March 2013 Rockstar Mamas Thread - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 188 Old 03-01-2013, 06:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to the Rockstar Mamas thread! Our wonderful group of mamas started following each other in the Charting to Avoid thread over in fertility. Eventually we created "The Whatever Ladies!", a safe place for those of us who were not trying to prevent pregnancy, though not actively trying to conceive either. Spread out over a year, we all got pregnant and had our current babes- several whom are over a year old now!

We made the decision to switch to Rockstar Mamas, after a conversation about how each and every one of us was a Rockstar in some way, for living and thriving through the parenting challenges thrown our way every day. Feel free to join us in our thread, but be warned, the conversation moves fast!

Not really rules but something to consider if you join:

1. Need to be chatty

2. Know that we are all vastly different from one another but we've become friends so we respect those differences. We are vaxers and nonvaxers; homeschoolers, unschoolers, public schoolers; run the gamut from vegan to paleo; some of us want more kids, some don't, and some aren't sure...but we all manage to really get along and come together on things we DO agree on.

3. Aren't afraid to ask each other the hard questions or point out the obvious when/if we want advice!

Member List:

Round 1
lyeterae ~ Baby boy born February 2011
annie ~ Baby girl born April 7, 2011
Barefootscientist ~ Baby boy born May 30, 2011
AnnieA (due 7/18) ~ Baby girl born July 17, 2011
MarineWife (due 7/30) ~ Baby boy born July 25, 2011
Baby_Cakes (due 8/16) ~ Baby boy born August 16, 2011
MovingMomma (due 8/9) ~ Baby girl born August 18, 2011
akind1 (due 9/28) ~ Baby girl born October 11, 2011
mom2one (due 10/23) ~ Baby boy born October 21, 2011
jeninejessica (due 12/01) ~ Baby girl born November 29, 2011
Kindermama (due 1/6) ~ Baby boy born January 1, 2012
Euromama

Round 2
akind1 (due 3/6/13) ~ Baby boy born March 11, 2013

Last month's thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1373799/february-2013-rockstar-mamas-thread

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#2 of 188 Old 03-01-2013, 06:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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kat ~ glad you are back home. what happened? your first post looks like it was partly deleted.

we don't kiss much, either. dh is not a good kisser. i've tried to teach him how to kiss better but he doesn't get it, even when i have said, "kiss me like this." he really is so dense sometimes. eyesroll.gif Maybe if he had said to me, "Hey, I heard this thing about kissing for a whole minute. Want to try it?" I might be up for it. But coming at me while I'm sort of pinned on the couch and setting a timer without explaining anything creeps me out.

I'm ready for menopause so I don't have to worry about babies at all. I had my first day of ewcf this cycle yesterday. I was actually expecting it. I recognized the build up to it. Whenever I'm fertile my mind tries to play tricks on me, like telling me that having one more baby wouldn't be so bad. No way! I am definitely done! (Although, I still wish I could have a girl, but taking a 50/50 risk isn't worth it. winky.gif)

I've been wondering if part of my increased irritability and moodiness could be the beginnings of menopause. Did I tell you all that the midwife I saw for my annual exam asked if I was having any menopause symptoms yet? When I told her I was breastfeeding she said I probably wasn't and, if I was, I wouldn't be able to tell that from breastfeeding hormones. I've been waking up almost every night sweating to death. I mean so hot that I'm ripping off clothes and wet with sweat. And I even turn down the temperature on the thermostat before going to bed. shrug.gif

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#3 of 188 Old 03-01-2013, 08:44 AM
 
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Oh wow that does sound like, from what I've heard, mw.  That's crazy.  Bf'ing and menopause at the same time!

 

I was thinking lately how I have no strong urges or feelings to wean Finn.  Nothing.  I'm still really happy to continue nursing on cue with him.  Comparing it to my nursing relationship with Nora is strange b/c when she was this age I was really feeling done.  I wanted to be done by 2, and we were.  Thinking that is only 6 months away is frightening to me!  I can't imagine it.  I'm holding on to nursing Finn with every fiber of my being!!

 

I'm SO ready for DH to come home tonight.  Tmw I need a break.  I'm not sure what I'll do -- I don't really want to DO anything.  Part of me just wants to go sit at starbucks with a book.  I think that's what I might actually do!


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#4 of 188 Old 03-01-2013, 10:19 AM
 
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Subbing quickly!

 

 

Carrie-- Starbucks with a book sounds like HEAVEN right now!


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#5 of 188 Old 03-01-2013, 12:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh wow that does sound like, from what I've heard, mw.  That's crazy.  Bf'ing and menopause at the same time!

And, it appears my cycles might be getting shorter. Isn't that a menopause symptom? They are becoming more "normal". I'm on cd16 now with three days of ewcf. Hmmmm....

