a huge trigger from when I was little to hear I'll do X if you do Y.  I feel like it's an unfair way to treat a child. I said I wanted him to think hard about it before doing it again, but that I get that my issues are MY issues and I'll try to stop butting in while he is being his own parent.  He said he was sorry and understood, and didn't realize.  I hope he stops doing it.  It's really hard for me to see/hear.  greensad.gif

 

EM or anyone here is the book if you're interested.  It's REALLY helping me not to yell.  http://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parent-Happy-Kids-Connecting/dp/0399160280/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1357990457&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+stop+yelling+laura+markham

 

Ok so help me process something.

Nora's school does summer camp and I was kind of banking on her going, at least a few days a week.  I found out yesterday it's really $$$.  It's more than her normal tuition (which I suppose I should have thought, but didn't), and if anything, she'd prob only do 1/2 the summer.  The letter they sent home doesn't tell me how much it costs for half a session, BUT it says it's only for ages 5-10.  She won't be 5.  I first have to find out if she can even attend!  Then find out the cost for 1/2 the summer.

And then I have to think about if she's going to preschool another year, or if she's ready for kindergarten.  If this IS my last summer with her, Idk if I even WANT to send her to camp a few days a week.

And then we might move and she'll need to switch schools anyway, and that for some reason is making me really sad.  Will she do prek 4 in another preschool again (as a 5 year old b/c she turns 5 in october) or will she go to kindy next fall in a new district?

I have so many unknowns and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

 

I drove past one house yesterday and ruled it out.  chris is going to start laying tile today!  Hopefully he gets it mostly (or all!!!) done!


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#29 of 221 Old 01-12-2013, 08:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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JJ ~ I hope you feel better soon. I saw on the news yesterday that there saying there is a flu epidemic in Massachusetts.

EM ~ I had a similar thing happened with my dh and my oldest (who is not my dh's child). DS was yelling at me and dh thought he called me a bitch. DH grabbed ds by the shirt, pinned him against, got right in his face and told him in a very nasty, angry, threatening voice to never talk to me like that again. I stepped in and don't regret it one bit. The really sad part about all of that was that my dh didn't even say what dh thought he did. I would step in any time that I was afraid my dh might hurt my child. If I'm afraid, I can't imagine how scared my child must be and it's my job to protect him from anyone and everyone. If I don't, I am undermining myself with my child. He will not trust my love and protection as much anymore.

You are not undermining your dh by stepping in when he's out of control like that. Yes, I consider that type of behavior from a parent as out of control. Anytime an adult puts their hands on a child in anger or in a threatening way, the adult is out of control. Your dh is undermining himself by losing control like that. That's his responsibility, not yours. The only thing he is teaching your son is that might makes right, that it's ok to use physical force to intimidate others and make them do what you want.

I, personally, think the same principle applies to an adult (Dad or Mom) who attaches strings to behaviors that they should do just because they love their children, like playing with them. I agree, Carrie, that it is wrong for Chris to say things like that to Nora. I don't blame her for frowning when he says things like that. It is better to talk about things like that when the children aren't around. Explain why you think what he is doing is a problem and give him ideas of what he could say/do instead. Of course, you have to make sure he's open to listening to you. If he immediately gets defensive, there's no point in trying to talk to him. In that case, you can tell him that you'd like to talk about that and ask him when he'll have time. Then he won't feel like he's being ambushed. Or, you could write it down.

You could suggest to your dh that, if your ds does anything like that again, your dh could gently but firmly remove your ds from the situation. Take him in another room or for a car ride and stay with him or very close. Wait until everyone has cooled down and talk about the situation. Let your ds express all of his anger and other emotions without judgment or recrimination as long as he can stay calm about it. If he starts to get upset and agitated again, you or your dh can ask him to calm down, slow down, take a few deep breaths or take a break until he feels calm again. After your ds has told you or your dh everything, you guys can help him learn other ways to express his anger or frustration or whatever it is.

WRT my dh saying he finally got how I'm feeling from our counseling session, yes, it is frustrating that he didn't get it until then considering I've always told him how I feel. However, the idea of him finally getting it one way or the other is good. But, he still didn't understand me. He took me saying that being a mother is a big part of my life and who I am right now as meaning that I see myself only as a mother. That is extremely frustrating, especially since he wasn't even going to check with me on that. He wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't asked.

We're going to be cleaning and getting ready for Ethan's party. It's a Lego theme so I ordered a cake that is going to look like two stacked Lego pieces. So Cool! We couldn't get the cake Ethan wanted because it would have cost close to $100!

Still moving along with the refi. The decision about which company to go with was made for us. The first one was going to require us to bring about $1700 in cash to closing, which we do not have, so they are out. I'm so glad I called the 2nd one at the last minute. They are giving us a better deal with no cash at closing. Our total mortgage will go up, which sucks, but our monthly payment will go down by about $400. That will make it a lot more easy for us to either rent the house so we can all go to VA or to maintain two households if Sean has to go by himself.

I don't get why the first company needs all these fees and closing costs. They are the ones who hold our original mortgage. Why do they need to collect fees for title transfer when they already hold the title? Or for flood determination when they did that when I applied to the original mortgage? Seems like just a scam to collect money, which is one reason why I hate them and am glad we were able to find a different company to refi with. irked.gif

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#30 of 221 Old 01-12-2013, 01:54 PM
 
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I thought you were going to try to make the cake!  What happened??  

 

I don't know much about refinancing (or buying new) but those closing costs etc sound ridiculous.  Especially since you are already with that company.  Good you found a better option!

 

I've been looking into the doula cert again, and now Chris says he thinks I should go thru DONA.  I'm just not convinced it's worth all the extra time/money.  Thoughts?


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