I am worried my son will follow me into a life of crime... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 04-24-2013, 10:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can see this site is aimed towards females, but I need help, I am a single father of a 17yold son. I used to run with a crew but turned my life around after moving away from Southie and buying a diner. I should have really gave up the life after my wife died 15 years ago, but I just loved it, you know? Even know I still think about it when some assholes telling me his eggs aint done right, when the delivery guys yelling at me because I cant pay for the hamburger patties and bills keep coming in. Everybody just keeps looking at me like I am just another clock punching chump. But I know what I was, I was a king. When I walked into a Southie bar the whole place would go dead quiet, everybody looking, everybody scared. When I ran with my crew we did what ever we wanted. But I ended up ratting on a couple of guys, friends I known my whole life because one of them put a gun to my sons head. Now he has started running with his own little crew, I don't know what they get up to. I don't want him to follow in my footsteps, he looks at me now like I am nothing because I gave up the life, moved away and bought a diner. What can I do to scare him into stopping doing what he is doing? Tell me what I do?, my son is hurting himself. I am scared because if the very worst of me is inside him, how the hell do I protect him from that?

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#2 of 8 Old 04-26-2013, 05:36 PM
 
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I don't know all the jargon in your post, but I do notice that when you talk about your current life, you speak negatively, and when you talk about your former life, you speak about it whistfully. He might be picking up on that. Maybe talk about how good you feel knowing you're earning your money honestly, and about how glad you are you're keeping him out of harm's way by living the way you are, instead of talking about how you were a king before.

Also, spending a great deal of time with him bonding and creating a deeper connection might help.

I'll bump this up and see if anyone else has any experience that might help you. Good luck!
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#3 of 8 Old 04-26-2013, 05:45 PM
 
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The only way to help him is to work on yourself. You must realize that being feared is not the same as being loved. You may feel like a king in Southie, but in reality you were a pawn to your own ego, which was destroying your life. At the point someone points a gun at your child, your life is destroyed. You knew this in your heart; the "real you" knew this. Don't listen to the "ego you". He's lying. Does that make sense?
It is hard to let go of old dreams that don't work anymore. Now you must make a new dream. Sounds like owning a diner is pretty cool. Heck, why don't you write a book about all this?
Your heart is in the right place. Your son knows this. Good luck!!

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#4 of 8 Old 04-26-2013, 06:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BostonBob View Post

I can see this site is aimed towards females, but I need help, I am a single father of a 17yold son. I used to run with a crew but turned my life around after moving away from Southie and buying a diner. I should have really gave up the life after my wife died 15 years ago, but I just loved it, you know? Even know I still think about it when some assholes telling me his eggs aint done right, when the delivery guys yelling at me because I cant pay for the hamburger patties and bills keep coming in. Everybody just keeps looking at me like I am just another clock punching chump. But I know what I was, I was a king. When I walked into a Southie bar the whole place would go dead quiet, everybody looking, everybody scared. When I ran with my crew we did what ever we wanted. But I ended up ratting on a couple of guys, friends I known my whole life because one of them put a gun to my sons head. Now he has started running with his own little crew, I don't know what they get up to. I don't want him to follow in my footsteps, he looks at me now like I am nothing because I gave up the life, moved away and bought a diner. What can I do to scare him into stopping doing what he is doing? Tell me what I do?, my son is hurting himself. I am scared because if the very worst of me is inside him, how the hell do I protect him from that?

 

No you were not. You were a snotty little hood. Period. Your son is following in your footsteps because you have made THAT life Glamorous. Cool. Sexy. While being an honest working man is something to be ashamed of. 

 

Learn how to turn around your thinking. How to help him see that you were NOTHING when you were a thug. 

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#5 of 8 Old 04-26-2013, 06:33 PM
 
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OP- I just want to chime in and say that you were never "nothing". You just didn't know who you really were. That is why many become "thugs". They don't know their true value.

I bet you have many friends who are still in "the life". You probably have friends in prison and some dead. Yet there was something different about you. Something inside that pulled you out of that life.

That part of yourself that got you out of Southie, that's the one you need to listen to from now on. <3

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#6 of 8 Old 04-27-2013, 04:11 AM
 
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Okay - perhaps not "nothing". But certainly not a man one wold want to emulate. Sadly, OP has glamorized that life, while denigrating the honest one he's built. 

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#7 of 8 Old 04-27-2013, 07:59 AM
 
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Okay - perhaps not "nothing". But certainly not a man one wold want to emulate. Sadly, OP has glamorized that life, while denigrating the honest one he's built. 

I agree. Hopefully you can turn that around, OP!

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#8 of 8 Old 04-27-2013, 08:50 AM
 
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Fear is not the only motivator. Don't try to scare your son off his current path. Instead, show him his potential for a better path. Take him to visit colleges.
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