I'm on my own tonight. DH has a function to go to. I knew about the function but what I didn't know was that he is planning to spend the night. It's about an hour or so away and he'll be drinking so he doesn't want to risk a DUI. Very responsible of him, though he barely drinks at all. I don't think I've ever seen him have more than two beers in a night. I'm not upset that he's spending the night. I am a little annoyed that he didn't tell me until just now and only because I asked what time he'd be home. He swears he told me but I'm sure I would have remembered that. Plus, he didn't tell me the name of the hotel. Again, he said he told me when he booked it. Um, no. I would have remembered that, too. I told him to have fun with his date, Kim. lol.gif

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#6 of 188 Old 03-01-2013, 05:03 PM
 
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Oh geez!!!  Smh seriously!

 

I think tmw I'm actually going to go to either ruby tues or cheesecake factory and sit and have completely kid free/ baby free time with my bff danielle.  OMG i hope it happens. We are going to have margaritas and TALK.  I can't even describe how much im looking fwd!


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#7 of 188 Old 03-02-2013, 05:51 PM
 
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How did your kid free day go Baby_Cakes?

Ava is making up for all the food she didn't have last week. She ate dinner four times last night and she ate almost a whole bag of frozen carrots that I had cooked in chicken noodle soup. Craziness!

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#8 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 04:15 AM
 
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Yesterday was amazing.  Just plain wonderful!  Aside from sleeping in and all that, I went shopping at the mall and got new jeans and a few cute tops for summer, met with my gf and we sat over margaritas and burgers and chatted for TWO HOURS!  No interruptions, about serious things, our relationships, our own families growing up, our feelings about things...oh it was great.  Good food too.  We went to the cheesecake factory, I haven't been there in probably 4 years.  After we finished up, she had to go home, so I went to Buy Buy Baby to see if I could get another NoseFrida since ours have gone MIA.  They were sold out!  I was like wtf?  So I putzed around and picked up a few things.  That store.  Omg.  They must have baby fever being forced thru the hot air vents b/c DAMN was I starting to think about another while I was there!  I'm also ovulating so of course I've got the fertile crazies right now and am not thinking straight.  I looked at carseats for a bit and helped a young couple with an infant.  Taught them car seat safety and how to use the convertible seat they were eyeing, and explained why extended rear facing is safest.  They were so responsive!  I think I really helped them out!

 

I also was looking at potty stuff for Finn.  I'm going to jump in soon, I think.  I got him a flap book for us to read together about using the potty and I'm almost thru/understanding the oh crap guide.  I'm nervous b/c I know how hard the first few months w/a newly potty trained child is and I'm not looking fwd -- but I also know it's never as bad as you picture it to be, and it's really the next logical step right now so, it'll be ok.

 

So glad Chris is home.  We are like kids in love again.  I hope these romantic feelings linger for a long time. love.gif  Today is his birthday, and we are going out to eat later.  It's going to be nice to get out with him alone!


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#9 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 04:37 AM
 
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Hooray for a great day! Carrie! You deserved it!
JJ: love when babies flirt!
MW: wondered what the Kim comment on FB was about, get it now!
On Thursday, went to regular appointment and BP spiked to 158/84, with +1 protein in urine. Went down a little on recheck, to 140/70, but sent over to observation for labs, serial BP checks and another urine sample. BP went down, urine was clear, labs good, was sent home.
Next appointment is Monday morning. Working on evicting baby naturally as they won't induce. No luck thus far, but having more random contractions. Well, they are regular for a bit, stall, and start up again later. So ready for baby to be here. But I'm still not desperate yet.

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#10 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 04:55 AM
 
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On Thursday, went to regular appointment and BP spiked to 158/84, with +1 protein in urine. Went down a little on recheck, to 140/70, but sent over to observation for labs, serial BP checks and another urine sample. BP went down, urine was clear, labs good, was sent home.
Next appointment is Monday morning. Working on evicting baby naturally as they won't induce. No luck thus far, but having more random contractions. Well, they are regular for a bit, stall, and start up again later. So ready for baby to be here. But I'm still not desperate yet.

 

Yikes yikes!  Come on baby!  Lets move!  I know it's frustrating especially since you're SO DONE, but he's coming out one way or another SOON!  Do you have any more shopping to do or anything?  Are you and DH going on a date one last time or anything?  

Hopefully the bp stays where it should.  It sucks you still have to work.  Any swelling or any other signs?  Since it's going down, that's excellent news.  Drink lots of water and try not to STRESS!!!  You've got this!


