Do big families bother you? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 69 Old 05-20-2013, 01:14 PM
 
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Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I can really see both sides, but that being said...

I envy mom's of big families.  I wish I had the strength and faith to get pregnant that many times and roll the dice on personalities, health, my own mental health!  I would love 6 kids but at this point I am way to scared to have more than maybe two more, I have one daughter now who is already 5 (!).

 

My 2 cents!

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#62 of 69 Old 05-20-2013, 02:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by dauphinette View Post
 I wish I had the strength and faith to get pregnant that many times and roll the dice on personalities, health, my own mental health! 

 

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#63 of 69 Old 05-21-2013, 08:52 AM
 
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I wish i had two lives-one where i  had a big family, and one where i  led a more independent life. For me now, 3 kids is perfect.   

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#64 of 69 Old 05-21-2013, 10:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dauphinette View Post

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I can really see both sides, but that being said...

I envy mom's of big families.  I wish I had the strength and faith to get pregnant that many times and roll the dice on personalities, health, my own mental health!  I would love 6 kids but at this point I am way to scared to have more than maybe two more, I have one daughter now who is already 5 (!).

 

My 2 cents!

 

It's funny - I always wanted four, and I have them. My reproductive journey ended up being a nightmare of a roller coaster, and I'm not sure I would have had the guts to ever have kids at all if I'd known what was coming. But...if I hadn't already had five c-sections, and if I didn't have long-term damage from one of them, and if I weren't already in my 40s when I had my last one, and if I my dh were onboard (and that's a LOT of "ifs")...I think I'd have gone for one or two more. I love having a house full of kids.

 

Mind you, I'm pretty sure dd1 has ADHD, and ds2 has some kind of special needs, so it's also been a lot more crazy and challenging than I expected, on some levels. (The fact that ds2 has been, since birth, the "best" sleeper I've ever seen, has been a major sanity saver, though.)


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#65 of 69 Old 05-31-2013, 09:04 AM
 
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I am the oldest of 10 children. I was miserable for most of my childhood. I did raise my siblings and felt trapped by my family. We were never, ever financially secure and it was very traumatic. I'm still not fond of our large family today, which is hard to admit, because of course I love all of my siblings and wouldn't wish them away. We can't all get together comfortably, and only half of us have children of our own. In a few years I think we'll be very disconnected and unable to get together for holiday meals or anything. People picture large families as being closer, but I think it's much, much easier to have a close family if you only have a few children.

 

All of this said, of course every family is different. Not everyone goes into it so irresponsibly, without having enough money to support their children. I can't say for certain that my father wouldn't have been abusive if there would have only been a few of us. Many large families are very environmentally responsible. I'm sure a lot of people feel very positively about their experience growing up in a large family.

 

Still, I never, ever wanted a large family. I feel very strongly that if I were to have any more children that I wouldn't be capable of giving my twins the attention I really want to give them.

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#66 of 69 Old 05-31-2013, 10:30 AM
 
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We can't all get together comfortably, and only half of us have children of our own. In a few years I think we'll be very disconnected and unable to get together for holiday meals or anything.

 

I hadn't thought about this aspect. My mom was one of 5, and 4 of the siblings had children, and we can all get together fairly comfortably, but yeah, doubling that number would be tough. There's one branch of the family (a great-aunt) who had lots of kids, and they all had lots of kids, and they sort of do their own thing on holidays, because it just wouldn't work at anyone's house to have all of them and all of us at the same time. 


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#67 of 69 Old 05-31-2013, 10:31 AM
 
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Although they had lots of kids, women weren't having 10 kids with 5 dads, while the dads were off having more kids with other women. In other words, they took care of all their children. They had more kids because they were worried about the future of the family farm, etc. We don't have the same issues today.

That is a pretty ridiculous claim. There is no evidence that women having children with several different fathers is a new phenomenon. I would be willing to bet that there are no more families of this nature today than there were 100 years ago.

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#68 of 69 Old 05-31-2013, 10:51 AM
 
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I hadn't thought about this aspect. My mom was one of 5, and 4 of the siblings had children, and we can all get together fairly comfortably, but yeah, doubling that number would be tough. There's one branch of the family (a great-aunt) who had lots of kids, and they all had lots of kids, and they sort of do their own thing on holidays, because it just wouldn't work at anyone's house to have all of them and all of us at the same time. 

 

You never know what the future holds. I have seven siblings, our ages have about a 23 yr span so not all close in age...but a few of my sibs live in other (far) states and do not come on holidays. Usually at any given time  say at Christmas it would be my mom (dad is dead) two or three of my five brothers, my two sisters and me, my kids and my sister's two kids. Its not a huge house (my moms house is 1000 sf) and everyone fits fine though it would be nice if we had a family room. I suppose it would be different if every one of the 8 sibs showed up and each sib had several kids...but thats not the case. 


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#69 of 69 Old 05-31-2013, 11:31 AM
 
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Each individual is their own person and, really, you don't know how your kids are going to feel about your family.

 

I am the last of five. My sister has three kids, my oldest brother has two (not sure if they want more, it's a sore subject), my middle brother has two and him and his wife are planning for 4 or 5, my youngest brother has one and wants four. I'm pregnant with my first and H and I want as many as we can have, ideally 6 but we will see with the RH factor playing a roll. It's only a matter of time before I get sensitized and cut it off. 

 

That being said at the moment my immediate family+kids is about 20 people? It does make holidays+birthdays hard on some, but as long as everyone agrees to shoulder the load then it's not that bad i.e. pot luck, bringing card tables, chairs, cleaning up after. Last thanksgiving I hosted everyone plus some friends for thanksgiving in my small 700sqft space. We used the whole space for eating, then tore it down as a group before we moved onto anything else. 

 

In terms of the environmental thing I agree to a point. Again it all depends on the family. I know people with very large families that live pretty much self-sufficient lives. I also know other families with 1 or 2 kids that are huge consumers, don't recycle or compost anything, and generally live like the horrible sterotype that americans get. 

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