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I didn't think the post you are referring to was very helpful either! As for my experience we are definitely going through a "dry" period in our marriage. I think a lot of folks do when the children are small. But my husband and I cuddle a lot and show lots of affection. We also have help with our child so we can go out together sometimes (he is out of town a lot).Originally Posted by ronart
In response to LLQ1011:
Thank you for the reply. Your suggestion is not helpful. From a simple post with limited information there is no way for you to understand our situation that would allow you to provide such a simple solution. This is why I asked for people to share their personal experiences, not solve my problems.
I'm glad you found my response helpful. It may be a simple thing you did for her but believe me, you made her day, possibly her week. At this stage in a relationship (young child(ren)) I bet your wife knows about your boundless love and affection for her and if she's anything like me, she is hoping you don't resent the fact that although she shares your feelings, she's having a very tough time reciprocating. I'll share that at least for us, the physical closeness resurfaced when my girl was about 18 months or so. Then we had one evening of spontaneous intimacy (highly enjoyable on both sides btw) and BAM! Pregnancy #2! We lost our groove as soon as we found it. DH has been very understanding and patient about my touch aversion; it's simply how I feel while pregnant or nursing a young child. I think it's a mama lion thing; leave me be to grow/feed/take care of my cub if you know what's good for you. I honestly feel guilty about not wanting to snuggle with my partner. Through that lovely open dialogue you mentioned, we discuss it and agree to weather the storm and reconnect on the other side. If your wife is ANYTHING like me, this is a temporary setback and the love is there, it just needs time to come out as affection once these crazy intense instincts about her young child die down. She's very fortunate to have such an understanding partner who misses her. She misses you too but simply can't reciprocate at the moment.Originally Posted by ronart
The words you used, "touching makes me physically uncomfortable" sounds familier. My lovely wife and I have a open and honest dialoge and she has shared the same feeling using the exact same words. Thanks for the reminder, sometimes it is easy to forget.
Tonight I did some "chores" without prompting and I got some darling eyes looking my way.
You post is very thoughtful and helpful. Thanks for sharing.
Actually, what you just described as NOT sexual forms of affection are exactly the things that drive me nuts - "affectionate moment of eyes locked, hands touching"....In the relationship between my partner and I, I'm so engulfed in my life with my young daughter that I feel like there's no foundation for that sort of affection. For me, it has to go back to the kind of feelings that lead us to WANT to lock eyes and touch hands. Pre-romantic relationship type of feelings. I need to be reminded why I'm the one that he fell in love with - because I need to be reminded that I'm a person beyond being a mother. Suggestions...I want my partner to notice the little things I'm good at and compliment them. I want him to smile at the way I tell a story. I want him to spontaneously tell me that I'm cute. I guess I can't explain it very well, but I just really want to see him respond to my not-mommy self.Originally Posted by ronart
Thanks for your post. I agree with you, while sex is a form of love and affection it is not the only necessary means at maintaining a passionate and affectionate relationship. While our sex life has diminished considerably, it is so far from what I truly find missing in our relationship. The simple touch and warmth of your partners body cuddled into your own is such a healing feeling. An affectionate moment of eyes locked, hands touching, and a gentle kiss on the lips is enough to charge my battery for the day. Sex does not have to be the end all of every passionate gesture, though as a guy we do wish it is, but as a loving partner it does not need to be.
NEWMAMALIZZY:
Could you provide some suggestions on what type of 'little reminders" would work from your partner to you?
Your experience is not the OP's experience. No one really knows the OP's experience, except the OP and his wife. It's not fair to paint every man with the same brush.Originally Posted by Alenushka
I am tired of men getting a free pass.
It did not matter how many hours I worked or work, or how many jobs, I still took care of kids and housework.
And yet I had to hear from my ex "But I worked long hours"
So what? We all work hard but somehow more women manage to do other things on top of work.
And it is not amount of house work that counts, it is doing something that helps!