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#11 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 07:48 AM
 
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Yesterday was amazing.  Just plain wonderful!  Aside from sleeping in and all that, I went shopping at the mall and got new jeans and a few cute tops for summer, met with my gf and we sat over margaritas and burgers and chatted for TWO HOURS!  No interruptions, about serious things, our relationships, our own families growing up, our feelings about things...oh it was great.  Good food too.  We went to the cheesecake factory, I haven't been there in probably 4 years.  After we finished up, she had to go home, so I went to Buy Buy Baby to see if I could get another NoseFrida since ours have gone MIA.  They were sold out!  I was like wtf?  So I putzed around and picked up a few things.  That store.  Omg.  They must have baby fever being forced thru the hot air vents b/c DAMN was I starting to think about another while I was there!  I'm also ovulating so of course I've got the fertile crazies right now and am not thinking straight.  I looked at carseats for a bit and helped a young couple with an infant.  Taught them car seat safety and how to use the convertible seat they were eyeing, and explained why extended rear facing is safest.  They were so responsive!  I think I really helped them out!

 

I also was looking at potty stuff for Finn.  I'm going to jump in soon, I think.  I got him a flap book for us to read together about using the potty and I'm almost thru/understanding the oh crap guide.  I'm nervous b/c I know how hard the first few months w/a newly potty trained child is and I'm not looking fwd -- but I also know it's never as bad as you picture it to be, and it's really the next logical step right now so, it'll be ok.

 

So glad Chris is home.  We are like kids in love again.  I hope these romantic feelings linger for a long time. love.gif  Today is his birthday, and we are going out to eat later.  It's going to be nice to get out with him alone!

Oh Carrie!!  That sounds like a dream!  Your whole post honestly just makes me warm and fuzzy inside! It sounds like things are going so well. I hope the weekend (and week) keeps up this way! You deserve it!

 

A friend from high school just posted her new baby photos. Gorgeous teeny 6lb boy. *swoon*  Between that and my BFF being pregnant, it's constantly on my mind. But thankfully, even with the flood of baby cutes and hormones, I'm still sane enough at least to know that I'm not ready yet for us to be looking at another. Not on purpose anyways. If it happened, we'd figure it out, but not purposely!

 

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Yikes yikes!  Come on baby!  Lets move!  I know it's frustrating especially since you're SO DONE, but he's coming out one way or another SOON!  Do you have any more shopping to do or anything?  Are you and DH going on a date one last time or anything?  

Hopefully the bp stays where it should.  It sucks you still have to work.  Any swelling or any other signs?  Since it's going down, that's excellent news.  Drink lots of water and try not to STRESS!!!  You've got this!

 

I did a huge stocking up grocery shop the night I went into labor with Ten, I joked that she was waiting because she knew we'd starve otherwise. lol


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#12 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Carrie ~ Glad you had such a good day and are enjoying Chris being home.

Kat ~ Whew! Glad everything went back to normal, or at least ok for you to go home.

I spent practically the whole day yesterday in bed after dh got home. I don't know what was up with D the night before. He woke up around 1 am and was up until at least 3. I don't think I slept at all from 1 until 8 am or so. I remember tossing around in the bed, D nursing on and off, and looking at the clock every couple of hours thinking, "Why can't I sleep?" Ugh! DH is leaving in a week for the rest of the month. I don't know how we'll make it while he's gone. I told him I didn't think we would. I'm not very good and not sharing things that would make him worry while he's away. redface.gif

We're getting along a lot better right now. Going to counseling has really helped, I think. Mostly, it has helped dh understand that he is part of the problem and needs to change his attitude. He's been much more fun and upbeat, playing with the boys more instead of just being annoyed with them, being nicer to me in general, not spending all of his time being busy so he has some time for me. He laid down with me for a little bit yesterday while I was resting and we even play wrestled some. Only D came to my rescue but then he got jealous that dh was touching me. lol.gif We're better able to joke and laugh about things that annoy us rather than being angry. It's good.

We're taking R, his GF and his BFF out to dinner tonight for R's birthday. It's not until the 11th but dh will be gone then so we're doing it tonight. It's pretty much a family tradition now. We decide to take R out to dinner for his birthday, someone gets upset and has a fit and we're all miserable. lol.gif I've started joking about it early so, hopefully, if it does happen, we can laugh it off. We're going to The Melting Pot in Wilmington. It's fondue, in case you all didn't know or couldn't figure it out by the name. I don't think any of us have ever had fondue so it should be interesting. They prepare the food at the table. R wanted the Cheesecake Factory but he was mistaken about their being one in Wilmington so we're trying this. I've heard good things about it.

I guess that's all. Nothing much else going on.

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#13 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 10:37 AM
 
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Well, you prepare the food at the table. It's delicious, cook your own food. I like it, but it's pricey to do often.

We've done everything on my pregnancy bucket list. EVERYTHING. Just waiting on baby. Even Gabe says he's ready LOL. I'm not really stressed, just done, and timing is trickier with more kids- there are certainly days/times that are more convenient forhis arrival than others.

But he'll come when he comes.

