So, my brother, his wife and son move back to my hometown. We thought it would be great because my son is one year older (5) and nephew is 4. We live one street over from my parents and my kids are used to spending time w. their grandparents. Now, my parents are watching nephew 3-4 days a week which would not be a problem except that my kids cannot go there when nephew is there. He cries over everything,refuses to share and hits my son. So, my children don't go over there anymore.
So, in a week in a half, my entire family is renting a mountain cabin for a festival. Not a problem, except nephew is going w/o his mother (she is the only one who disciplines him). I am now dreading this weekend away because my nephew is on my last nerve. Should my family back out even though we have paid for it?
or, how can I not let my 4 year old nephew get on my nerves.... I love my brother dearly and obviously do not want to completely sever ties due to the whininess but it is out of control. Suggestions?
I completely understand the situation. my nephew is close in age with my DD and we spend significant time with my family as a whole. DD and nephew do NOT always get along, and discipline is usually an issue. I try and put the safety of my children first, so if nephew is hitting or hurting my kids, i would intervene no matter what. my opinion, in your situation, would be to bear it and be the disciplinarian. If no one else if your family will, you should. At least for that period of time, he would be disciplined and treated the same as your kids. Yes, he'll continue to be whinny, he won't share, and he'll often cry to grandma or grandpa or daddy for help, but you should treat him just the same as you would your kids. it won't be a fun week, but there will be fun moments that you shouldn't have to miss out on. good luck!!
K, wifey to M, PROUD SAH-mama to Catherine Grace
Had a dreamy VBAC to handsome John Gabriel
I would probably still go. A weekend isn't too long to spend being the disciplinarian, although I agree with the PP that it won't be much fun for you.
Would you be able to talk to your brother about it? Maybe framing it as just "the boys not always playing nice" rather than a problem with just your nephew.
No, my parents do not discipline nephew. They do discipline my son. The difference is that they have been around my children daily for the past 7 years (every day of ds life). Nephew moved to our town in August and prior to that we only saw him a couple of times a year. He had never been around any children other than us a couple of times a year. Mom teaches/ dad works nights and so he was at home with them 24/7. At one point, they did not even take him out to the store. No playgroups, etc. I thought once he moved here and started a preschool 5 days for 4 hrs. that it would improve. It hasn't. My parents are thrilled to see nephew and want him to like them. That means that when I am over there, I have to discipline (ie, no hitting, we share our toys, etc). Nephew will intentionally hide toys so others will not play with them rather than share. When my son begins playing with toy, nephew screams and cries like no other. So, my parents make my son give the toy to him to make him stop. Nephew will not look at me, speak to me, etc. because I reinforce sharing, no crying unless you are really hurt, etc....Same rules as with my son.
This week my sister and her 2 girls were here (ages 4 and 2). Nephew refused to eat dinner and screamed for ice cream so my sister sent him home. He would not speak to her either when she left town. Nephew is only 4 years old.
I am struggling with the negative feelings I have towards my nephew. Nephew will always be a part of my family so I need to be able to get along with him not only for this weekend but in the future as well. Yes, I know he is 4 but I just don't like him at the point.
I agree with the PP, try talking with your SIL to get an idea of how things should work versus actually work. If you and her can be on board together, perhaps your brother will come around a bit, via his wife.
Another thought is that this kid is only 4, has had a huge move, has had maybe too few play dates in the past to learn basic 4 yo social skills, and is maybe behind in this area. Will he catch up? And is he going through a stage? Some 4 yo are more whiney than others, and if you can determine whether it is not all from lack of discipline, but maybe some of it is a stage, it might help your nerves a bit. I have a friend with a 6yo DD, a 4yo DS and a 2 yo DD. Her DS was a MAJOR whiner from age 18months to 3.5 years. He is still a whiner, but he is 80% better than he was 6 months ago. I just ignored it, but we only saw each other once a week. If it was every day it would have annoyed me much more.
What about talking with your parents? Nephew is not here for a long vacation, he is here to stay. And they see him daily. So them not disciplining him is not doing him any favors at all. My parents spoil my kids, but I totally allow it because they are overseas and see them once a year. So those visits are very much spoil away and a vacation atmosphere. If they were down the street there is no way that would fly.