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#14 of 188 Old 03-03-2013, 11:27 AM
 
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I did a huge stocking up grocery shop the night I went into labor with Ten, I joked that she was waiting because she knew we'd starve otherwise. lol

So did I the night I went in to labor with Ava! I had been having back pain all afternoon but I thought it was from cleaning all day. I laid down to rest but all I could think was "I need to go to the grocery store. NOW!" So I went and bought a week's worth of groceries and while I was shopping, I noticed I was having contractions. I finished shopping, loaded everything in the car, drove home, unloaded AND PUT AWAY all the groceries and then decided I really was in labor. ROTFLMAO.gif

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Only D came to my rescue but then he got jealous that dh was touching me. lol.gif We're better able to joke and laugh about things that annoy us rather than being angry. It's good.

We're taking R, his GF and his BFF out to dinner tonight for R's birthday. It's not until the 11th but dh will be gone then so we're doing it tonight. It's pretty much a family tradition now. We decide to take R out to dinner for his birthday, someone gets upset and has a fit and we're all miserable. lol.gif I've started joking about it early so, hopefully, if it does happen, we can laugh it off. We're going to The Melting Pot in Wilmington. It's fondue, in case you all didn't know or couldn't figure it out by the name. I don't think any of us have ever had fondue so it should be interesting. They prepare the food at the table. R wanted the Cheesecake Factory but he was mistaken about their being one in Wilmington so we're trying this. I've heard good things about it.

I guess that's all. Nothing much else going on.

Ava did that last night! I was trying to hug DH while we were sitting on the couch and she came up and got so pissed! It was pretty funny.

 

We have a Melting Pot here in town but I've never been. I can't justify the cost...I'm such a cheapskate.

 

So I'll probably regret saying this but during the day while we are home, Ava is pretty much potty-trained. Even if she's wearing a diaper, she still goes and sits on the potty if she needs to go. She hasn't gotten the concept of asking me to help her if she's wearing a diaper or underwear yet but she's working on it. But she'll stop playing, go pee on the potty, come get me to tell me she's peed and asks for her high-five. If other people are home, she wants a high-five from everyone. I need to get one of those travel potty seat things that makes a big toilet have a smaller opening. In a month or so, we'll start working on telling me when she needs to go potty when we're out.

 

Baby_Cakes, did you like that potty book that you posted? I couldn't quite get a grasp of what info she's providing in the book, or how it's different than everything else floating around out there.


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#15 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 05:34 AM
 
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We're better able to joke and laugh about things that annoy us rather than being angry. It's good.

 

That's very good!  That means both your guards are down, and you're letting the other into your heart.  I like reading this!

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Oh Carrie!!  That sounds like a dream!  Your whole post honestly just makes me warm and fuzzy inside! It sounds like things are going so well. I hope the weekend (and week) keeps up this way! You deserve it!

 

A friend from high school just posted her new baby photos. Gorgeous teeny 6lb boy. *swoon*  Between that and my BFF being pregnant, it's constantly on my mind. But thankfully, even with the flood of baby cutes and hormones, I'm still sane enough at least to know that I'm not ready yet for us to be looking at another. Not on purpose anyways. If it happened, we'd figure it out, but not purposely!

 

 

I did a huge stocking up grocery shop the night I went into labor with Ten, I joked that she was waiting because she knew we'd starve otherwise. lol

 

Thanks!  We had SUCH a good weekend.  So needed!!

It's hard when everyone around you is pg.  But, it also kind of makes things easier, lol, b/c once they have their babies you can get your baby fix but still go back home to your big kid and all is good.  Sheepish.gif

 

I seriously know what you mean tho, b/c I have the fertile crazies.  Even if we WERE planning another, it wouldn't be NOW, for crying out loud.  I love my 3 year age gap, and wouldn't do kids closer together than that on purpose.  Just like you said, if it happens, we'd deal, but we know ourselves and our kids well enough that it wouldn't be planned that way.  Just DON'T go shopping at Buy Buy Baby during ovulation, anyone!  I'm serious!!  It's like to have pheromones or something being pumped thru the ventilation system or subliminal messages urging you to get preggo!  LOL!!  

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Well, you prepare the food at the table. It's delicious, cook your own food. I like it, but it's pricey to do often.

We've done everything on my pregnancy bucket list. EVERYTHING. Just waiting on baby. Even Gabe says he's ready LOL. I'm not really stressed, just done, and timing is trickier with more kids- there are certainly days/times that are more convenient forhis arrival than others.

But he'll come when he comes.

 

Come on baby!!!  I feel like it'll be tomorrow.  We'll see. 

 

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Baby_Cakes, did you like that potty book that you posted? I couldn't quite get a grasp of what info she's providing in the book, or how it's different than everything else floating around out there.

 

I liked it but I didn't LOVE it.  I think I'm going to take pieces from it and pieces from the 3 Day Method and combine them.  I like the more easygoing relaxed feel and the Phases of potty training that are in the Oh Crap book, but I don't like the whole Naked Phase part.  I want to go straight to underwears.  And I don't mind using a trainer for errands once the first Phase is complete (when they go from Clueless to Im Peeing or I've Peed).    And of course I won't throw out all the dipes, b/c I'm not ready to night train him just yet.  So.  I still want to use a dipe at night.  Most of those things I did with Nora and they weren't "allowed" in the 3 Day Method and I did them anyway, feeling like a rebel.  LOL.  Now at least seeing the more low key approach from the Oh Crap book makes me feel like those things are not that huge of a deal. 

The Oh Crap book doesn't focus on Days, like it should click by Day 2 or Day 3.  It focuses more on phases like I said.  So it might take 5 days to get to Phase 2 or Phase 3 but that's ok.  Just take it easy and don't pressure anyone, and don't put pressure on yourself.  I like that.  

 

AFM - last night for DH's bday we went out for Thai which was excellent. (My ILs came over to babysit in our house.) Omg so good, I LOVE curry so much.  Then we went for drinks and sat a bar like normal people.  It felt so freeing!  It has literally been since COLLEGE that we sat at a bar and just drank and talked and laughed.  Sigh.  I really am falling in love with him again.  Really am.  It's fantastic.  
Anyway we got home around 630 and my MIL had made cupcakes so we all sang happy birthday and ate cupcakes, then got the kids off to bed and then stayed up watching Dr Who.  Stayed up too late!  I feel like I "partied hard" this weekend, lol which is a very different feeling than just being tired from not sleeping!  LOL!  He brings out a different side of me, for sure!  Ha!

 

No plans today really.  Ive decided Nora's emotions are just too big right now so I'm not taking her shopping at all for awhile.  So if it's mild enough outside, we'll probably play out back for a bit, maybe go for a walk?  Not sure.  If that gets ruled out b/c of weather we'll just figure something out indoors.  


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#16 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 06:10 AM
 
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I like the take it slow approach too but naked time is critical for Ava! Whenever I look at pictures you post, I'm always slightly confused until I remember that your kids stay dressed...hahaha! It will be a while before nighttime dipes are gone.

I'm so glad marriages are coming back to an equilibrium. It's so hard on everyone when that conflict is there, even in the background.

AFM, we are almost back to normal. Up at a respectable 8 am instead of the 11 am mornings Ava had been pulling. So we can actually make it to her storytime at the library this morning!

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I'm afraid of naked potty training.  I feel like then I'll have to train him to wear pants and it adds an extra step.  The Oh Crap method has you go from naked to commando in phase 1 to phase 2. The 3 day has you go from diaper to underwear.  Idk.  I'm really not into nakedness around the house...but I do think I need to be openminded in case that's where we need to go to have success.  You know?

 

I need to dig deep today.  Nora is in meltdown mode.  She's pushing so many limits.  She wrote her name on her baby stroller with marker "b/c it's hers and no one else can use it!", which burns me up so much b/c now we can't even donate it when its outgrown.  She suddenly NEEDs this robot snowman thing from christmas time that sings holly jolly christmas, and I had to break the news to her that it broke weeks ago and I threw it out.  Mean mommy!!  Ugh, I feel awful b/c she was BROKEN UP that it's gone.  Sigh.  Her emotions are SO BIG.  I wish I could give her tools to help her deal with how disappointed she gets.


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#18 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 08:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I wish I could give her tools to help her deal with how disappointed she gets.

isn't there info in that peaceful parenting book? empathy is the best thing you can give her as long as you don't give it with the expectation that she will suddenly stop being upset. her response may initially be to get even more upset but that is actually a good thing. it means she feels safe to express herself with you. if you can't do anything else, just sit with her while she screams and cries. don't take anything personally (so, don't get angry or hurt that she said you were mean). allowing her to express herself in your safe and loving presence is the best "tool" you can give her right now.

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#19 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 08:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm so glad marriages are coming back to an equilibrium. It's so hard on everyone when that conflict is there, even in the background.
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That's very good! That means both your guards are down, and you're letting the other into your heart. I like reading this!

Yeah, it's been nice. We still get snippy with each other but it doesn't feel like such a big deal. I just hope it sticks since dh is going to be gone for 3 weeks. That's been part of our problem. It seems that as soon as we start to get things better he leaves and we have to start all over again.
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I like it, but it's pricey to do often.

Man, you aren't kidding! Our dinner last night was over $300! I had no idea it was going to cost that much. It makes sense, though, considering it was for 7 people, but we even got a 20% military discount. I didn't even like it that much. There's no way I would consider that food worth that much. I would have much rather eaten at Ruth's Chris steakhouse for that price. Oh well, it was a new experience.

E and K brought home one of the empty lobster tail shells. hehe
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So did I the night I went in to labor with Ava! I had been having back pain all afternoon but I thought it was from cleaning all day. I laid down to rest but all I could think was "I need to go to the grocery store. NOW!" So I went and bought a week's worth of groceries and while I was shopping, I noticed I was having contractions. I finished shopping, loaded everything in the car, drove home, unloaded AND PUT AWAY all the groceries and then decided I really was in labor. ROTFLMAO.gif

I remember that! lol.gif You kept saying you didn't think you were really in labor. I kind of did the same thing, although I didn't go anywhere. I sat around my house half the day thinking, "Hm, those feel like real contractions but I can't possibly really be in labor." I finally said to my mom, "What do you think about this?" She said that is my line that signals to her that I'm in labor but she still has to make me call my midwives because I don't believe her. lol.gif

D is driving me crazy today! He won't leave me alone and he wants to do the same thing over and over and over. I get that he's working on his fine motor skills but how many times can we unplug and plug the Kindle charger? He unplugs it, then cries when he can't get it plugged back in and shoves it in my face over and over and over. Gah! When I get fed up and refuse to do it again, he climbs in my lap and wants to nurse but he doesn't really want to nurse because he only does it for a second and then he's off to something else. I just want a minute!

I finally got one by giving him some yogurt to eat. That's another thing. He seriously needs to start talking or signing more because he constantly seems to want something from the kitchen but can't tell me exactly what it is. I have to go through everything in the cabinet and the fridge trying to figure out what it is that he wants.

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#20 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 09:07 AM
 
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isn't there info in that peaceful parenting book? empathy is the best thing you can give her as long as you don't give it with the expectation that she will suddenly stop being upset. her response may initially be to get even more upset but that is actually a good thing. it means she feels safe to express herself with you. if you can't do anything else, just sit with her while she screams and cries. don't take anything personally (so, don't get angry or hurt that she said you were mean). allowing her to express herself in your safe and loving presence is the best "tool" you can give her right now.

 

ok b/c this is what I do.  I wish I could head it off before it gets out of control tho!  I wish I could prevent it by keeping her happy.  I think that's what I mean more.  I don't want her to get SO upset over something.  Like me leaving the room, or having to fold dipes before playing with her.  I wish I could say, "I would LOVE to play dolls with you, right after I'm done here." and have her say, "Ok mom!" and be able to wait.  It's unrealistic I know.  I just wish it were plausible!

 

i also would love for her to understand and comply the first time I ask her to do something.  Stop jumping on the bed, I'm trying to make it.  Stop jumping.  Please, get down now.  *still jumping* and I have to remove her physically from the bed, and she collapses/melts/screams at me.

 

I guess one could say, why does the bed need to be made right then?  Why push it?  Why not wait until she is done jumping to make the bed?  But -- I have a routine to my chores and if I don't do them when I plan, they usually don't get done and that frustrates ME b/c things are chaotic.


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#21 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 11:22 AM
 
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Naked works for us - but I don't care if he is naked much. yes, I have to work on the whole clothes thing, and it adds a step. But oh well. whatever works for everyone. Bribery works really well here. He finally went at MIL's house. I think she just doesn't understand bribery. This is how it went down. Gabe wanted Skittles. FIL asked if he could have skittles. It's mid afternoon and he hasn't gone since before church. I said, Gabe, do you need to go potty? Gabe: NO! Me: you can have skittles now if you go pee in potty. Otherwise, you wait until after dinner. (FIL btw looks shocked that I would say no. seriously, you don't have to give in) Gabe: hokay mommy, granddaddy go with me? and he goes with FIL and pees in potty. TaDa. Not hard.

 

I am not a huge fan of bribery, but he seriously has completely refused to use the toilet over there. I have to give them something to work with. I explained to MIL that maybe just needs to that. because they offer and push and yadayada (which I think in turn makes him more obstinate and less likely to go - just his personality). She's like, I guess I need to get something. I said "you have Skittles! chocolate covered oreos! jelly beans!" - a house full of crap to bribe with. pick something.

 

BTW: at home he doesn't need bribes anymore. once we switched to naked vs trainers, and put the potty chair in the living room, he just goes when he needs to, only needs some prompting upon wake up in the morning and from nap.

 

MW: $300 for the melting pot sounds about right. It's alot for food you cook yourself. but you are paying for the experience, I guess.

 

I'm really glad you are at a better place in your marriage.

 

AFM: OB this morning was uneventful. I think he might have tried to do a sweep (seriously uncomfortable cervical check, and normally they don't bother me) and I've had some cramping and lower back pain since, but nothing else exciting. I go back Friday (40+2) for a BP check if he's not arrived yet. I've not decided if I want to spend any more time on the breast pump or not. It's hard to find a good time for that. I believe it does help get contractions in a pattern and stuff, which is why I'm even trying it. But it's kind of a PITA. 


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#22 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 11:48 AM
 
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Subbing :)

 

 

 

Katrina - Praying he comes soon! Were your others early/late?


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#23 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 12:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I was going to ask if those things need to get done right then. They really don't, regardless of how you feel about it. That means you are creating the situation by insisting on doing things your way. I'm not saying that is wrong. There really is no right or wrong. That is just how it is.

It is impossible to keep your kids happy all the time. Maybe you worry about it too much or think anything that doesn't go sweetly or according to the latest book you just read as a failure on your part. It's not. Just because everything doesn't always go as planned doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You can choose to continue to do things your way and have to deal with the metldowns more often (maybe) or you can try changing what you do to see if that helps.

K tells me every night that I'm mean. Then he asks me every morning why I am mean to him at night. I tell him I'm not trying to, nor do I want to, be mean, but when we go to bed it's late and I'm tired and I want everyone to be quiet and still so that D will go to sleep as quickly as possible so he will stop crawling and clawing and nursing on me. Every day K says he's sorry but every night he jumps and squirms all over the bedroom and is very loud so every night he gets mad at me again and says I'm mean. That's going to happen sometimes. shrug.gif

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#24 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MW: $300 for the melting pot sounds about right. It's alot for food you cook yourself. but you are paying for the experience, I guess.

Seriously! We were joking about what a scam it is. We are paying a crap ton to cook our own food. lol.gif

The chocolate desserts were good and the cheese dips were ok but the entrees weren't so great, at least to me. We also paid an extra $24 for some balloons, a photo and some chocolates for R to take home. Kind of silly but it's a special occasion so wth? It sure is a good thing we don't have a mortgage payment this month!

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#25 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 01:42 PM
 
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I don't want her to get SO upset over something.  Like me leaving the room, or having to fold dipes before playing with her.  I wish I could say, "I would LOVE to play dolls with you, right after I'm done here." and have her say, "Ok mom!" and be able to wait.  It's unrealistic I know.  I just wish it were plausible!

I'm saying this as gently as possible...you've gotta let go of that wish. That may happen when N is like 12 or 13 but honestly, that's just not her. That's not the kid you got in the genetic lottery. Wishing she wasn't so emphatic about getting HER needs met is like wishing she had curly hair instead of straight. N's personality is strong. She's going to make sure she doesn't get overlooked. That's a huge pain in the butt as her caregiver because you have things that you need to get done too. But being strongwilled isn't a character flaw. It's actually a pretty positive thing overall. So don't wish it away. There's always going to be stuff that needs to be done. I'm really working on practicing what I preach. If one of the kids asks me to do something with them or invites me to play, I try my hardest to say yes. Unless I need to like keep food from catching fire and burning the house down or something like that. I'm working on keeping my cleaning and straightening to when people are asleep. Yes, my house is a mess. Yes, I'd feel a lot better if my house weren't a mess. But I'm the grownup and capable of handling my emotions better than the kids are. So I try to deal. Or make a game out of picking stuff up.


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#26 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 01:44 PM
 
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MW: $300 for the melting pot sounds about right. It's alot for food you cook yourself. but you are paying for the experience, I guess.


AFM: OB this morning was uneventful. I think he might have tried to do a sweep (seriously uncomfortable cervical check, and normally they don't bother me) and I've had some cramping and lower back pain since, but nothing else exciting. I go back Friday (40+2) for a BP check if he's not arrived yet. I've not decided if I want to spend any more time on the breast pump or not. It's hard to find a good time for that. I believe it does help get contractions in a pattern and stuff, which is why I'm even trying it. But it's kind of a PITA. 

 

I'd probably pass out if someone brought a $300 bill to me! No wonder I've avoided that place!

 

If you do breastpump time, I'd probably suggest early in the morning after you've had some rest. Don't want to get ctx going late at night and then be that much more tired through labor.


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#27 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 02:58 PM
 
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Yeah, I spent some time Friday morning and some Sunday morning on the pump. Norah - I was silly and did it late at night. Water broke at 12:30 am.

Carrie: we don't make beds. They have sheets, of course, but not really "made" - I of course have things that "need" to be done. I WAH. But I work most successfully if the kids are happy first. Maybe a timer? Say, you have 5 minutes to jump/play on bed, but then we need to do X?

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#28 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 02:59 PM
 
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Oh: lyterae: both my others were rather late. A c section at 41+6 and a VBAC at the same gestation.

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#29 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm saying this as gently as possible...you've gotta let go of that wish. That may happen when N is like 12 or 13 but honestly, that's just not her. That's not the kid you got in the genetic lottery. Wishing she wasn't so emphatic about getting HER needs met is like wishing she had curly hair instead of straight. N's personality is strong. She's going to make sure she doesn't get overlooked. That's a huge pain in the butt as her caregiver because you have things that you need to get done too. But being strongwilled isn't a character flaw. It's actually a pretty positive thing overall. So don't wish it away. There's always going to be stuff that needs to be done. I'm really working on practicing what I preach. If one of the kids asks me to do something with them or invites me to play, I try my hardest to say yes. Unless I need to like keep food from catching fire and burning the house down or something like that. I'm working on keeping my cleaning and straightening to when people are asleep. Yes, my house is a mess. Yes, I'd feel a lot better if my house weren't a mess. But I'm the grownup and capable of handling my emotions better than the kids are. So I try to deal. Or make a game out of picking stuff up.

So well said! ITA with all of it.

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#30 of 188 Old 03-04-2013, 07:28 PM
 
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So, I've been stewing over this privately for a few days, but I need to wah wah wah vent. Rob got a new job, right? And he called his parents and told them, and they basically did the whole "oh, well, that's nice." -- change subject. They've never been very supportive of his paramedic career, treating like some whim, or like it was something he should not be proud of at all. So, no, he doesn't talk to them about it alot, since he always just ends up hanging up feeling down on himself and like what he chose isn't good enough. Why would he -want- to talk to them about it?  Anywhoooo, his mom apparently kept calling his sister Ashleigh and digging for details about the job and the training etc etc. (but like even stupid stuff like... whether he was going to get paid for the 6 weeks of training, did he know? has he checked??? and why didn't he stay at rona until he knows for sure the job is going to keep him, and just, ridiculous questions, because HELLO, he's an ADULT who runs his own life. He doesn't need her making sure that he thought things through and can still pay the bills.). Anyways, so finally Ash asked why his mom didn't just call HIM and ask HIM about the job that he's so proud of getting, and could use some support about.  Her response? "I don't want to call the house when Jenine is home."

 

W. 

T. 

F. 

 

!!!

 

Rob of course was livid when Ash told hiim that, as was I, when he told me. But the most bewildering part is, is that I had no idea my MIL and I had any issues. Like really, we've got (or I thought we had...) a decent relationship for being MIL/DIL. She's expressed previously, like when he was still in high school, that she thought there were better people for him, but in the past 6-7 years I thought we had a good, though not close or very warm, relationship.  Now I find out that she's avoiding calling the effing house when I'm home??? WTF!

 

 

Ugh. In other bad mama news-- I ran outside to start the car today to warm it up, and when I went to go back into the house, the door was locked. Tenley was still obviously in the house *cue freakout!!* And then I realized what a freaking ghost town our neighborhood is during the day! I went to 6 houses before someone finally answered at the 7th. There wasn't a single car parked on the street. I thought I was going to have to run to the school to get access to a phone to call someone. We're supposed to have a spare key in the BBQ, so I jumped through the snow (it's literally 4+ feet high in the backyard) and dug out the edge of the BBQ, only to find there was no key in there. And we used to be able to get in the basement windows, but we replaced them last year, so I'd have to break them now to get in. *head explode* So I finally got that neighbor to open the door, borrowed his phone and called my in laws, thankfully, my FIL was home, and they have a spare key, but he didn't have a vehicle at home, and he can't walk this far (it's like 3 blocks, which is really close luckily, but too far for him to walk for his health). So I ran back to my car, drove the 3 blocks, grabbed the keys, and then sprinted up the sidewalk to the door, and thank God it was the right key (he wasn't 100% sure it was...)  Scariest moments of my life!! I knew she was safe inside, all the bedroom and bathroom doors were closed, the dog was in his crate already, everything dangerous was out of reach, but you can't guarantee accidents won't happen, her falling, or climbing on the couch and slipping, etc. I kept running to the living room window and making faces at her and talking to her, and then I'd run to the next house, rinse and repeat. LOL. She thought it was so funny-- hey!!!! Mama is outside.. look at her, she's so funny. lol. Me? Not so fun!

 

Blah. SO it was a heck of a day. Once I finally got in the house, we cuddled for several minutes, and then did end up getting in the car and going to Ikea as planned. She had a blast. We ate lunch and she played in the little area in the cafeteria, and then we went and looked in the kids section, she tried out all the toys and kids chairs, and then walked around a bit, and then I put her on my back and she fell asleep in the Boba for about 45 minutes, and woke up just as I was finishing up my shopping. I had a $50 gc to spend, so I picked out a few things.  Then we went to Carters and bought a dress for Easter and a plain white cardigan. It felt SO weird to go buy things new and at full price, because I pretty much never do, but, well, she's 15 months and we've never attended an event with her in a dress that -we- bought her, and I really wanted something finally that was hers and just hers. And the cardigan has been sorely needed for months. I kept wanting one and looking at used stores, and sale racks. The only cardigan she's had was a brown one, which matches with exactly nothing she owns. lol.    And then she picked out new pjs with puppies on them. She was SO proud of them :)

 

ok time for bed. Thanks for letting me vent guys. 


Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

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